I am... pretty lost.

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    Jun 13, 2013 8:04 AM GMT
    Gonna try and keep this as brief as possible, and thank you in advance to everyone who responds.

    Situation
    I'm in a relationship. Things get rocky (read: really, really fucking rocky -- like, in four months, we'd broken up twice and things hadn't even been that great since the first break-up). A friend asks me if I'd kiss her sexually confused prospective man. I say no.
    Things get worse in my relationship. I get drunk with my class on the last day of the semester. I return to the subject and say yes. The guy, "Steve", is good looking, quiet, and kind, things that don't go unappreciated in my books. We go, we kiss. He looks like he's on Cloud Nine and claims to understand now.
    I break things off with my boyfriend (a couple weeks later), and admit to him that I had kissed another guy (and a lot of women, but he didn't mind as he knows that I'm not sexually attracted to them and mainly do it for fun [and because I adore teasing women]). In the period between then and now, I hung with "Steve" and his friend a few times, all of which went well and were actually a great deal of fun. "Steve" and I talk, and he has feelings for me -- and I discover, before I even think about it, that I've responded to him telling him that I have feelings for him too.
    Fast forward to a few days ago. He messages me, asking me if I'm leading him on. I respond by stating first that I had not made any comments as to whether or not we were inevitably going to end up together, and second that while I do have feelings for him, time will not allow us to see each other this summer. We both have full-time jobs on different shifts, and I live in a rural town while he lives in the city, making it nearly impossible to meet on weekends as neither of us drive. He responds essentially reconfirming that he misunderstands my statements, telling me that he's serious about me and recalling how our kiss made him feel (which was so, so sweet, by the way).

    Questions
    Do I entertain the concept until next semester, and commence dating him then? Or do I encourage him to seek other prospects and go on with my life?
    Would it destroy any hope I have of friendship with my ex, in most likelihood?
    And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues... hard to talk about while keeping this brief) and him (doesn't impress me intellectually although neither of my exes have, his body intimidates me, and if things didn't work out he's in my class so we'll still have to see each other almost every day, and I hate shitting where I eat [lost my v-card to someone in the class... hated my life for weeks afterward]), would it even be wise to pursue this?

    I apologize for my lack of concision. My philosophy professor constantly berates me for it.
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    Jun 13, 2013 9:13 AM GMT
    Thank you kindly for the well-wishes, and if you don't mind my asking, which parts confused you? Perhaps I can clarify or fix any mistakable phrases.
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Jun 13, 2013 9:50 AM GMT
    the summer isnt that long, if you like him tell him you'll date him next semester n keep a bit of contact through texts or skype or w/e, it doesnt have to be complicated unless you make it that way icon_smile.gif

    as for being friends with your ex, if you dont start dating him till next term that will have been plenty of time for you two to have started moving on, i wouldnt doubt that he'd be jealous but the friendship part is just up to him
  • Michaelyolo

    Posts: 10

    Jun 13, 2013 2:03 PM GMT
    Listen to your heart, it's worth a shot. If things don't work out you can always end it on mutual terms. Its not easy but whats the point of being in a relationship that's just screwing things up. All the best icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 13, 2013 2:14 PM GMT
    Great advice from the guys above me. lol, not much I could add to that.

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    Jun 13, 2013 2:28 PM GMT
    1. Listen to your philosophy professor. He's a wise man. icon_wink.gif

    2. As far as your ex is concerned, the bad thing (the kiss) already happened. If he wants to be your friend, he'll get over it. If not, not. Whatever you do now won't change that.

    3. The sequence, "he really wants me; he is dumber than me; he is hotter than me" belongs into the narcissistic spectrum, as evidenced by two zillion forum posts on RealJock. Please go back and recheck your motivation.

    4. There seems to be some disagreement between the two of you about the possibility of seeing each other. He seems to think it's doable in the long run, you seem to think it's not in the medium term. Have you guys ever talked about this openly?

    5. He went out on a limb for you, you are thinking of putting him in the cooler until the summer is over. I predict he'll move on and you'll spend most of the fall semester crying. Costco sells tissues for a song. Not a paid endorsement.

    As your philosophy professor would say, would it kill you to just give it a try? (Plus some mumbo-jumbo about the value of post-industrial hermeneutic epistemology as applied to the existentialist downfall of nihilism, which I will spare you.)
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    Jun 13, 2013 2:32 PM GMT
    themachine said, "As your philosophy professor would say, would it kill you to just give it a try? (Plus some mumbo-jumbo about the value of post-industrial hermeneutic epistemology as applied to the existentialist downfall of nihilism, which I will spare you.)"

    That was very funny. icon_lol.gif

    I think so, too. Why NOT just give it a try, silent_weapon?

    -intrigued
  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Jun 13, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    meninlove said themachine said, "As your philosophy professor would say, would it kill you to just give it a try? (Plus some mumbo-jumbo about the value of post-industrial hermeneutic epistemology as applied to the existentialist downfall of nihilism, which I will spare you.)"


    Haha. I read the OP and the next and thought to myself " are you from Canada, OP ?"

    And it turns out I was right. The english style reminded me of my roommates in canada and many other canadians Ive met who study philosophy and make these type of sentence structures . Really funny how that just sort of seems to be a Canadian English phenomenon.
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:04 PM GMT
    stay with steve! he looks bf material icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:39 PM GMT
    Wooo wooo dude,this so much at one go, your grammar is worse then mine, n by the way mine is baaaad. Anyway dude i think u should chill for a while end your rocky relationship first and just be by yourself for a while. Jumping from one guy to the next is only gonna make things worse. Just stay single *for a while though*, until u knw what u looking for.
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    Jun 13, 2013 4:56 PM GMT
    silent_weapon saidQuestions
    Do I entertain the concept until next semester, and commence dating him then? Sure. Why not? Or do I encourage him to seek other prospects and go on with my life? Sure. Why not? For god's sake it was only a kiss. Tell him you two can pick up after the summer is over. Nothing like a little breathing room to clear the head and allow you to deal with the BF issues.
    Would it destroy any hope I have of friendship with my ex, in most likelihood? Why is this important if you two have such a rocky history?
    And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues... hard to talk about while keeping this brief) and him (doesn't impress me intellectually although neither of my exes have, his body intimidates me, and if things didn't work out he's in my class so we'll still have to see each other almost every day, and I hate shitting where I eat [lost my v-card to someone in the class... hated my life for weeks afterward]), would it even be wise to pursue this? After all that, I change my mind. Do the guy a favor let him go. You're a hot mess.Cute, but a hot mess.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 13, 2013 5:02 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    silent_weapon saidQuestions
    Do I entertain the concept until next semester, and commence dating him then? Sure. Why not? Or do I encourage him to seek other prospects and go on with my life? Sure. Why not? For god's sake it was only a kiss. Tell him you two can pick up after the summer is over. Nothing like a little breathing room to clear the head and allow you to deal with the BF issues.
    Would it destroy any hope I have of friendship with my ex, in most likelihood? Why is this important if you two have such a rocky history?
    And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues... hard to talk about while keeping this brief) and him (doesn't impress me intellectually although neither of my exes have, his body intimidates me, and if things didn't work out he's in my class so we'll still have to see each other almost every day, and I hate shitting where I eat [lost my v-card to someone in the class... hated my life for weeks afterward]), would it even be wise to pursue this? After all that, I change my mind. Do the guy a favor let him go. You're a hot mess.Cute, but a hot mess.


    Lol. Intellectually unimpressive with an intimidating body??? Sounds beefy.icon_twisted.gificon_redface.gificon_razz.gif
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    Jun 13, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    UndercoverMan said
    silent_weapon saidQuestions
    Do I entertain the concept until next semester, and commence dating him then? Sure. Why not? Or do I encourage him to seek other prospects and go on with my life? Sure. Why not? For god's sake it was only a kiss. Tell him you two can pick up after the summer is over. Nothing like a little breathing room to clear the head and allow you to deal with the BF issues.
    Would it destroy any hope I have of friendship with my ex, in most likelihood? Why is this important if you two have such a rocky history?
    And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues... hard to talk about while keeping this brief) and him (doesn't impress me intellectually although neither of my exes have, his body intimidates me, and if things didn't work out he's in my class so we'll still have to see each other almost every day, and I hate shitting where I eat [lost my v-card to someone in the class... hated my life for weeks afterward]), would it even be wise to pursue this? After all that, I change my mind. Do the guy a favor let him go. You're a hot mess.Cute, but a hot mess.


    Lol. Intellectually unimpressive with an intimidating body??? Sounds beefy.icon_twisted.gificon_redface.gificon_razz.gif


    Generally, isn't that what most gays value above all else - a great body. Intellect and conversation (and might I add writing skills) seem to be way down near the bottom of the list.
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    Jun 13, 2013 5:17 PM GMT
    To jackooh, Michaelyolo, and meninlove, thank you very much for the advice (even if just a reiteration).
    Davidolce, yeah. He is.
    Heyom, is it really that obvious? xD;;
    SKM2, I'm afraid I have to disagree regarding our disparity in grammar skills, but that's beside the point. My relationship has been over for more than a month now, and the summer is two and a half more. This is part of the reason why I didn't immediately start seeing "Steve", and the main reason behind this topic: I'm uncertain.

    Alright, now for themachine, heh.
    1: I know. It's pretty terrible. I blame reading far too many old-school authors and poets, and their tendency to overuse semicolons to separate portions of ideas to further flesh them out. xD;
    2: You're completely right, and I greatly appreciate your pointing it out. It hadn't occurred to me in that form yet.
    3: It's slightly more complicated, and referring to any situation as similar (or precisely the same as) any other situation seems more hyperbole than legitimate point. I'm not entirely sure as to what the point of this was, aside from as a jab. I don't believe that I'm horrendously intelligent or anything of the sort. In my own words, he "doesn't impress me intellectually". This is vastly different than saying outright that he isn't more intelligent than me; he simply hasn't impressed me.
    Thank you for calling a realistic person narcissistic though -- point a finger and have three pointing back, Shadow Effect, etc etc.
    4: We haven't really had any time to speak to each other alone since the kiss, and my attempts at telling him about my concerns have failed. I intend on having a long conversation about it in the future, should I pursue a relationship.
    5: Allow me to respond with the OP: "We both have full-time jobs on different shifts, and I live in a rural town while he lives in the city, making it nearly impossible to meet on weekends as neither of us drive." I'm not putting him in the cooler, and he isn't going out on a limb. It's just extremely difficult, if not downright impossible for us to see each other in the foreseeable future.

    Anyways, you seem quite funny, so I'll assume that your implications that I'm both narcissistic and a douche were meant more for comedic value than anything else.

    Again, thank you to everyone who's responded. Your points are helping my thought process along rather well, and I greatly appreciate it.
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    Jun 13, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    HottJoe said
    UndercoverMan said
    silent_weapon saidQuestions
    Do I entertain the concept until next semester, and commence dating him then? Sure. Why not? Or do I encourage him to seek other prospects and go on with my life? Sure. Why not? For god's sake it was only a kiss. Tell him you two can pick up after the summer is over. Nothing like a little breathing room to clear the head and allow you to deal with the BF issues.
    Would it destroy any hope I have of friendship with my ex, in most likelihood? Why is this important if you two have such a rocky history?
    And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues... hard to talk about while keeping this brief) and him (doesn't impress me intellectually although neither of my exes have, his body intimidates me, and if things didn't work out he's in my class so we'll still have to see each other almost every day, and I hate shitting where I eat [lost my v-card to someone in the class... hated my life for weeks afterward]), would it even be wise to pursue this? After all that, I change my mind. Do the guy a favor let him go. You're a hot mess.Cute, but a hot mess.


    Lol. Intellectually unimpressive with an intimidating body??? Sounds beefy.icon_twisted.gificon_redface.gificon_razz.gif


    Generally, isn't that what most gays value above all else - a great body. Intellect and conversation (and might I add writing skills) seem to be way down near the bottom of the list.


    Thank you for the compliment, and I suppose if you'd like to believe that I'm a hot mess, then that's perfectly alright.
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    Jun 13, 2013 5:32 PM GMT
    silent_weapon said
    UndercoverMan said
    HottJoe said
    UndercoverMan said
    silent_weapon saidQuestions
    Do I entertain the concept until next semester, and commence dating him then? Sure. Why not? Or do I encourage him to seek other prospects and go on with my life? Sure. Why not? For god's sake it was only a kiss. Tell him you two can pick up after the summer is over. Nothing like a little breathing room to clear the head and allow you to deal with the BF issues.
    Would it destroy any hope I have of friendship with my ex, in most likelihood? Why is this important if you two have such a rocky history?
    And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues... hard to talk about while keeping this brief) and him (doesn't impress me intellectually although neither of my exes have, his body intimidates me, and if things didn't work out he's in my class so we'll still have to see each other almost every day, and I hate shitting where I eat [lost my v-card to someone in the class... hated my life for weeks afterward]), would it even be wise to pursue this? After all that, I change my mind. Do the guy a favor let him go. You're a hot mess.Cute, but a hot mess.


    Lol. Intellectually unimpressive with an intimidating body??? Sounds beefy.icon_twisted.gificon_redface.gificon_razz.gif


    Generally, isn't that what most gays value above all else - a great body. Intellect and conversation (and might I add writing skills) seem to be way down near the bottom of the list.


    Thank you for the compliment, and I suppose if you'd like to believe that I'm a hot mess, then that's perfectly alright.


    It's only what I believe because it's essentially what you said about yourself: "And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues[emphasis mine]... hard to talk about while keeping this brief)..."
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 13, 2013 5:43 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    silent_weapon said
    UndercoverMan said
    HottJoe said
    UndercoverMan said
    silent_weapon saidQuestions
    Do I entertain the concept until next semester, and commence dating him then? Sure. Why not? Or do I encourage him to seek other prospects and go on with my life? Sure. Why not? For god's sake it was only a kiss. Tell him you two can pick up after the summer is over. Nothing like a little breathing room to clear the head and allow you to deal with the BF issues.
    Would it destroy any hope I have of friendship with my ex, in most likelihood? Why is this important if you two have such a rocky history?
    And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues... hard to talk about while keeping this brief) and him (doesn't impress me intellectually although neither of my exes have, his body intimidates me, and if things didn't work out he's in my class so we'll still have to see each other almost every day, and I hate shitting where I eat [lost my v-card to someone in the class... hated my life for weeks afterward]), would it even be wise to pursue this? After all that, I change my mind. Do the guy a favor let him go. You're a hot mess.Cute, but a hot mess.


    Lol. Intellectually unimpressive with an intimidating body??? Sounds beefy.icon_twisted.gificon_redface.gificon_razz.gif


    Generally, isn't that what most gays value above all else - a great body. Intellect and conversation (and might I add writing skills) seem to be way down near the bottom of the list.


    Thank you for the compliment, and I suppose if you'd like to believe that I'm a hot mess, then that's perfectly alright.


    It's only what I believe because it's essentially what you said about yourself: "And finally, considering my reservations regarding myself (I have issues[emphasis mine]... hard to talk about while keeping this brief)..."


    OP seems like a nice guy, but there is a lesson here! Too many people list their negative traits then expect mind readers to siphon out their good qualities. Saying you're smarter then your date doesn't prove you're smart, lol..... Unless I'm just stooopid, in which case, eff uuu!!!icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 13, 2013 7:30 PM GMT
    What a great thread. Hey OP, if you and steve really want to get together a couple times this summer, then figure it out. There must be a way ... relying on friends, rent-a-car, bus, camping, taking a day off work, or something. If not, then just look forward to seeing each other in the fall.