What should I do?

  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 13, 2013 3:37 AM GMT
    I've been planning to go to RI pride with a gay friend on Saturday. Today, I told my parents about it and how I was going with my friend. Let me just say, they didn't take it well. They said I could go(they'll let me do whatever I want apparently), but they said they would be really disappointed if I did. The whole thing then erupted into them disapproving of me being gay and they always did, but they tolerate it though they will not tolerate me going to a gay parade. Then we had a whole argument about the whole thing, and they think that I'm trying to be something I'm not and that I'm not really gay but doing that cause I can't get with girls, and that I'm "rushing my life" and not giving girls a chance.

    My dad says he's the way he is and he won't ever change so he'll always disapprove of me being into guys. My mom also doesn't believe I'm really into guys. She thought I decided I was gay because I was lonely and depressed. I did date one fat ugly chick in high school and found one other girl pretty, but I'm not really that into girls. I tried to explain how I saw it refraining from insults but they still thought I was only seeing it one way and not considering what they think and that I'm confused. They tried too much to rationalize it, but I know what I feel and I'm confident in knowing certain things and I know I'm def into guys.

    I really wanted to go to this pride parade. I've never been to one, but idk now. I know I have to do some things for myself that my parents may disapprove of, but this may be too much for them to take. I don't wanna just go with what they think, but I don't wanna be too much for them to bear and for them to disapprove of me. They don't see the parade as a gay rights movement but just a place for guys to get fucked up and hook up and be sluts. What should I do? Should I respect my parent's view on this and not go? Or should I go for myself because I need to do what I feel is right, and this is a big opportunity for me to have a good experience and stand up to my parents about who I am and show that I won't let them choose my life for me? What do you guys think?(Sorry about the long post tried to keep it short)
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:00 AM GMT
    I have to ask, why did you tell them you were going? I'm gathering from what you have said, like many other young adults, you are living with your parents and are still dependent on them, but straight people living with their parents are not telling their parents everything they are doing. I mean, teenagers still in high school aren't telling their parents everything. You don't want to be dishonest with your parents, but there is also nothing wrong with having at least a little bit of your life that is private from them and belongs to just you.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 13, 2013 4:06 AM GMT
    Iceblink saidI have to ask, why did you tell them you were going? I'm gathering from what you have said, like many other young adults, you are living with your parents and are still dependent on them, but straight people living with their parents are not telling their parents everything they are doing. I mean, teenagers still in high school aren't telling their parents everything. You don't want to be dishonest with your parents, but there is also nothing wrong with having at least a little bit of your life that is private from them and belongs to just you.


    I felt it was the respectful thing to do since I rely on them for my college funding and to have a roof to live under. This is also what other people feel I need to do; I can do whatever I want I just need to always let them be aware of what I'm doing and where. What should I have done then? Lie? Leave the day of the parade without telling them anything?

    Also, my friend was going to give me a ride there. But he said he wanted to beat the traffic there so I'd have to stay over at his place the night before and of the parade(since the parade's an all-day event, and there'd prob be tons of ppl trying to leave the night of the event). I wasn't sure how I could spin that into a fabricated story to lead them to believe.
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:12 AM GMT
    Point them in this direction:

    http://www.pflagprovidence.org/


    or go there yourself, and get some brochures.
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:12 AM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    Iceblink saidI have to ask, why did you tell them you were going? I'm gathering from what you have said, like many other young adults, you are living with your parents and are still dependent on them, but straight people living with their parents are not telling their parents everything they are doing. I mean, teenagers still in high school aren't telling their parents everything. You don't want to be dishonest with your parents, but there is also nothing wrong with having at least a little bit of your life that is private from them and belongs to just you.


    I felt it was the respectful thing to do since I rely on them for my college funding and to have a roof to live under. This is also what other people feel I need to do; I can do whatever I want I just need to always let them be aware of what I'm doing and where. What should I have done then? Lie? Leave the day of the parade without telling them anything?

    Don't lie. Just tell them you are going to Rhode Island with [friend's name]. That is what you are doing. Even though you live them, they do not need to know every detail of your life. Yes you're dependent on them, but you're still an adult. Keep something for yourself.
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    easterndude69 saidWhat should I do?
    Tell your parents to fuck off. If they can't handle you being gay, they're not good parents.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 13, 2013 4:16 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    easterndude69 said
    Iceblink saidI have to ask, why did you tell them you were going? I'm gathering from what you have said, like many other young adults, you are living with your parents and are still dependent on them, but straight people living with their parents are not telling their parents everything they are doing. I mean, teenagers still in high school aren't telling their parents everything. You don't want to be dishonest with your parents, but there is also nothing wrong with having at least a little bit of your life that is private from them and belongs to just you.


    I felt it was the respectful thing to do since I rely on them for my college funding and to have a roof to live under. This is also what other people feel I need to do; I can do whatever I want I just need to always let them be aware of what I'm doing and where. What should I have done then? Lie? Leave the day of the parade without telling them anything?

    Don't lie. Just tell them you are going to Rhode Island with [friend's name]. That is what you are doing. Even though you live them, they do not need to know every detail of your life. Yes you're dependent on them, but you're still an adult. Keep something for yourself.


    They'd ask lots of follow-up questions then. Where? With whom? When are u going/when will u be back?
    Maybe I should've just said I was visiting my friend in Rhode Island for the weekend. They might wonder why I'm staying overnight, but I can stay out if I want to without it coming off as sketchy. Its too late now though:/
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:36 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    easterndude69 saidWhat should I do?
    Tell your parents to fuck off. If they can't handle you being gay, they're not good parents.

    Oh. Paul. They're not hateful and haven't disowned him or thrown him out of the house. They seem like loving, caring parents, but just very misinformed and the things they say about never being able to accept their son's sexual orientation or that he just hasn't given girls enough of a chance is the same thing a lot of parents have said that eventually came around and accepted their gay son for the person he was. It may be that they just need some time.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 13, 2013 5:26 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    paulflexes said
    easterndude69 saidWhat should I do?
    Tell your parents to fuck off. If they can't handle you being gay, they're not good parents.

    Oh. Paul. They're not hateful and haven't disowned him or thrown him out of the house. They seem like loving, caring parents, but just very misinformed and the things they say about never being able to accept their son's sexual orientation or that he just hasn't given girls enough of a chance is the same thing a lot of parents have said that eventually came around and accepted their gay son for the person he was. It may be that they just need some time.


    They've known this for two years though and have not changed their stance on the subject matter since. How much more time would they need? Maybe if they see me later in life with my career and still doing what I love and living how I see fit they would come to accept it, but then again, maybe not.
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    Jun 13, 2013 5:35 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    paulflexes said
    easterndude69 saidWhat should I do?
    Tell your parents to fuck off. If they can't handle you being gay, they're not good parents.

    Oh. Paul. They're not hateful and haven't disowned him or thrown him out of the house. They seem like loving, caring parents, but just very misinformed ...
    After 21 years, my mom is also "misinformed."

    She recently texted me asking why I haven't talked to her lately. I text back and said "after 21 years, if you still think I'm going to hell, AND remind me every time we talk, you can go fuck yourself. Rethink you religion or never talk to me again."

    Kinda passive-aggressive, but cussing her out in person and on the phone never worked.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 13, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Iceblink said
    paulflexes said
    easterndude69 saidWhat should I do?
    Tell your parents to fuck off. If they can't handle you being gay, they're not good parents.

    Oh. Paul. They're not hateful and haven't disowned him or thrown him out of the house. They seem like loving, caring parents, but just very misinformed ...
    After 21 years, my mom is also "misinformed."

    She recently texted me asking why I haven't talked to her lately. I text back and said "after 21 years, if you still think I'm going to hell, AND remind me every time we talk, you can go fuck yourself. Rethink you religion or never talk to me again."

    Kinda passive-aggressive, but cussing her out in person and on the phone never worked.


    Yeah my mom tried talking religion to me too being like God intended "marriage is between a man and a woman". Then I told her I don't believe in a god and I have a reason not to. My dad stereotypes gays as being perverted and sick. I don't think they'll ever understand where I'm coming from. I can't help that. They're setting themselves up for disappointment, and I'm supposed to feel about it? Fuck it, I'm not appeasing their wishes just because they don't approve of my sexuality.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jun 13, 2013 3:27 PM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    paulflexes said
    Iceblink said
    paulflexes said
    easterndude69 saidWhat should I do?
    Tell your parents to fuck off. If they can't handle you being gay, they're not good parents.

    Oh. Paul. They're not hateful and haven't disowned him or thrown him out of the house. They seem like loving, caring parents, but just very misinformed ...
    After 21 years, my mom is also "misinformed."

    Rethink you religion or never talk to me again." Kinda passive-aggressive, but cussing her out in person and on the phone never worked.


    Yeah my mom tried talking religion to me too being like God intended "marriage is between a man and a woman". Then I told her I don't believe in a god and I have a reason not to. My dad stereotypes gays as being perverted and sick. I don't think they'll ever understand where I'm coming from. I can't help that. They're setting themselves up for disappointment

    No advice on your Pride inquiry, but as to your parents, one or both will probably come around in time (think years) if you stay open with them. Based solely on historical averages of religious parents (though not extreme fundamentalists) of gays. Most (not all) do, although it takes a long time.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Jun 14, 2013 1:14 AM GMT
    you should start telling your parents the truth in more vague terms

    where are you going...ri
    with who...my friend
    when are you coming back...couple days
    what are you doing there...stuff...

    then shut up.


    -----

    or you can start overtelling them and overlie.

    where are you going...red light district in ri
    who are you going with...this hot pimp guy
    when are you coming back...when we run out of ass to fuck and the drugs run out
    what are you doing there...hey ma...i dont ask about whether you are blowing dad...im 21 Im going to try to get laid and lots of debauchery like a college kid is supposed to.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jun 14, 2013 4:05 AM GMT
    Apparition saidyou should start telling your parents the truth in more vague terms

    where are you going...ri
    with who...my friend
    when are you coming back...couple days
    what are you doing there...stuff...

    then shut up.


    -----

    or you can start overtelling them and overlie.

    where are you going...red light district in ri
    who are you going with...this hot pimp guy
    when are you coming back...when we run out of ass to fuck and the drugs run out
    what are you doing there...hey ma...i dont ask about whether you are blowing dad...im 21 Im going to try to get laid and lots of debauchery like a college kid is supposed to.


    Ok then I'll try that approach from here on.