Prison penpals

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    K, so this is kinda messed up. I met a friend of a friend through Facebook a year or so ago, and earlier this year, he was involved in a car accident that unfortunately killed the other driver, and he went to prison for manslaughter. We were sort of getting closer before it happened, and honestly the whole thing sort of freaked me out.

    Now, he writes me almost every week from prison, and seems like he expects to stay in flirt mode for the next 8 years or whatever. I know I sound like the shallowest, but having a penpal romance just seems so pathetic to me. I'm kind of inclined to just let it fizzle out, but not sure what to say.

    Just wondered, have any of you ever had a relationship with a guy in prison? I didn't know til this whole thing happened, but there's this whole penpal dating thing, apparently, with websites and profiles and everything. Seems like a way for prisoners to just prey on lonely gay guys to me. What do you think?
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    Jun 02, 2013 8:19 PM GMT
    Was he drunk or texting? If yes, let him rot in prison.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2013 9:29 PM GMT
    Long distance relationships rarely work. So I would say that this "relationship" you have with this guy won't work out, especially since he's in prison. You need to be honest with him and let him know your concerns.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Jun 02, 2013 9:35 PM GMT
    This should have been posted in the ratchet thread.
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    Jun 02, 2013 9:37 PM GMT
    oozyrat saidK, so this is kinda messed up. I met a friend of a friend through Facebook a year or so ago, and earlier this year, he was involved in a car accident that unfortunately killed the other driver, and he went to prison for manslaughter. We were sort of getting closer before it happened, and honestly the whole thing sort of freaked me out.

    Now, he writes me almost every week from prison, and seems like he expects to stay in flirt mode for the next 8 years or whatever. I know I sound like the shallowest, but having a penpal romance just seems so pathetic to me. I'm kind of inclined to just let it fizzle out, but not sure what to say.

    Just wondered, have any of you ever had a relationship with a guy in prison? I didn't know til this whole thing happened, but there's this whole penpal dating thing, apparently, with websites and profiles and everything. Seems like a way for prisoners to just prey on lonely gay guys to me. What do you think?


    I know what you're going through. I've been through the same thing. Look this sort of thing rarely works out. I dated a guy in jail for almost three months and it was hard. There's gonna be so many people on the outside who you're gonna meet and yet you're tied down to some guy behind bars. And who is to say he won't meet someone else in jail?
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    Jun 02, 2013 9:41 PM GMT
    I've never even thought about that and I'm IN. I've never understood it. I'm so straight laced and reserved yet I get along great with hoods.
    No murderers or rapists please.
    I'll take a handsome musclebound thug with a heart of gold who went wrong because society let him down. Preferably, he's in prison because he's used so many steroids that his biceps were exhibit A and B in court.

    I'll send him pumpkins on Halloween as I always have done with friends in prison.

    But I've said too much.

    5115520.jpg
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 02, 2013 11:43 PM GMT
    Let it go ... he made his bed, and I'm sure he'll be getting some jail house cock ... you are just going to be a money roll for him while he is in prison
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 1:11 AM GMT
    Drama... This sounds like the beginning of a reality series for Logoicon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 1:27 AM GMT
    If you're still looking for advice, I'd have to ask the hard question, "How did it happen?"
    As wrong as it is, I doubt there are many people here who haven't driven under the influence (I haven't in decades).
    Your decision to stay with him should be made by your feelings for him, which you haven't told us.
    Anyone of us could do something careless and kill someone on the road - I shudder to think about it.
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    Jun 03, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    I'd let is slowly die out, and then tell him directly that you don't think it will work.

    I honestly don't think you sound shallow. If it was true love, anyone would wait for it, but you barely know this guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 8:35 PM GMT
    Well, that was another wasted effort.
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Jun 03, 2013 8:39 PM GMT
    MisfitToy said
    oozyrat saidK, so this is kinda messed up. I met a friend of a friend through Facebook a year or so ago, and earlier this year, he was involved in a car accident that unfortunately killed the other driver, and he went to prison for manslaughter. We were sort of getting closer before it happened, and honestly the whole thing sort of freaked me out.

    Now, he writes me almost every week from prison, and seems like he expects to stay in flirt mode for the next 8 years or whatever. I know I sound like the shallowest, but having a penpal romance just seems so pathetic to me. I'm kind of inclined to just let it fizzle out, but not sure what to say.

    Just wondered, have any of you ever had a relationship with a guy in prison? I didn't know til this whole thing happened, but there's this whole penpal dating thing, apparently, with websites and profiles and everything. Seems like a way for prisoners to just prey on lonely gay guys to me. What do you think?


    I know what you're going through. I've been through the same thing. Look this sort of thing rarely works out. I dated a guy in jail for almost three months and it was hard. There's gonna be so many people on the outside who you're gonna meet and yet you're tied down to some guy behind bars. And who is to say he won't meet someone else in jail?



    what happened between you two?
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Jun 03, 2013 8:53 PM GMT
    Does he get conjugal visits?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:08 PM GMT
    8 years is along time to even have a normal everyday relationship let alone one that doesnt function in the real world.

    I would let it go before he bond's too much with you , its the kindest thing because your heart's not in it.
    Plus 8 years inside he want be the same person who went inside when he's released trust me.

    So yep cool it now and follow your head or it end in tears.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    You may be his only link with the outside world, on an emotional level. I do not think there is any harm in corresponding with him, particularly while he adjusts to prison life.

    Of course he did a bad thing, but I'm not sure anyone who has ever driven over a speed limit is in any position to judge him: As a result of one moment of inattention behind the wheel, anyone could find themself joining him
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Jun 03, 2013 9:38 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWas he drunk or texting? If yes, let him rot in prison.


    Amen brother!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 1:24 AM GMT
    I recently saw a guy on JAIL who had just killed someone while drunk driving. I wish I didn't see it. He was in agony and screaming for someone to kill him too.
    I'm not taking this lightly but I would rather get some details before passing judgement.
    But we're not going to get them because this is yet another hit and run.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 2:06 AM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 saidYou may be his only link with the outside world, on an emotional level. I do not think there is any harm in corresponding with him, particularly while he adjusts to prison life.

    Of course he did a bad thing, but I'm not sure anyone who has ever driven over a speed limit is in any position to judge him: As a result of one moment of inattention behind the wheel, anyone could find themself joining him

    I'm impressed by the humanity of your post. I'd still like to know the details of his case. But even if he is clearly guilty, the court has already pronounced its legal punishment on him. Does he need ours as well? A little kindness at this point might help in his rehabilitation.
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    Jun 04, 2013 2:41 AM GMT
    Thanks guys, interesting perspective. I actually don't know all the details of the accident, because we don't have many friends in common, and it's awkward to ask too many details about it if he doesn't want to talk about it. From what I know, he fell asleep while driving and crossed over the median. I actually really had a hard-core crush on him before this happened, and was really pursuing him more than he was me. It seemed like as soon as he went to prison, roles were exactly reversed. No matter how nice I try to be about it, the idea of telling people you're dating a convict is really off-putting. This to me feels exactly like a friend of mine, who was dating a guy and then found out he had HIV. You'd like to say it doesn't affect how you see the person, but it really does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 2:48 AM GMT
    You can do better.
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    Jun 04, 2013 2:54 AM GMT
    You don't really need to say anything. Stop sending him mail. He'll get the hint. I don't believe the "falling" asleep story. Most likely a DUI and he killed some poor person.
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    Jun 04, 2013 11:41 AM GMT
    S34n05 saidYou don't really need to say anything. Stop sending him mail. He'll get the hint. I don't believe the "falling" asleep story. Most likely a DUI and he killed some poor person.

    Sad but true.
    Nobody gets 8 years for falling asleep at the wheel.
    Repeat offenders get 8 years.
    I had a friend in prison for a few years and he was remorseful for something horrible. I befriended him through the mail to help him get through it. Then we parted. I believe in rehabilitation more than punishment and although I often judge people (which is OK - the bible misquote not being applicable) I hope I'm never self-righteous.
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Jun 04, 2013 12:34 PM GMT
    If you want to know what happened, state court records are in the public domain. Look up his case. If he lied about the falling asleep story, I'd shut him out.
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    Jun 04, 2013 4:52 PM GMT
    oozyrat saidThanks guys, interesting perspective. I actually don't know all the details of the accident, because we don't have many friends in common, and it's awkward to ask too many details about it if he doesn't want to talk about it. From what I know, he fell asleep while driving and crossed over the median. I actually really had a hard-core crush on him before this happened, and was really pursuing him more than he was me. It seemed like as soon as he went to prison, roles were exactly reversed. No matter how nice I try to be about it, the idea of telling people you're dating a convict is really off-putting. This to me feels exactly like a friend of mine, who was dating a guy and then found out he had HIV. You'd like to say it doesn't affect how you see the person, but it really does.



    Why do you care of what are people saying when you tell them , don't be a shallow bloke , if you care for your mate , don't dump him , he already going thru a hard moment in his life ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 4:58 PM GMT
    8 years for falling asleep at the wheel? I doubt that. Look up the public records on this accident and get the facts.