Really don't want to live on this earth anymore

  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jun 08, 2013 7:11 AM GMT
    My dad hasn't worked in almost 2 years and I've had to leave school to support my family. Also because we couldn't afford it. I try to keep an upbeat positive attitude for everyone but the negativity is wearing thin. My self esteem has been going down. I feel like I am worthless and will never amount to anything. I have nobody to talk to. All of my friends have either stopped talking to me since I came out or live 2+ hours away and I have no car. I have tried to talk to guys on here but in the last 2 weeks I have messaged several guys and none of them have responded back. I didn't know I was that ugly.

    I am just over life on this planet everyday I am feeling more and more trapped. There is nothing left for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 7:24 AM GMT
    You have a whole life ahead, it may not seem like it now... but you do. Forget about what you coulda, shoulda, or woulda... Live for your future! Be strong!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 7:28 AM GMT
    try to ignore the savageness that goes on here, if you pay too much attention to it it can be depressing. If there are any things or hobbies you like try to focus on those things the most, no matter how hard it is
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 08, 2013 7:44 AM GMT
    There were many times when I was your age and younger that I felt the way you do now. Times when I really wondered whether or not I should take myself out.

    For whatever reason I didn't and all I can say is, I don't regret that decision. My life hasn't always been great, I assure you, and in many respects it isn't great now. BUT it *has* been great at times. I've met a lot of awesome people and done a lot of awesome things and seen a lot of awesome things. NONE of that would have existed had I taken myself out.

    In the mean time, try to find little things that give you some sense of joy. Really cherish them. I'm not saying its going to make your life turn into some thornless bed of roses, nope, that won't happen. But, you know, the alternative to having a life is, well, not having one. What fun would that be?
  • CityofDreams

    Posts: 1173

    Jun 08, 2013 8:00 AM GMT
    Hang in there buddy. Life doesn't always go our way, but a change will eventually come and happiness will return to your life. Try to make new friends, enjoy yourself a bit. Being in your head all day isn't going to help your cause. I have been through similar situations as you have. You can't change them, but you can view them through a different lens. It's hard, I know. We all have our demons.

    Anyway, don't take RJ too seriously. If a guy doesn't respond, it's his loss and not yours.

    Chin up ;)
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 08, 2013 8:06 AM GMT
    It's way past bedtime. I'm too tired to write a long message, but I just have to say you're one of the nicest guys on RJ, and I hope you feel better soon. Take care, doll face.

    Okay, passing out now....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 8:52 AM GMT
    I'm sorry things haven't been going as well as you'd like guy. I think the root issue here is how you've taken up your families issues as your own - at least, I know that was a main cause for my concerns years back. After my dad passed away, I shifted gears and started focus on taking care of my brother and mom over anything and everything else. I, too, was starting to "wear thin", in every conceivable way.

    It wasn't until last year when I decided to shift gears (again) and focus on myself first and foremost. Man, did it have one hell of an impact on my life. The result was me being happier than I've ever been --- and it started to affect other people around me too. All of a sudden my relationship with my mom and brother started to improve, as did their moods in a general sense. My brother started to get more productive, as did my mom. All of these incredible things started happening for me -- and it was 'not' just a coincidence. Something I wrote a little while ago ties into what I'm saying pretty well:

    "...I genuinely believe that when you're in a good place - when you're happy, people can tell. Your words end up having clarity and depth to them, and even the simplest ideas and concepts end up having a profound effect on others. And when you're good to others, they'll be just that much more likely to be good to someone else as well. In its simplest form, to make the world a better place, find what makes 'you' happy, make it happen, and "Be the change you wish to see in the world".



    Anyways, It sounds to me like you're putting "the weight of living" on your shoulders, and it's taking everything out of you (as it did for me years back). When things are tough, every other issue seems magnified ten fold (aka, much worse than they actually may be). If I could offer you any piece of advice... it's to break the cycle. Change things up, live your life 'for you'. If money's an issue, maybe it's time to speak to your family about a more realistic solution (finding a cheaper place, or whatever else you deem to be a solution). If they can't find a way to understand that you're not happy with the current state of things... they don't have their priorities straight. Because I'm telling you man, NOTHING is ever worth giving up your happiness. It's so easy to forget, amidst our lust for "things", that happiness is the root of 'everything' in life. It's what drives us to go to school, to date, to work, to travel, etc etc. If you lose that... what's the point? That's where the suicidal thoughts start to stem from.

    What you've been doing for the past two years... it clearly isn't working. If their attitudes haven't improved, if yours has gotten worse, etc etc, then it's time to change things up brother. Get away from this "cycle" you're seemingly stuck in, start going back to school (it sounds like it's something you want to be doing) and get out of the house more - away from the negativity. Because the lonliest feeling in the world, quite honestly, isn't being alone. It's being surrounded by the wrong people. And the wrong people are those that don't make you feel fucking phenomenal (regardless of who they may be).


    Anyways, I hope that helped. Don't expect anyone else to step in and help you out of this, re: those in your life. 'Your' life is, quite literally, in 'your' control. You "can" be happy (again). Now go out there and make it happen man!

    Oh, and PS:. Say your family doesn't respond well to the idea of moving into a cheaper place (or your dad stepping up, assuming he hasn't been trying to find work). It does not make you a bad person or a bad son to take life into your own hands and step away from them for a little while. Just as your life is your own responsibility, so is there's. We should all be there to help each other out, but to blatantly take advantage of another person -- it just isn't right. And I'm sure they're not doing it on purpose, they've just gotten comfortable (complacent even) with the current arrangement (stuck in the cycle, haha). At the end of it all, when you strip away all the variables... all they want is for you to be happy. And whether they understand that now or not, they'll get it one day. So do what's best for You man.


    "..know that you are always moving, even when you think you are still. that even when you think you are going nowhere, you are going somewhere. and if you stay in one place too long, you body will resist. it was not made to be stagnant. it, like all bodies of earth, water, air, life – needs to be in constant motion. "
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 9:18 AM GMT
    Don't let sadness take over you.
    You just messaged wrong guys! That is it.
    We all are equally strong, most of us don't know that...sometimes I too forget that, but whenever I remind myself, I wonder how tiny our problems are compared to our lives.
    Be strong, difficulties are part of our life...Today you have and tomorrow some other will have.
    When you feel that there's no one with you, I suggest you to read a book, which you like to or which may help you...but don't go to personality development books, it irritates most of us when we are in difficult situations. 'A good book is a good friend'
    Spend some time with your hobbies, it relaxes you.
    Have patience...'All good things happen for those who wait'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 9:24 AM GMT
    Ever need to chat dude then hit me up icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 9:27 AM GMT
    Many of us have been through similar things. It is not a line or cliche' to say that things will get better.

    You are always welcome to chat with me.
    You are not ugly. Perhaps you are messaging the wrong people.

    You have a lot of positive things going for you. If you can, try to focus on those things.

    Please do not feel like you should hurt yourself. There are much better options.

    Best of luck for you. Hugs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 1:10 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a "bad patch". I know how you feel. I've felt the same way. What I've found is that in addition to toughing out the things I can't change, I've also got to find the courage and strength to change the things which I can.

    Also the cliche "things come to pass, not to stay", does hold truth. During these times when I think that everything is "shit", I sit down and write a "gratitude list". It's simply a piece of paper with a list of anything I can think of in the moment for which I am grateful. It has helped me to get through times when I think nothing is good. Try it. It might work for you as well.

    I've also done the "start from zero" trick to put some kickstart back into my life. I simply gave most of my "stuff" away, and moved to some other place which was a totally different life experience. This option is not for the feint of heart. Nor do I recommend this option for anybody who has a lot of "internal work" to be done. By "internal work", I mean the kind of work that some folks need to do to get their heads out of their asses and back into reality. "Start from zero" does not work for folks like this because they are the cause of their own problems and "wherever you go, there you are".

    I hope that some of what I have shared about my own life and how I've gotten through the "bad patch" will help you.

    Finally, remember to never apply a "permanent solution to temporary problems".

    Good luck!

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 08, 2013 1:28 PM GMT
    Wow, what could be going through your head, you're a very good looking guy. It sounds like you've hit a rough patch, I hope you are well. I've never been to Scranton, does it have much of a gay community? If you ever get tired of it move out here, I'm pretty sure you are going to find more than just a few guys wanting to go out with you. We all get that stuck feeling in life, but eventually it wil change. Life is already short, don't make it shorter. Nothing lasts forever and neither will this point where you are at in life right now. Be well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 4:21 PM GMT
    Seems like this happens to everyone in their early 20s. Loses all their friends, doesn't have a car or independence and goes through stuff with no one to talk to.

    My advice is this:

    Never base anything off of the worst moment, because those are great and plenty. Rather, base it on the best moments, because those are what we live for.

    Time will pass, things will change, and eventually you'll make it there. You just gotta keep working towards it.

    Most importantly, focus on your own happiness. Because no one else will.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 4:30 PM GMT
    Bloody oath , your cry of help is so disarming to me .. You are in a fair bit of pain right now , i wish i could do something to help you !
    You have to try to get out of down spiral you are in , there are so many awesome bloke on that site here to help you ....
    I wish you the best mate , never hesitate to drop me a line when you feel like it , you always be welcome .
    Cheers ,
    PS : To set the clock back to the right time , you are beautiful inside and outside , never forget that ..Hugs
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 4:33 PM GMT
    Musicman91 saidReally don't want to live on this earth anymore
    Sign up for the Mars program. It'll give you something to live for, knowing that your days on this planet are finally numbered. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    BTW, I'm booking a 3 day stay at Mountain Creek Resort in Vernon Township NJ in a few weeks. It's less than 2 hours from you. Should I swing by, pick you up, tie you to a bicycle, and make you ride the downhill slopes with me? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    This song is helpful. Keep your head up


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 6:17 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    GAMRican saidFinally, remember to never apply a "permanent solution to temporary problems".

    This exactly.
    Once you do it, there's no going back to reconsider.
    This really will pass.


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2013 6:56 PM GMT
    Does anyone have a way of contacting Musicman91? He hasn't posted throughout the day today. I hope he is OK.
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jun 09, 2013 6:41 AM GMT
    I'm ok thanks for your concern The Quest and TheGuyNextDoor.

    Thanks for all the kind words everyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2013 6:57 AM GMT
    Don't let this moment of weakness define who you are as a person or the rest of your life. We all have our demons to fight and crosses to carry.

    Try and set long term and short term goals for yourself of how you can change this situation. Do WHATEVER it takes to make them happen. It may not happen over night, but your life won't always be this way if you don't want it to be.

    Just keep your head up. You will get through this!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2013 7:12 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidThe let this moment of weakness define who you are as a person. We all have our demons to fight and crosses to carry.

    Try and set long term and short term goals for yourself of how you can change this situation. Do WHATEVER it takes to make them happen. It may not happen over night, but your life won't always be this way if you don't want it to be.

    Just keep your head up. You will get through this!!! icon_biggrin.gif


    This is good advice.

    As hopeless or low as things may seem now, they will most certainly change, usually in ways you wouldn't expect. I know that sometimes it may seem like there are no options, but there always is, just give them time to develop.

    A few more things:

    1) You're definitely not ugly. In fact, you're really cute to be honest.

    2) If people aren't responding to your messages then that is their loss, not your failure. There are plenty of guys on here that will respond, I promise you that. In fact, if you are low and need someone to vent to, feel free to message me anytime.

    3) The fact that you are working to support your family is an unfortunate situation, but it also shows that you are a good person and selfless for taking your family's burdens upon yourself.

    4) Like Jmus said above, set goals. Focusing on something in the future can help you get through things in the present.

    Stay strong dude!! icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2013 4:49 PM GMT
    I am really glad you are OK. Hang in there. I have been in similar circumstances so honestly if you need to talk, please do message me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    Don't give up, whatever you do. You can't let the world get to you! Be the fighter and be stronger than them, I know it's hard, but there is a tomorrow and it will be better!