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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 8:07 PM GMT
    I was wondering if you guys could give me some input as I am a bit unsure here...

    I have been hanging out with this guy for the past month or so. We met online, I approached him, we messaged back and forth for a while and he eventually gave me his number. The first time we hung out we did just that, hung out for a few hours, no sex. The second time we hung out for a few hours, made out for few hours, and he asked me to spend the night. The last few times we have hung out and had sex.

    He is very cuddly and sensual. I am only like that with people I actually like or have feelings for, but I understand some guys are like that even if its NSA sex.

    He is always responsive to my texts, has always been down to hang out, or schedule a day that works, but he never initiates contact or the invitation.

    This is the first good guy I have met in a long time. I haven't had real interest in anyone like this in about a year. He is smart, handsome, involved in philanthropy, has a career, and the list goes on.

    This is the part that makes me look (more) dumb. I should add that the guy is moving soon... However, I don't think that should be a total deal breaker. I know couples that have been long distance. Furthermore, I have a second home where he is moving to! At the minimum Id love to remain in this guys life as a good friend.

    Anyway, my question is, do you think this guy is into me? Or is he just having a good time? I have not brought up the subject, as to not ruin the mood, or seem crazy or overly attached, but I am not looking for just sex or a fuckbud. I would like to get to know him and have something meaningful (more than just sex).

    Any input or thoughts? I am sorry I am so bad at this, I appreciate the help in advance!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    Is this guy really into you? We on RJ can't know the answer to that.

    But the line "but he never initiates contact or the invitation" is indicative that you are more into him than he is into you.
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jun 03, 2013 10:49 PM GMT
    Hmm?

    he's always accommodating to you, but never initiates... You two, from you post seem to have a good chemistry.

    The only thing, I can think, is that you have to talk to him about your intentions. If you feel that you two could have something meaningful, then it's worth having the conversation. Now, you two haven't had sex, that could mean two things; he's a good guy, who doesn't sleep around with just anybody or he's not into you. Worse case scenario if you talk to him, he doesn't want a relationship with you. Yes, that would suck to be told that but in the end, if you want something more than sexual with a good guy, then you should be with a guy who wants you, if he can't see that in you, then it's his loss, not yours.

    But, overall, talk to him, be upfront about what you want and your possible expectations. I don't think that's being needy or clingy, I think it makes you upfront and a person who doesn't play games.
  • JohnDoe9688

    Posts: 118

    Jun 04, 2013 4:29 AM GMT
    To me this guy just seems a little shy. maybe he never initiates contact because he's afraid you'll say no or think he's coming on too strong?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 6:25 AM GMT
    JohnDoe9688 saidTo me this guy just seems a little shy. maybe he never initiates contact because he's afraid you'll say no or think he's coming on too strong?

    Nah...

    There's something 1 sided about 1 person always doing the asking. I bought this up before myself. How I find I am often always the one doing the asking when it comes down to meeting people. It's frustrating when I always have to be the ones to suggest getting together with someone and actually following thru. "We should hang out sometime" isn't really an invite.

    The OP is scared of verifying if the other guy is on the same page because he fears that it will make him look desperate or "too into the guy". Come on. Please. Let's just stop the bullshit. Would you rather know now or later? If it suddenly scares the guy off, let him run. Sometimes you have to risk losing a relationship if it becomes clear that the other person is not on the same page.

    The good news is atleast he is accepting the invites. So that's good, but he needs to put in the effort himself. And I'm wondering why he isn't putting in the effort himself. From my experience, that has never been a good thing when 1 person is doing all the asking.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 6:31 AM GMT
    Yeah I'd just ask what he wants out of it all... if it isn't what you want then you should know what to do. It can be a hard question to ask, but if you know what you want for you then go for it... If you're unsure of where you want to take things that's when I'd hesitate to ask that question.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 6:45 AM GMT
    It is what it is, if its working for now and you guys are making time to hangout, whether one person is asked or vice versa, just go with it, and like you said he is moving, he he really didn't want to hangout with your or make time for you, you would know. Just go with it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 7:09 AM GMT
    Gymrat123 saidI was wondering if you guys could give me some input as I am a bit unsure here...

    I have been hanging out with this guy for the past month or so. We met online, I approached him, we messaged back and forth for a while and he eventually gave me his number. The first time we hung out we did just that, hung out for a few hours, no sex. The second time we hung out for a few hours, made out for few hours, and he asked me to spend the night. The last few times we have hung out and had sex.

    He is very cuddly and sensual. I am only like that with people I actually like or have feelings for, but I understand some guys are like that even if its NSA sex.

    He is always responsive to my texts, has always been down to hang out, or schedule a day that works, but he never initiates contact or the invitation.

    This is the first good guy I have met in a long time. I haven't had real interest in anyone like this in about a year. He is smart, handsome, involved in philanthropy, has a career, and the list goes on.

    This is the part that makes me look (more) dumb. I should add that the guy is moving soon... However, I don't think that should be a total deal breaker. I know couples that have been long distance. Furthermore, I have a second home where he is moving to! At the minimum Id love to remain in this guys life as a good friend.

    Anyway, my question is, do you think this guy is into me? Or is he just having a good time? I have not brought up the subject, as to not ruin the mood, or seem crazy or overly attached, but I am not looking for just sex or a fuckbud. I would like to get to know him and have something meaningful (more than just sex).

    Any input or thoughts? I am sorry I am so bad at this, I appreciate the help in advance!



    Call him, using your voice, and just ask. DOH.

    Note that distant relationships have a very high failure rate due to clear reasons.

    You're also only 18, so, I'd just see where it leads with the notion that things are fluid.

    If you want to know how someone feels about you, just pick up the phone and call them, or meet with them in person and ask. Remember: texts are a horrible way to communicate. You can do better.
  • visualguy

    Posts: 204

    Jun 04, 2013 7:19 AM GMT
    It always comes back to communication. You can't read minds. Intentions can be misread. Expectations may be false. The question is: what do YOU want? All you can do is ask. Talk to him. Be honest with him, but most importantly, be honest with yourself. Best of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 8:52 AM GMT
    Thank you for all the input guys. I really appreciate it. I took yalls advice and was up front with my thoughts.

    I told him I think he is a cool guy and someone Id like to keep getting to know, while he is here and maybe after he moves too, and that me hanging out with him isn't only motivated by sex. I also told him I was wondering if he felt the same way.

    He said he "really does enjoy" me, but he is "not in a place where cultivating a deep relationship is feasible." And that is why he is single, etc.

    I am of the theory that if you want to do something, you will do it. People do what they want to do.

    So there's my answer I guess! LOL

    Im a bit bummed because he really is a nice and smart guy, along with all the other surface attributes, attractive, masculine, etc... I tend to end up with very attractive guys who have the loyalty and morals of a crack whore. So this was a refreshing change. A guy who is handsome, smart, and nice! Alas, there are other fish in the sea. Maybe one day Ill catch a good one of my own.........
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 04, 2013 5:16 PM GMT
    Gymrat123 saidThank you for all the input guys. I really appreciate it. I took yalls advice and was up front with my thoughts.

    I told him I think he is a cool guy and someone Id like to keep getting to know, while he is here and maybe after he moves too, and that me hanging out with him isn't only motivated by sex. I also told him I was wondering if he felt the same way.

    He said he "really does enjoy" me, but he is "not in a place where cultivating a deep relationship is feasible." And that is why he is single, etc.

    I am of the theory that if you want to do something, you will do it. People do what they want to do.

    So there's my answer I guess! LOL

    Im a bit bummed because he really is a nice and smart guy, along with all the other surface attributes, attractive, masculine, etc... I tend to end up with very attractive guys who have the loyalty and morals of a crack whore. So this was a refreshing change. A guy who is handsome, smart, and nice! Alas, there are other fish in the sea. Maybe one day Ill catch a good one of my own.........


    That's too bad but at least you know how he feels and it must feel better to know the truth then to keep wondering.

    Maybe your paths will cross again and he might be ready for a relationship. This stems from optimistic youth but anyway, if not him, I'm sure you'll find someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    Nirvana_Fan1991 said
    Gymrat123 saidThank you for all the input guys. I really appreciate it. I took yalls advice and was up front with my thoughts.

    I told him I think he is a cool guy and someone Id like to keep getting to know, while he is here and maybe after he moves too, and that me hanging out with him isn't only motivated by sex. I also told him I was wondering if he felt the same way.

    He said he "really does enjoy" me, but he is "not in a place where cultivating a deep relationship is feasible." And that is why he is single, etc.

    I am of the theory that if you want to do something, you will do it. People do what they want to do.

    So there's my answer I guess! LOL

    Im a bit bummed because he really is a nice and smart guy, along with all the other surface attributes, attractive, masculine, etc... I tend to end up with very attractive guys who have the loyalty and morals of a crack whore. So this was a refreshing change. A guy who is handsome, smart, and nice! Alas, there are other fish in the sea. Maybe one day Ill catch a good one of my own.........


    That's too bad but at least you know how he feels and it must feel better to know the truth then to keep wondering.

    Maybe your paths will cross again and he might be ready for a relationship. This stems from optimistic youth but anyway, if not him, I'm sure you'll find someone else.
    Yeah sorry you did not get the answer you hoped for but I commend you for having the brass to have the conversation. Well done!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 5:24 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge saidIs this guy really into you? We on RJ can't know the answer to that.

    But the line "but he never initiates contact or the invitation" is indicative that you are more into him than he is into you.


    Yeah, that line really clinches it. If you were to get desperate and try to lock him into a formal relationship with you because he's leaving soon, it'd probably end badly. But still, we aren't mind readers so this is probably a talk you should be having with him, not RJ.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2013 5:27 PM GMT
    Why are you asking this question here? Instead, you should be asking the guy who's cock has been in your mouth. Does that seem abrupt? It should! Communication is key at any level of a relationship. You shouldn't be guessing or trying to decipher a code of gestures.
    Ppl learn how to treat u thru behaviors and what has he learned about how he can treat u so far? Clearly you'll call before he initiates anything, buts thats just my opinion.
  • visualguy

    Posts: 204

    Jun 04, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    I know it's not the answer you hoped for, but as you said yourself, there are other fish in the sea. Focus on your own happiness, and it'll happen when you least expect it. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    How many times have you seen him? It seems early for him or anyone to know for sure.
    Me? If I'm willing to date someone I would know after one date.
    But as Animus wrote (I'm astounded how many people on RJ have great looks and big brains too) a matter-of-fact conversation with the guy is the only thing that will tell.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2013 1:44 AM GMT
    sounds like he's having a good time, if a guy really is into you and wants you wont have to initiate all the time

    Like in that song " what a Gay Wants " ....

    They say, if you love somethin', let it go
    If it comes back, it's yours and that's how you know
    It's for keeps, yeah, it's for sure
    And you're ready and willin' to give me more than

    What a gay wants, what a gay needs
    Whatever makes me happy sets you free
    And I'm thankin' you for givin' it to me


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    I invited him to do something, he told me he was not sure if he could but to call him that day and see... That was it for me. I said no Im not going to contact you when I am the one inviting you and you are unsure if you can do it. It was nice getting to know you, wish you all the best. He didn't respond. So that's that I guess!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2013 10:13 AM GMT
    Yeah, that would have been my last straw too.
    Good for you!
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jun 06, 2013 7:59 PM GMT
    Gymrat123 saidI invited him to do something, he told me he was not sure if he could but to call him that day and see... That was it for me. I said no Im not going to contact you when I am the one inviting you and you are unsure if you can do it. It was nice getting to know you, wish you all the best. He didn't respond. So that's that I guess!


    You'll meet another good guy one day. I'm sure it'll just take time. I wouldn't stress over this guy, if he can't return the sentiment of your approach to him, then he's not worth your time.