My friend has feelings for me that I can't return. What should I do?

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 08, 2013 10:40 PM GMT
    Okay, one of my good friends (one of my only friends, ha ha) has pretty strong feelings for me. I already knew before he told me because it was pretty obvious. I think we have a really good friendship, and I respect him and think he is a great man and a great human being. I am not romantically or sexually attracted to him, and I have not implied so, but I think he believes that our friendship can develop into something more (comments he has made). I don't want to tell him that nothing can happen,"never, ever," but I don't want to "lead him on" as well. So how do I start this conversation with him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2013 10:55 PM GMT
    Tell him that you really like him and enjoy his company, but that (for now at least) you are not interested romantically and that you'd much rather have a good friend around. Just be frank but nice and comprehensive imo.

    He should understand.


    ...


    If not, just pretend you have some cray venereal disease that's contagious by simple saliva swapping. It'll keep him at bay.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 08, 2013 11:09 PM GMT
    Rita saidTell him that you really like him and enjoy his company, but that (for now at least) you are not interested romantically and that you'd much rather have a good friend around. Just be frank but nice and comprehensive imo.

    He should understand.


    ...


    If not, just pretend you have some cray venereal disease that's contagious by simple saliva swapping. It'll keep him at bay.


    Ha ha. Yeah, I think he will understand. Thanks.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Jun 09, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    Dude....This is very common in gay friendships...Your friend continues to date toads...Over time you look more and more like a prince...If you want to continue this friendship be honest and this too will past...All the best.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jun 09, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    Just stop being friends with him.
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    Jun 09, 2013 3:12 AM GMT
    Just tell him since he's such an amazing guy and that
    you can't overcome your biases against him.

    Since he is your friend and if half as amazing as you described him. Somepart of you must already love him. If you feel like your too proud to give this friend a shot then yeah he's better off finding and starting a friendship with someone with a little more heart and class.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2013 3:26 AM GMT
    send him a quick email - something like, "hey buddy check this out...
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3244425

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 11, 2013 2:29 AM GMT
    desert_hero saidJust tell him since he's such an amazing guy and that
    you can't overcome your biases against him.

    Since he is your friend and if half as amazing as you described him. Somepart of you must already love him. If you feel like your too proud to give this friend a shot then yeah he's better off finding and starting a friendship with someone with a little more heart and class.


    I do love him and respect him but there is no physical or romantic attraction. You are advising that I be with someone just because they are a great person? If that was the case, nobody would be single.

    Thank you for your interesting response though.
  • popobtc

    Posts: 74

    Jun 11, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    I'm in the same boat bro, except I have two of them...Both of them asked how I felt about them and they both know that I am not interested in anything beyond a friendship. Yet they continue to hit on me and make the friendship awkward.
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    Jun 11, 2013 3:09 AM GMT
    Tell him that you really like him as a friend, but can't see your relationship being anything more than friends and you don't want to lead him on.

    Be truthful, tell him everything, and try to remain a good friend.
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    Jun 11, 2013 3:23 AM GMT
    Years ago, I gave into a friend's interest in me. In the midst of it, I had to stop, and I told him it just felt wrong, like he was my brother or something.

    Maybe explaining the way you see him in a 'brotherhood' kind of way would work in expressing your disinterest in him romantically or sexually. It could soften the blow to his ego, because most of us immediately think we are not attractive enough for the object of our desire, even though it could be substantially more profound than mere attraction.

    BTW, that friend is now my closest, longest running gay male friend, and is happily married. He has a great husband, too!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    let him go so he can move on?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2013 3:49 AM GMT
    This is totally natural and happens often in gay and straight friendships. Just don't be stuck up about it. He likes you. Just let him know that you only want to be friends and that you hope he will fully accept that. And then ask him to drop to his knees and suck your big black cock.

    I'm totally kidding. Don't ask him to drop to his knees....
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    Jun 12, 2013 12:05 AM GMT
    Myol saidThis is totally natural and happens often in gay and straight friendships. Just don't be stuck up about it. He likes you. Just let him know that you only want to be friends and that you hope he will fully accept that. And then ask him to drop to his knees and suck your big black cock.

    I'm totally kidding. Don't ask him to drop to his knees....


    Mmmmm I could handle that kind of rejection...maybe I should hit on some of the black guys at my gym, although I assume they're all straight (or would that matter?)
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Jun 12, 2013 12:18 AM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREI don't want to tell him that nothing can happen,"never, ever," but I don't want to "lead him on" as well. So how do I start this conversation with him?


    Instant mistake.

    You NEED to tell him that nothing can happen. EVER. EVER.

    Otherwise he will keep his hopes up and he will try and "sway" you.

    Be honest, be upfront, be DIRECT. Tell him as much as you can and EXPLAIN. The more explaining you do the better- it shows openness and clears this confusion in absolution.

    If you were my friend I'd hope you'd have the respect for me to be honest. This is all about respect.

    You be honest and direct with him, showing him total respect. NONE OF THIS BEATING AROUND THE BUSH. Then it is up to him to respect your wishes.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 12, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    NeuralShock said
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREI don't want to tell him that nothing can happen,"never, ever," but I don't want to "lead him on" as well. So how do I start this conversation with him?


    Instant mistake.

    You NEED to tell him that nothing can happen. EVER. EVER.

    Otherwise he will keep his hopes up and he will try and "sway" you.

    Be honest, be upfront, be DIRECT. Tell him as much as you can and EXPLAIN. The more explaining you do the better- it shows openness and clears this confusion in absolution.

    If you were my friend I'd hope you'd have the respect for me to be honest. This is all about respect.

    You be honest and direct with him, showing him total respect. NONE OF THIS BEATING AROUND THE BUSH. Then it is up to him to respect your wishes.


    You are right.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:58 AM GMT


    practiceteacuppig.jpg

    Agree with the others--and beware the dreaded "right now."
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Jun 12, 2013 8:29 AM GMT
    Having recently had a couple similar situations, I found that being direct and honest, though somewhat terrifying to me, was actually appreciated by the friends that had that interest in me that I didn't share.

    Having been hung up on someone before, I remember vividly how freeing it felt to acknowledge that we wouldn't ever be together.
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    Jun 12, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    tell him the truthicon_wink.gif but make sure it lands softly, i can imagine, rejection is not the greatest feelingicon_sad.gif