Gays who hate gays

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2013 3:05 PM GMT
    Have you guys run into this? Where a gay guy will be like "I hate gays, I"m only looking for masculine, DL, st8 acting guys." There just seems to be such a stigma about men who are perceived to be feminine. I don't understand why it's so mandatory for guys to be masculine, you'd think that gays have more tolerance.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    May 29, 2013 3:18 PM GMT
    Those are guys who IMO are probably DL or semi in the closet themselves.

    I also have a problem with guys profiles that say "non-scene". What the hell is the gay scene? You can't go to a bar and have a drink every once in a while?
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    May 29, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    I see that too. It's as though going to a gay club will associate them with all the bad things in the gay community, but there are bad things in all communities.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    May 29, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    If gay men were attracted to overt femininity, they'd be straight. Does your average straight guy want a masculine woman? Think about it. Don't take the internet so seriously.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 29, 2013 5:34 PM GMT
    I prefer guys who are comfortable with their sexuality, who express themselves to the fullest and who don't hide behind phony masculinity. I think gay men who try too hard to be straight end up having a weak personality. A man who is truly a man would never disrespect fem guys. It would be akin to slapping a woman. If you're nasty to fem guys, it just shows that you're cowardly and insecure. Just because you're afraid of being perceived as gay doesn't give you the right to go pissing on rainbows.
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    May 29, 2013 6:46 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidI prefer guys who are comfortable with their sexuality, who express themselves to the fullest and who don't hide behind phony masculinity. I think gay men who try too hard to be straight end up having a weak personality. A man who is truly a man would never disrespect fem guys. It would be akin to slapping a woman. If you're nasty to fem guys, it just shows that you're cowardly and insecure. Just because you're afraid of being perceived as gay doesn't give you the right to go pissing on rainbows.


    I agree, the more feminine gay men or members of the GLBT are greatly responsible for getting us out there; they're the backbone of this community because they aren't afraid to be who they are. If you think that men should be masculine and women should be feminine, that's a system created by who? Straight people. Why would you support that same system that keeps us down? If you're masculine, great, wonderful, go cut down a tree, but I don't think it should create this divide.
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    May 29, 2013 6:51 PM GMT
    I have many interests which I pursue, music being the main one. I immerse myself in the music scene because it is my passion. I like to hang out with people who share my interests. Some members of that "scene" are gay and some not. I do not hidemy sexuality in any part of my life and most people don't have a problem with it. Those who do, they don't become friends. Simple.

    I don't see the need to hang out with a group of people based solely on which sex they are attracted to.
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    May 29, 2013 9:14 PM GMT
    great_scott saidIf gay men were attracted to overt femininity, they'd be straight. Does your average straight guy want a masculine woman? Think about it. Don't take the internet so seriously.

    So, I guess the whole sexuality thing is a big choice then? A shallow choice too, because if you like fem, you can date women and if you like "masculine" men, gay it up.
    This all makes perfect sense to me, but I think it will hurt the feelings of LingLang my long suffering hot Asian play toy, who is super fem. I will avoid telling him about your informed opinion.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    May 29, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    supermanfan saidHave you guys run into this? Where a gay guy will be like "I hate gays, I"m only looking for masculine, DL, st8 acting guys." There just seems to be such a stigma about men who are perceived to be feminine. I don't understand why it's so mandatory for guys to be masculine, you'd think that gays have more tolerance.


    I would be friends with a feminine guy and talk to him but I would not date him nor would I want him to be more masculine

    I see masc/fem friends and bfs all the time, sometimes you just gravitate toward each other and kinda even each other out. Someone always needs to be a lil more masc or more fem than the other. Masc + Masc and Fem + Fem don't really work that great. Just like in animals, it's not wise to mix 2 alpha males or females together icon_razz.gif
  • The_Guruburu

    Posts: 895

    May 29, 2013 9:26 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 said
    supermanfan saidHave you guys run into this? Where a gay guy will be like "I hate gays, I"m only looking for masculine, DL, st8 acting guys." There just seems to be such a stigma about men who are perceived to be feminine. I don't understand why it's so mandatory for guys to be masculine, you'd think that gays have more tolerance.


    I would be friends with a feminine guy and talk to him but I would not date him nor would I want him to be more masculine

    I see masc/fem friends and bfs all the time, sometimes you just gravitate toward each other and kinda even each other out. Someone always needs to be a lil more masc or more fem than the other. Masc + Masc and Fem + Fem don't really work that great. Just like in animals, it's not wise to mix 2 alpha males or females together icon_razz.gif


    icon_question.gif
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    May 29, 2013 9:33 PM GMT
    gwuinsf saidI also have a problem with guys profiles that say "non-scene". What the hell is the gay scene? You can't go to a bar and have a drink every once in a while?


    Umm....pretty much yeah. Some guys want nothing to do with the gay bars. Some will convince themselves everyone there are just flaming homo's and feel they have more in common with those at straight bars. Others just hate the idea of being looked at in any way sexual in public. It makes them uncomfortable. But yeah, pretty much a "non-scene" guy just won't go anywhere gay.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    May 29, 2013 9:37 PM GMT
    1blind_dog said
    gwuinsf saidI also have a problem with guys profiles that say "non-scene". What the hell is the gay scene? You can't go to a bar and have a drink every once in a while?


    Umm....pretty much yeah. Some guys want nothing to do with the gay bars. Some will convince themselves everyone there are just flaming homo's and feel they have more in common with those at straight bars. Others just hate the idea of being looked at in any way sexual in public. It makes them uncomfortable. But yeah, pretty much a "non-scene" guy just won't go anywhere gay.


    Anywhere a gay guy goes is gay cuz he is gay icon_razz.gif
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    May 29, 2013 9:38 PM GMT
    supermanfan saidHave you guys run into this? Where a gay guy will be like "I hate gays, I"m only looking for masculine, DL, st8 acting guys." There just seems to be such a stigma about men who are perceived to be feminine. I don't understand why it's so mandatory for guys to be masculine, you'd think that gays have more tolerance.


    Seeking like minded, and like mannered, people is HARDLY hate, and it's a complete cop out for your own failures in saying so.

    I don't like flamers, closet cases, whiners, smokers, fat slobs, etc., but, that doesn't mean I hate them.

    I preemptively block any Real Jock profiles without faces. It's a gay site. If someone is hiding there's a reason, and it's baggage I choose not to deal with. That does not make me a hater. That person simply doesn't have the qualification that qualifies to be my friend. It's just like applying for a job.

    If you behave badly, e.g., swishing and swooning, on the the down low, no self esteem, then, I will be the FIRST to defend your right to your individuality, but, you identifying as gay, black, female, closeted, DOES NOT, and WILL NEVER, qualify you into my inner circle just by virtual of your skin color, sexual preference, etc. That's discrimination.

    Choosing not to have closet cases, or faceless pics, or certain cultures, or demeanors in my life, hardly makes me a "hater." It just means I don't want to invest time and energy into those folks. It's part of life.

    As a gay activist, I've spent many hours helping folks to understand kindness and being compassionate, but, I still don't invite closet cases, nor certain cultures into my personal life. I, and folks like me, are hardly haters.

    Identifying as gay, or black, or poor does not guarantee acceptance.

    As a victim of hate crimes, discrimination, bullying, etc., I am not all all in different. However, if you choose to draw attention to yourself, by being faceless (big red flag that says I have issues), a flamer (that says you have esteem issues), then, you should ACCEPT and EXPECT and certain level of restriction. Many folks are very open minded, but, many folks don't want to deal with the baggage of some of the whiners.

    You can choose to lead, or hide, and whine, and be miserable. I choose the former.
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    May 29, 2013 9:38 PM GMT
    they hate Asexual's too...I'm just being 1000% HONEST in my profile...and some of the mail I get is BEYOND IGNORANT...that would actually be an upgrade compared against some of the shit that has been said to me, all cause I don't want to bend over or stick it in...SMFH.
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    May 29, 2013 9:43 PM GMT
    g0ys ?
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    May 29, 2013 9:46 PM GMT
    QuasarMarauder7 saidThe gay scene is the stereotypical girly men or manly women and tranny's in a village of rainbow d├ęcor. Gay Pride parades, night clubs with go-go dancers, dancing, sex, alcohol, drugs, smoking and money. Protest of anti-gay laws and rally's for gay rights equality. Working for fashion companies, fashion addicts, drama queens, judging a lot and you know all that stereotypical stuff of the GLBT.


    So at 18yo, you've been to a lot of nightclubs and pride parades?
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    May 29, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    Gays don't have more tolerance as well evidenced by rj forum posts.
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    May 29, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    There are plenty of non-fems in the gay scene too. At least there is in the UK. There are various different stereotypes, but not all fem.

    There's also a false accusation in this thread that gay guys who don't like the scene are inherently self-loathing or insecure.

    Not true. I'm very openly gay, never hide it, and am very happy. I just don't like associating with an exclusively segregated sector of society based upon sexual preference.

    Also, I've never been to a gay bar/club that played music I could tolerate. Yes, I'm a music snob.
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    May 29, 2013 9:57 PM GMT
    Anything mainstream, really.

    I have been a couple of alternative gay nights - I've even performed at a couple - but still wasn't quite my cup of tea.
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    May 29, 2013 9:58 PM GMT
    GaysGeneration said
    chuckystud said
    supermanfan saidHave you guys run into this? Where a gay guy will be like "I hate gays, I"m only looking for masculine, DL, st8 acting guys." There just seems to be such a stigma about men who are perceived to be feminine. I don't understand why it's so mandatory for guys to be masculine, you'd think that gays have more tolerance.


    Seeking like minded, and like mannered, people is HARDLY hate, and it's a complete cop out for your own failures in saying so.

    I don't like flamers, closet cases, flamers, etc., but, that doesn't mean I hate them.

    I preemptively block any Real Jock profiles without faces. It's a gay site. If someone is hiding there's a reason, and it's baggage I choose not to deal with. That does not make me a hater. That person simply doesn't have the qualification that qualifies to be my friend. It's just like applying for a job.

    If you behave badly, e.g., swishing and swooning, on the the down low, no self esteem, then, I will be the FIRST to defend your right to your individuality, but, you identifying as gay, black, female, closeted, DOES NOT, and WILL NEVER,


    No one is a failure for being fem.
    That sounds like hate to me.


    Re-read what I wrote, silly masked kiddo. I wrote that I would be the FIRST to defend the right of that person to have their individuality, and I've done so. I put my money where my mouth is. But, I don't hang out with fems, smokers, fat asses, folks who do hard drugs, whatever their sexual preference, color, or socioeconomic status...etc. That doesn't make me a hater. That just means that I have sound judgement.

    I spent the last three months on Equal Scouting, and spent last Wednesday with national media putting my money where my mouth is, instead of being a masked coward, I was defending the rights of young men to express their individuality, whether they be straight, gay, bi, shy, or extroverted...at the national level. I also was a key funder of a documentary about gays in scouting.

    You Sir, are a coward behind a mask who doesn't comprehend clearly written explanations. I would have nothing to do with you because you're a coward, a complainer, and clearly can't read, while guys like me defend your right to individuality. Put on your big boys pants, take off your Halloween mask, and be a real boy, and instead of being a big cry baby, work for positive change. You're barking up the wrong tree here, Little One. You portrait yourself as a victim. Hardly.

    My is name is Chuck Gudgel. (It's in my profile, too.) You can google me; you can see my credits in the documentary. The person you see has a name, a face, and leads, rather than cowers. I have no respect for a complainer in a mask. You're a coward. Guys like me break ground for cowards like you...every day.

    In 1969, my mom's brother, Frank, blew the back of his head off with a 30.06, because he was gay, Catholic, and his 1 year older brother called him a "queer" over Fourth of July weekend. I've worked all my life, openly, to foster understanding, and I've put my money and actions where my mouth is. No young man should ever feel taking his own life is his only option. That's why I've always shown a face, and always admitted to being gay. I choose to LEAD rather than complain, but, that doesn't mean my inner circle is fairies.

    I invite you to actually take action, whether it's in GLAAD, or some other organization, to actually make a difference. Quit whining, take off the silly mask, and become a real boy, and work for positive change.

    https://www.facebook.com/oldscoutspromise

    https://www.facebook.com/ScoutsForEquality

    Like and share, and actually DO something, instead of being headless, or masked, cowards. Time to step up your game.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    May 29, 2013 10:06 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidI prefer guys who are comfortable with their sexuality, who express themselves to the fullest and who don't hide behind phony masculinity. I think gay men who try too hard to be straight end up having a weak personality. A man who is truly a man would never disrespect fem guys. It would be akin to slapping a woman. If you're nasty to fem guys, it just shows that you're cowardly and insecure. Just because you're afraid of being perceived as gay doesn't give you the right to go pissing on rainbows.


    WELL SAID!

    I get so discouraged by the intolerance (and idiocy). Just like there are a myriad of types of straight men, with one commonality at least being that they like to screw women, there are a myriad of types of gay men and, probably though I'm no expert, an equal variety of bisexual men. And as human beings, barring harmful, malintended behavior, we should ACCEPT, ALLOW and SUPPORT.

    That doesn't preclude opinions; but it mandates respect for others.
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    May 29, 2013 10:11 PM GMT
    I personally am ok with all types of gay men when its comes to friendship. When it comes to dating and attraction I do prefer more masculine men. Again it really depends how I click with the person. I won't rule out anyone without getting to know them.
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    May 29, 2013 10:23 PM GMT
    gayinterest saidAlso, I've never been to a gay bar/club that played music I could tolerate. Yes, I'm a music snob.


    Unfortunately you are too young to have experienced a time during the very late 80's to the mid 90's when there was a reprieve, at least in some gay clubs, from constantly playing the worst kind of dance pop. For that brief period you could find some gay clubs or mixed gay/straight clubs where there was decent house, somewhat less mainstream trance, and actual techno. By the late 90's it had begun to devolve back to the worst kind of mainstream pop and circuit and that continued through today where the music in gay clubs is more unbearable than it has ever been.
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    May 29, 2013 10:30 PM GMT
    In my teens I was aware of some of the deep techno being made in the UK gay scene. Tony de Vit and the Sharp Boys, etc. Didn't mind that stuff.

    But my taste in music is in a vein which is alien to most people, let alone gay guys.

    Example a:
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    May 29, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    supermanfan saidHave you guys run into this? Where a gay guy will be like "I hate gays, I"m only looking for masculine, DL, st8 acting guys." There just seems to be such a stigma about men who are perceived to be feminine. I don't understand why it's so mandatory for guys to be masculine, you'd think that gays have more tolerance.


    I understand why people might be attracted to masculinity from a sexual standpoint. After all, we are men, and we're surrounded by masculine imagery our entire life whether it's in the form of cartoon characters, athletes, superheros in movies, etc. To me, being turned on by masculinity is no different than people being more attracted to a specific ethnicity, hair color, or build.

    In terms of masculinity for non-sexual/romantic relationships, it should be pretty irrelevant. I'll admit that I'm more likely to become friends with a masculine guy due to my interests, but I have a number of less stereotypically masculine and so-called feminine guys that I consider to be friends. When it comes down to it, if you're fun, can make me laugh, and have the qualities to be a good friend, masculinity shouldn't be an issue.