Dating someone who still has a joint mortgage with their ex?

  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Jun 12, 2013 8:33 AM GMT
    I was talking to this guy the other night who said that he still has a joint mortgage with his ex and this got me thinking.....have you ever dated someone in that situation? How did it affect your relationship with the guy?
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 12, 2013 2:00 PM GMT
    guy with mortgage = not broke ho
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe saidI was talking to this guy the other night who said that he still has a joint mortgage with his ex and this got me thinking.....have you ever dated someone in that situation? How did it affect your relationship with the guy?


    The first thing that came to mind was that if the ex still lives in the property then I hope the guy is charging an occupational rent.
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe saidI was talking to this guy the other night who said that he still has a joint mortgage with his ex and this got me thinking.....have you ever dated someone in that situation? How did it affect your relationship with the guy?


    It's a legally binding document; Just look at it is an investment, and trust that he isn't 'still with the guy'.

    My best friend is tech. still 'married' to his partner of 13 years, is completely unhappy with his life and chooses (not with my approval) to sleep around to get his kicks... he tells ppl the same thing about his mortgage.
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    Sheesh, it's just DATING! Now a committed relationship - that's a different story.
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:47 PM GMT
    OMG
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    Jun 12, 2013 2:52 PM GMT
    I was the guy with the joint mortgage until my ex passed away last November. It's all about how their relationship is now. It may have been worth it not to sell the place.
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    Jun 12, 2013 3:05 PM GMT
    I actually know several people in that situation right now. They'd lose a fortune by selling at the bottom of the market.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jun 12, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    I see no reason to take this situation negatively or as a slight or knock against the guy you are dating.

    Your current guy had someone in his life before you; that he made a commitment to share his life and financial means with someone speaks well for the man's integrity and maturity.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jun 12, 2013 6:25 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe said How did it affect your relationship with the guy?
    You're kidding, right?
    Like Calibro said, generally, a mortgage means the guy has assets. That they still have a mortgage together only means that it has not yet become financially advantageous to both of them to modify the situation. Could be a hundred reasons.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jun 12, 2013 7:10 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe saidI was talking to this guy the other night who said that he still has a joint mortgage with his ex and this got me thinking.....have you ever dated someone in that situation? How did it affect your relationship with the guy?


    u want my opinon?
    ok...

    Shut the hell up. You’re not his husband. You’re not paying the mortgage. It’s absolutely none of your business what he does with his mortgage or his money. I know your type well… first it’s “Sell the house because it’s costing too much money.” Then it’s “No, you can’t go spend the weekend with your buddies because I am insecure about the mortagage with ur ex still” Then it’s “Oh gee, honey… I;m not feeling appreciated anymore. Gosh.” Finally, the mortgage with the EX will be too much for u and you'll break up with him.


    womp womp.

  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Jun 12, 2013 7:34 PM GMT
    In the course of my long and varied dating career, I've come across many men still tied to their exes financially. Some people become emeshed in many ways, not to mention the guys that used to be couples but are stuck living together til one or both can afford to move out, I've run into tons of guys in that situation unfortunately.
  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Jun 12, 2013 8:22 PM GMT
    He was just some random guy I was talking to on line icon_biggrin.gif I have seen some of my straight friends having some issues with thier mortgages and bills after they broke up with their partners and that just got me wondering. That is all icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 12, 2013 8:52 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe saidHe was just some random guy I was talking to on line icon_biggrin.gif I have seen some of my straight friends having some issues with thier mortgages and bills after they broke up with their partners and that just got me wondering. That is all icon_biggrin.gif

    My first BF was my first gay crush, at age 46 very soon after I came out. I absolutely adored this guy, and I still remember him as a wonderful man, many fond & loving memories.

    But after a few months I saw a change in him, as he became increasingly depressed and distracted. When I asked him what was wrong he told me his ex-partner had him served with a lawsuit, claiming half his house. The mortgage was in my BF's name, but the ex claimed he had contributed 50% of the payments when they lived together.

    I didn't even know there was an ex-partner lurking in the wings. And then the guy started showing up in person at the house, I think was even trying to get a court injunction allowing him to take up residence there (I was living elsewhere). My BF turned to anti-depressants and became even less like the guy I knew & loved.

    I didn't know how to intervene & help, and began to suspect being in his life was further complicating things for him. I finally took the initiative and said we should take a break until legal matters got sorted out, and he didn't have this stress.

    The ex lost his case a year later, and my BF again had clear title to his house. But before we could get back together yet another guy had latched onto him during this emotionally vulnerable period, someone with a lot less scruples than me. That's a story for another post, but the end result for my BF was tragic.

    Moral: beware of exes with legal claims on a guy you want to date or make your BF. Exes can derail everything in ways you can't anticipate, both financially & emotionally. Your guy will tell you he's over the ex, but that can be delusional wishful thinking on his part, or outright deliberate deception to placate you.

    Following my own unfortunate experience I thereafter avoided guys with residual entanglements. And would be on the lookout for stuff he might not be telling me about in that regard. With reference to this joint mortgage issue, be very skeptical and very cautious.
  • Muscles25

    Posts: 394

    Jun 12, 2013 8:57 PM GMT
    Dumbest. Idea. Ever.
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    Jun 12, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    At least he's not afraid of commitment. But I agree with what has been said: it's just dating. Don't read too far into things that are more relevant later in a monogamous, committed relationship. I don't think it's good to become blinded to seeing what he's really like because you can't see past something like this. Everyone has baggage of one form or another.
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    Jun 12, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
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