Looking for the one but having fun along the way

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 09, 2013 11:31 PM GMT
    This confuses me a little when I see this in a profile

    I mean I have had "fun' which I assume means sexual encounters but when I was doing that I was not lookin to date or settle down

    For me at least, I do one thing at a time and focus. If I'm looking for sex that's what will happen if I am looking for a man I'll go on dates and that's it. No wonder guys can't find relationships cuz of all these mixed, vague and confusing profiles

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 09, 2013 11:33 PM GMT
    That sounds like boyfriend repellent. I'd say he's a player and only as good as his pics.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 09, 2013 11:38 PM GMT
    I don't think you have to just look for one or the other. When you're going out on dates with one, though, you should stop playing around. I'm like that as well. Right now looking for fun along the way, but if I find someone I really like and we click the right way, I'll focus all attention on him and stop playing around. I don't consider myself exclusive to someone until we're official. I think just because I'm talking with someone doesn't mean that has to be the only one I think of. I could be treading the waters seeing which one I like then go with that one. I typically msg a bunch of guys on the internet and talk with a bunch of them because guys online are typically unreliable and things don't really get going most of the time.
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    Jun 09, 2013 11:43 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidThat sounds like boyfriend repellent. I'd say he's a player and only as good as his pics.


    Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. The emphasis is on the "having fun" part and "looking for the one" implies that is someone fits his very narrow definition, he'll consider more.

    I think people use the vague terms because they want to keep their options open, and/or are afraid that if they are honest with what they want, they'll turn certain people off.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 10, 2013 1:10 AM GMT
    well I know what I want and if that turns ppl off then they aren't the ones
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    Jun 10, 2013 1:13 AM GMT


    Yet oddly, I find that statement makes sense.

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    Jun 10, 2013 2:37 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidThat sounds like boyfriend repellent. I'd say he's a player and only as good as his pics.


    +1.

    Give me the one any day. Who cares about "fun" with strangers.
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    Jun 10, 2013 2:41 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidFor me at least, I do one thing at a time and focus.
    I use autofocus and multitask.
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    Jun 10, 2013 2:42 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidThat sounds like boyfriend repellent. I'd say he's a player and only as good as his pics.
    You could be only as good as your pics and still be awesome.
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    Jun 10, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    Unintended said
    WaytoDawn said
    HottJoe saidThat sounds like boyfriend repellent. I'd say he's a player and only as good as his pics.


    +1.

    Give me the one any day. Who cares about "fun" with strangers.


    Fun with strangers need not be a fuck and go. I have had many, many remarkable experiences with guys I only knew for a long weekend.



    tumblr_m7eq4t1nb31rziwwco1_1280.gif
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    Jun 10, 2013 6:20 AM GMT
    Ugh why must so many gay men behave likes tricks ? .... ugh savages
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    Jun 10, 2013 6:59 AM GMT
    CopperDevil saidUgh why must so many gay men behave likes tricks ? .... ugh savages


    RIGHT?!? Had my ex not slept around we would have had a MUCH better relationship and it wouldn't have ended up with so many long nights feeling like my view on our such wonderful relationship was violated, but I deserve better circumstances. Not saying that those type of gay men are wrong, but they're not for me.

    EDIT: It was more the fact that these past sexual partners were still around in his life....never again.
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    Jun 10, 2013 2:25 PM GMT


    There's a lot of extrapolation going on from the topic title's statement.

    Intriguing.

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    Jun 10, 2013 2:49 PM GMT
    Ain't nuttin wrong with the statement, in my mind.

    To me, it could mean this guy is happily single and playing the field, but is not closed off to the idea of getting into a relationship should he happen to meet someone with whom he has a connection.

    Nothing wrong with a few one-night stands. It can help you find who you are and what you want in a guy - purely sexually as well as in character.

    At least he's not coming across as desperately lonely and too quick to commit.
    overly-attached-girlfriend-meme-talk-abo
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    Jun 10, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidThis confuses me a little when I see this in a profile

    I mean I have had "fun' which I assume means sexual encounters but when I was doing that I was not lookin to date or settle down

    For me at least, I do one thing at a time and focus. If I'm looking for sex that's what will happen if I am looking for a man I'll go on dates and that's it. No wonder guys can't find relationships cuz of all these mixed, vague and confusing profiles



    So that means no sex on a date or while you are dating? Now you have me confused.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 10, 2013 3:11 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    Joeyphx444 saidThis confuses me a little when I see this in a profile

    I mean I have had "fun' which I assume means sexual encounters but when I was doing that I was not lookin to date or settle down

    For me at least, I do one thing at a time and focus. If I'm looking for sex that's what will happen if I am looking for a man I'll go on dates and that's it. No wonder guys can't find relationships cuz of all these mixed, vague and confusing profiles



    So that means no sex on a date or while you are dating? Now you have me confused.


    No, it just means he's looking for monogamy, and he's not interested in NSA hookups. It's not that one person is right and the other is wrong. More power to the players. But if you want monogamy, it's easier if you date someone who is interested in that. Weekend flings aren't the same as two people devoted to pursuing a lifelong commitment. I'm just speaking from my own experience. No judgments, honestly.
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    Jun 10, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Alpha13 said
    Joeyphx444 saidThis confuses me a little when I see this in a profile

    I mean I have had "fun' which I assume means sexual encounters but when I was doing that I was not lookin to date or settle down

    For me at least, I do one thing at a time and focus. If I'm looking for sex that's what will happen if I am looking for a man I'll go on dates and that's it. No wonder guys can't find relationships cuz of all these mixed, vague and confusing profiles



    So that means no sex on a date or while you are dating? Now you have me confused.


    No, it just means he's looking for monogamy, and he's not interested in NSA hookups. It's not that one person is right and the other is wrong. More power to the players. But if you want monogamy, it's easier if you date someone who is interested in that. Weekend flings aren't the same as two people devoted to pursuing a lifelong commitment. I'm just speaking from my own experience. No judgments, honestly.


    So then, what does one do when they do not have someone to date? icon_wink.gif

    When I was single, I tried the separation thing. I was either going to have fun, or seek out a potential mate. What I found was that when I just went about having fun and spurned dating, I missed out. When I went about exclusively seeking a potential mate, I spent a lot of long and lonely periods of time.

    However, when I blended the two I was happier; it showed. I didn't appear desperate or over analyzing potentials, and met some pretty amazing people that were outside of what I THOUGHT I wanted. I had a LOT of fun along the way, and a lot of that fun didn't involve having sex. Sometimes it did.

    Oh I was sure I knew what I wanted alright.....big lol.
    Casual dating opened my world to a slew of men that I'd never thought I'd spend time with and out of that arrived Bill.

    My supposed type was dark hair and eyes with a swimmer's build, mysterious silent type, and an introverted person that I would encourage to open up.

    Now go look at Bill's pic.

    What I needed and didn't realize I wanted til I found it: a magnificent gestalt of personality and physical presence, of emotional and logical thinking all in one guy.
    Sweet!



    Wants and needs can be surprisingly different things. icon_wink.gif

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    Jun 10, 2013 4:00 PM GMT
    Die Gestalt is a German word for form or shape. It is used in English to refer to a concept of 'wholeness'.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 10, 2013 4:18 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    HottJoe said
    Alpha13 said
    Joeyphx444 saidThis confuses me a little when I see this in a profile

    I mean I have had "fun' which I assume means sexual encounters but when I was doing that I was not lookin to date or settle down

    For me at least, I do one thing at a time and focus. If I'm looking for sex that's what will happen if I am looking for a man I'll go on dates and that's it. No wonder guys can't find relationships cuz of all these mixed, vague and confusing profiles



    So that means no sex on a date or while you are dating? Now you have me confused.


    No, it just means he's looking for monogamy, and he's not interested in NSA hookups. It's not that one person is right and the other is wrong. More power to the players. But if you want monogamy, it's easier if you date someone who is interested in that. Weekend flings aren't the same as two people devoted to pursuing a lifelong commitment. I'm just speaking from my own experience. No judgments, honestly.


    So then, what does one do when they do not have someone to date? icon_wink.gif

    When I was single, I tried the separation thing. I was either going to have fun, or seek out a potential mate. What I found was that when I just went about having fun and spurned dating, I missed out. When I went about exclusively seeking a potential mate, I spent a lot of long and lonely periods of time.

    However, when I blended the two I was happier; it showed. I didn't appear desperate or over analyzing potentials, and met some pretty amazing people that were outside of what I THOUGHT I wanted. I had a LOT of fun along the way, and a lot of that fun didn't involve having sex. Sometimes it did.

    Oh I was sure I knew what I wanted alright.....big lol.
    Casual dating opened my world to a slew of men that I'd never thought I'd spend time with and out of that arrived Bill.

    My supposed type was dark hair and eyes with a swimmer's build, mysterious silent type, and an introverted person that I would encourage to open up.

    Now go look at Bill's pic.

    What I needed and didn't realize I wanted til I found it: a magnificent gestalt of personality and physical presence, of emotional and logical thinking all in one guy.
    Sweet!



    Wants and needs can be surprisingly different things. icon_wink.gif



    He asked for advice, and based on what I've learned about the OP I think he'll be better off if he narrows his search to exclude people who are into NSA sex. I feel that guys like that will not fulfill his needs. They are perfectly fine guys, and someday he might feel differently about them. But seriously, he does not want to be with someone to fulfill some fantasy. He will get hurt by someone who leads him on with no intention of committing. Someone who says they are looking for "the one" but having fun along the way means that if they happen to stumble on a needle in a haystack they might commit, but in the meantime sex is just for fun. I just don't think the OP views it as worthwhile fun. He's expressed disdain for NSA sex since day one. I'm not saying how I feel. I'm just saying I can sympathize with how he must feel.
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    Jun 10, 2013 4:28 PM GMT
    gayinterest saidAin't nuttin wrong with the statement, in my mind.

    To me, it could mean this guy is happily single and playing the field, but is not closed off to the idea of getting into a relationship should he happen to meet someone with whom he has a connection.

    Nothing wrong with a few one-night stands. It can help you find who you are and what you want in a guy - purely sexually as well as in character.

    At least he's not coming across as desperately lonely and too quick to commit.
    overly-attached-girlfriend-meme-talk-abo



    Best response I've seen here by far icon_smile.gif
    a big +10
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 10, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    psblond said
    gayinterest saidAin't nuttin wrong with the statement, in my mind.

    To me, it could mean this guy is happily single and playing the field, but is not closed off to the idea of getting into a relationship should he happen to meet someone with whom he has a connection.

    Nothing wrong with a few one-night stands. It can help you find who you are and what you want in a guy - purely sexually as well as in character.

    At least he's not coming across as desperately lonely and too quick to commit.
    overly-attached-girlfriend-meme-talk-abo



    Best response I've seen here by far icon_smile.gif
    a big +10


    You're just saying that because he's hot. But he's mine, bitch, so back off!icon_mad.gif
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    Jun 10, 2013 4:33 PM GMT
    I have met two great guys recently however both are just months out of their respective relationships. The problem is that I am looking for long term but I am not dead. While these guys may not be realisitic options I am still going to have some fun. My fun is pretty lame though, a bunch of flirting, kissing, handholding, over the clothes type of stuff.

    So that statement kind of makes perfect sense to me. Not everyone is a match but that doesn't mean they cant be fun.
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    Jun 10, 2013 4:49 PM GMT
    dudewithabeard said I have met two great guys recently however both are just months out of their respective relationships. The problem is that I am looking for long term but I am not dead. While these guys may not be realisitic options I am still going to have some fun. My fun is pretty lame though, a bunch of flirting, kissing, handholding, over the clothes type of stuff.

    So that statement kind of makes perfect sense to me. Not everyone is a match but that doesn't mean they cant be fun.


    lol, that was the kind of fun I most often had, too.
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    Jun 10, 2013 4:52 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    You're just saying that because he's hot. But he's mine, bitch, so back off!"


    Boys, please. There's enough of me to go around! ;-)
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    Jun 10, 2013 5:29 PM GMT
    gayinterest said
    HottJoe said
    You're just saying that because he's hot. But he's mine, bitch, so back off!"


    Boys, please. There's enough of me to go around! ;-)


    you sure?
    Because I'm pretty greedy...