Is it okay that he's being REALLY slow?

  • linvect96

    Posts: 22

    May 29, 2013 6:51 PM GMT
    Somewhat getting into a rhythm of talking/hanging out with someone new. Usually I am used to a lot more communication, but he seems to be making a point to make himself available every now and then.

    For example, I'll text him and he won't respond for almost 24 hours. He'll agree to plans and occasionally when he's free, chat, but is he just being super cautious / slow?

    I'm not shy and I'm kind of eager to hang out more and talk more etc...after noticing that he wasn't really receptive to that pace, I slowed down..didn't talk to him for five days over the holiday, and am kind of used to sending a text and not hearing back from him until 12 hours later (literally).

    I just know that he is doing this intentionally..it's not like he's not looking at his phone, he's just choosing to respond hours later. Not how I function, but I know some people do, I just hate giving people the benefit of the doubt only to realize later that they just were stringing me along and putting in minimal effort.
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    May 29, 2013 11:59 PM GMT
    ok, you're in the East-Coast Washington, so that isn't it.

    I tried a down-low relationship by SMS. With only one contact method, blocking him was really easy. Breaking contact speeds up the healing.
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    May 30, 2013 1:28 AM GMT
    Ask him. It's ok to talk to him about it unless you're afraid of what the answer might be.
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    May 30, 2013 1:44 AM GMT
    Flake.

    He's a flake. Notice how he doesn't try to initiate contact with you? He's breaking you off. He's just too much of a pussy to do it upfront.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 30, 2013 1:47 AM GMT
    I'm having the same problem with a guy at work. We're obviously into each other, but he's hot and cold. It's making me crazy. What to do?
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    May 30, 2013 1:51 AM GMT
    Ok, my answer was more of me venting. So, what if my next relationship tried to start off by texting? I'd enjoy it while it lasted but brace myself for it to fall apart...

    You have his digits. What happens when you initiate a voice call?
  • BAHBAA

    Posts: 122

    May 30, 2013 1:58 AM GMT
    He's not interested.
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    May 30, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    Myol saidAsk him. It's ok to talk to him about it unless you're afraid of what the answer might be.


    This is the best advice. You need to have this meta-conversation (how, and at what speed) do we communicate to make progress. Or, find out tat he isn't ready for going deeper. If it's the latter, it's probably better to ind out now, and not invest a lot into it before it falls apart.
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    May 30, 2013 2:08 AM GMT
    Whipmagic said
    Myol saidAsk him. It's ok to talk to him about it unless you're afraid of what the answer might be.


    This is the best advice. You need to have this meta-conversation (how, and at what speed) do we communicate to make progress. Or, find out tat he isn't ready for going deeper. If it's the latter, it's probably better to ind out now, and not invest a lot into it before it falls apart.

    I honestly would take talking with a grain of salt. Anyone can say anything. Whats important are his actions. If his actions don't line up with his words then something isn't right. Most likely, he is just trying not to hurt your feelings and hoping you'll just get the hint.
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    May 30, 2013 2:18 AM GMT
    I think I'd have to agree with IceBuckets. He's probably hoping you'll take the hint. If he's truly interested in you, he will respond fast. If that's not your style (And I don't know anyone who wants to be answered slowly here), I would just let it go and move on.
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    May 30, 2013 3:19 AM GMT
    Don't take it so personally. He probably has to wait until his wife goes to bed.
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    May 30, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    linvect96 saidSomewhat getting into a rhythm of talking/hanging out with someone new. Usually I am used to a lot more communication, but he seems to be making a point to make himself available every now and then.

    For example, I'll text him and he won't respond for almost 24 hours. He'll agree to plans and occasionally when he's free, chat, but is he just being super cautious / slow?

    I'm not shy and I'm kind of eager to hang out more and talk more etc...after noticing that he wasn't really receptive to that pace, I slowed down..didn't talk to him for five days over the holiday, and am kind of used to sending a text and not hearing back from him until 12 hours later (literally).

    I just know that he is doing this intentionally..it's not like he's not looking at his phone, he's just choosing to respond hours later. Not how I function, but I know some people do, I just hate giving people the benefit of the doubt only to realize later that they just were stringing me along and putting in minimal effort.


    He's Just not that into you. If somebody wants you, they will make it a priority to have you. Easy to say, hard to follow, I know.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvqmo5TMyeQ
  • linvect96

    Posts: 22

    Jun 03, 2013 2:00 PM GMT
    This situation continues to be.

    We talk every day for the most part. He did something I thought to be unacceptable this weekend -- basically stood me up for a saturday night date, didn't let me know he couldn't make it until I asked him. He continues to talk to me -- it seems to me that Saturday wasn't a big deal to him, he viewed it as reasonable that he was tired and couldn't make it out, he's not in a rush, etc.

    Me, on the other hand -- I take everything way too personally, but I didn't react harshly while still indicating I wasn't too thrilled. He says he wants to do something this week, but I don't trust him to make the plans, he still needs to have his hand held.

    He's 25 and has never been in a relationship before...I wonder why...still, my gut says there's something there, and I really like him...
  • niceguy_321

    Posts: 25

    Jun 03, 2013 3:04 PM GMT
    Yeah, he's not interested. He even went on a date when he had plans with you. Where are his priorities?

    A couple weeks ago, I talked to a guy that I was really interested in, and we went to a restaurant to meet up. We clicked right away and I thought things were going well. I texted him the next day, and never got a response back. I texted him the day after that and still no response. I gave him a couple days to respond and I got nothing. So, finally I addressed it because nothing was going anywhere. He finally told me the truth that he found someone else.
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    Jun 03, 2013 3:32 PM GMT
    As others have said above, if a guy is interested in you - he'll make time to see you, return your calls and texts and won't keep you wondering if he is a flake. All we can do when we encounter anyone like the O.P. is describing is to find other interests and move on. The flake is sending you a message that he's not really interested.
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jun 03, 2013 11:02 PM GMT
    So, some people are just bad at communicating. It can be frustrating if you're a person who responds immediately to a message or a missed phone call. I'm the same way.

    But, if you're trying to start something with a guy and he's basically giving you the cold shoulder, it does make him seem a little flakey. Now, is he a busy guy? his job keeps him away from the phone all day or some other factors at play why he doesn't respond? If not, then you should talk with him about this, but at the same time, to which it sounds like you've done this (but we all have our limits), that you take a look into yourself and hold back on the communication and realize not everyone communicates, like we do :-)

    If after you talk with him, he still continues this, he's not worth your time.
    I had an ex-boyfriend who did this to me. We'd talk great for a few weeks, then all of a sudden, he wouldn't respond to my calls or text messages, which would drive me crazy. In the end, we broke up and he's now playing off like he's straight and married to a woman... so that tells you a little something right there. But anyways, if after you talk to him about HOW YOU FEEL and he continues to do that thing that makes you feel horrible, then he's not worth it. Because any guy that can't take your feelings into account, isn't worth being with.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 03, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    *enter annoyed rage mode* lol
    Haha I'm kidding, just trying to light the mood up.

    Anyway, I've been in a situation like this before and from my experience, the guy is just not into you. Like everyone else said, if he really was, he would initiate contact with you and wouldn't wait so long to text you back. Even if he was at work or something, I'm sure he would have said so so you wouldn't interrupt him at his job. And the being stood up is most definitely a red flag. Not always but the reason why he didn't show up that you said is just... Wow, hung you dry for another date (assuming it was a date with another guy).

    It sucks when this happens but it happens. You can keep making up things in your head about why he isn't being so receptive but you can't let them make you become dumbfounded. .

    I had a guy like this. He used to reply rather quickly and then after we met, he started replying slowly (almost 24 hours or 2 days). I remember texting him and asking if he wasn't interested. He said he was but was busy. I believed him and I only texted him at least 1-2 for the 2 weeks I still tried talking to him. He never responded to any of them. So I took the hint. Boy did I feel stupid... icon_sad.gif I share this because it seems like you really like this guy (just like how I liked the guyI talked to) and it was hard to realize the truth. That's why I'm telling you it's probably because he isn't into you. I would say move on but in the end, the decision is yours.
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    Jun 03, 2013 11:31 PM GMT
    linvect96 saidThis situation continues to be.

    We talk every day for the most part. He did something I thought to be unacceptable this weekend -- basically stood me up for a saturday night date, didn't let me know he couldn't make it until I asked him. He continues to talk to me -- it seems to me that Saturday wasn't a big deal to him, he viewed it as reasonable that he was tired and couldn't make it out, he's not in a rush, etc.

    Me, on the other hand -- I take everything way too personally, but I didn't react harshly while still indicating I wasn't too thrilled. He says he wants to do something this week, but I don't trust him to make the plans, he still needs to have his hand held.

    He's 25 and has never been in a relationship before...I wonder why...still, my gut says there's something there, and I really like him...
    Do yourself a favor and watch the movie Moonstruck - watch for the scene where Cher slaps Nicholas Cage hard - twice ... and shouts "Snap out of it!" Because that's what you need to do.

    I hate to be so blunt, but he's not serious about you. Don't denigrate yourself any further with false hopes. Move on. You deserve better.
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    Jun 03, 2013 11:33 PM GMT
    This entire thread bookends perfectly with the other thread about people who "disappear." Needy and insecure are just not that enticing. So, you go out once or twice, he checks you out and listens for an attentive few minutes and now he is not texting you and hardly responding AND yet you still don't get the hint. Not everyone is into you and after a few of these text battles with uninteresting people, he will learn the quiet ninja way of dealing with the obtuse, d i s a p p e a r.
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    Jun 03, 2013 11:36 PM GMT
    When ppl show you who they are believe them. What are you sticking around for? Communication is key in any relationship. Ask him what his intentions are and make a decission.
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    Jun 03, 2013 11:56 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidFlake.

    He's a flake. Notice how he doesn't try to initiate contact with you? He's breaking you off. He's just too much of a pussy to do it upfront.


    Straight up!!! Yo screw this dude, not literally lol, but eff him. You're putting in effort and time into a waste and if he suddenly changes its because he couldnt find anything better.

    My dude, the best advice I can give you is sit back and relax and let the guys do the chasing. Dont do the chasing, it isnt fun