Anal Sex - Questions

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    Well it might be my time someday soon, and I've just become more interested in learning more about anal sex (after trying some things on myself) so I'd really appreciate some help from you guys.

    First off, I tried to see if I could even "take" and I couldn't even get two fingers up there. I used lube, but still it just didn't seem to get in. Is this normal or am I not able to be on the bottom?

    While doing some research (a google search) a WebMD site said that anal sex is pretty dangerous, that is, regarding the anus possibly tearing and bleeding and stuff like that. This might be a bad example, but I never see that in porn or rarely hear about it on sites like this, so is it that once you use lube and don't force something in that it ends up painful - everything will be fine?

    Other dangerous factors from the anal sex that I'm hearing is (two that piqued my interest) were HPV (some sort of cancer causing virus) and the loss of sphincter muscle control? I had honestly never heard of this HPV thing, not even in sex-ed where they discussed all the other STDs, so can someone explain to me more about HPV or send me to a site with reliable information. Also, now this sounds like a crazy myth, but does having anal sex regularly (maybe once a week/two weeks/month) cause you to lose control of your sphincter and thus require adult diapers?

    Finally, I was reading some threads on here and I read something about HIV infected but it's not showing or something? I think the word they used was dormant? I can't remember exactly what it was, it was a few months ago, but is it that some people can get HIV tests and be clean, when they have HIV in their system?

    Thank you guys for taking the time to help me out (whoever responds). I just want to be safe if I have sex, and want to be prepared and have the right information.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2013 7:01 PM GMT
    Let's start with the safe sex aspect. Safe Sex means assuming EVERY potential partner is HIV+, and taking the appropriate precautions, most importantly using a condom 100% of the time. Disregard terms such as "dormant" or "undetectable" - once a man has contracted HIV he can infect you for the rest of his life.

    What can change are the chances he'll infect you, but he will always remain infectious to some degree, never 100% non-infectious and completely safe. There are a few very rare cases (1 in millions) that make the medical journals, but those apparent exceptions prove the rule - the guys you meet in a bar or from online are NOT going to be medical journal exceptions. HIV+ is HIV+ and you must treat it that way.

    A man will become infectious within days of his exposure to HIV, and can begin infecting others. That's 3 to 6 months before the most common HIV tests will reveal his infected condition.

    Therefore a guy can show you the result of an HIV test he took THAT SAME MORNING, and it will be meaningless. What the test is showing is his status from 3 to 6 months AGO, a snapshot picture in time, not today's status. If he got himself infected in the interim, perhaps 2 months ago, the test won't show it, but he's still got HIV and he's infectious to you, no matter what his test result says. This is sometimes referred to as the "blackout period".

    Doing anal: you can buy a small smooth dildo and practice. You might be less timid than with your fingers. You can never use too much lube, and begin with the water-based sex lube required for latex condoms, not Vaseline or some petroleum substitute. Most are slipperier and get you familiar with what you'll actually be using. Use lube for all your future anal, because rectal tears can always happen, the greatest physical danger you've probably read about.

    Find a smaller guy for your first time, if you can. That's what I did. And small-dicked guys are often eager for the chance, because they're frequently passed over for the big guys. Just make sure you trust him to stop when you say "Stop!" and to go as slowly as you need. Make certain he understands this before you begin.

    After that you can "graduate" to bigger guys as you wish. Loss of sphincter control can happen from repeated use of oversized dildos and butt plugs, and from a few tops with true "beer can" and monster dicks. Stay within the normal size range and you should be OK. Though especially at first you might continue to feel like there's still a dick up your butt, well into the next day. That's normal and will diminish with frequency.

    If you see blood on toilet paper you're doing it wrong. It might have been too big, too energetic, too prolonged, or had too little lube.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    Thank you so much for your help! I have a question regarding HIV testing, when would the test be reliable enough to say that he's definitely not HIV positive? And how do they find out if it's "detectable" or not? Does that mean that the test can come back negative, but he still has HIV? I'm a little bit confused on that, and well I'm kind of paranoid about getting STDs.
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    Jun 10, 2013 12:50 PM GMT
    The only circumstances where an HIV test result is certainly negative is where a guy gets tested and re-tests again at 3 and then 6 months WITHOUT having sex at any point during that six month period. For this reason, as Art_Deco suggests, the safest way to enjoy sex is by using a condom every single time. It's also good practice test regularly once you are sexually active.

    HIV aside, there are plenty of other STIs that can be contracted - and many of these can be transmitted from oral sex, or skin to skin contact, too. This means that even condoms aren't always able to prevent transmission, though they do reduce the risk significantly. Fortunately, most STIs can be treated fairly simply, however there are reports of increasing antibiotic resistance for some. Again, this is why it is important to test regularly icon_smile.gif

    For a good overview of the different types of STIs affecting guys who have sex with guys, check out http://thedramadownunder.info/bugs/gonorrhoea

    Another good site is http://knowtherisk.org.au/over-18/ This site provides pretty comprehensive assessments of different risks for different types of sexual activities.

    Finally, it's worth considering getting yourself vaccinated against HPV. HPV is the cause of genital warts and is also implicated in anal, penis, oral and cervical cancers. HPV is very common, but the vaccine (called Gardasil) protects against most of the strains associated with warts and cancer. Definitely worth asking your doctor about this icon_smile.gif
  • Florida_guy

    Posts: 55

    Jun 11, 2013 7:51 PM GMT
    Use lots of lube when you finally bottom. I bottomed bareback with a guy once without using any lube. It was fun in the moment. But I ended up taring something. Everytime I would go to the bathroom for the next month I would bleed. Took forever to heal and it was super painful going to the bathroom. But it healed, so no harm done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2013 9:16 AM GMT
    leo23 said@ Brave new world : those sites were really good. very helpful. Thank you very much for your help mate!


    You're welcome mate!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    Florida_guy saidUse lots of lube when you finally bottom. I bottomed bareback with a guy once without using any lube. It was fun in the moment. But I ended up taring something. Everytime I would go to the bathroom for the next month I would bleed. Took forever to heal and it was super painful going to the bathroom. But it healed, so no harm done.


    Other than the serious risk of infection with disease, including at least one incurable one, that you took by barebacking. It happens, but the risk of HIV is much worse than the possibility of an anal fissure. I'm glad nothing worse happened for you.

    For the OP, please treat every potential partner as if they are positive and take appropriate precautions. Unless perhaps you're in a monogamous relationship and have both tested negative for two times over six months - but even then, be wary.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2013 6:04 AM GMT
    suggest using the RJ search box and find other forums with anal sex preparations, douching..etc, first time I ever tried anal 20 years ago, I was ill prepared for the experience, (ill skip the icky details) so I was uncomfortable with it and just was a top for those 20 years.

    Only recently, last 3 years, ive been trying it again especially after a internal hemorrhoid that I prob had for years was finally removed. With all the internet info you can get now, pretty easy to prepare, something I didn't have. Before you put anything up there, eat a early light meal good on fiber to clean you out later in the evening, you definitely want to make sure your cleaned out before you start, the experience can be a bad one if not. Maybe start with a prostate Aneros trainer, they are small and gets right to it, takes a bit of practice to learn this "hands free" device, go slow, water base lube is the best. As you become more comfortable and learning to control your sphincter, PC muscles AND know where your pain/pleasure threshold is, then you can prob graduate with a small or normal size life like dildo.

    be very relaxed and horny when you start, take a bath before, just don't rush, take your time and prepare your inside before, im still learning cause at least for me, sometimes its pleasure heaven, other times, my tummy grumbles and im "just not into it"

    have fun icon_razz.gif