The Disappearing Act - Sorry need to vent

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2013 2:20 PM GMT
    What is it with the guys I meet lately? The other day I met this guy who had a faceless profile. I messaged him back (something I DO NOT normally do) and asked for a photo. He turned out to be a really handsome guy. So we exchange some messages and it turns out we know some of the same people.... I had to leave quickly to get to a dinner engagement so I messaged him back with my phone number and e-mail and then nothing.

    This is the 4th time this has happened to me in the last few months... I went on a date with a guy on the 1st of May and I didn't hear back from him until yesterday.... WTF?! If you're not interested in pursuing something, don't lead me on/ go out with me then.... sorry just NEEDED to vent.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    May 30, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    Because they are pussy cunts who aren't worth your time or effort. That's why. You've met a sad string of losers who don't deserve your time.
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    May 30, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    mizu5 saidBecause they are pussy cunts who aren't worth your time or effort. That's why. You've met a sad string of losers who don't deserve your time.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2013 4:05 PM GMT
    You've got a great profile and are obviously a very good catch. At 6'5" you might have intimidated a guy or two who are lacking in confidence and brains, and have little consideration for other people. Just keep your sites set high and you'll attract the cream of the crop in men.
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    May 30, 2013 6:32 PM GMT
    This is the new generation of antisocial twink's
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2013 6:33 PM GMT
    Homesteaders saidThis is the new generation of antisocial twink's


    Oddly enough... these are all men over 35 years of age....
  • Puppymuncher

    Posts: 163

    Jun 03, 2013 7:51 PM GMT
    Hazards of the dating game: shit happens and people disappear on you. Not good for the ego. Though clearly these assholes weren't keepers to begin with. Maybe try not to get your hopes up until they've shown themselves not to be flaky?

    Hope for the best but expect the worst. icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 03, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    Been there. Something better came along. It's the sad truth. If it's any consolation...those guys were probably treated the same way. It's a learned behavior. :/
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    Jun 03, 2013 8:35 PM GMT
    Puppymuncher saidHazards of the dating game: shit happens and people disappear on you. Not good for the ego. Though clearly these assholes weren't keepers to begin with. Maybe try not to get your hopes up until they've shown themselves not to be flaky?

    Hope for the best but expect the worst. icon_confused.gif


    I guess I just consider it cowardly when you can't even say I'm busy or something. I'm a big boy, I can handle the truth icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:41 PM GMT
    Maybe you should develop a slightly jaded attitude about this stuff. From what I read on RJ, it seems like 80-90% of the guys online are like this. So keep at it, but don't get too excited until something actually happens with someone.
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:42 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge saidMaybe you should develop a slightly jaded attitude about this stuff. From what I read on RJ, it seems like 80-90% of the guys online are like this. So keep at it, but don't get too excited until something actually happens with someone.


    Ironically two of them were blind dates and one of them was someone I met in person. They weren't online.
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    Jun 04, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    financial_jock saidI went on a date with a guy on the 1st of May and I didn't hear back from him until yesterday.... WTF?!

    Lord only knows. You never know whats going on in their lives 24/7.

    I went on a couple dates with a guy last year, the 1st guy I met on Grindr. The chemistry on date 1 was there. Date 2 it was there. I have not seen him since Sept. 30th, with us chatting here and there since that time...but not meeting in person. Yet just this past week he hit me up and we started chatting again. He told me how much he misses and thinks about me. Then we met up over drinks at a club last night briefly...but then he left abruptly after maybe a half an hour, which once again confused me. Then he texted me this morning explaining what happened.

    I think Toni Braxton said it right in her song, "spending my time with you". It goes:

    "I used to date and never fall in love.
    Just looking for an experi-unce.
    Spending my time wasting it foolishly,
    exploring my possibilities.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 11:53 AM GMT
    I feel ya man. Last guy that disappeared on me had the nerve to actually tell me he was going to disappear on me. He lived about an hour away from me and we had been talking for a few months and the day before we were supposed to get together and meet he got accepted to Clemson University and he said he needed a "new start" and thought we needed to "part ways" or some bullshit. I told him there's literally no excuse whatsoever to not keep in contact since we already have each other's numbers and skype addresses and he actually said "No, I don't wanna, goodbye"

    There's some childish ass motherfuckers out there that don't have the balls to be real with you about what they want. You just gotta learn to weed through them I guess.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jun 04, 2013 12:12 PM GMT
    Time to bust out DK's Corollary to Dating Dudes, yet again: "Until you've had the relationship talk and he starts introducing you to his loved ones as his significant other, never expect a dude to stick around and never assume you are anything more than an option."

    Tried and true.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 04, 2013 12:26 PM GMT
    Hard to know what the other guys thought it was going to be all about... a date or just an elaborate hookup. Some guys are in it just for the chase, the attention or some other reason.... simply put, they aren't in it "for real".
    You are giving him the credibility you think he deserves and.. he doesn't.
    I realize you can only get certain information by talking.
    As my mother always said to me, "actions speak louder than words", I never forget it.

    Attitude is always important. I know we've chatted before and you came across well. I would say, just be diligent and a little defensive and it will work out. Be glad the duds were "weeded out" early.
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    Jun 04, 2013 12:42 PM GMT
    financial_jock said
    Puppymuncher saidHazards of the dating game: shit happens and people disappear on you. Not good for the ego. Though clearly these assholes weren't keepers to begin with. Maybe try not to get your hopes up until they've shown themselves not to be flaky?

    Hope for the best but expect the worst. icon_confused.gif


    I guess I just consider it cowardly when you can't even say I'm busy or something. I'm a big boy, I can handle the truth icon_smile.gif
    It is cowardly, but most times well-intentioned. They are trying not to hurt your feelings.

    And who knows? Some of them might have had somebody flip their shit on them when they took a tactful and direct approach.

    Anyway, sorry to hear that you've hit a bit of a rough patch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 12:57 PM GMT
    Wow...their loss!! :-)
  • Philip101

    Posts: 101

    Jun 04, 2013 4:50 PM GMT
    Disappearing in my opinion is the kinder thing to do when you discover that you are not into someone and do not wish to meet again.

    This is because:

    1. Many people are hurt when they hear the words from the other person's mouth that they are no longer interested. Even when it is done gently. I am one of those people who will feel hurt, as I know from experience. Also, I know others who have told me directly they felt hurt when I informed them of my lack of feelings (and I did so in the nicest possible way).

    2. When someone disappears on me, I simply realise that he's "just not that into me". I'm not stupid, and I can take the hint. The fact that I realise this myself, rather than have someone else having to shove it at me in the face, somehow makes it a LOT easier to deal with. At least for me.

    3. Some people. when let down gently, hound you and hound you to know the details of why. This happened to me and it was very awkward.
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    Jun 04, 2013 6:13 PM GMT
    Philip101 saidDisappearing in my opinion is the kinder thing to do when you discover that you are not into someone and do not wish to meet again.


    Not usually. If a person disappears after you've met 2 or 3 times, disinterest isn't always the reason. Apparently the guy had to be interested if he wanted to meet to begin with. Why would he meet me again and again and THEN pull a disappearing act? Ditto with someone doing it before they even met you. A di-interested person wouldn't even respond to a message to begin with.

    Usually there's something else going on. I've been finding some guys look way better in their pics than in person. They don't want to meet because they trying to hide it. Or, they are dating but still looking but can't meet at the moment
  • Philip101

    Posts: 101

    Jun 04, 2013 6:34 PM GMT
    @fuzzypecs.

    Agreed. My comments were in the context of meeting on a first date (whether it be a sex date or non-sex date), and not wishing to take things to a second date.
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    Jun 05, 2013 1:51 AM GMT

    To me, it's fairly obvious why a guy would no-show. But then, I wouldn't expect many of you to understand what it's like to be a complete social reject during your formative years. We don't learn anything about ourselves, simply because we can't.

    In my previous relationships, I will admit to having no flipping idea what I was supposed to be doing from the get-go. It's just like this great, expansive abyss inside of you, which, ultimately, scares them off. It's like being trapped inside of your mind.

    It's like if Noah had no hands and was instructed to build the Ark; it just doesn't work. So they asked you out, remembered they can't do it, and got scared off or intimidated. They probably did it more for your sake than their's. See it that way, it will make you feel better.

    Life is not a fairy tale. Love is not a reality for some people in any way, shape, or form. Hate to rain on y'all's parade but it's true.
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    Jun 05, 2013 2:11 AM GMT
    Just keep going about your business. It will not take long before someone will realize what a catch you are. Once you meet that person, you'll forget about all of the losers along the way.
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    Jun 05, 2013 2:15 AM GMT
    Jockular saidBeen there. Something better came along. It's the sad truth. If it's any consolation...those guys were probably treated the same way. It's a learned behavior. :/


    THIS.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2013 2:27 AM GMT
    This just reaffirms my decision in choosing to stay single.
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    Jun 05, 2013 2:32 AM GMT
    Everyone always seems to think the next hot guy is only an app away. Are you telling me your not guilty of the same behavior at some point? You've never spoken or chatted w/ someone online w/ no intention of pursuing anything other than killing time cause you're bored. icon_rolleyes.gif