my straight friend

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    Jun 14, 2013 1:46 PM GMT
    OK so I had been writing this guy who lives in the same city as me for a few months and then he finally gave me his number to hangout... Initially we only talked about dirt bikes and cars... But he did ask me if I was gay before we exchanged numbers... I told him yes... But still got the numberbbecause he said he was straight and don't appreciate it when gay guys come on to him... I told him I wouldn't cross the line.... Anyways so it has been like two months and during this time we hung out a few times and went out to eat as buddies. We have shared so much with one another about our lives... He talked about his female fwb a few times but then he ended it with her.... It was one time he told me he had to go home earlybbecause he was gonna get some pussy but he only ended up getting head from her... I text him good morning and good night every single day... And he responds and we text off and on throughout the day.... Actually it was one day his phone was off and the next day he wrote me and apologized and explained why he had not text me the day before....
    He told me he loves me (no homo) but as a brother and he promises not to go anywhere, and I make him feel good/happy.... And that one day when he is rich he wants to move me in the guest house behind his house... (his words)

    I find myself thinking about him all day like..... Allllll day and I would give him anything if I had it and he needed it... Like from time to time I help him out give him a few bucks when I see him.....
    Lately I have noticed he keeps apologizing for being busy and promises to hang out (some other day to make it up) but at times we text and he is hanging out with some friends......
    So yesterday he wrote on Facebook asking ( "does anyone like me?")
    I text him on his phone asking Uhhhh who wouldn't like you... I do +1 like for you...he deleted his post on Facebook... And after that I turnt my phone off and I woke up to his text just saying... (like me how)........ So I text a long message apologizing for not making it clear and saying that I would never cross the line.... Now I am scared that I might have fucked up with that text..... Truth is.... I have really strong feeling for him...
    .... What do you guys think about this?... Am I trying to read him too hard.... Is it just wishful thinking or could he really be sending mixed signals..... And was I wrong for saying that I like him..... Although I don't know if he wanted girls to reset to that or everyone....
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 14, 2013 2:07 PM GMT
    I used to get all emotionally entangled with straight guys when I was young. Took a long time to learn to not do that to my self.

    As for your question, no, texting him wasn't crossing the line. He asked a question publicly and you replied privately and you just said you like him and that's the truth. Now, he is putting you a bit on the spot by asking you to define 'how' you like him. Even saying that you like him all kinds of ways isn't 'crossing the line' in my book but in his, who knows?

    Is he sending you mixed messages? Yeah, seems that way and that is part of what always seemed to happen when I was getting entangled long ago. Sexuality isn't black and white to begin with. IOW, it isn't so simple as we are 100% this way or that. TBH most of my early sexual exploits were with straight guys. Obviously they weren't 100% straight. But they were straight enough that beyond messing around they were not willing to go.

    That's were we get fucked, emotionally. We want more. We not only want sex, we want an emotional bond like you have with this guy -- and we want it to be mutual, open, honest, up front, accepted, so on and so forth. And right we are to want that. But not every 'no-homo' guy can go there. And so we end up feeling hurt or worse. It sucks.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jun 14, 2013 2:33 PM GMT
    Yes, he's sending mixed signals, and yes, it is wishful thinking on your part.
    He's testing you, and himself. He's sending signals, wanting to find out the reponse, but not able to deal the with response he gets.
    You set yourself up for a difficult situation, but you knew that going in.
    OK, so he know's you're gay, and he's aware that you're attracted to him. Even if he doesn't say that, he knows it. He probably even likes the attention, but he won't admit that either. So, if you just lay it on the line and tell him - yes, I like you - I more than like you - I'm into you and could easily fall in love with you - this would probably come as no surprise to him. Not your fault or his. The heart wants what it wants. But being completely honest may very well be the end of your friendship. That may be best - why let yourself become more emotionally entangled with a man that is not going to respond back.
    Or he may appreciate your honesty - but I don't think he's going to go gay for you.
    What you do need to say is that you told him upfront that you are gay, but that you wouldn't cross the line because you heard him when he said that he was NOT gay. You hang with him because you like him and his company. If you tell him honestly that yes, you like him (when he asks if anyone does) that's your honest response to him as a friend.
    Yes, you're trying to "read" him too hard. You're hoping against hope that he will eventually feel for you the same way you do him - you've admitted to having "stong feelings" for him. Just realize that he probably is not going to return those feelings. He may have some attraction to you, but unless he's gay (which he said he isn't) then he's not going to act on his attraction.
    You have to do what you think is best, but if you're seeking advise, I'd say back off and guard yourself. You're going to get your heart broken, and it sounds like that's already happening. Stay in touch if he wants to, but take a step back and look at what's really happening - you're falling in love with a man that is not going to return that love and setting yourself up for a heart breaking dissappointment.
    Find a guy that is going to love you back.
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    Jun 14, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    MikeW saidI used to get all emotionally entangled with straight guys when I was young. Took a long time to learn to not do that to my self.

    As for your question, no, texting him wasn't crossing the line. He asked a question publicly and you replied privately and you just said you like him and that's the truth. Now, he is putting you a bit on the spot by asking you to define 'how' you like him. Even saying that you like him all kinds of ways isn't 'crossing the line' in my book but in his, who knows?

    Is he sending you mixed messages? Yeah, seems that way and that is part of what always seemed to happen when I was getting entangled long ago. Sexuality isn't black and white to begin with. IOW, it isn't so simple as we are 100% this way or that. TBH most of my early sexual exploits were with straight guys. Obviously they weren't 100% straight. But they were straight enough that beyond messing around they were not willing to go.

    That's were we get fucked, emotionally. We want more. We not only want sex, we want an emotional bond like you have with this guy -- and we want it to be mutual, open, honest, up front, accepted, so on and so forth. And right we are to want that. But not every 'no-homo' guy can go there. And so we end up feeling hurt or worse. It sucks.



    ***** ok you are so right that's what I love more than anything is the fact that emotionally we care and he knows about my orientation but yet there is a bond forming... We tell each other not to go anywhere all the time we make sure one another know that we want to be in each other's lives as friends for a long long time... Actually he told me to never leave.... *****
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    Jun 14, 2013 3:03 PM GMT
    Hothouse saidYes, he's sending mixed signals, and yes, it is wishful thinking on your part.
    He's testing you, and himself. He's sending signals, wanting to find out the reponse, but not able to deal the with response he gets.
    You set yourself up for a difficult situation, but you knew that going in.
    OK, so he know's you're gay, and he's aware that you're attracted to him. Even if he doesn't say that, he knows it. He probably even likes the attention, but he won't admit that either. So, if you just lay it on the line and tell him - yes, I like you - I more than like you - I'm into you and could easily fall in love with you - this would probably come as no surprise to him. Not your fault or his. The heart wants what it wants. But being completely honest may very well be the end of your friendship. That may be best - why let yourself become more emotionally entangled with a man that is not going to respond back.
    Or he may appreciate your honesty - but I don't think he's going to go gay for you.
    What you do need to say is that you told him upfront that you are gay, but that you wouldn't cross the line because you heard him when he said that he was NOT gay. You hang with him because you like him and his company. If you tell him honestly that yes, you like him (when he asks if anyone does) that's your honest response to him as a friend.
    Yes, you're trying to "read" him too hard. You're hoping against hope that he will eventually feel for you the same way you do him - you've admitted to having "stong feelings" for him. Just realize that he probably is not going to return those feelings. He may have some attraction to you, but unless he's gay (which he said he isn't) then he's not going to act on his attraction.
    You have to do what you think is best, but if you're seeking advise, I'd say back off and guard yourself. You're going to get your heart broken, and it sounds like that's already happening. Stay in touch if he wants to, but take a step back and look at what's really happening - you're falling in love with a man that is not going to return that love and setting yourself up for a heart breaking dissappointment.
    Find a guy that is going to love you back.



    ***** Omg it would be really hard for me to cut him off now... I feel like I am indeed being mind fucked, Oooooo and actually he told me that a while ago he let a guy suck his cock for some cash and that he would do it again... With someone he trusted....... Later he came back saying that another guy offered to suck him... I told him go for but he refused saying he didn't know that guy...... I really feel emotionally trapped.... He asked me to never leave or dissappear because it's hard to find good friends... And I said the same... Then from time to time when I text goodnight he will respond.." Wait your going to bed on me " .... Then text for a little longer........ *****
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jun 14, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    You don't need to cut him out of your life.
    You just need to be careful about how emotionally involved you're getting. Just sayin' you need to guard your heart - I don't want to see you get hurt.

    So, he's let a guy suck his cock. That's interesting. He did it for money - so, that means he's not gay - right?
    Or, that's what he wants you to think. He may very well have a sexual attraction to men, but he's not letting on. He's caught up in maintaining a straight appearance.
    If you feel trapped, it's because you are. He's playing you - telling you he'd let a guy suck him, one he trusts. So, is he testing you? Trying to get you to offer to suck him? If you did - would he let you or go back to the "I'm not gay" routine.
    Just be careful with this guy, I know you like him, and I'm not critical of your feelings, we've all been there, I'm just trying to spare you more heartache.

    I don't really think this guy cares as much about you as you think he does. A true friend would not play with your emotions.
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    Jun 14, 2013 3:34 PM GMT
    Hothouse saidYou don't need to cut him out of your life.
    You just need to be careful about how emotionally involved you're getting. Just sayin' you need to guard your heart - I don't want to see you get hurt.

    So, he's let a guy suck his cock. That's interesting. He did it for money - so, that means he's not gay - right?
    Or, that's what he wants you to think. He may very well have a sexual attraction to men, but he's not letting on. He's caught up in maintaining a straight appearance.
    If you feel trapped, it's because you are. He's playing you - telling you he'd let a guy suck him, one he trusts. So, is he testing you? Trying to get you to offer to suck him? If you did - would he let you or go back to the "I'm not gay" routine.
    Just be careful with this guy, I know you like him, and I'm not critical of your feelings, we've all been there, I'm just trying to spare you more heartache.

    I don't really think this guy cares as much about you as you think he does. A true friend would not play with your emotions.



    ***** I can agree with you, and thanks... I keep thinking that he is testing me, on certain subjects, trying to be careful not to ruin the friendship... But you are right... I know fir a fact that I care more for him than he does for me... It's kinda crazy how often I think of him... Just trying to be careful not to cross the line, really hard because... I would cross it if he wanted me to and if there is ever a time that he really wanted me to but I was trying not to mess up and don't.... I will literally hate myself for not... Ugh I even smoked for the first time ever with this guy.. No not cigarettes... And I hate smoke... I don't know how to back up when I feel obligated to make his day.... There isn't nothing I wouldn't do for him=( *****
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jun 14, 2013 3:41 PM GMT
    Pretty obvious you've fallen hard for this guy.
    I can't blame you - but just be careful.
    Set some boundaries for yourself.
    You say there's nothing you wouldn't do for him, well, that might get you into some deep shit, so just be careful and don't let him take advantage of you.

    Think with your head, not your heart or cock.

    I'm just trying to help protect you - hope it all works out for you.
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    Jun 14, 2013 3:51 PM GMT
    Hothouse saidPretty obvious you've fallen hard for this guy.
    I can't blame you - but just be careful.
    Set some boundaries for yourself.
    You say there's nothing you wouldn't do for him, well, that might get you into some deep shit, so just be careful and don't let him take advantage of you.

    Think with your head, not your heart or cock.

    I'm just trying to help protect you - hope it all works out for you.



    ***** definitely will be careful, thank you so much man*****
    *want to add that being in the south normally a lot of interracial friendships get no where.... That contributes to me trying to make everything perfect for him..... But I will start thinking more with my head... It seems the heart knows what it wants but doesn't play by logical rules... O_o*
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    Jun 14, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    imthatguy said
    Hothouse saidYou don't need to cut him out of your life.
    You just need to be careful about how emotionally involved you're getting. Just sayin' you need to guard your heart - I don't want to see you get hurt.

    So, he's let a guy suck his cock. That's interesting. He did it for money - so, that means he's not gay - right?
    Or, that's what he wants you to think. He may very well have a sexual attraction to men, but he's not letting on. He's caught up in maintaining a straight appearance.
    If you feel trapped, it's because you are. He's playing you - telling you he'd let a guy suck him, one he trusts. So, is he testing you? Trying to get you to offer to suck him? If you did - would he let you or go back to the "I'm not gay" routine.
    Just be careful with this guy, I know you like him, and I'm not critical of your feelings, we've all been there, I'm just trying to spare you more heartache.

    I don't really think this guy cares as much about you as you think he does. A true friend would not play with your emotions.



    ***** I can agree with you, and thanks... I keep thinking that he is testing me, on certain subjects, trying to be careful not to ruin the friendship... But you are right... I know fir a fact that I care more for him than he does for me... It's kinda crazy how often I think of him... Just trying to be careful not to cross the line, really hard because... I would cross it if he wanted me to and if there is ever a time that he really wanted me to but I was trying not to mess up and don't.... I will literally hate myself for not... Ugh I even smoked for the first time ever with this guy.. No not cigarettes... And I hate smoke... I don't know how to back up when I feel obligated to make his day.... There isn't nothing I wouldn't do for him=( *****
    Sounds just like what I'm going through. Straight friend/co-worker. Used to flirt with me and be very affectionate. Hugs, high fives, kisses on lips/cheek, butt slaps, etc. I started to fall for him and went overboard with Christmas gifts. He backed off on the affection and got kind of withdrawn from me for 3 months. I suspect he knows I have feelings for. Then he said he wanted us to be friends again but less clinginess. So we're back to sort of being friends, but his affection level went down. I only get hugs/kisses occasionally and he doesn't flirt with me anymore. But I'm absolutely in love with him and it kills me. As was said, "The heart what it wants". Unrequited love is excruciating and their isn't much you can do about it. Just gotta try to keep your emotions in check.
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    Jun 14, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    This is why i don't want to be in a relationship again ..it is too complicated , my little 4 legged mate for company , a good mate with benefits for fun and porn for release , is the perfect combination for me ..lol..
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    Jun 14, 2013 6:33 PM GMT
    Fiyero27 said
    imthatguy said
    Hothouse saidYou don't need to cut him out of your life.
    You just need to be careful about how emotionally involved you're getting. Just sayin' you need to guard your heart - I don't want to see you get hurt.

    So, he's let a guy suck his cock. That's interesting. He did it for money - so, that means he's not gay - right?
    Or, that's what he wants you to think. He may very well have a sexual attraction to men, but he's not letting on. He's caught up in maintaining a straight appearance.
    If you feel trapped, it's because you are. He's playing you - telling you he'd let a guy suck him, one he trusts. So, is he testing you? Trying to get you to offer to suck him? If you did - would he let you or go back to the "I'm not gay" routine.
    Just be careful with this guy, I know you like him, and I'm not critical of your feelings, we've all been there, I'm just trying to spare you more heartache.

    I don't really think this guy cares as much about you as you think he does. A true friend would not play with your emotions.



    ***** I can agree with you, and thanks... I keep thinking that he is testing me, on certain subjects, trying to be careful not to ruin the friendship... But you are right... I know fir a fact that I care more for him than he does for me... It's kinda crazy how often I think of him... Just trying to be careful not to cross the line, really hard because... I would cross it if he wanted me to and if there is ever a time that he really wanted me to but I was trying not to mess up and don't.... I will literally hate myself for not... Ugh I even smoked for the first time ever with this guy.. No not cigarettes... And I hate smoke... I don't know how to back up when I feel obligated to make his day.... There isn't nothing I wouldn't do for him=( *****
    Sounds just like what I'm going through. Straight friend/co-worker. Used to flirt with me and be very affectionate. Hugs, high fives, kisses on lips/cheek, butt slaps, etc. I started to fall for him and went overboard with Christmas gifts. He backed off on the affection and got kind of withdrawn from me for 3 months. I suspect he knows I have feelings for. Then he said he wanted us to be friends again but less clinginess. So we're back to sort of being friends, but his affection level went down. I only get hugs/kisses occasionally and he doesn't flirt with me anymore. But I'm absolutely in love with him and it kills me. As was said, "The heart what it wants". Unrequited love is excruciating and their isn't
    much you can do about it. Just gotta try to keep your emotions in check.







    That's hard to deal with....
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    Jun 14, 2013 6:33 PM GMT
    neffa saidThis is why i don't want to be in a relationship again ..it is too complicated , my little 4 legged mate for company , a good mate with benefits for fun and porn for release , is the perfect combination for me ..lol..



    I have been that way for 3 years me and my dog..... Then he just came out of no where...... .
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    Jun 15, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone