Internalization

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    Jun 10, 2013 11:29 AM GMT
    Please allow the music to play, it fits this post.


    ------

    So in my many experiences with different individuals in such a short amount of time I've been on this earth, I've realized something interesting.

    My focus is within the gay community, please keep your responses within that scope.

    It seems to me people with the capability to reflect deeply within themselves and explore some really dark places.. scares most if not nearly anyone within our community.

    There is a beauty to be realized once you are comfortable in the shadows of your soul. Within those weak spots, the moments you're most vulnerable and exposed, are where the greatest of changes can and often occurs.

    Too easy do we, and yes this includes myself as I'm not greater or lesser than any of you reading this, do we find ways to cover up our weaknesses. Be it with intelligence, physical strength, abundant kindness, sassy attitudes, and the list can go on.

    I'm sure there is some explanation that attributes it to "natural" and "defense mechanisms". Perhaps this is true, and I'm sure it is to a great degree. However, what if we were to stop avoiding it and face it for what it could be?

    Ego.

    In the sense of a part of you that was created by you, your surroundings, upbringing and such that came to be in order to protect the gentle one inside you.

    Personal opinion here...

    Even in the individuals we see as "evil" or "corrupted" there is (or was if they dead) a soft spot somewhere. However, it could have been they were using cruel or insane actions to hide these things.

    I don't know.. I'm not some expert on this topic and I'm sure there will be many an educated guess or response to this.


    Just a deep thought that came to my mind from a recent experience I encountered. The song you are (hopefully) listening to at this moment.. at the 1 minute and 30 second mark, I began to cry for the first time in many years.

    You let all the [boys] go, makes you feel good. Don't it? Behind your broadway show, I heard a boy say "Please don't hurt me." You've carried on so long you couldn't stop if you tried it. You built your walls so high, that no one could climb it. But I'm gonna try.

    It was a bit of a epiphany I had, when I realized that for too long I was trying to cover up a deeper and more tender part of my being with external forces such as education, working out, socializing.. something or anything that would distract me from it.

    So a thought came to my mind...

    How many of you... you out there at your screen reading this blog of ramblings... have ever experienced this moment if you have yet?

    When did you get a moment that you woke up for a second?

    I'd like to hear what came across your mind and how, if at all, did it change you from that point on.


    Much love and happiness your way, from one gentle soul to another.


    Would this be considered fem? Or is that just another label to hide what we all have inside even if in the slightest? ;) I have a feeling a good portion of you may be too scared to say anything, and thats okay.
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    Jun 10, 2013 3:41 PM GMT
    JTherapy said...In the sense of a part of you that was created by you, your surroundings, upbringing and such that came to be in order to protect the gentle one inside you....


    I didn't think you clearly showed how this was about internalization until that one line pretty far down your post. For future reference: if you don't bury the main point of your topic--or at least what you presented by your title as the main point--your post might better structure itself.

    So I'm not certain as to whether your post is about what you bring inside or what you found inside. Or does what you bring inside interfere with what you might otherwise have found inside.

    Exploration of my own mind comes pretty naturally for me as I've some particular tools for it being born a lucid dreamer, and taking that as far as practicing for decades by now dream yoga. What I find there I like to think applies to humanity generally but I don't know that I can take what I subjectively think I've learned about my own mind and apply that objectively in its entirety to others.

    As I don't consider myself in any way unusual, odds are that what I find there most people would as well and others who delve into their minds similarly seem to report similarly but as such a small percent of the population practices the art, I have not overwhelming evidence of universality and so I am often stuck with mere conjecture.

    Like yourself and Anne Frank I do enjoy believing that ultimately everyone has good inside. But it's just as easy to think that some people are rotten to the core. Mostly my view seems to depend on my mood. If I got a good lay recently, I think everyone is wonderful. But if I haven't gotten it in a while, I tend to get a bit ornery which colors how I view the world.
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    Jun 11, 2013 12:45 AM GMT
    I was rather tired when I created this. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 11, 2013 1:07 AM GMT
    tumblr_mnf9yjS6Wv1runxeno1_r1_500.gif
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    Jun 11, 2013 4:42 AM GMT
    JTherapy saidI was rather tired when I created this. icon_smile.gif


    Well I think I got the gist of it and you've got an interesting point to question how do we know our true selves given the process of internalization. I certainly wouldn't limit that to knowing just our gay selves. And then in terms of finding the good inside, or finding inside whatever it is that's there, does the process & results of internalization interfere with or enhance that or make it more or less accessible?

    That's actually one of the reasons why I remain skeptical of even my own dream/meditative experiences, the internal quests, and not just in the experiencing of them but then in my own interpretations of it in how I think about it and also in how I relate that to others.

    Your questioning of what is distracting is also quite on the mark. I suspect you're going to find some useful and satisfying answers given that train of thinking.

    You've asked a fairly universal question. Is the self something already there or is the self built? Does the self build the self?

    shanewillis.jpg
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    Jun 11, 2013 9:29 AM GMT
    Indeed, a pretty vague question/statement.

    All I will say is, I grew up with many demons and used pretty unhealthy patterns of behaviour to compensate for my demons.

    It was only until I realised I was pretty severely depressed, had a few breakdowns and started to rebuild myself, did I have an epiphany.

    It is in confronting, challenging and accepting your darker moments, fears, insecurities, worries, negativity, that you can become a stronger, calmer and happier person.

    It is in showing people your vulnerability that they warm to you. Of course, you also need to have a certain guard up to protect yourself from those who will try to take advantage of you, but in being open about your insecurities you make true friends who do the same.

    If you don't mind, I'd like to post a song which I think reflects this well.
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    Jun 11, 2013 10:00 AM GMT
    TC, you might find this wonderfully intriguing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_%28psychology%29
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    Jun 11, 2013 10:17 AM GMT
    kalikomua saidtumblr_mnf9yjS6Wv1runxeno1_r1_500.gif


    I love that gif haha. ;P
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    Jun 11, 2013 10:22 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    JTherapy saidI was rather tired when I created this. icon_smile.gif


    Well I think I got the gist of it and you've got an interesting point to question how do we know our true selves given the process of internalization. I certainly wouldn't limit that to knowing just our gay selves. And then in terms of finding the good inside, or finding inside whatever it is that's there, does the process & results of internalization interfere with or enhance that or make it more or less accessible?

    That's actually one of the reasons why I remain skeptical of even my own dream/meditative experiences, the internal quests, and not just in the experiencing of them but then in my own interpretations of it in how I think about it and also in how I relate that to others.

    Your questioning of what is distracting is also quite on the mark. I suspect you're going to find some useful and satisfying answers given that train of thinking.

    You've asked a fairly universal question. Is the self something already there or is the self built? Does the self build the self?

    shanewillis.jpg


    Pretty much sums up my thought process with this. I am not the most eloquent with words, yet I think that is okay. Keeping the question vague or open allows for your imagination to take over and come up with an original answer, not guided by the context of the question itself. If that makes sense?
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    Jun 11, 2013 10:29 AM GMT
    gayinterest saidIndeed, a pretty vague question/statement.

    All I will say is, I grew up with many demons and used pretty unhealthy patterns of behaviour to compensate for my demons.

    It was only until I realised I was pretty severely depressed, had a few breakdowns and started to rebuild myself, did I have an epiphany.

    It is in confronting, challenging and accepting your darker moments, fears, insecurities, worries, negativity, that you can become a stronger, calmer and happier person.

    It is in showing people your vulnerability that they warm to you. Of course, you also need to have a certain guard up to protect yourself from those who will try to take advantage of you, but in being open about your insecurities you make true friends who do the same.

    If you don't mind, I'd like to post a song which I think reflects this well.


    You touched on the other part of this post I was trying to convey. icon_smile.gif

    I like the song, very soothing and slow.