Been on three dates but no physical contact (we are both shy)

  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    Jun 07, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    I've been on three dates with a guy i met online and we get on really well and i really like him but we haven't had any physical contact whatsoever (no kiss, hug, etc) I am very shy person and don't know how to go about things in case I pick the wrong time or I make him feel awkward. He comes across as shy like me and he is 3 years younger than me so it feels like I should take the lead and I think he wants me to take control but i don't know how to go about it. I know it sounds silly but I'm not experienced in relationships (I am 24)
    Anyone got any advice as we are planning to meet up again and I really want to kiss him but don't want to ruin it.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Jun 07, 2013 10:19 PM GMT
    Stop being a wimp and just do it.

    You aren't going to ruin anything. If he's not into you, then he's not into you and you didn't ruin anything. If he's into you and shy then he'll be relieved you made the first move.

    when you try to kiss someone it's only as awkward as you make it be, if he doesn't want you to kiss him, he'll turn his head. Then you just play it off like "I'm sorry, you were looking cute and I wanted to kiss you."
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    Jun 08, 2013 3:06 AM GMT
    The fact that both of you are shy is a problem because it means that neither one of you has the courage to make the initial move. It looks like you're trying to build that courage but you're thinking way too much about ackwardness and what he thinks. I agree with the poster above. You should just do it. If he finds a hug and a kiss awkward, then explain to him on why you did it. He should at least be able to understand your feelings about him.

    Good luck!
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    Jun 08, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    The truth is you've got nothing to lose, so when the time feels right, go for it. You could also just tell him: "I'd like to kiss you." See what happens.

    Good luck from Brix,
    the former Shyest Guy on the Planet
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    Jun 08, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    Rich_Chambo said I've been on three dates with a guy i met online and we get on really well and i really like him but we haven't had any physical contact whatsoever (no kiss, hug, etc) I am very shy person and don't know how to go about things in case I pick the wrong time or I make him feel awkward. He comes across as shy like me and he is 3 years younger than me so it feels like I should take the lead and I think he wants me to take control but i don't know how to go about it. I know it sounds silly but I'm not experienced in relationships (I am 24)
    Anyone got any advice as we are planning to meet up again and I really want to kiss him but don't want to ruin it.


    Shy or not, remember that one of the many cool things about not having a vagina is that the direct approach works best. It took one of you to ask and the other to say yes to a fourth date, so it would seem you have good reason to feel encouraged. Hopefully the 4th date venue will allow you to speak freely and privately so you can actually tell the guy why you like him. Any guy would appreciate that, so he should at least smile and say thanks. Shy or not, though, he needs to throw a bone back at you and tell you something real that he likes about you (not something he just made up to even the score to avoid an awkward moment). I do like the "I want to kiss you" approach, or better yet, "can I kiss you?".
  • Danskerb

    Posts: 286

    Jun 08, 2013 4:32 AM GMT
    talking it out always works. Just tell him how your feeling.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 08, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    sounds like small penis syndrome
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    Jun 08, 2013 5:20 AM GMT
    If you gave him a hug, I don't see how that could be misconstrued. I don't know about anyone else here, but in my world, hugging is an extremely common greeting. Pretty much all of my friends, family, acquaintances and even the occasional stranger greet me with a hug, it's almost like a handshake. Of course, you can make a hug more intimate, but for the time being... it's a start.

    As far as kissing goes... It seems like you and your date need to communicate your intentions better. Maybe during the date, bring the topic up in an indirect way - ask if he wants to move slow or fast, or ask how many dates before he does this or that. If that fails, simply tell him you want to give him a kiss, or if the mood strikes, just go for it.
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    Jun 08, 2013 5:36 AM GMT
    Get over your shyness and get laid or go home. icon_razz.gif
  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    Jun 08, 2013 9:46 PM GMT
    Well I have spoken to him and told him how I feel. He said he is enjoying himself when we meet but still isn't 100% sure yet how he feels. I told him I completely understand as it is very early stages and he thanked me for being understanding. He now knows how I feel so I will just have to see how it works out. Hopefully he will give me a signal when he's ready icon_smile.gif and it must be a good sign as he is still wanting to seem me so I can't be that bad! icon_razz.gif but I'd rather take things slow with him if that's what he wants rather than rush into something he isn't sure of. We are going a walk next time we meet and I'd like to hold his hand but I think that may be a bit too much...
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Jun 08, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidGet over your shyness and get laid or go home. icon_razz.gif


    I'm stealing that one: "get laid or go home!" (or maybe "fuck me or get the fuck out!!!" - that might be better!!!)
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 08, 2013 10:50 PM GMT
    calibro saidsounds like small penis syndrome


    Why are you such a fucking douchebag all the time?
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    Jun 08, 2013 11:18 PM GMT
    Just fucking kiss him. Is not that hard (:.
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    Jun 09, 2013 12:08 AM GMT
    NeutralObserver said
    calibro saidsounds like small penis syndrome


    Why are you such a fucking douchebag all the time?


    RJ Survival 101: Use the ignore button. Especially for calibro.
    You'll thank me later icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 09, 2013 12:31 AM GMT
    Rich_Chambo said. He said he is enjoying himself when we meet but still isn't 100% sure yet how he feels. ... We are going a walk next time we meet and I'd like to hold his hand but I think that may be a bit too much...

    Third date and unsure about holding hands?
    By this point even Jane Austen characters would be making bolder moves than this.
    If he says he's unsure it means he's actually quite sure no chemistry is being felt.

  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jun 09, 2013 12:56 AM GMT
    I get the impression you are both virgins (not that this is a bad thing) or is he perhaps not sure he is gay, or very much in the closet??

    Try renting a gay video and watching it together. If he's truly gay, it should get his hormones working. Try the hand holding bit first - like one would in a movie theatre.
  • havingfunmtl9...

    Posts: 258

    Jun 09, 2013 1:18 AM GMT
    I went on three dates with a guy I had met on Grindr and we did not touch at all either. Finally, on the fourth date, after I had cooked us a four course meal in my apartment did he finally pull me in and give me a kiss. I wont lie, it was totally worth the wait. I think you may need to be a bit more assertive, if you planned a fourth date - he is clearly into you, so why not give him a hug and a peck on the cheek and see how that feels? He may be just dying for you to make the first move!
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    Jun 09, 2013 4:27 AM GMT
    with guy on guy, if there's not that raw "grrrr" I want to totally do you sense either right from the start or else after the second or third date max, it's probably not going to happen...we don't grow on each other over time...your profile & pics strongly suggest that you're totally doable so you should be getting done rather than undone!
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    Jun 09, 2013 4:31 AM GMT
    Cheers to being old fashioned. But make out already! lol
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    Jun 09, 2013 4:38 AM GMT
    Rich_Chambo said I've been on three dates with a guy i met online and we get on really well and i really like him but we haven't had any physical contact whatsoever (no kiss, hug, etc) I am very shy person and don't know how to go about things in case I pick the wrong time or I make him feel awkward. He comes across as shy like me and he is 3 years younger than me so it feels like I should take the lead and I think he wants me to take control but i don't know how to go about it. I know it sounds silly but I'm not experienced in relationships (I am 24)
    Anyone got any advice as we are planning to meet up again and I really want to kiss him but don't want to ruin it.


    We need more guys like this on here.............just go for it dude icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 09, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    Sound's like you're both bottoms and not even power bottoms.
    If it's been this rough getting to first base after three dates--hate to think what your sex life will eventually be like.
    It's all good--could be worse.
    Mortal combat usually brakes when two tops meet for the first time--there is a lot less property damage in your case.
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    Jun 09, 2013 5:25 AM GMT
    Sometimes, you just gotta' jump in, or just resolve yourself to the current state of things. You get to decide.
  • EricPrado

    Posts: 206

    Jun 11, 2013 9:36 AM GMT
    How cute.
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    Jun 26, 2013 1:58 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    Rich_Chambo said. He said he is enjoying himself when we meet but still isn't 100% sure yet how he feels. ... We are going a walk next time we meet and I'd like to hold his hand but I think that may be a bit too much...

    Third date and unsure about holding hands?
    By this point even Jane Austen characters would be making bolder moves than this.
    If he says he's unsure it means he's actually quite sure no chemistry is being felt.



    Have to agree on this one. It doesn't take very long to to fall for someone