No intimate encounters, and dating within your age range. Fair or taking it too far?

  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    May 27, 2013 11:34 PM GMT
    I'm a member of Plenty of Fish, and though I rarely use the site, I recently got a message from one of the founders, giving the new rules of site. I cant help but say that I think some is fair, but some is kinda out of line. I know I have the choice to leave the site, but what do you all think?

    "My name is Markus and I created POF/Plentyoffish. When I created POF, I wanted it to be all about finding relationships with the right person. For the first 7 years this worked really well, I got the site to 10 million users without any employees people and POF was generating a ton of relationships. Around 3 years ago, everyone started using the website via mobile phones. Today about 70% of POF use is via a mobile phone and unfortunately about 2% of men started to use POF as more of a hookup site mostly due the the casual nature of cell phone use.

    In sticking with my vision that POF is all about Relationships, I'm going to make a bunch of changes to ensure it stays a relationship-focused site.

    1. Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will be deleted without warning. This rule has actually been in effect since last month and it's made the site so much better.

    2. You can only contact people 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted.

    3. Intimate Encounters will go away in the next few months. There are 3.3 Million people who use the site every day, of those there are only 6,041 single women looking for Intimate Encounters. Of those 6,041 women, the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women. Intimate Encounters on POF can be summed up as a bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.

    In short the vast majority of people will not be impacted. This is because the vast majority of people are not going around spamming women saying "let's have sex tonight". I can't change POF alone, I need your help to get the word out there that POF is all about relationships!"
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    May 27, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    Wow - but I guess he is free to set the rules and you are free to depart
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    May 28, 2013 12:31 AM GMT
    It seems fishy that the owner didn't have a problem with people using POF to hook up in the past three years.
    I'm guessing that he wanted to get to 10 million users and NOW he wants it to appear classier so he can sell it. Intimate Encounters doesn't sound like the kind of thing someone would add to his site if it's all about relationships.

    If you don't like the new rules then don't use the site.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    May 28, 2013 1:14 AM GMT
    That's a weird message in so many ways. He has the right to do it though. But sadly, I think it's the beginning of the end for the site.
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    May 28, 2013 1:28 AM GMT
    It is rather funny how he released some of the "facts" about the website use, such as intimate encounters icon_lol.gif
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    May 28, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    S34n05 saidIt is rather funny how he released some of the "facts" about the website use, such as intimate encounters icon_lol.gif


    Yes, I also think it's funny how he says people shouldn't message each other if the age difference is more than 14 years.
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    May 28, 2013 2:28 AM GMT
    He is free to do this perfectly.

    And I agree with all but #2. Plenty of people find happiness with people 15+ their ages. It's a bit of ageism to be honest.
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    May 28, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    I ageee with you all of you. In case it got lost in my original post, I know I am free to leave the site if I don't like it. I just personally think that the 14 year age difference is kinda weird thou. If your 40, you can't date a 54 year old? It may make more sense with 18 and 32, but the older you get the less the age comes into factor.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    May 28, 2013 2:59 AM GMT
    HPgeek you are too hott for that site
    So many nasty people there, I tried it and it's gross
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    May 28, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidHPgeek you are too hott for that site
    So many nasty people there, I tried it and it's gross

    Hahaha....I took the opportunity to see how "too hot he was" and I remember seeing his profile from my time at POF since I saw that he was from Staten Island. icon_lol.gif

    SO embarrassing....and weird.
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    May 28, 2013 3:12 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidI ageee with you all of you. In case it got lost in my original post, I know I am free to leave the site if I don't like it. I just personally think that the 14 year age difference is kinda weird thou. If your 40, you can't date a 54 year old? It may make more sense with 18 and 32, but the older you get the less the age comes into factor.


    I received this message too and didn't think it was too shabby of an idea to enforce all these rules. Yes, the second rule may seem a bit prohibitive... but he is not without a reasonable reason for enforcing it. He wants his website to be less about intimate encounters and more about long-term, meaningful relationships, and he's noticed that, whenever there is a huge age difference between two parties, it more likely ends up being an intimate encounter.

    ~90% of the messages - from POF, RJ, and other websites - I've received from men older than me by 10 years or more have all sooner or later led to requesting for a hookup/friends-with-benefits type of relationship. As such, i can't blame the developer for making that kind of assumption.
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    May 28, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    Joeyphx444 saidHPgeek you are too hott for that site
    So many nasty people there, I tried it and it's gross

    Hahaha....I took the opportunity to see how "too hot he was" and I remember seeing his profile from my time at POF since I saw that he was from Staten Island. icon_lol.gif

    SO embarrassing....and weird.


    Both of you are WAY to kind, thank you icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2013 3:53 AM GMT
    Next thing you know, the founder of POF would teach us how to have proper sex? Setting rules would only tempt people to go against them! And forcing users to follow rules or else they will be deleted? Dictatorship doesn't work, period.
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    May 28, 2013 4:54 AM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidI ageee with you all of you. In case it got lost in my original post, I know I am free to leave the site if I don't like it. I just personally think that the 14 year age difference is kinda weird thou. If your 40, you can't date a 54 year old? It may make more sense with 18 and 32, but the older you get the less the age comes into factor.


    This rule happens to be stupid, but it's his site, so he gets to make the rules. Plenty of users will likely complain about that one, though, and he may be forced to change it.

    You might want to write to him and politely suggest a more intelligent alternative. If he wants to protect young people, how about "You can't *initiate* a conversation with someone less than half your age." That way those who prefer older people can freely seek them out.

    Or, he could just ban sex before marriage. icon_rolleyes.gif

    It's pretty impressive, though, that he got the site to 10 million users without any employees.
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    May 28, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    New low for American Puritanism
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    May 28, 2013 6:00 AM GMT
    Misandry said
    stevee90 said
    HPgeek934 saidI ageee with you all of you. In case it got lost in my original post, I know I am free to leave the site if I don't like it. I just personally think that the 14 year age difference is kinda weird thou. If your 40, you can't date a 54 year old? It may make more sense with 18 and 32, but the older you get the less the age comes into factor.


    I received this message too and didn't think it was too shabby of an idea to enforce all these rules. Yes, the second rule may seem a bit prohibitive... but he is not without a reasonable reason for enforcing it. He wants his website to be less about intimate encounters and more about long-term, meaningful relationships, and he's noticed that, whenever there is a huge age difference between two parties, it more likely ends up being an intimate encounter.

    ~90% of the messages - from POF, RJ, and other websites - I've received from men older than me by 10 years or more have all sooner or later led to requesting for a hookup/friends-with-benefits type of relationship. As such, i can't blame the developer for making that kind of assumption.


    Essentially Rule #1 and Rule #2 is somewhat the same.
    Why not just forget about rule 2 and keep the first one?


    True, essentially Rule #2 exists within the criterion as stated by Rule #1. But Rule #2 can serve as a filter within a filter, because Rule #1 on its own can be easily cheated. The developer is making an assumption (derived apparently from his observation) that people messaging members who are older/younger by more than 10 years aren't really seeking for something meaningful/serious. By making a rule out of this assumption, he can further eliminate attempts to use POF as a hookup site.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2013 7:26 AM GMT
    Like that's going to stop people.icon_rolleyes.gif They will just get a 2nd account and lie about their age to connect with those they want. All I have to say is, you put enough walls up and you won't even get the good to find a way in.
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    May 28, 2013 7:32 AM GMT
    If I were on the lookout for a bf, I would more likely spruce up my manhunt and phone app profiles (scruff & jackd) to add emphasis to the single/dateable stuff rather than put up a profile on sites like match.com and POF that were built around how str8s come together and later modified for us gays but only slightly. I was, however, intrigued with the OK Cupid model of zeroing in on compatible guys based on first answering a bunch of member authored questions and then getting to pose new questions after I'd proven that I was willing to play along.
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    May 28, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    naturally, the creepy predators would be butthurt over this...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2013 11:44 PM GMT
    Heterosexual people have sex like gay people do? Random hookups?
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 29, 2013 12:00 AM GMT
    Hm I had POF a few years ago and didn't have much success so I deleted it back in 2011. However, I think the new rules could help bud more relationships. I'm not saying that relationships can't happen from hookups but there are already lots of sites that are hookup sites so I can see why the founder wants to change a few policies.

    I don't agree with #2. While there are lots of older men who are only looking to hookup with women/men way younger then them, there are a few who genuinely want to get to know a younger person. So yeah, that seems a tad much but I guess the only way to see is how this new guys policies works out.

    And for the people who think POF are for "ugly" and "gross" people, just don't sign up. Simple as that because not everyone will be your cup of tea. icon_smile.gif If the looks really are that important to you, I've heard things of this one website called "Thebeautifulpeople.com". No lie, a site like that does exist. lol

    So maybe you'll find your perfect guy there (if they support gay dating, I'm not sure if they do.)
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    May 29, 2013 12:02 AM GMT
    I don't mind 1, 2 is a little close-minded, and I don't get 3.

    I understand what he's trying to do, but I don't see why he'd change something if it decreases the number of users, regardless of the specifics.
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    May 29, 2013 12:17 AM GMT
    They want a better kind of customer, just like A&F paying the Jersey Shore cast to not wear their clothes.
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    May 29, 2013 12:37 AM GMT
    bluey2223 saidHeterosexual people have sex like gay people do? Random hookups?


    I know shocking right?

    ...like the three married woman I work with, who always ask me to cover for them because they have to run to the parking garage for minute or 15, after they've been texting some random stud.
    Seams the gays are over it, even prudish now, where as the Heteros are just getting the party started.
    One of them just found out about Grinder and ask me if there was a straight App she could get.
  • Fiveldsp

    Posts: 99

    May 29, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    All of those rules are stupid in my opinion because POF is one of the sites out there that has filters installed so you can restrict who is allowed to contact you. If you don't want someone more than 5 years older writing you, then they won't be able to. If you don't want someone to write you that has ever been on the site with the interest of an "intimate encounter", then they can't write you.

    Some of the dumbest decisions have been made with the best of intentions...