Relationship problem..

  • AKAYXY

    Posts: 1

    Jun 12, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, and we talk on the phone every night for 2 hours. And he's telling me that we don't have much topic and I am being Mr. silent.. He also tells me that I am not sweet and being mean to him, but all I did was joke around with him about random things... Its really bothering me.. This is my first relationship and its my boyfriend's 7th relationship i guess.. what should I do in order to make keep this relationship? I am kinda in the middle of going or staying.. should I keep this relationship? Or do you guys have any tips that could help me go over this? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 1:50 AM GMT
    Answer these question to yourself and him:

    Do you love him?

    Do you think he loves you?

    Do you see this relationship as being more than what you want/can handle, or are you wanting more?

    Do you think he wants the same?

    Do you think you can both work it out?

    Are you willing to accept each other for everything you are, faults and all?

    If you don't love him enough, then end it. I don't really get a sense of love here, just that you don't want it to end. And are you willing to accept that he may not accept you as you are?

    Sorry if it didn't give you the answer you wanted or expected, but only you know the best answer for yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    assuming he's in your profile pic and not near death like me
    --7 relationships?
    and no red flags???
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jun 12, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    your first and his 7th? lol.


  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 12, 2013 2:00 AM GMT
    AKAYXY saidicon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    OMG give us a reason why we should care. icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 2:40 AM GMT
    I have nothing really helpful to add.. sorry.
    But I just wanna say, 7 prior relationships?!?!??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 3:00 AM GMT
    It's difficult to have a lot to talk about when you talk for 2 hours every day already. I sincerely doubt your life is interesting enough to be able to talk that much, so naturally you might run out of things to say and be quiet.

    Being awkward and extremely reserved is bad, but just being quiet and capable of simply enjoying the other's presence is not. Figure out which one you're doing and then you'll know if he's just flipping out or not.

    Also, it's important to be sensitive to a reasonable extent, but you should never have to feel like you're always walking on eggshells with him. My advice is to only joke with and/or criticize him if you do it out of love. If in actuality you don't have a lot of respect and love for him then he won't be able to take jokes well, but if you do respect him then him getting upset is his own problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    Why don't you ask him why his previous 6 relations have failed?
    You MAY find a solution to your problems there!

    coz, 7 is quite a big number & MAY be, he is unstable in maintaining relationships.
    BTW, how old is he?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 3:11 AM GMT
    AKAYXY saidSo my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, and we talk on the phone every night for 2 hours. And he's telling me that we don't have much topic and I am being Mr. silent.. He also tells me that I am not sweet and being mean to him, but all I did was joke around with him about random things... Its really bothering me.. This is my first relationship and its my boyfriend's 7th relationship i guess.. what should I do in order to make keep this relationship? I am kinda in the middle of going or staying.. should I keep this relationship? Or do you guys have any tips that could help me go over this? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif


    End it. Too much stress too early in the relationship for it to be anything 'real' and it will only get worse.
  • Diplo

    Posts: 41

    Jun 12, 2013 3:42 AM GMT
    SolvableMystery said
    AKAYXY saidSo my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, and we talk on the phone every night for 2 hours. And he's telling me that we don't have much topic and I am being Mr. silent.. He also tells me that I am not sweet and being mean to him, but all I did was joke around with him about random things... Its really bothering me.. This is my first relationship and its my boyfriend's 7th relationship i guess.. what should I do in order to make keep this relationship? I am kinda in the middle of going or staying.. should I keep this relationship? Or do you guys have any tips that could help me go over this? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif


    End it. Too much stress too early in the relationship for it to be anything 'real' and it will only get worse.


    Agreed, If THIS is a problem and you dont know how to handle it - I cant imagine what you'll do when the real crazy shit starts happening.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 12, 2013 5:11 AM GMT
    not being a sock account helps
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 5:52 AM GMT
    AKAYXY saidSo my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, and we talk on the phone every night for 2 hours. And he's telling me that we don't have much topic and I am being Mr. silent.. He also tells me that I am not sweet and being mean to him, but all I did was joke around with him about random things... Its really bothering me.. This is my first relationship and its my boyfriend's 7th relationship i guess.. what should I do in order to make keep this relationship? I am kinda in the middle of going or staying.. should I keep this relationship? Or do you guys have any tips that could help me go over this? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif


    You don't have a relationship. Talking on the phone does not = relationship
    It's one step above playing video games or maybe not even that.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jun 12, 2013 6:39 AM GMT
    calibro saidnot being a sock account helps


    And here be trolls . . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 7:25 AM GMT
    Wow I haven't even had 7 relationships as long as I been alive...haha
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jun 12, 2013 11:04 AM GMT
    Hmm. A two-hour phone conversation every night. I assume your partner wants 30 minutes of how are you todays, 30 minutes of phone sex, 30 minutes of I wish we were in the same rooms, and 30 minutes of what does your day look like tomorrows, with the occasional when should we see each other next calendar planning thrown in. Instead he might be getting 15 minutes of whassups mixed in with 30 minutes of nuttins, followed by 30 minutes of phone sex, then 30 minutes of whatchathinkins interspersed with nothing reallys, wrapped up with 15 minutes of you're withholding accusations and no I'm not defenses.

    Might be time to mix up the game.

  • Michaelyolo

    Posts: 10

    Jun 12, 2013 12:10 PM GMT
    It surely is tough when only one guy is trying to keep a conversation going on, I've been in that situation and I feel so embarrassed lol. All I can say is just bring some random topic and just talk about it or talk about stuff that you like or he likes. If thing's still don't work out and it's still awkward I think you should discuss your problem with him icon_biggrin.gif
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jun 12, 2013 12:34 PM GMT
    haha.

    It's funny that people think 7 relationships is a lot.

    Most people I know have had a few boyfriends. I'm not particularly promiscuous but I've had 4. Ranging from 3 months to 11 years.

    It would be funny to date someone who hasn't had any experience. People need to learn from failed/past relationships, otherwise how do they grow?

    AKAYXY - my advice to you is. If it seems like hard work, you're having to work to keep a man, you don't know if you should stay - then finish it and use it as a learning experience. If he's not loved up in the first few months then it's going nowhere.

    And now you're got 1 relationship under your belt and you're not a newbie anymore.

    Lozx
  • jordon21

    Posts: 43

    Jun 12, 2013 12:55 PM GMT
    My guy also had around 7 relationships and me starting with him was my first serious one. We broke up recently after 9 months of being together. And there were problems right from the start, redflags that I had chosen to ignore. He always promised to make things better, but things were a fight right from the get go. Was probably the most miserable 9 months of my life. I would imagine that you should know how much your willing to take, and whether there are some problems that can be worked through.
    Don't let the guy hold on to you. Those failed relationships he had in the past may just be making him scared of losing this one. He may be clingy or overly sensitive. But you're young. This guy may need therapy to help.

    I know the feeling of not wanting to let go of your first guy. Just be willing to be honest with yourself, on how happy you are, and whether you love him and can make it work.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jun 12, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    Laurence saidhaha.

    It's funny that people think 7 relationships is a lot.

    Most people I know have had a few boyfriends. I'm not particularly promiscuous but I've had 4. Ranging from 3 months to 11 years.

    It would be funny to date someone who hasn't had any experience. People need to learn from failed/past relationships, otherwise how do they grow?

    AKAYXY - my advice to you is. If it seems like hard work, you're having to work to keep a man, you don't know if you should stay - then finish it and use it as a learning experience. If he's not loved up in the first few months then it's going nowhere.

    And now you're got 1 relationship under your belt and you're not a newbie anymore.

    Lozx


    well, considering you're almost 50.... to have had 4 boyfriends seems perfectly legit. To be n your early 20s and have had 7 relationships--what the fuck?
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jun 12, 2013 2:54 PM GMT
    Hey Import

    Where does AKAYXY say his Man is in his 20s? You're assuming he's the same age as AKAYXY.

    Try reading the original post before posting, it helps.

    Also I'm aware lots of the posters are younger than me, I'm just saying that you're unlikely to find the 'One' and settle down for life without kissing a few frogs first, so it's common to have had lots of relationships.

    Try to be nice, it's not hard. It helps in finding love.

    Loz
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jun 12, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    Put down the phone and fill up his mouth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 3:53 PM GMT
    Laurence saidHey Import

    Where does AKAYXY say his Man is in his 20s? You're assuming he's the same age as AKAYXY.

    Try reading the original post before posting, it helps.

    Also I'm aware lots of the posters are younger than me, I'm just saying that you're unlikely to find the 'One' and settle down for life without kissing a few frogs first, so it's common to have had lots of relationships.

    Try to be nice, it's not hard. It helps in finding love.

    Loz


    ROFL, I'd had at least 15 relationships (5 very serious)and by the time Bill came along I was 34.

    Is there some kind of Victorian Lady syndrome going on here?!?

    OP, why don't you tone down the joking and tone up the sweet and reassuring?

    -Doug
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Jun 12, 2013 4:05 PM GMT
    Import saidyour first and his 7th? lol.




    I was thinking the same thing.

    OP...it's his 7th...and you think you're the one making the decision as to whether it lasts or ends?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 4:12 PM GMT
    in_this_corner said
    Import saidyour first and his 7th? lol.




    I was thinking the same thing.

    OP...it's his 7th...and you think you're the one making the decision as to whether it lasts or ends?


    Give the guy a break - it all depends on what me means when he says "relationship." I've only had two relationships I would characterize as serious in my life - a year with a guy in my early 20s, then 26 years with my partner - but when I was single I dated a lot. At the time I would have probably characterized going out with someone regularly for a few weeks or months as a "relationship" - and there were plenty of those. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2013 4:15 PM GMT
    This may be a total aside, but communication in a romantic relationship requires more than "joking around with him about random things." There can be light hearted banter at times, sure, however most communication ideally is intentional and not random. A difficult part in any relationship is sustaining interest for your partner, and working on staying connected to what matters to him and what is happening in his life. The other side to that is sharing what matters to you and what is happening in your life, and not joking about it.

    That said, I don't believe anyone can keep a relationship; they can only choose to participate in it or not. How you participate in a relationship, well, is also up to you.