So lonely, and desperate to fall in love, very vulnerable right now....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 3:06 AM GMT
    It sounds so sorrowful I know. I'll be 30 next week, and am thinking to much about wanting someone in my life to share things with. It's all my thoughts it seems...and it's kinda of depressing...It sucks, because I am a nice guy with a big HEART....Sex is furthest from my mind...I don't even know what that is these days...It's not what I am seeking ...not looking for any pity...Just nice guys, with good hearts to share in a laugh with, some conversation , a date...send me a message...

    lonely in Ft Lauderdale...
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Sep 09, 2007 1:57 PM GMT
    That's too bad my man...
    that you're feeling this way
    and it is tuff sometimes finding someone out there

    But don't let it get to you
    Looking at your pictures you're a very cute guy
    guys will be after you in a min
    you're not likely looking in the right places
    South Florida sucks for finding someone to date let alone for a relationship
    the sex is easy...going out to dinner they don't understand
    just realize - like my grandmother used to say
    "you gotta squeeze a lot of lemons to make lemonade"
    she just didn't know I mistook something else for lemons
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    Sep 09, 2007 2:34 PM GMT
    I'm also in Fort Lauderdale, and I disagree with GQ about South Florida being a bad place to find a relationship. I'm in a monogamous relationship and am old, so I'm not hitting on you.

    All that being said, I think Fort Lauderdale is a great place to find a relationship, but not necessarily in the bars. We actually have great organized sports and social activities. I've been acive in GLBT charities and some of the social functions/fund raisers have a lot of fun people. We do have a lot of transient visitors and the guys are so good looking it's hard to get past the looks/sex to find real people.

    The other thing I sense from a lot of the writers on the forums who are looking for and haven't found the perfect person for a relationship, is just that...they are looking for the perfect person, and none of us are perfect. A relationship is about living together, submerging and compromising your likes and dislikes into those of another person and forging a new entity...a partnersip of the two of you.

    Sometimes it's hard to find a circle of friends outside the bar scene, but once you do, you have or develop a support structure, and won't be so desperate to find a mate and will have help looking. I simply think you're looking in the wrong places.
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    Sep 09, 2007 5:29 PM GMT
    Ah, there's the clue
    ..you said yourself
    The answer that'll
    ..get you off the shelf

    You look for men
    ..nice guys, good hearts, and kind
    Not on the outside
    ..but in their hearts and minds

    So to find those guys
    ..you must use this bait
    And be ready to bare
    ..YOUR inner traits

    It's your interests and values
    ..that will attract the guys
    Nice guy, good hearts, and kind
    ..the ones you want so much and prize

    Pursue your hobbies and interests
    ..to thine own self be true
    Post what YOU want to discuss
    ..and love, sure 'nuff, will find you

  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Sep 09, 2007 6:01 PM GMT
    Gr8GuyInFL, your a great looking guy. Be carful what you wish for as the saying goes. Take your time, the right guy will come your way. Have fun, go out and try things you have never done before. As for turning 30, you look fantastic! Don't buy into the BS of society and gay society for that matter! Follow your heart. Maybe you should start with expanding your profile here at Real Jock, see what happens.

    Doug
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    Sep 10, 2007 1:22 AM GMT
    turning 30 can be depressing and it sux to be alone, but do NOT feel sorry for yourself. it's not pretty, AND anyway you're a cool, attractive guy -- be patient it'll happen and when it does you'll wonder why you ever worried. Hang in there ;)
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    Sep 10, 2007 1:30 AM GMT
    Chin up, buckaroo!

    It is better to wait for the right one than to lament his not being here right now.

    Keep living your life to the fullest in the best way you know how, that is an attractive way to go about life and a sure way to attract the guy who will share your heart for the long-haul!

    The 30 birthday blues are normal but in time you will realize that the 20's weren't "all that" anyway. ;)

    Happy birthday!
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    Sep 10, 2007 1:38 AM GMT
    lets see ..

    you are younger than me,
    you are cute,
    in good shape,
    have a good heart,
    you wake up laughing!

    whats so bad about all that? Sounds like someone I would want to know! Now paste a smile on your face in those sexy underwear shots, an get out there and meet people. Don't make me come to Florida and hump your leg!

    As far as vulnerable, just find out where that kryptonite is hidden and toss it as far as you can throw it! When you have done that tell me and I will send you one of these nice t-shirts

    http://www.slingshottshirts.com/searchresult.aspx?CategoryID=9&PI=Superman-T-Shirts
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    Sep 10, 2007 1:39 AM GMT
    Great poem Caslon...and I agree with GQJock, although I've used the term, "you gotta kiss the frogs before you meet the prince". You're still pretty young and attractive, I wouldn't fret at all. Good luck!
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    Sep 10, 2007 2:19 AM GMT
    After one bad relationship and lots of sleeping around (and dating) I gave up meeting anybody and decided I would enjoy my friends and my life and give up on relationships. Then, at 35, I met my partner of 29 years.

    You're great looking, have a hot bod, seem like a really nice guy, so stay out there, get involved in things that interest you, and I bet you will meet somone.

    p.s. 30 is really young, even in gay years.

    Love and best wishes!
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    Sep 10, 2007 2:49 AM GMT
    Mate, you can't hope for someone else to make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy, and when that shines through you, people will want to be near that warmth and energy.

    You're a nice looking guy, you clearly look after yourself and your heart is in the right place. Just don't let dark thoughts and feelings radiate from you because that will push people away. Think positive to attract positive.

    good luck.
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    Sep 10, 2007 3:14 AM GMT
    a more prosaic answer to you...

    I tried everything to meet a guy...
    the bar scene (I cant hear in bars)
    the gay association
    the gay sports association (horse-back riding and volleyball)

    I finally gave up. Decided that I wasnt looking anymore...."he" was just gonna have to find me. I took up country-western dancing at the gay c-w bar. I found out I loved dancing...altho my 2-stepping style is more ball-room style...but with c-w dancing you just dont have to get dressed up. I like it smooth and graceful...no "spaghetti dancing

    I found that dancing acted as kind of "filter" for the kind of people at the bar. In order to learn to dance (2-Step, etc), these were people who were willing to make a commitment to something outside of purely sexual. So the c-w bar wasnt just a meat market. Oh I danced there for years and met so many nice guys and make nice friends.

    But I still hadnt met the right guy for me. I got on a gay internet site that had lots of different topics for chatting...and I became a regular is several of the topics.

    On this site, I met a guy...most of his pics werent very cute, only one did I like. But still, who cares...we were just chatting. Turns out he has the same interests I do. I could discuss things with him and not feel awkward about it...not feel I had to drag him thru my conversation. He was really interested. So he and I have been together for about 3 years now.

    My point here is that you have to true to yourself to be happy, no matter how long it takes. Dont give up. And if you put out what you are interested in, you will eventually find someone who is honestly interested like you and you two will make a great couple. There won't be anything that will be able to keep you apart.
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    Sep 10, 2007 3:22 AM GMT
    oh...and be honest with yourself about who you are and what you like.

    Dont let others define you...dont let the gay community or lifestyle define you...if you dont like something, dont go along with it. If you do like something, then you do it.

    I have a very broad intellectual interests. It has been nearly impossible to find anyone who would be compatible with me. I bored them and they bored me.

    If you are dishonest in this, you are only hurting yourself.

    Then also, you have to "suck it up" and live the life of who you are. Getting bogged down in a pool of poor, poor pitiful me isnt going to help.

    Talk to a counselor if you need an outside perspective on yourself. Hey, you are worth the money.
  • rugbyjockca

    Posts: 84

    Sep 10, 2007 4:42 PM GMT
    Hey,

    I just turned 30 in June and was pretty much going through what you are. Hang in there: love happens when you least expect it, and the best thing you can do is just try to make your life a comfortable place for love to settle in: take care of yourself, get outside and meet people, fill your life with things that give life meaning and give you joy, nurture your friends and the people around you.

    Friday I just had a first date with a really nice guy that has reaffirmed my faith in the whole dating experience. Even if this guy isn't The One, I had such a comfortable and enjoyable time with him that I feel like I really can do this dating thing until something clicks. We've got a second date for friday.

    Everyone I know who's been through their 30s has told me that it's the perfect decade to get your life in order. I guess the 30s are the new 20s or something. Good luck.
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    Sep 10, 2007 4:58 PM GMT
    you can't hurry love, no you just have to wait
    Love don't come easy, its a game of give and take.
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    Sep 10, 2007 5:30 PM GMT

    You know you are old when most people think that song reference is to Phil Collins...

    R
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Sep 10, 2007 5:37 PM GMT
    You feel even older when the kids don't even know who Phil Collins is.
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    Sep 10, 2007 5:45 PM GMT
    Gr8GuyInFL, I understand where you are coming from. I'll be *UGH* 40 tomorrow, and haven't been in an LTR in 10 yrs (!) I would like to find someone I "click" with & have fun with, even just for dating (which seems like the hardest thing to do) However, I'm ok with being single. I would rather be single & alone than to be with someone & be lonely.
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    Sep 10, 2007 7:07 PM GMT
    You got pretty good answers here....I specially liked Mulattomacho's approach....If I was in your situation I would try to take the attention out of myself and focus in other people/things/activity. I would also suggest to pay attention and see if you might not be getting depressed.

    Get involve in sports or cultural activities seek people out, do not withdraw if you feel that way. Good luck!

    and by the way....I'm loving my 30s! I think life keeps getting better, honestly!
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Sep 10, 2007 8:22 PM GMT
    Gr8GuylnFL, Don't be getting yourself down. You are a young and good looking guy. You have lots of time yet to find the man of you dreams.

    I know how you feel though. I used to feel the same. I thought I would never find anyone that would want to be with me, but I did. And it will happen for you too. Just keep looking. Don't give up. And think about sex sometimes :)

    Add some info to you profile.

    You will find someone. Don't worry.

    Mike
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    Sep 10, 2007 9:00 PM GMT
    Gr8GuyInFL - I still sometimes feel the same way you are feeling. I just turned 43 and have never had a successful long-term relationship. Several months agao, I made a very difficult decision and ended a four-and-a-half year relationship, sold my house and most of my furniture, and moved to New York City. There are times I have felt the loneliest I've ever felt in my life, and at other times I don't think I could be any happier. I'm excited because I'm finally being true to myself and living the kind of life I want to live. My ex was difficult to live with at best and I didn't know how unhappy I was until I got out of the situation. I also compromised way too much in the relationship; sometimes being with someone can be lonelier than being single.

    I talked to a friend of mine when I was feeling very lonely and sad, and he said just to accept those feelings and not try to hide them. I've been doing that ever since, and feel better all the time. Everyone else has given very good advice on here too and it's true - develop hobbies, volunteer, or join group. Visualize what it is you want in a partner and what you would like in the relationship. Most of all, stop looking for a partner. I've been focusing on what my life would be like if I were single from now till I die. I don't want to look back and regret anything - and I would hate to spend my life being miserable because I didn't find "the one." What can you do to be happy as a single man? I love the freedom of being able to do whatever I want whenever I want to do it (and I'm not talking about sex).
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    Sep 11, 2007 6:05 AM GMT
    So many true things are said here, I think a guy is the most sexy when he does soul searching and speaks from his heart!
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    Sep 11, 2007 10:29 PM GMT
    Finding love can be difficult but the real question is have you found love in yourself?

    Being a southern boy gay and sort of closeted I was alone for a very long time. I always wondered why no one was interested in me?

    I could not find love so a decided to have a love affair with my life.

    I pledge to become that beautiful stranger I have been looking for.

    I went to the gym, Dressed the way I wanted to dress, got the job, then the nice apartment. Then before I knew it the boys got interested.

    So are you what you’re looking for?


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    Sep 11, 2007 11:42 PM GMT
    Ditto to what GQJock said...SO FL like Atlanta is a tough town to find a good man...

    He is out there..be patient...live your life, indulge in your hobbies and when you least expect it...there he will be.

    My good friend met his bf of 5yrs now....when he got a traffic ticket...his bf was the cop giving him the ticket...they fell in love in traffic court...NO LIE!!!

    Ya jsut never know...hang in there...

    Youre young and hot...it will happen.
  • GeorgeNJ

    Posts: 216

    Sep 15, 2007 3:39 AM GMT
    Gr8GuyInFL, your post caught my eye. I can relate to what you're feeling. But you got a ton of excellent advice above:

    From Xanadude, "I would rather be single & alone than to be with someone & be lonely" -- this is a great insight, and terrific advice. The temptation is to just settle for anybody who gets affectionate with us because it feels so good to be loved, and because it fills a need. But if the other person doesn't share a lot of our own interests, and if they don't share our values and support our personal goals, it won't go anywhere and we'll end up feeling as lonely as when we started.

    And from Caslon -- well, Caslon has so many tidbits of wisdom packed in his posts that repeating them would be pointless. But everything he wrote is right on the mark. (He contributes great things to these forums.) Key words: be truthful about yourself. This is critical.

    Gr8GuyInFL, don't interpret your present situation as a commentary on yourself (unless maybe you're an arsonist or homicidal). Don't compromise what's important to you and what you like just for the sake of a boyfriend. You will be miserable if you do, and your chances of someone finding you will shrink.