Will you be ok with your boyfriend going to Pride without you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2013 8:37 PM GMT
    So, my boyfriend and I are currently long distance. He's in the east coast while I'm in California studying for the bar exam.

    Now, he mentioned that some of his gay friends are inviting him to Pride in Philly and DC. I'm a little anxious about him going only because I've met these friends, and they are quite the enablers when it comes to flirting and being salacious. I want to say I completely trust my boyfriend and I want him to enjoy..and yet I feel apprehensive about him going to Pride. Am I being unreasonable? I'm not going to stop him from going because I'm not that needy, but I just wish I could get a better hold of my anxieties..

    Any thoughts? How would you handle this?
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    Jun 03, 2013 2:00 AM GMT
    I think letting him know about your worries is an important issue.

    By your description of his friends, I would also trust your boyfriend but not his friends. I think I would have a talk with him and tell him that you trust him, but genuinely ask him if he trusts him self to behave in this situation.

    He may also be a little hesitant about the things that he may do non intentionally. If you make him realize that he may engage in some behavior that may cause you emotional harm, then he'll know not go to pride with his friends or only partially be envolved (i.e. staying during the day and coming back home early in the night)

    But on the other hand, if he is fully confident of his loyalty to you and his abilities to resist in stupid irresponsible behavior I wouldn't restrain him from down something that he really wants to do.
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    Jun 03, 2013 2:06 AM GMT
    Bar2013 said Am I being unreasonable?
    Yes.

    Don't be surprised if he finds someone local and drops you like a bad habit.
  • Puppymuncher

    Posts: 163

    Jun 03, 2013 2:52 AM GMT
    No you're not being unreasonable. With every relationship comes its territory and fair share of jealousy, some more than others. It's innate and we can't help wanting to keep close what we have. Our choice lies in how overboard we make the drama.


    If I were you, I'd let him know my feelings - just mere insecurities, and it's nothing more than that. He is still more than welcome to go and have a great time. Just be safe and watch who gets his drinks. Tell him to have fun and save some stories for you.


    It's probably important that he feels marketable and attractive to other people while still in a relationship, without a jealous bf acting too insecurity. It's also a bit endearing that you're getting jealous; if you have zero reaction to your bf going to pride, then you probably don't care that much about the relationship. So it's goes to show that you're looking for stability without coming off clingy.
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    Jun 03, 2013 3:31 AM GMT
    Bar2013 said I'm a little anxious about him going only because I've met these friends, and they are quite the enablers when it comes to flirting and being salacious. I want to say I completely trust my boyfriend and I want him to enjoy..and yet I feel apprehensive about him going to Pride. Am I being unreasonable? I'm not going to stop him from going because I'm not that needy, but I just wish I could get a better hold of my anxieties..


    If this statement were true you would not be experiencing anxiety.
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    Jun 03, 2013 3:42 AM GMT
    Um....you're in a long distant relationship. I'm sure your boyfriend has hung around with his gay friends outside of pride festivities and without your knowledge. Besides, if it's his friends you're worried about, does this mean your bf will need to tell you everytime he goes out with them?
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    Jun 03, 2013 7:32 AM GMT
    GordHunter said
    Bar2013 said I'm a little anxious about him going only because I've met these friends, and they are quite the enablers when it comes to flirting and being salacious. I want to say I completely trust my boyfriend and I want him to enjoy..and yet I feel apprehensive about him going to Pride. Am I being unreasonable? I'm not going to stop him from going because I'm not that needy, but I just wish I could get a better hold of my anxieties..


    If this statement were true you would not be experiencing anxiety.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:49 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Don't be surprised if he finds someone local and drops you like a bad habit.

    Please...like people at pride are relationship material? Fuck material? Yes...

    I'd go as far to even say you SHOULDN'T go with you boyfriend to pride. The things I seen last year during my 1st pride...you'd be better of not knowing. You don't have a boyfriend during pride. All boundaries are off. Men can't resist temptation...Either they'll be kissing somebdy, sucking someone off, getting fucked, swallowing nutt, being a slut...I know how this game works.



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    Jun 03, 2013 6:21 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. I've just never been to Pride myself - just never had the time to go, but I'm not going to deprive him of the chance to experience it himself

    Although I do not trust some of his friends, I just have to trust him- and hope that he'll stay safe and not do anything to compromise our relationship.

    I particularly like the advice of wishing my boyfriend to have fun, and to make sure to share stories with me. It's gonna be hard, but I think this is a good step towards building the trust. Come Pride, I'm just gonna drown myself in reading the entire Obamacare Act, for the Bar Exam, that should keep me distracted :p

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 6:30 PM GMT
    My guy can go wherever and to whatever he likes. He can just as easily cheat at home when I'm not around as when he is out of town. I learned a long time ago that I cannot control someone else and that if they let me down it's a bad reflection of them not me.

    And if your BF is easily influenced by friends, do you really want such a spinless juvenile as a BF/partner? Better to find out sooner rather than later.
  • ggst82

    Posts: 83

    Jun 03, 2013 7:15 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidMy guy can go wherever and to whatever he likes. He can just as easily cheat at home when I'm not around as when he is out of town. I learned a long time ago that I cannot control someone else and that if they let me down it's a bad reflection of them not me.

    And if your BF is easily influenced by friends, do you really want such a spinless juvenile as a BF/partner? Better to find out sooner rather than later.


    Well said.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 03, 2013 7:31 PM GMT
    While you're not being totally unreasonable, I feel that you shouldn't limit your boyfriends time with his friends and events going on in his city.

    Long distance relationships are hard and there is the stigma of thinking you'll be cheated on but honestly, you have to put these feelings aside and give faith that your boyfriend is only going out to have fun and if he does cheat on you and admits some time down the line,. you'll know what kind of person he is. I mean, like another user said; if he is really easily influenced by his friends to do questionable things, is he worth it in the long run to have a relationship with?

    But back to the general thing. Just let him go out and have his fun. I'm sure he'd let you do the same if you wanted to go out and have some fun with your friends. icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 03, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    if you can't trust him going out in public by himself, then you should save his time and break up
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 03, 2013 7:54 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    calibro saidif you can't trust him going out in public by himself, then you should save his time and break up

    This x 3.1415926535......


    blueberry irrational numbers...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 8:12 PM GMT
    If he's going to do his thing without you, it could be at PRIDE or back home. Don't blame his friends for his actions. He has his own mouth to say no to whatever he isn't interested in.
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    Jun 03, 2013 8:50 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Aristoshark said
    calibro saidif you can't trust him going out in public by himself, then you should save his time and break up

    This x 3.1415926535......

    That's like half the radius of this problem. icon_razz.gif


    You might want to write that number down. It comes in handy when trying to calculate the curcumference of certain round things... like dance circles!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    This is just one of likely many outings he hasn't told you about.

    Whether you should be anxious or not depends on your boyfriend. If you can trust him second to none, you have nothing to worry about. If not, it says you believe there are circumstances in which he'd cheat on you.

    It's basically a matter of trust. It's either there or it's not, not much you can do at this point but sit and wait or let your anxiety tear apart the relationship outright.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:37 PM GMT
    Bar2013 said I want to say I completely trust my boyfriend and I want him to enjoy..and yet ?

    The "and yet" means you do not completely trust him.

    A lot of others on RJ would not agree with me on this, but, would it be the end of the world for you if you find out that he had a 1-night stand (safely, I assume) with a stranger 3,000 miles away? Would it be different if he only jacked off watching some sex spectacle? (Can we assume that tricking with strangers is not his regular pattern?)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge said


    A lot of others on RJ would not agree with me on this, but, would it be the end of the world for you if you find out that he had a 1-night stand (safely, I assume) with a stranger 3,000 miles away?


    It wouldn't be the end of the world for me, but it would most definitely be the end for "us."

    But thanks guys. As I've said, I was never going to prevent him from going, I just needed to calm my own apprehensions. And whether I'm with him or not, if he's going to play, he will. I just want to give myself and our relationship a fighitng chance- making sure I don't confine him and yet letting him know I care to make us work.

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    Jun 03, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Aristoshark said
    calibro saidif you can't trust him going out in public by himself, then you should save his time and break up

    This x 3.1415926535......

    That's like half the radius of this problem. icon_razz.gif



    or the diameter of Uranus.