Stop taking things so Literally

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 01, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    Whenever I meet a guy and we are done with the date or hang out they may say something like, "so keep in touch" or "blah blah next time blah blah"

    So in my mind, it sounds like they want to hang out again. So I text them like a week later to see if they wanted to hang again and they don't respond. Why would someone say that? Just to be nice or what?

    I am just confused cuz I say what I mean and I don't say things for the sake of saying them. How does their mind change? It's just sending out mixed messages and it's mean icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 01, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    Relevant to this discussion:

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidWhenever I meet a guy and we are done with the date or hang out they may say something like, "so keep in touch" or "blah blah next time blah blah"

    So in my mind, it sounds like they want to hang out again. So I text them like a week later to see if they wanted to hang again and they don't respond. Why would someone say that? Just to be nice or what?

    I am just confused cuz I say what I mean and I don't say things for the sake of saying them. How does their mind change? It's just sending out mixed messages and it's mean icon_cry.gif

    Bolded your answer.

    Contrary to popular belief, men are ball less. He didn't have the courage to tell you up front about it. He's a coward and a liar. Move on. It gets easier - trust me on that.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 01, 2013 8:26 PM GMT
    This is why people turn cynical and distrusting
    It's happened and is happening to me icon_rolleyes.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 01, 2013 8:28 PM GMT
    That seems like a common problem, and it does come off as really mean.

    Interestingly, I recently heard of a study that says that optimistic, "nice" people have so much difficulty rejecting anyone that they tell white lies just to avoid confessing how they really feel. They freeze in the face of having to reject someone, and won't return phone calls, texts, etc. On the other hand, pessimistic, negative people are more honest.icon_sad.gif... Probably not the answer anyone wants to hear, but as humans we all have our issues.
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    Jun 01, 2013 8:31 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidThis is why people turn cynical and distrusting
    It's happened and is happening to me icon_rolleyes.gif

    Cynicism is for pussy's and crybabies. Life's to good and amazing to let an asshole change your positive outlook.
    Show me a cynic, ill show you a loser who just took the easy path to becoming a pathetic loner.
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    Jun 01, 2013 8:34 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidThat seems like a common problem, and it does come off as really mean.

    Interestingly, I recently heard of a study that says that optimistic, "nice" people have so much difficulty rejecting anyone that they tell white lies just to avoid confessing how they really feel. They freeze in the face of having to reject someone, and won't return phone calls, texts, etc. On the other hand, pessimistic, negative people are more honest.icon_sad.gif... Probably not the answer anyone wants to hear, but as humans we all have our issues.

    Then they aren't so nice are they? Quite the paradox...
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    Jun 01, 2013 8:36 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 said
    I am just confused cuz I say what I mean and I don't say things for the sake of saying them. How does their mind change? It's just sending out mixed messages and it's mean icon_cry.gif


    In my experience, it's a rare thing in this day and age for someone (especially guys, and not even just gays) to keep their word. If I say something, I will do it, no empty promises. I share your frustration...hang in there bud.
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    Jun 01, 2013 8:44 PM GMT
    Seinfeld did an episode on this. It's impossible for most people to end a date without saying "I'll call you" or something like that. It's a knee jerk reaction.
    If I like someone, I say, "Call you tomorrow."
    "Keep in touch" is an obvious "Good-bye."
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    Jun 01, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    People say it to be polite, but it's really a very mean thing to do to make someone think you're interested in them. I'm not perfect at it myself, but I try to be clear if I'm not interested in someone because that's how I would want to be treated.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 01, 2013 8:58 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    HottJoe saidThat seems like a common problem, and it does come off as really mean.

    Interestingly, I recently heard of a study that says that optimistic, "nice" people have so much difficulty rejecting anyone that they tell white lies just to avoid confessing how they really feel. They freeze in the face of having to reject someone, and won't return phone calls, texts, etc. On the other hand, pessimistic, negative people are more honest.icon_sad.gif... Probably not the answer anyone wants to hear, but as humans we all have our issues.

    Then they aren't so nice are they? Quite the paradox...


    That's what I was thinking!

    I'll admit, though, that the idea of having to reject someone makes me feel sick.
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    Jun 01, 2013 9:14 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    IceBuckets said
    HottJoe saidThat seems like a common problem, and it does come off as really mean.

    Interestingly, I recently heard of a study that says that optimistic, "nice" people have so much difficulty rejecting anyone that they tell white lies just to avoid confessing how they really feel. They freeze in the face of having to reject someone, and won't return phone calls, texts, etc. On the other hand, pessimistic, negative people are more honest.icon_sad.gif... Probably not the answer anyone wants to hear, but as humans we all have our issues.

    Then they aren't so nice are they? Quite the paradox...


    That's what I was thinking!

    I'll admit, though, that the idea of having to reject someone makes me feel sick.

    What makes you feel worse? Them sitting around waiting for a call/text that will NEVER come and then allows them the time and energy to start the cogs turning in their little brain: why aren't they calling? Why doesn't he like me? Is it something I said?! Oh God, it's something I said! You stupid idiot - always mess things up!

    You're doing FAR more damage and doing something far meaner by being a liar and not rejecting them in the first place.

    Now tell me: what makes you sick? icon_neutral.gif
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 01, 2013 9:31 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidThat seems like a common problem, and it does come off as really mean.

    Interestingly, I recently heard of a study that says that optimistic, "nice" people have so much difficulty rejecting anyone that they tell white lies just to avoid confessing how they really feel. They freeze in the face of having to reject someone, and won't return phone calls, texts, etc. On the other hand, pessimistic, negative people are more honest.icon_sad.gif... Probably not the answer anyone wants to hear, but as humans we all have our issues.


    Because when we are young we are taught "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." This is obviously meant to be good but has turned our societies way of thinking to that so we can't even be honest with each. The truth is not nice nor is it mean. It's only mean if done a certain way.

    Why are people so afraid? I am a sensitive person but I can give the truth as much as I can take it. It sucks but I rather that than be lied to
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    Jun 01, 2013 9:33 PM GMT
    but people don´t have to say "I really enjoyed that - let´s meet next week" if what they mean is "It was good to meet you, take care".

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 01, 2013 9:40 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    HottJoe said
    IceBuckets said
    HottJoe saidThat seems like a common problem, and it does come off as really mean.

    Interestingly, I recently heard of a study that says that optimistic, "nice" people have so much difficulty rejecting anyone that they tell white lies just to avoid confessing how they really feel. They freeze in the face of having to reject someone, and won't return phone calls, texts, etc. On the other hand, pessimistic, negative people are more honest.icon_sad.gif... Probably not the answer anyone wants to hear, but as humans we all have our issues.

    Then they aren't so nice are they? Quite the paradox...


    That's what I was thinking!

    I'll admit, though, that the idea of having to reject someone makes me feel sick.

    What makes you feel worse? Them sitting around waiting for a call/text that will NEVER come and then allows them the time and energy to start the cogs turning in their little brain: why aren't they calling? Why doesn't he like me? Is it something I said?! Oh God, it's something I said! You stupid idiot - always mess things up!

    You're doing FAR more damage and doing something far meaner by being a liar and not rejecting them in the first place.

    Now tell me: what makes you sick? icon_neutral.gif


    I'm too nice to respond to this....icon_razz.gif

    lol, jk, I'm actually working on being more straightforward with people. I know the feeling of waiting for the phone to ring....icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 01, 2013 9:42 PM GMT
    Because most guys like to think that they're good guys. They think that good guys wouldn't be mean to your face and say how the date was blah or that the sex wasn't very good.
    If you want to see the guy again (or maybe just call the guy out on his bs) set an actual date to meet up again before you guys go your separate ways.

    "See you later" or "keep in touch" are social lubricant. It's like asking "what's up?" or "how are you?" when hardly anyone wants to hear if things aren't going well.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 01, 2013 9:43 PM GMT
    GonzoTheGreat saidbut people don´t have to say "I really enjoyed that - let´s meet next week" if what they mean is "It was good to meet you, take care".



    I think you misspelled the word meat.icon_wink.gif

    (that was a pun, for those of you who think I can't spell meet)
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    Jun 01, 2013 9:55 PM GMT
    Conflict avoidance is one thing, keeping their options open another that plays into these scenarios. I believe many mean what they say that they are open to meet again, but change their minds over time. Thinking the date over they discover issues
    You didn't put out
    You put out
    You didn't laugh enough at their jokes
    You raised red flags
    Etc.

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    Jun 01, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    Unless someone had personally offended me in a big way on a date, I'd feel horrible not returning their calls, etc. I would feel like I was putting bad mojo out into the universe, and would reap what I had sewn one day (either by having the same happen to me, or having my actions with the jilted guy come back to haunt me in some way).

    Plus, it seems like it would be more of a hassle to have to keep avoiding the guy, rather than just end it outright.

    That said, I know it is not easy. I've been in the "dropper" position a few times before and I felt like the most terrible person on earth. Still, it's better than leading someone on.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 02, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    GonzoTheGreat saidbut people don´t have to say "I really enjoyed that - let´s meet next week" if what they mean is "It was good to meet you, take care".



    I think you misspelled the word meat.icon_wink.gif

    (that was a pun, for those of you who think I can't spell meet)


    Hey boi do u wanna cum meat me

    Like that??
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 02, 2013 1:07 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 said
    HottJoe said
    GonzoTheGreat saidbut people don´t have to say "I really enjoyed that - let´s meet next week" if what they mean is "It was good to meet you, take care".



    I think you misspelled the word meat.icon_wink.gif

    (that was a pun, for those of you who think I can't spell meet)


    Hey boi do u wanna cum meat me

    Like that??


    Fuck yeah
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 02, 2013 1:12 AM GMT
    Maybe the head was bad ... um ...you did put out ... didn't you?