I was in a fraternity in undergrad, and experienced none of those things. The key is finding the right fraternity for you. The one I joined was accepting of everyone. They initiated people regardless of race or sexual orientation. We were more concerned with what kind of a man the candidate in question was. If he possessed any of the qualities that might involve him in the actions you stated, we wouldn't think twice about not giving him a bid.
And all of this isn't to say that we didn't have drunken nights. Those were frequent and always fun, but we did have brothers who didn't drink, and we respected their decision. So, find the right one for you, and if there isn't one on campus that seems legitimate, I would say just don't waste your time pledging.