Do they know?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 11:36 AM GMT
    Hey guys, just had some quick thoughts...thought they might stir up some conversation.

    People in relationships (especially LTRs) do your partners know about your activity on this site? Is it a secret? If they don't know, do you feel guilty?

    Has anyone come clean about using this site to their partner? How did the react?

  • kew1

    Posts: 1588

    Sep 09, 2007 1:50 PM GMT
    I thought this was a fitness website, why should anyone feel guilty about visiting it? Unless we should be at the gym instead:-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 4:38 PM GMT
    My bf and i are both on here, we even go on chat together, don't see the problem youre obviously notice in using this site
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Sep 09, 2007 6:07 PM GMT
    My BF and I, both have profiles on this site. I use this site more then he does though. He uses Bigger City, I don't and I'm cool with that.

    Doug
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Sep 09, 2007 6:21 PM GMT
    He knows and monitors my useage carefully, however he does that with all of my online stuff, so i'm not surprised.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 6:35 PM GMT
    Yikes, I wouldn't be happy with that Briarhawk!

    Yeah, D knows I use this site and has no problem at all because it's all 100% honest, open and we trust each other. I told him what I was doing when I found out about the site and told him why I was joining.

    However, I think if I had opened the account without telling him and then wanted to admit it later, that would be a little bit harder for him to accept my secrecy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 6:53 PM GMT
    Secrecy? What about ordinary privacy?

    But why in the world would anyone care that his partner is hanging out on the internet?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 6:59 PM GMT
    My man Scott knows and I am trying to get him to establish a profile here on RealJock.

    Funny thing is, he is already telling some of our friends to establish profiles here as well (before he has even done so)!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 7:01 PM GMT
    I'm not currently in a relationship, but I can answer for times that I have been....

    When I get into a relationship, I enjoy the process of going through all of my online profiles (myspace, connexion, facebook, here...) and changing my status from "single" to "dating" or "in a relationship" or what-have-you. Usually after he and I have had some kind of conversation about what our "status" is.

    I don't really tell him about it, but I definitely do it as a communication, both to him and to other people. I want to make sure that if he DOES decide to "do a little research" into my online life, that it will make him smile to see that I have already marked myself as "taken" without him having to ASK me to do it. It's a gesture, one that I hope will make him feel good and help him to know that he can trust me.

    I also feel comfortable with guys that I date having online profiles, especially on sites like this. There are some exceptions: Manhunt, for example, and gay.com. I fully admit to having a bias in that regard: if I'm dating you seriously, I will ask you to suspend/delete your profiles on those sites. But on sites like this one, or myspace or facebook or whatever, I have no problem.

    Finally, I should note, that I've met a LOT of the guys that I've dated through social networking sites... so it wouldn't be able to be a secret even if I wanted it to be. LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 7:03 PM GMT
    "...Has anyone come clean about using this site to their partner? How did the react?..."

    I'm assuming that locojocko was using a "wink, wink" kind of thing here...meaning, it is SUPPOSED to be a fitness site, but you COULD hook up here.

    Well, I am not partnered...but I do want to comment. If someone lists himself as MONOGAMOUS, yet lists his purpose for being here "HOOKUPS"...clearly, he wouldn't want his partner to know. Unless, there is a new definiton of monogamoy.

    However, why should a boyfriend or anyone need to know if you are on here to make friends, pen pals, or for advice? Or if you are in an Open Relationship, why should he need to know?

    Just curious, because the way the question was posed indicates a sort of "...we can call it a fitness site, but we all know what we are on here for..." kind of thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 7:09 PM GMT
    fastprof: "why should a boyfriend or anyone need to know if you are on here to make friends....?"

    So you should only share something with your boyfriend if you feel they "need" to know it? What a great way to facilitate an atmosphere of trust!

    I don't want to be judgemental (although of course, I am), but if having an online profile is part of your life, especially if it's something that you consider fun that gives you pleasure, then you are doing a disservice to the relationship to censor it and keep it away from your boyfriend. After all, if you're really being innocent about it, why the **** would you NOT tell him about it?

    Plus, it just SEEMS shady to hide any aspect of your life that's important to you. Someone who wouldn't have been suspicious if he had known about your online profiles, might very well BECOME suspicious (and rightfully so) if he discovers them on his own and you have not told him about them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 7:14 PM GMT
    In response to Obscenewish, I think secrecy and privacy are two different issues.

    Each partner in a relationship is naturally entitled to privacy. Privacy is an intrinsic part of the trust upon which a relationship is built.

    Secrecy however, to me, implies a kind of abuse of that privacy/trust, and results from an act that one party knows would displease the other.

    For me, this is essentially what the topic-question is about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 7:21 PM GMT
    My partner and I both have profiles here, and elsewhere. For us, it's no big deal at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 7:23 PM GMT
    So, does anyone's partner not know?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 7:35 PM GMT
    gregstevenstx: "...So you should only share something with your boyfriend if you feel they "need" to know it? What a great way to facilitate an atmosphere of trust!..."

    Greg, you judgemental? Hah. :-)

    Maybe what I said came across stronger than I had intended. What I meant was NOT that one should hide the fact that your on a fitness site, and have "Making Friends" as an interest listed.

    I was reacting to the poster's comment "...coming clean..." as if being on RealJock is something deceitful akin to having a hookup or searching for one.

    What I said was a reaction to the implication that boyfriends keep such a close tab on their partners that they demand to know every aspect of their lives outside of their relationship. And there is a unstated implication that boyfriends should have control over who you make friends with, say, even at the gym.

    That said, I would tell my boyfriend if I had a budding friendship, but I wouldn't consider that I am on a fitness website (or a professional website for tornado researchers) in and of itself a remarkable enough to worry about "breach of trust" issues.

    I realize that this is a "gay" fitness website, however.

    John

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 8:24 PM GMT
    this site is so tame I cant imagine anyone objecting. If my bf had a profile on Manhunt for example, thats a completely different case...as that site is nothing but an online hook up site!!! He would have some serious explaining to do. But here...NAH!!
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Sep 09, 2007 8:28 PM GMT
    i'm used to his lack of trust by now, and have accepted it. however he knows this relationship will be ruined if he doesn't ever start to trust me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 8:36 PM GMT
    I guess I should tell him, but I don't think he will mind. How much trouble can you get into on a PC.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 8:51 PM GMT
    Please don't tell anyone I'm gay, especially my partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 10:13 PM GMT
    Last year, at the Midwest Male Naturist Gathering, one guy, a doctor, was telling me how his wife thinks he's away at some medical conference. I responded, "My wife thinks I'm down in the boonies of Kansas, hanging out with a couple hundred naked men."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 10:46 PM GMT
    Well, I guess the importance of disclosure depends on your history with such sites. I haven't really hooked up online in years, with a few exceptions, usually when I happened to have already met the person in real life.

    My partner has a pretty well read blog online. I intentionally avoid reading it, don't even feel tempted to. Jealousy is one of the few character defects I seem to have been spared -- to the degree that some of my past partners have gotten furious at me because I'm not more possessive. But I have enough that I find it best just to avoid situations that might inflame it.

    I have a lot of real-life friends on gay.com -- have never thought of that as a cruising site. And Manhunt is very entertaining as long as you don't subject yourself to actually hooking up.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 10:50 PM GMT

    Does my partner know about RealJock? Probably since he has access to all my computers.

    He probably doesn't care though, he knows I am not looking to hook up. IF I was I would tell him - and I believe he would tell me if he was.

    We don't keep CONSTANT tabs on each others every single move.

    The really important partr of our relationship is TRUST.

    R
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 10:57 PM GMT
    Out of curiosity, IT, why does your profile say you are single?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 10:57 PM GMT
    I'm kind of fuzzy on the whole concept of how it could be a secret.

    Weird experience: For me, gay.com is not so much a hook-up site, though I know some people use it as such. But I'm too far away from any city for that. Anyway, I've had a few dates and sleepovers with a guy who I met there. The next time that I tried to chat with him on-line, he was FURIOUS that I was there! But... so was he...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 11:39 PM GMT
    OW -

    Wooopss - thank you! It doesn't any more.

    Not sure - maybe I never changed it, maybe I made a mistake somewhere, sometime.

    R