Something new at 14 years old again (a-gay-n LOL)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 4:20 PM GMT
    Ok, guys, something new that I'm finding...

    I went to the gay bar frequented by my friends, last night, and met a bunch of new guys, some of whom were young and really hot. It's kind of a "bear" bar (insert bear pawprint here), so there were wolves there, too (woof). Anyway, I digress...

    All these guys called me "fresh meat", but everyone was so intent on protecting me that nothing happened. I'm aware that I have to be safe with condoms and such, but they were all so negative about how easily I can catch something that I just felt like "why am I even here? why did I bother to come out?"

    I wanted to go home with someone so badly (I really need to be cuddled and hugged and loved - and not necessarily have sex, but really craving touch), but no one "bit" (they also called me "bait").

    One young european man, totally hot, came over to me, hugged me and kissed me (god, I've NEVER been kissed with so much passion and tongue - it was SO good, and I wanted more and more), but NO ONE even made the attempt to take me home (couldn't invite them home, because I'm currently living with my daughter until I stabilize financially), and I left there so empty and hungry that I cried on the drive home.

    So does that mean that there's something wrong with me? Am I a troll? Am I expecting too much too soon? Talk to me!

    All I know is, I need a man's touch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2007 12:25 AM GMT
    It's hard to reply coherently to this topic. I think you're expecting too much too fast. Relax. Don't panic. Go ahead and cry.

    I also need to build my self-confidence in order to meet the people I want to meet. I need to learn to risk failure and rejection every chance I get. I need to figure out wtf it is I want. Maybe these are things you need too.
  • JOEJOE21108

    Posts: 1

    Sep 10, 2007 1:14 AM GMT
    Hey, man. I feel for you. Just a few thoughts I'd like to share with you:
    1st: Don't let the people you happen to be around define who you are. 2nd: If you want to go out, tell yourself that if you don't find someone that night that your intention was to go out and have fun. Someone once told me, "I can do bad all by myself--I don't need anyone else to make it worse."
    While I understand that you are looking for more of a boyfriend than a hook-up(correct me if I'm wrong), perhaps "where" you go and "who" you put yourself is what you should expect at the end of the night. Afterall, we are only human, right? I'm a huge cuddler myself, lol.
    Here in Maryland, I belong to a gay men's social group that has grown to approximately 400 members strong--expanding to Virginia, Maryland and Washington, DC. We have year-round healthy activities that include small group gatherings for dinner, movies, plays, sports(CAPS gay softball league), picnics to larger gatherings where we have gone kayaking, road trips, sky-diving(see my profile for photos), horseback riding and such. It was started online to offer alternatives to the "club scene". I think as a whole, we as a gay community do not reach out enough and create healthy alternatives for each other. We can change all that by ourselves. It does however, require putting forth the effort to start such a group. Anyone can start such a group in their own communities! Our group is called WAAMG(West Anne Arundel Men's Group). We utilize the site at www.yahoo.com/groups(I'm sure every server offers similar groups). We get daily digests and communications via emails from/for all members whether they be group calendar event invitations to "Hey...anyone want to go dancing next Friday?" type things to. The great part is there are no membership fees, very little management and still creating a close-knit family. The only costs come when we are going somewhere that has entrance fees, but we get group discounts anyway! Mind you, it doesn't create itself. With any group activity, there is a commitment that everyone expects to help make sure the event goes without incident. NO ILLICIT SEXUAL INVITATIONS are allowed since any posting is instantly sent to EVERY group member. Such behavior is cause to be tossed out the group. However, whatever two(or more) people want to do on their own time is up to them--we just don't use the group to advertise it. Membership is by referral. So, our best advertising is by word-of-mouth. We have guys from the ages of 21- 70(cause they won't admit their true age,lol) and from such professions as police officers, retired judges, firemen, lawyers, scientists, military(active & retired) and everyone in between.
    I encourage others to start their own groups in their communities!
    I hope this was of some help to you and others going through the same situation.
    In brotherhood....Joe
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2589

    Sep 10, 2007 1:18 AM GMT
    Hi there,Steve!First of all,I know this comes pretty late,but congratulations on coming out and getting into the gay life!As one who took longer than average,I know it`s no small achievement.It sounds like you`re making all the right moves!
    Your post was very moving to me as I`ve been through many of the events and feelings you have recently.I know what it`s like to long for a man to be with,just be with,to touch and feel his presence...No,there`s nothing wrong with you in wanting company,and hoping to find it.You`re just like everyone else.The prospect had probably built up in your mind that as soon as you got there the whole world would change,but somehow it didn`t.That`s understandable,given how long you`ve anticipated being open and gay.This happened to me when I began meeting guys again after a long break.Things didn`t change rapidly for me.You`ll maybe need to visit more gay bars and places to get a better feel for things.We all want to find that great guy quickly,easily...It doesn`t usually happen like that.Why don`t you try meeting other guys in a gay/shared interest club?That way you`ll meet others who can be friends as well.You could try other bars to see what their guys are like as well.Meeting places somtimes need to be searched out,you need to find the right one for you.Try to go and meet other guys,talk to them first,give them a smile,don`t wait for one to come to you.I know I make this sound so easy,but once you get talking you`ll be amazed how grateful other guys will be,how they`ll open up,and the evening will go great. Breaking the ice is always hard,but worth it in the long run.I know;I`ve done it myself.
    Don`t forget the other parts of your life(I did for a while,stupidly):work,family and friends,your leisure interests.They`ll help keep you grounded and give you a fully rounded life.You know there`s more to life than your sexuality.
    I find it helps me if I remember how I was even five years ago,how much I`ve changed,how much I`ve done to improve life for myself,what my accomplishments are.Then,however much I feel life is bad now,I look at the difference from five years ago and realize things are moving in the right direction.No life`s perfect,nothing`s perfect,but all we can hope to do is keep moving towards a better place.
    I hope I`ve made some sense for you,and all this gives you some hope or consolation. I`ve had good days and bad days these last few years,and you`ll have them as well,but I don`t regret meeting guys again,or looking for some one special.And I have met someone this summer,and I didn`t think I would.So,try to take heart.You`re not alone.
    If you need any more advice,you could e-mail me,or if you post it up,I`ll try to give you my honest thoughts on the matter.
    Best wishes,John.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Sep 10, 2007 2:26 AM GMT
    Don't make the mistake of GETTING someone to take home on a specific night the live all and end all
    ...
    you want someone in your life?
    then put yourself out there...go where similar minded men will be found
    if you like candlemaking - go to a candlemaking seminar
    if you like politics join a campaign
    get happy in your own skin and people will become attracted to that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2007 2:31 AM GMT
    Steve,

    While I agree with what's been posted here already, I would also add that maybe you'll also assuming that everyone else is clear on what you're looking for and wanting. Are they?

    One thing I've gotten out of these forums is that so many guys are waiting for others to make the first move, and more than often end up without the thing they want. It seem right now, you've a little less wanting the white-picket-fence relationship and more wanting the non-committal play thing (but not going too far). As I have been learning more and more in all aspects of my life, you need to let other people know what you're searching for, as people's mind reading skills aren't too good.

    It sounds like you've found a bunch of nice guys who have been through what you're going through and really want to make sure that you're not taken advantage of, even if that's what you'd like ;-). They're probably like this as they don't want you to be hurt. See if you can talk with them a bit about what you want and enroll them in helping you out. They might help you find some guy, or jump at the opportunity to jump on your bones.