Friend giving me the silent treatment.

  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 07, 2013 4:10 AM GMT
    So a gay friend started giving me the silent treatment out of the blue over a week ago. For no particular reason. I suspected it for over a week, but I confirmed it tonight over text messages. I absolutely have no clue what I did wrong. He was diagnosed with HIV several months ago and has started on the path of taking meds, has started counseling, etc. All of a sudden, he accuses me of having sexual addiction and has stopped contact. This friend is so dramatic, over-sensitive and unfair. I truly don't know what goes on in his mind.

    At this point, I'm not sweating it much. I think I've had enough of his high school moods.. Just such a shame to have a friendship end like this.icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 07, 2013 4:12 AM GMT
    While losing a friend is always a shame, losing one that does more bad than good is usually for the best. Just my personal thoughts.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 07, 2013 4:22 AM GMT
    WaytoDawn saidWhile losing a friend is always a shame, losing one that does more bad than good is usually for the best. Just my personal thoughts.


    I agree. The friendship with him has been literally up and down since I met him just ten months ago. Things go well for a while. We go out and hang out.. and then something happens and he gets upset, accuses me of outlandish things, and threatens to end the friendship. This has happened a couple of times already.

    I think this time I've realized that it's best to let him go. I'm not going to chase after him or let him emotionally manipulate me any longer. I can make new friendships. He's just being childish.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 07, 2013 4:50 AM GMT
    Are you all crazy? Or just completely insensitive? The guy just found out he's HIV pos and starting on meds forever... And you can't cut him some slack? Give him some love and support. He'll circle back around.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 07, 2013 5:02 AM GMT
    He's traumatized ... let him do what ever he needs to do ... when he's ready he'll come around ... and if not, well, he probably figures his old life is over and he has to start a new one
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 07, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    OP complained about this exact same thing a couple months ago.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 07, 2013 5:14 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidOP complained about this exact same thing a couple months ago.

    Alzheimer's?
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    Jun 07, 2013 5:14 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidOP complained about this exact same thing a couple months ago.
    loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 07, 2013 5:25 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidAre you all crazy? Or just completely insensitive? The guy just found out he's HIV pos and starting on meds forever... And you can't cut him some slack? Give him some love and support. He'll circle back around.


    I agree. I think since his diagnosis he has reconsidered his whole outlook on sex and relationships. The thing is.. he hooks up as much as I do.. and he has constant dating disasters. I've been very supportive of him.. but I'm not inside his head.. and in there, it's a treacherous place to be, I've learned. I will continue to give him love and support.

    He's traumatized ... let him do what ever he needs to do ... when he's ready he'll come around ... and if not, well, he probably figures his old life is over and he has to start a new one.


    Yes. This is true. Though I must prepare myself for him to not come around this time. I've never encountered a person as over-dramatic as him. He doesn't have many close friends. This is his life pattern and coping mechanism.


    OP complained about this exact same thing a couple months ago.


    Very observant. Yes. I've posted a couple of threads about drama with him before. I just post here to vent and see if anyone has encountered such a situation before. Isn't it why we all post? This friend has meant a lot to me.. but I need to grow up, be an adult and realize that this friendship just wasn't meant to be. He just has too many issues. And I can't continue to feed on his drama.

    I may hate the loneliness I will feel in the weeks/months ahead.. but I I've made/will make new friends. This friendship drama is just not good for me.
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    Jun 07, 2013 5:43 AM GMT
    Having just been diagnosed with HIV he might be in sensory overload. I would think upon hearing such news one would be an emotional wreck. Give him time, now is when he truly needs your friendship even if your on the sidelines, he needs your support.
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    Jun 07, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    PR_GMR said
    Just such a shame to have a friendship end like this.icon_sad.gif


    He probably has a point if he was as close to you as you have mentioned. Or he could just be projecting.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 07, 2013 6:01 AM GMT
    Guapo said
    PR_GMR said
    Just such a shame to have a friendship end like this.icon_sad.gif


    He probably has a point if he was as close to you as you have mentioned. Or he could just be projecting.


    My strong suspicion is that he sees me as sexually addicted since I'm regularly sexually active even after he contracted HIV. I think he sees me as a 'bad influence'. He may have a point, but only time will tell if he can get past that.
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    Jun 07, 2013 9:22 AM GMT
    He's mad at you and stopped all the communications because:

    1/ He's just found out he's positive and pretty down/upset by it.

    2/ He may see you as *whoring around more than him but didn't catch the virus, thus the jealousy and moody treatment

    3/ He probably thinks it's over for him, he's in a shutting down phase with friends/people.

    Do you still like him and want to be his friends? If so, try to be there for him to a certain point and give him and yourself space. If it's not even worth it, let it go and move on.




  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 07, 2013 2:13 PM GMT
    xsocalguy8x saidHe's mad at you and stopped all the communications because:

    1/ He's just found out he's positive and pretty down/upset by it.

    2/ He may see you as *whoring around more than him but didn't catch the virus, thus the jealousy and moody treatment

    3/ He probably thinks it's over for him, he's in a shutting down phase with friends/people.

    Do you still like him and want to be his friends? If so, try to be there for him to a certain point and give him and yourself space. If it's not even worth it, let it go and move on.






    Good points. I strongly suspect it's no.2 and no.3. His diagnosis was 3 months ago and he's having a tough time (understandably) with acceptance and treatment. I've been as supportive as I can.. and will continue to be. But looks like we're going into a period of no contact. I slept on it and decided I'll give this plenty of time. If the friendship's done, I'll accept it.
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    Jun 07, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    Coming from someone who is positive, let me just chime in here to say that if your friend is like I was at a similar stage, he is brutalizing himself mentally for his own choices. Doesn't excuse bad behavior toward you of course, but some empathy may be warranted.
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    Jun 08, 2013 2:59 AM GMT
    I think it's slightly insensitive to call a guy "dramatic" and having a "high school mood swing" when he just found out he's HIV positive. My best advice would be, don't try to put yourself in his shoes cuz you can't possibly know what he's going thru unless u've been thru it urself. So, let him know that ur there for him if he needs u. That's all you can do. If the friendship ends, it ends - but you shouldn't be harbouring ill feelings towards him - you should be sending him good vibes and praying for him to be healthy.