I've never dated and have no desire to

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 12, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    From my observations and stories from friends, it seems to be a very cruel and inauthentic routine. And I'm not a very "dateable" person (meaning I don't look good on paper or an online profile).

    Yeah, I'm kind of just hoping that I'll meet a man that I connect with and we both kind of accept eachother and grow from there.

    Dating seems to be an entirely different concept, very nitpicky, where you are checking pros against cons, looking for reasons this person isn't good enough, like I said, cruel and inauthentic.

    So yeah, I'm fine being alone. People try too hard and get nowhere. The key is to be just interested enough and to be open.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 12, 2013 3:19 AM GMT
    Sorry meant to post this in the dating forum
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    Hmmm
    Somewhat speechless, as this is NON-consistent with all you're other post's.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    I don't know how much advice you really need. You've already have provided that here yourself:

    NeutralObserver said The key is to be just interested enough and to be open.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:26 AM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidI've never dated and have no desire to
    Then don't.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    All you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 12, 2013 3:32 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:40 AM GMT
    NeutralObserver said
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.


    So what you are saying is that since guys treat other guys like garbage during dates, then what's the point? Also, what is up with "growing through candidates pretty much, for a position..." Pretty much it's a date, not a job interview.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:42 AM GMT
    NeutralObserver said
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.


    It isn't about treating people as if they are disposable...you can learn great things (good and bad) from people you date which will help you find what you really are looking for. It isn't just about the negatives at all. How are you to know what you like in someone if you have never seen the other options out there?
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Jun 12, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    If you're "dating" in this candidate like fashion then you're going to get absolutely no where.

    People are multidimensional and cannot be broken down into such easy little boxes.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 12, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    NeutralObserver said
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.


    That's not how I met my boyfriend.... or even my exes. I usually fall for the disqualifiers, in fact. I like a guy with serious issues. Alcoholism, hoarding, lack of friends. Mother issues can lead to hours and hours and discussions and emotions, but daddy issues are even more fun. What I can't stand in fact is to feel like I'm being interviewed by someone with some generic questionnaire. If I'm asked what school I went to, or what I do for a living, I squeeze my jaw and narrow my eyes, almost like I'm going to breath fire. And if their house or car is too clean I know they're so vain they probably think this post about them.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Jun 12, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    NeutralObserver said
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.


    That's not how I met my boyfriend.... or even my exes. I usually fall for the disqualifiers, in fact. I like a guy with serious issues. Alcoholism, hoarding, lack of friends. Mother issues can lead to hours and hours and discussions and emotions, but daddy issues are even more fun. What I can't stand in fact is to feel like I'm being interviewed by someone with some generic questionnaire. If I'm asked what school I went to, or what I do for a living, I squeeze my jaw and narrow my eyes, almost like I'm going to breath fire. And if their house or car is too clean I know they're so vain they probably think this post about them.icon_rolleyes.gif


    Amen. I like you
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jun 12, 2013 3:50 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    NeutralObserver said
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.


    That's not how I met my boyfriend.... or even my exes. I usually fall for the disqualifiers, in fact. I like a guy with serious issues. Alcoholism, hoarding, lack of friends. Mother issues can lead to hours and hours and discussions and emotions, but daddy issues are even more fun. What I can't stand in fact is to feel like I'm being interviewed by someone with some generic questionnaire. If I'm asked what school I went to, or what I do for a living, I squeeze my jaw and narrow my eyes, almost like I'm going to breath fire. And if their house or car is too clean I know they're so vain they probably think this post about them.icon_rolleyes.gif


    Wow... interesting. Most people are not as understanding as you are.

    And I agree about feeling like you are being interviewed, I want to SCREAM when I meet guys in gay bars and the first thing they ask me is, "So... what do you do?" icon_mad.gif

    Really?
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 12, 2013 1:52 PM GMT
    no1curr
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:05 PM GMT
    ok more hot men for me
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:13 PM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidI'm kind of just hoping that I'll meet a man that I connect with and we both kind of accept eachother and grow from there.
    The key is to be just interested enough and to be open.



    This kind of sounds like the point of dating to me.
  • JackDoyle

    Posts: 706

    Jun 12, 2013 2:19 PM GMT
    " And I'm not a very "dateable" person (meaning I don't look good on paper or an online profile)."

    Thats a good thing! it's better than coming across amazingly online and then having no real life social skills, dating is fun!! icon_biggrin.gif you're describing it as if it's a job interview, it's not like that
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jun 12, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    NeutralObserverYeah, I'm kind of just hoping that I'll meet a man that I connect with and we both kind of accept eachother and grow from there.

    That actually sounds like dating someone icon_rolleyes.gif.

    I think what you are saying is that you won't put any effort into meeting new people, and wait for it to (basically) fall into your lap. Well, to each his own!
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:37 PM GMT
    Look! Another black guy with a positive attitude! Quelle surprise!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 12, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    HottJoe said...What I can't stand in fact is to feel like I'm being interviewed by someone with some generic questionnaire. If I'm asked what school I went to, or what I do for a living, I squeeze my jaw and narrow my eyes, almost like I'm going to breath fire. And if their house or car is too clean I know they're so vain they probably think this post about them.icon_rolleyes.gif

    We have a lot in common. I haven't dated in a very long time and may never again but when I did it wasn't to "interview" someone. It was to go out and have fun with a guy with whom there was mutual attraction. If they started re-folding and putting the maps in my glove compartment in alphabetical order, that was a real red flag.
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    NeutralObserver said
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.


    So what you are saying is that since guys treat other guys like garbage during dates, then what's the point? Also, what is up with "growing through candidates pretty much, for a position..." Pretty much it's a date, not a job interview.
    clearly, he is emotionless icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    NeutralObserver said
    Erik101 saidAll you see are the negatives of dating. You need to have more exposure to the positives and see the wonderful side of the dating world.


    I think I am describing, quite literally, what dating actually is. You are growing through candidates pretty much, for a position, usually eliminating the candidates because of negative disqualifiers. You are pretty much treating people as if they are disposable.


    NEWS FLASH: You are disposable. I'm disposable. EVERYONE is disposable. There are approximately 7 billion of us on this planet. Very few of us are truly exceptional or a rare commodity.

    Dating provides you with an opportunity to meet someone whose mediocrity compliments your own.

    I'm sorry for the reality check.
  • Michaelyolo

    Posts: 10

    Jun 12, 2013 2:53 PM GMT
    You're a legend, I salute you icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:12 PM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidI want to SCREAM when I meet guys in gay bars and the first thing they ask me is, "So... what do you do?" icon_mad.gif
    Really?

    While the person asking may very well be interested in zeroing in on your financial position, "What do you do?" is an extremely common icebreaker question that will be asked of you in all sorts of social situations and on a regular basis for most of your adult life, so get used to it and always have a stock answer ready.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    You know I feel similar to you in the sense of probably not qualifying/clasifying myself as a good 'dateable' person.
    Funnily enough I can also say that I have actually been on a date where I wasn't actually looking to date.
    Being 100% honest I wasn't that open to the idea, like I didn't mind but it was mostly because I was asked and would've felt bad if I said no.

    Anyway regardless, it went really well and it only got a little sullied the following days after the date, maybe even a tad bit right after the date but overall I still think it was a good date.

    The point I guess I'm trying to say was that there were a lot of positives with that date experience, including the way it happened and I realised I did not feel more validated, confident or more fulfilled within myself after the date, nor was I yearning for another experience of it.

    That's when I came to the conclusion that I must be one of those people who are just happy being single.

    It was up until that point really that you and I were practically the same in the never having been on a date nor having the desire to go on one.
    Still, I have come to similar conclusions so I don't think it's something you reach just because of 'bad dates' since I didn't have one and reached a similar perspective.

    Although I suppose nowadays I'm much less open to the idea now than I was back then.
    Anyway I thought I'd post just to say that people who feel they don't want to date is not just because of bad experiences with dating. It definitely can play a big factor sure but it's not always the reason.
    That or maybe it's just me.