Is it only me or is this normal?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2007 9:55 PM GMT
    Lately I've been trying to figure out the whole gay community and dating. All of my life I've always observed men coming up to women and flirting with them with attempts to ask them out on dates. Happens to my sisters all the time. Movies show the same thing even in homosexual situations. Now I have never truly been hit on in my life nor has a guy come up to me in order to start a conversation. My pathetic romantic fantasy just consist of a nice guy asking me out to dinner because that fantasy hasn't even come close to becoming true. So is that how gay men work? Do they just give "the eyes" and that's the end of that? I've only had short, shit relationships that never began with a guy coming up to me face to face. My little romances just sorta happened without a story of meeting. For the longest time I always thought guys never showed interest in me because I was hideous or too fat. A part of me thinks that it's just Austin that's like that because everyone here is so young and somewhat fake. I don't go searching for romance or expect it to happen to me at all. I was just wondering if I'm the only one this happens to?
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    Sep 07, 2007 11:02 PM GMT
    Just know that love is all around you, and that anything contrary to that is material.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Sep 08, 2007 12:02 AM GMT
    All I can say to you stlonghorn, your hot as hell and if the guys where you live can't see that, to hell with them. Move or start running in some different circles. There are plenty of guys out there waiting to romance you.
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    Sep 08, 2007 12:25 AM GMT
    I agree with my colleague Cityguy39. You are very very hot. I don't know where is the problem. It's not the look, that's for sure!!!

    Maybe you are mingling with the wrong people. Hang in there, you'll meet an interesting guy, soon, that will romance you, finally.

    Take care.
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    Sep 08, 2007 12:29 AM GMT
    I've only been in one relationship and I was lucky enough to have the whole fairytale (the irony in that one.) thing for a while until he passed away in 9-11. Believe it or not he was from Austin well more Round Rock but still the general local. Born in Cali, raised in partly in Cali but mostly Texas. The guy you are looking for is the guy that I actually am looking for again. They might be few and far between but don't think of austin as being a place where you wont find him or rather he wont find you. Sometimes its a good thing to stand out. It will just help him find you easier. The guy that I really like right now actually is from the same general area I'm from. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd have met someone like him here but there he was. We met in San Antonio in college. its taken a while but i think things now are where they need to be. he had some growing up to do and so did I. I think you're a very good looking guy and I genuinely mean that. Love the pictures and the outfits. Express totally fits you and Im not just saying that because I'm an Express Fashion Expert but because I can tell it fits the person. Good things don't happen over night and its only early on in the semester. Just give it time.
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    Sep 08, 2007 1:02 AM GMT
    Q: How many guys have you walked up to, flirted a little bit with, and asked out to dinner?

    First. before you can find that great date, you have to be open to the possibility of that guy being out there.

    We are roughly 5-7% of the population, and there are far more closeted guys out there than Out.

    The upshot is that YOU have to be open to the possibilities and activly persue relationships; they are unlikely to magically come to you somehow.

    Where are you looking? Who do you normally socialize with that might also be open?

    IF you are hanging with a bunch of straight sports nuts from the office and going to the games and bars with them, it is unlikely that you will find someone.

    If you join the local gay softball league (or swim team, or theater goup, or chorus, or camping club), you are probably increasing your chances exponentially of meeting someone who has similar interests or is looking for a partner, friendship, or relationship.

    Yes - flirting, dating, and 'virtually normal' relationships occur - but you have to be open to them and persue them; they don't just come to you.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 1:24 AM GMT
    That you claim Austin guys are fake tells me you're hanging out in the wrong places. I know of a couple of places where the posing level is quite high, but that's not the Austin I know. That vibe at these spots just a product of trapped minds.
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    Sep 08, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    Thanks for all of the input. I really appreciate hearing a wide range of viewpoints. As for RuggerATX, my social life is composed purely of a college population. I haven't really had the chance to socialize with an older crowd or with people outside of my college bubble. Austin was hyped up so much for me, and I'm still waiting to find out why.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 08, 2007 4:03 AM GMT
    Maybe you should start first. Just approach some good looking gay men. Dont expect anything. Sure you got a few rejection, but in the long run it will lead you to the man you love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 7:52 AM GMT
    Iyengar Yoga Classes with Tony Eason

    When we walk in the grocery store to go shopping - do we wait for the potatoes to get into the basket?

    No. Instead, we pick up the potatoes, put them in a bag, take them to the cash register, pay for them, and take them home.

    Perhaps everyone is "waiting for a man to ask them out on a date?"

    Like the potatoes, if you see a man you would like to take home - do it. You might consider asking someone out to dinner?

    Wishing the best of all possible worlds,

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 7:54 AM GMT
    I know this is going to sound incredibly patronising, but... YOU ARE ONLY 19!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 7:56 AM GMT
    Yes... very patronizing, Red.
    Now... go back to bed!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 7:57 AM GMT
    What I mean to say, is relax, try to stop worrying about it and stop trying too hard. Things will happen in their own good time.

    What's for you won't go by you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 8:01 AM GMT
    MUCH better, Red.
    Just had yer 1st cuppa coffe did'ja?

    go back to bed now. Jamie Oliver doesn't hit Borough Market 'til 11h00. :)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 8:18 AM GMT

    There are over 70 000 members on RJ at the moment and if evvery single one of them chimed in you'd get 70 000 different responses.
    You ARE 19 and at uni, so don't stress it. Give it time and it will come to You.

    Btw, you are very attractive - if your not attracting the right fellas just now, count yer stars, be thankful for the breather to focus on what you ought to at your age. The whole 'gay thing' will come together very shortly.

    bibbi-bobbi-di-boo - I've put a patience spell on you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 8:18 AM GMT
    What on earth are you doing up at 4am?

    I smell a rat!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 8:21 AM GMT
    It's but 3hh00 for you Tiger.
    Crikey, young fellow. Its beddy-byes for you, too.
    Off you go.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Sep 08, 2007 8:23 AM GMT

    The clock probably adjusts itself to whatever time zone you're reading.

    Red posted his postings at 8.54am London Uk time. Not sure what time that would make it in Canada, maybe it's 4am there.

    longhorn, I agree with Aero here, it'll all happen to you in the future. You're not in the right environment to meet many guys now, but you will be.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 8:26 AM GMT
    Lawrence: It was supposed to be a joke!!

    But it failed. Probably because i'm half-cut it was funny to me.

    Better go to bed. :-)

    To the original poster: don't look too hard and you'll find him.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Sep 08, 2007 8:32 AM GMT
    Opps Sorry Tim

    I'm always complaining that guys on here have no sense of humour - and here I am living proof.

    Go to bed you lush.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 08, 2007 10:02 AM GMT
    It's all about putting yourself in the right places to be hit on
    it's not likely to happen in the grocery store
    but maybe at the beach
    maybe in a club or at the gym
    you also have to be open to it
    ..... I'm from NY and my friends are always telling me to stop with the NY face when I'm at the gym - I have a habit of not looking very friendly sometimes and of course guys don't approach me then
    it's all timing and placing yourself at the right place
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 11:02 AM GMT
    Well the point I was making was NOT that I was looking for a husband or true love. In most part I just wanted to know if most guys are afraid to approach each other in general or why they appear to be flat out apathetic. It's all part of my own research in figuring out how the gay society and men work and also how they differentiate from straight relationships. I am in absolutely NO rush to start up an intense, romantic relationship. I don't have the time. I just added in my own personal experience by stating that it would be nice for once to be asked on a date or just to even be noticed. I felt like doing so would make my questions sound more legitimate. And yes, I have asked people out many times. Why would I bring up this topic if I hadn't utilized my opportunities and options? As far as my age goes, isn't this the time when I should be experiencing the dating realm and meeting people? I would like to know how many sophomores in college have NEVER been asked out before, flirted with, dated someone for more than 2 weeks, or have simply shared a mutual attraction with another person?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 11:09 AM GMT
    OH and I am extremely grateful for all of the responses!!! I even enjoy the little side conversations on here. I hope my responses don't sound too bitchy, but I'm just a very inquisitive character.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2007 11:20 AM GMT
    AND now from the other side, men are jerks. We just are. IF you want the fairy tale, make the fairy tale happen. See that guy? yeah the one that looks out of the side of his eyes at you in the cafeteria, on the way to class? The one that sits close to you, but not on top of you? You see him at a party and he watches you a bit?

    Try catching his eye and saying hello. The first man I ever kissed was another athlete at my college on the football team. We both did the same things to each other. He was so sweet, and gentle and shy, he was probably crapping himself even realising he what he was doing. AND I blew him off. I regret it to this day.

    I have been single 13 years, I don't date much, but I am the king of the meet and greet. Usually I know going in that nothing is going to happen, because it is EXTREMELY rare that I am actually attracted to someone enough to want to date them. I see the beauty of other people, but just cause I think you're cute doesn't mean I wanna date you.

    But, hell, at 19, have fun, date, don't date, screw like a bunny on extasy, USE A CONDOM, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE OTHER KIDS ARE DOING ( sorry I had to channel your mother for a minute). Have fun, break some hearts, cry a little, and laugh a lot, but do NOT let a bunch of college age faglings determine your personal fate.

    I once posted on my manhunt profile that modern day gay men have become the bullies they feared as kids. I stand by that comment. But screw em baby, movies are just that, you want a movie moment you have to become the star AND the director. GOOD LUCK!!
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Sep 08, 2007 3:49 PM GMT
    If you are hot, you will not get hit on. If you are ugly, you will not get hit on.

    It's a rule.

    Why? Because people who think they're hot don't hit on people because its "beneath them." People who think you're hot (or they're not) don't hit on people because "you're too good for them and will just turn them down."

    It's a recipe for suckage (and not in the good way) for the introverts among us, but it's a sad reality of life that most people are chickenshit.

    The only reason it's different in the straight community is the long history of gender disparity that said the men had to ask the girls out and the girls COULDN'T ask the boys out (it's "inappropriate" or some drivel). This built up a societal structure wherein men had to ask girls out, whether they were introverts or not.

    That requirement does not exist in the gay community so no one asks anyone out. They all try to get by with eyes and looks and hints so they don't ever have to risk being turned down.