Over It

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2013 6:25 PM GMT
    I'm 21 and I'm mildly autistic. I pretty much hate my life. I feel like all my unhappiness stems from other people. I've always been left out because socially I just can't talk organically with other people. I've never really had a friend. The most I've ever hung out with someone was no more than 3 times. And that's only happened with two different girls. I've never had a boyfriend. The only relationships I've ever had with guys come from grindr and are just one night stands. Me and my parents aren't close either so I'm basically socially isolated.

    This probably seems extreme but it's all I've ever known. I worked for two high end retail stores for two years during college to try and improve my skills and become more natural. It didn't really work at all. I thought I did a good job of being normal but I remember my manager telling me that I was an alien and that she's never met anyone quite like me. Didn't surprise me because no matter how similar my interactions with my coworkers and theirs with others I never actually hung out with anyone like they hung out with each other. I just make people feel very uneasy I guess because they can tell theres something off about how I socialize with them. It's whatever I tried and dealt with my anxiety. It is what it is.

    Around June 2012 I made some pretty serious changes to my appearance. I'm a very attractive guy but it doesn't matter at all unless it's about having sex. My life is totally empty of people. I've basically accepted that because of my social disadvantage I'm not likely to build any bonds with anyone besides my mom and dad through birth. I'm just at a place in my life where I'm trying to figure out what makes me happy. I wish I had a friend to go to the movies with or get coffee but It just isn't going to happen. I'm trying to focus on what I can make work. I really want to get a DOG!!! I've never had a dog or cat and I'm a huge animal lover. I live in a small town and I'd like to move to a big city where theres lots to do. I like museums and things like that. I also am going to try and get into reading more hopefully. Just trying to think of ways I can make my life worth living and more pleasurable in the future. If there's someone else here who can relate to anything I'm saying I'd love to get some more ideas. I go to school full time and work part time and every night before I go to sleep I just stare at the ceiling and I keep trying to figure out why I bother with anything at all really. I do all the work and a bit more just like everyone else but I'm doing it all for nothing. I have no reason to graduate this december. I'm not excited about the fact that I'll be able to get a high paying job to support myself because theres nothing to support. I'm just working and breathing. I'm not living at all. It's just a waste of everything it seems. But it's whatever because I'm gonna take it step by step and keep my expectations low.
  • popobtc

    Posts: 74

    Jun 03, 2013 4:27 AM GMT
    Damn bro, Cheer up...Perhaps people are afraid to get close to you because of your attitude? Honestly that entire post made me depressed and I would rather hang with people upbeat and happy... But I went through something like that when I moved to Milwaukee from my home town. Living in a small town makes things a whole lot harder. Just keep doing you and you'll find people
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 6:34 AM GMT
    Hey there!

    Have you tried looking for support groups or organizations in your area?
    I think one of the most important things in this kind of situation is building self-confidence, and it is much easier to do when you can socialize and talk with people who can relate with your difficulties.

    Also, are you frank about your condition when you meet new people? You don't need to have a stamp on your forehead saying "I am autistic", but being open about it often makes the difference between "Wow, that dude is weird" and "Ahh, it makes sense now". Not everyone has had the chance to live daily with difference, and many are ignorant about mental health issues like autism. I am not defending anyone, I'm just saying that this sort of things takes time to digest and be perfectly fine with.

    Anyway, just hang in there. You are making great effort already by keeping studying and working and trying new things, so it seems you do believe in yourself at some point. Because things aren't going so great right now doesn't mean it'll never improve. Sometimes, just meeting the right person or two can be a real life changer and give you wings. Don't give up just yet, you'll see.

    Good luck buddy ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 7:24 AM GMT
    I'm glad you got that off your chest. It'll make you feel better. Now go get an iPad, go to Starbucks, and sit in the corner bitching on the internet about your life like a good little social outcast. icon_twisted.gif
  • Puppymuncher

    Posts: 163

    Jun 03, 2013 7:42 PM GMT
    Cheer up dude.

    You're young, you're successful, and you're unhappy with your life. This shouldn't be so hard to fix.

    Instead of concentrating on why no one likes you, try to focus on yourself more. No one wants to be friends with a depressed person. Ask yourself, "what do I have to offer to others?" Maybe you should get a few hobbies that you find interesting. That way, you make yourself more interesting and others might find you interesting as well.

    Here's a good quote I heard the other day: "Pain is inevitably, but misery is a choice." Stop choosing to be miserable and choose to be awesome instead. icon_smile.gif