What I was trying to point out is that if your spouse is not one that you feel you could confide your interest in men with, that in my mind becomes a reason to consider divorce. I agree with you, you should marry someone you feel you could confide anything in, but not everyone marries that person.
The fact that someone knew about their attraction to men and married a women without telling her suggests she already fails to meet this criteria; if he felt he could confide anything in her, wouldn't the time to share this be before the marriage?
Obviously, failing to share that you are attracted to guys before you marry a woman is enormously unfair to her. To go have children is even worse. If he comes out after all that, to expect a wife to stay in that situation is even more unfair than putting her into it in the first place.
Since the subject came up, while I don't necessarily agree with criminalizing adultery, I still think its pretty low behavior. Honestly, hiding you sexuality is one thing. Putting the health of your wife at risk is another. There are several bathhouses in my city, and I am starting to volunteer with a HIV screening clinic in one of them. It is appalling the number of married guys who come there and don't use any protection. Putting your own health at risk is stupid; putting someone else's at risk without their knowledge is criminal in my mind. Even if you use protection, that isn't 100% and your partner has a right to know so they can make their own decisions about protecting themselves. If you can't talk about these things with your partner and choose to go behind your back, I would really question why you stay in the relationship.
Just my two cents about the bathhouses: I think it is fair to say that (even with the free condoms) the men at the bathhouses are taking far more risk sexually than I (or I think many of us) would be comfortable with. However, I don't think anyone can provide evidence that the men who frequent them are doing anything they wouldn't do with each other if they met on the internet. In addition, the bathhouses provide a useful venue for public health interventions that would be lacking if we closed and them and pushed everyone onto the internet, so overall I do think that they should probably stay open.
Oh, and yes, Providence, RI has among the most liberal sex laws in the country. Legal bathhouses. Prostitution is legal if the solicitation is in private (i.e. in a "massage parlor", with an escort you paid for "companionship" and later paid for sex). Likewise, sex in adult movie theaters, booths, etc. is legal (it's private because you paid to get in). Going into the bushes at a park is legal, as long as you can't be seen or heard from a public path. The supreme court defines private as a place where a passerby would be "unlikely" to come upon you, even on public property, and our state constitution prevents the state from regulating private behavior. But I digress.