Relationship with parents

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2007 6:55 PM GMT
    How is your relationship with your parents after you have come out? Do you feel you get along better with one than the other or both equally? For me, when I came out, my mom said she suspected and my dad kept quiet the whole time. My parents still love me no matter what. I think it's easier for my mom to talk about things with me and how I am doing with guys and if I am happy though than my dad.
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    Sep 09, 2007 10:00 PM GMT
    My dad died before I came out to anyone, including myself. When I came out to my mother, I vomited. I think she appreciated that and was instantly able to forgive me for being gay due to my projectile offering.
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    Sep 10, 2007 12:31 AM GMT
    Dad knew for sure I was going to hell. Mom's gay nephew completely cut off his family, so she was much more accepting about it. Today Dad accepts me, but I don't know what kind of chances he gives me for making it to heaven.
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    Sep 10, 2007 12:38 AM GMT
    When I came out, my folks were pretty unsuspecting. We ironed through some issues via a psychologist. Although we don't discuss or even acknowledge my sexuality, I know my parents love me no matter what. Interestingly, my parents became very devoted christians since my 'coming out'..hahaha.
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    Sep 10, 2007 12:39 AM GMT
    My relationship with my parents is great.

    Of course, I haven't come out to them, so that's probably why.

    I'll get back to you in October.
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    Sep 10, 2007 12:41 AM GMT
    You almost made me do a spit take, McGay! I was taking a drink of Snapple and read your story. Hilarious!

    I sent my parents a letter when I was 19 because I thought it would be easier. However, I didn't think about how long it would take for them to receive the letter and then to call me back.

    My folks have always been wonderful and very supportive of me being gay. They've also been very nice to my friends and to my boyfriends - even the bad ones. I think it helps that I come from a stoic family that never talks about sensitive subjects more than once.

    I know it was tough for my mother, though, because she is from the generation that blamed mothers for everything, including gay sons.
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Sep 10, 2007 1:05 AM GMT
    My family loves and supports me. My dad of course just found out about 5 months ago. My mom has known for years, but they are divorced and I've never really had a relationship with my father. I'm sorta surprised he still talks with me. Even more so because I think I've talked with him more in the last 5 months than I have in the last 20 years and for two of those months I had no idea he knew. LOL My mom loves my friends and usually adopts them, but as lissenup has said about his mom blaming herself, I believe mine did as well in the beginning. I think mom finally did some soul searching of her own and realized it wasn't her fault after all. That and I convinced her it was actually dad's fault if had to be either one of them. LMAO.

  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Sep 10, 2007 1:31 AM GMT

    Came out at 19 and was immediately disowned. I didn't speak to my parents again until after college, to tell them that I had joined the military and was headed for Iraq (the first time). We reconnected almost ten years later, but my father never quite got over it. He died in May with us still having some issues between us, much to my regret. My mom is not openly hostile anymore, but still in denial about reality. Me being gay is an abstract concept to her, since she has never seen me in an actual relationship. I am bringing my BF home for Christmas for the first time this year, wish me luck!
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2613

    Sep 10, 2007 1:40 AM GMT
    My father died before I came out.I regret not telling him,whatever would have come of it.My mother took it very matter of factly,maybe even depressingly so,like I had just told her I had red hair or something!She`s dead now,and I see her rather unmoved reaction as a measure of her complete acceptance of me;I was her son,end of story.But she would never talk about it with me for all her acceptance...
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    Sep 10, 2007 1:43 AM GMT
    *sigh* Mom knows but dad "can't. It would kill him." (Strongest, greatest man I know.)

    Please. I did make a point though when I pointed out to mom that of my parents' three children (2 sisters, three husbands so far, none extant) that I was the only one to find a decent man (23 years last June.) She was not amused. But she loves me anyway.

    I don't go to Pride parades anymore because the PFLAG contingent just breaks me down.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Sep 10, 2007 1:47 AM GMT
    Mom was cautiously ok with it, and has grown to be totally fine.

    Dad was fine and supportive from day one. I've grown much closer to him than I was before because of it.

    But I've always been close with both parents.
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    Sep 10, 2007 2:13 AM GMT
    My dad died when I was twenty one and in the US on study abroad; it was before I came out. I really wish I'd been able to tell him. He was in the RAF in the second world war, and belonged to a different era. Whenever we went to the beach, we wore a trousers (pants) and a shirt and tie. But I think he would have understood. One of his former business partners (now 83) is gay, and belonged to a generation of men who were forced by the unjust and terrible laws of the UK (now repealed) to live in hiding. My dad was a good friend of his and, so I learn many years after his death, was extremely supportive of him. My sister even has a photo of him wearing a pink shirt!

    My mom, alas, does not seem to accept that homosexuality exists. During a family conversation about Elton John, my sister mentioned his sexuality. Mom: "Oh he's not gay! People do talk a lot of nonsense". We all were silent. Someday, I'm gonna have to bang a guy in front of her, just to show her it's *possible*. Even so, I appreciate that she's not moved by scandal. I'm out to the rest of the family though.

    I love them both, though. I think of them both every day. We are all very part.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 10, 2007 2:13 AM GMT
    My parents have always been perfectly fine about my being gay
    ... But they still stumble every-once-in-awhile

    I have a cousin I haven't seen in decades and my Mom just brought him up for some reason
    stating that he's a nurse and heads the New York chapter of the Barry Manilow fan club
    ...and without skipping a beat said that like me he won't be getting married anytime soon....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2007 3:47 AM GMT
    I think my mom, a social worker, always knew. She asked me when I was 17 and long before I was out to myself, so I avoided the question.

    Mom forced the issue a few years later, when she asked if my "roommate" was gay. After pleading ignorance and that it's none of my business for about 2 hours, she finally said: "You would tell me if you were gay"... followed by popping the question. I gave her an out by asking if she really wanted to know and then said yes. Then we really started talking.

    She'd be OK with pretty much anyone else being gay, but between me being her little baby boy, so good with children, and her desire for grand-children (with slight exaggeration, I am her best hope), she wishes it wasn't so.

    My one regret coming out is that I had my mom tell my dad, so I don't know his initial reaction. Maybe that was better, though. I had no clue how he'd take it (if he even knew that gay people existed). He's the hard sciences absent minded professor type. Turns out he thought I should be "fixed".

    We saw a psychologist (picked by mom) who concluded that I was pretty well adjusted with being gay and wanted to know if they had any problems with it.

    We've come a long way since. Matt and my dad can talk for hours. In some ways, Matt is more of a trusted family member than my brother (thank god this topic deals only with parents).

    Of course, they'd be happier if he married my sister (who at 39 is on the clock) and she had kids....

    Anyhow, given some of the reactions here, I guess I'm pretty lucky.
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    Sep 10, 2007 3:48 AM GMT

    "How is your relationship with your parents after you have come out?"

    For over a dozen+ years my parents (conservative evangelical christians) practically dis-owned me. In their eyes I was 'a sick abomination before god'. they even tried to have me committed once. My mother died before we could rconcile.

    After some intense intervention by my fathers girlfriend (who has a gay son); we finally began to speak to each other again about 2 years ago.

    She even got him to attend my wedding to Iain. We also spent part of last Christmas together - but not while my two sisters were around, since they still don't want to have anything to do with me.

    Lets just say that mine was not a great experience.
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    Sep 10, 2007 4:00 AM GMT
    At first my dad thought it was a phase but I think hes come to terms with the reality of it. And my mom didn't mind from when I first came out. Now that they are more accustomed, their expectations for me are basically the same as if I were straight. My dad doesn't care so long as I eventually start a family and my mom doesn't care so long as I settle down with someone intelligent.
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    Sep 11, 2007 4:53 AM GMT
    When I first came out (age 28) my mom just cried and cried. My dad was more stoic, but I think it saddened him, too. The first 6 months or so, every time I visited, at some point my mom would just start crying. They are doing better now, have met my boyfriend and been very nice. My mom even mentioned us moving back to my very small town to live, saying "I think that people here don't know about what to think about gays because they don't know any." Not sure if I want to be the flag-waver for a small town in Iowa, but who knows?
  • Salubrious

    Posts: 420

    Sep 11, 2007 3:35 PM GMT
    I suppose being of a younger generation, my coming out was a bit different. I reached puberty with the internet, and like any curious teen, I visited a few sites. Needless to say, my mom found out (only after figuring out my brother was looking at porn on the computer too, and she searched all of it) She asked me, and I said I didn't know. I don't think I ever officially came out to any of my family; my mom told my father, and I'm pretty sure she told the rest of the family too. Either that or they don't know... ha.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Sep 11, 2007 3:51 PM GMT
    My parents (mom and step dad) are true believes in free love, and as long as I'm not hurting anyone, and living so i feel true to myself, they support me 100%.
    Whats amusing is, when I came out to my sister (via email), she told me not to tell my father, and that it would kill him, as Im his firstborn, and his only son. However, later that day she told him herself in an effort to make him care less about me (i think...i'm still not sure about it), however he went and bought a computer that day so he too could talk to me via email.
    I know I'm really lucky. Whenever I bring a boy home I'm dating, my mom treats him like another member of the family (which isn't hard to see, i have 3 brothers and 2 sisters, whats one more?).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2007 3:56 PM GMT
    One of my parents is a man and the other is a woman. It's no wonder I'm so fucked up.

    ( i know it's a little off topic, but not very much )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2007 4:26 PM GMT
    Never met my father, mom left him he left my mom for reasons before I was born. She died in 2003 of liver cancer didnt have a chance to tell her. Dont waste time trying to be yourself to your parent/s like I did. You might not get the chance.
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    Sep 11, 2007 4:49 PM GMT
    my mom is having a hard time dealing with it. she just doesn't "want to see it". I guess she means me having guys around, kissing them etc... not that i would have done that with a girl anyways. My dad already knew. He found my porn stash. =) he doesnt care. they both love me just the same i think my mom just hopes i have sex with a girl and change... i have no intention of getting near a woman in that way. Bah...
  • alekzndr

    Posts: 23

    Sep 15, 2007 2:49 PM GMT
    My parents doesn't know....they just confusing why I'm wearing too fit shirt and maskara at night...lolz! So my body fit shirt and the maskara did not affect my relationship with my parents...
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    Sep 26, 2007 4:17 AM GMT
    Well I believe my mom has always known, she left my dad for another woman when I was 2. I never knew him growing up much. Only when I was out of high school did we really start having the father/son relationship. I came out to him some time ago..and now I don't remember the last time I talked to him. I probably shouldn't have told him, but I knew he deserved the truth even if it meant he would disown me, I was tired of living a lie around him.
  • alekzndr

    Posts: 23

    Mar 25, 2008 5:11 PM GMT're right lilmaninsc...and also you're cuteicon_redface.gif