Would you find this insulting?

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    Jun 05, 2013 1:39 AM GMT
    If you were asked to attend a work meeting with a client but were told you didn't need to say anything, just attend the meeting and "look pretty," would you be insulted? Would it make a difference if the person that said it was male or female or if you had been told a couple weeks earlier when meeting a member of congress as part of a group, "Don't feel you have to say anything?" I understand that sometimes companies just want another body or suit in a room but I'm just curious what the opinions are.
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    Jun 05, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    Based on the initial question, no. I know what it's like when they want something out of you, you just gotta grit your teeth and smile. (Or however that goes)

    The male or female thing doesn't matter to me, but the other parts would make me feel slightly insulted.

    But in all honestly any history with a person or company may make me change my answer.
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    Jun 05, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    If they tell me I'm pretty and I don't have to do anything I would be OK with that. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 05, 2013 1:46 AM GMT
    Being asked to sit in without speaking is indeed a compliment.
    Bring told to "look pretty" depends on the boss and if you two are friendly. It could be demeaning, could be a joke, could be the way a nerd boss thinks oh-so-bad people talk.
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    Jun 05, 2013 1:56 AM GMT
    Yeah, I think it comes down to the intent of the comment. I mean, maybe he/she could have phrased it better. Maybe something like..

    "I don't want to be there alone. Power in numbers!"

    or

    "No one in the meeting knows who you are. So I think it will distract them while we discuss the deal."

    or

    "GAWD, I fuckin hate meetings. Will you come so that I can have some pleasant scenery to look at until the meeting ends?"

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 05, 2013 1:57 AM GMT
    Sashaman saidIf you were asked to attend a work meeting with a client but were told you didn't need to say anything, just attend the meeting and "look pretty," would you be insulted?
    You've never modeled, have you?
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    Jun 05, 2013 2:08 AM GMT
    IDK
    think I'd like "look pretty," over "Look Intimating"--Getting harder and harder to get my veins to pop.

    Did you have something you wanted to say?

    Are you lacking in 'filters'?

    I'm not even asked to meetings anymore.
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    Jun 05, 2013 2:16 AM GMT
    Thanks guys. Just wanted to get different perspectives. It's not really a big deal. Just something I was thinking about while driving home. Besides, the client wanted to talk to me anyhow, so I guess I got the last laugh. icon_cool.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jun 05, 2013 2:17 AM GMT
    Isn't that basically saying you have nothing to contribute worth hearing but a set of pearly white chicklettes.
  • AMoonHawk

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    Jun 05, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    I would be flattered ... 'he/she thinks I'm pretty' icon_lol.gif

    It's not like they said 'don't say anything', it was said in kindness to relieve any pressure you might feel meeting some one big. It also means you do have the opportunity to speak up and that they consider you worthy of representing the company .... that is awesome!!!
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    Jun 05, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    I wouldn't mind being asked not to speak up if it wasn't my meeting, but being called "pretty" at work seems inappropriate.

    But this isn't work, it's RJ, and you do have a pretty face.
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    Jun 05, 2013 4:11 AM GMT
    I'd almost need to see the person's face while they made these remarks, to determine if they were said with affection and respect - - or something more ominous. I'd have to know how this person treats you in all other aspects of the day. My sense is this could be two possibilities: One is that you're well liked and all is well. The other (and I hope this is NOT the case) would be the person is beginning to try to ease you out of the department. From what I've come to know about you D, I'd say it is the former. Who could be against you???

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    Jun 05, 2013 4:15 AM GMT
    I would feel flattered because the person think I'm pretty ! Urh, meetings can be annoying at times, exchanges, decisions, discussions. I mean, whatever I'm there for moral support and if they still want to pay me for being pretty, I don't take any offense to that.



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    Jun 05, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    Been there and done that.

    But I had the last laugh, realizing facial expressions could convey a lot of info.

    This client was not being treated fairly, but was going along with what he was being told. So, at one point I did this (as only a gay person can, lol):



    lucyethel_i_love_lucy.png

    He struggled hard not to laugh and cued in, wiser and savvier. We were making a lot of cash from this man, and he had been overcharged due to a technicality; they knew it and they knew I knew it but they were trying to score a brownie point (an odd one I thought) with the head honchos.

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    Jun 05, 2013 7:52 AM GMT
    Of course not.

    But swallowing is extra.
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    Jun 05, 2013 7:58 AM GMT
    I actually think that it's sexual harassment under the Title IX laws. If others witnessed it, you should get that bitch fired and take her job.


    A lot of women do not believe that sexual harassment can go both ways, so they will make whatever comment to men they choose - no matter how inappropriate because they are somehow protected.
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    Jun 05, 2013 8:04 AM GMT
    No! I've been called far worse than that.... I'd take it as a compliment.
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    Jun 05, 2013 8:20 AM GMT
    LOOOL
    That would be such a nice problem to have!
    Ah well, I've accepted that some people are just prettier than others.
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    Jun 05, 2013 8:39 AM GMT
    Hillie saidIsn't that basically saying you have nothing to contribute worth hearing but a set of pearly white chicklettes.


    That is exactly what it means. You are right, OP, to be concerned. This was a common insult in the 1950s and earlier, when women were being admitted to meetings and expected to remain silent, because it was presumed women had nothing worthwhile to contribute in a business context. The fact that the client wanted to talk to you demonstrates you do have something to contribute. So I would suggest you consider what kind of relationship you have with the person who said it. Since it is most commonly said to women, could this person be making a homophobic remark? Or is he or she just kidding, in which case it's an exercise in very poor taste.
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    Jun 05, 2013 9:01 AM GMT
    meninlove said Been there and done that.

    But I had the last laugh, realizing facial expressions could convey a lot of info.

    This client was not being treated fairly, but was going along with what he was being told. So, at one point I did this (as only a gay person can, lol):



    lucyethel_i_love_lucy.png

    He struggled hard not to laugh and cued in, wiser and savvier. We were making a lot of cash from this man, and he had been overcharged due to a technicality; they knew it and they knew I knew it but they were trying to score a brownie point (an odd one I thought) with the head honchos.



    Haha that picture looks like my Statistics class
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    Jun 05, 2013 9:14 AM GMT
    I've thought about it more and I don't think it is that big an issue - unless it continues to happen. With the incident from a couple of weeks ago, I didn't feel particularly singled out and with the more recent one, the individual who made the remark isn't someone I regularly report to but a colleague I was working on a specific project with. I doubt she was being malicious and, as I think it over, I don't think it had to do with sexual orientation, but I do think it was a bad choice of words.

    Maybe being gay made me dwell on the word "pretty" more than I needed to but that's why I was interested in hearing what other gay guys had to say.

    Thanks for sharing your views!
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    Jun 05, 2013 9:28 AM GMT
    Nup its great being a filler, no need to prepare for a meeting - priceless
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    Jun 05, 2013 11:32 AM GMT
    Great story MIL.
    Sash, you're so young looking I thought you were a teen. Suddenly realizing you're not, the "pretty" comment seems odder.
    If a man said that to a woman... O... M... G...
    Remember what happened to the Pres a few months ago for calling a coworker attractive?
    Despite what feminists would tell you, all the women I've worked under make sexist comments. It's wrong but nothing to go running to human resources about.
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Jun 05, 2013 12:32 PM GMT
    Room meat
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Jun 05, 2013 12:37 PM GMT
    Really? This happened....?

    It is a "poor choice of words," and I would go to that person's superior and let them know they wanted you there just to "look pretty." It doesn't have to be made into a huge issue, however, you don't want this person to run roughshod over you by letting it slide. Don't be a pushover.