Tim LaHaye "The Unhappy Gays"

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    Nov 02, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    I have a book which I bought in Downtown Los Angeles in 1978. It is called "The Unhappy Gays" by Christian author Tim LaHaye.
    Copyright 1978 by Tim LaHaye, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. It is now likely out of print.
    I just give a brief outline to what this guy had written:
    1. Gives history of homosexuality going back to Sodom and Gomorrah.
    2. Comments on steam baths where gang-bangs took place going back to the Ancient Romans.
    3. Gays' 1970s protest against Anita Bryant who campaigned against gays teaching at schools and adopting children.
    The explosion of gays "coming out" and being militant against a straight society to change the law to their favour for equal rights.
    He lists gays into four categories: The Faggot Queen, the Closet Queen, the Butch and the Typical Homosexual. They tend to be introverted, says he, gifted, artistic, have a high IQ, and tend to be perfectionist. LaHaye also says that many older gays spend a lot of time in the gym, to maintain a perfect physique and remain attractive to others.
    Lahaye also points out that gays are unhappy, and gives 16 reasons. They are
    1. Loneliness. 2. Incredible promiscuity. 3. Deceit. 4. Guilt. 5. Alienation from God. 6. Strong tendency towards selfishness. 7. Rejection. 8. Difficulty in maintaining lasting relationships. 9. Difficulty with self acceptance. 10. Increased social pressure. 11. Increased hostility especially towards women. 12. Vulnerability to Sado-Masochism. 13. Lack of flesh and blood family (no kids). 14.The constant threat of aging. 15. Poorer health and an early death. 16. Greater vulnerability towards depression and suicide.
    Tim LaHaye then gives three main causes of homosexuality which indicates it being a state of mind and nothing amiss physically. These three are
    1. Smother Mothers. 2 Dominant Mothers. 3. Absent or passive Fathers.
    LaHaye then emphasises that homosexuality is a sin and brings the wrath of God. He then gives 18 ways to come out of it, which I won't post here but will if anyone asks.
    What are your views on this book?
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    Nov 02, 2008 6:12 PM GMT


    Doug and Bill's book review:

    Bigotry as an art form.

    The author's writing spews a blackness deliberate in its intent to marginalize an entire demographic. His positioning belies his Christian state of Grace, which he has clearly fallen from.

    -us
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Nov 02, 2008 6:39 PM GMT
    NotThatOld said
    What are your views on this book?
    My view is that you wasted your time and your money, unless you wanted a good laugh.icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Nov 02, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    I am dead set against book burning, but if I ever was tempted to start putting the match to a book, this would be on my top 10. "Mein Kampf" by Adolf Hitler would be up there as well.

    So wonder Christians get a bad name with some gays. Ignorance, stupidity, fear, superstition, bigotry and irrationality all bounded together in one compact package.
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    Nov 02, 2008 6:57 PM GMT
    There are tons of books like this produced every year by evangelicals for evangelicals. They're easy money makers because they have a built in audience eager to buy information (opinions, really) that reinforce what they already believe.

    LaHaye is not a psychologist, he's an evangelist. He really has no place writing on psychoanalysis. And his perspective is obviously biased by his biblical views.

    But it's amazing how many people believe some of these outdated notions about dominant mothers, absent fathers, and all the other maxims about what makes a person gay and what constitutes the life of a gay person. Some people hear this from their pastor and other ill-informed friends and take it to be the verified truth.

    People don't realize how ridiculous those stereotypes are. Do you think many people would expect gay guys to be like the guys here on RJ? I don't think so.

    Many people (older people, conservatives, evangelicals) they have this notion that gay guys are just limp wristed flamboyant theater majors who march in drag.
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    Nov 02, 2008 7:34 PM GMT
    The scary thing is that a young, naive and impressionable gay boy could come across one of these hateful booklets and get really damaged by it. Of course we all feel lonely and miserable at times - who doesn't? - but attributing this as a 'gay' characteristic is just cruel.
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    Nov 02, 2008 7:58 PM GMT
    In the bookstore where I work, his writings are classified in the "Religious Fiction" section. Case closed.
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    Nov 02, 2008 9:09 PM GMT
    this book came out in 1978, it is no longer credible.

    while I agree somewhat on the reason "gays are unhappy", Tim LaHaye's outdated knowledge is revealed by his three main causes of homosexuality which are really rejected fruedian beliefs.
    It has been proven there is a biological difference between straight and gay people regard to brain hemisphere size
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    Nov 02, 2008 11:21 PM GMT
    LaHaye is a terrible author and a bigot. The only thing scarier than a vagina are people who read the Left Behind series as fact, or hell, as good literature.
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    Nov 02, 2008 11:25 PM GMT
    I liked the Left Behind series icon_confused.gif

    Nothing gay in them aside from one lesbian who's only concern after a city swallowing earthquake is the location of her hairbrush.
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    Nov 02, 2008 11:34 PM GMT
    Another example of how a single author can lead towards the negative attitude of an entire group of people. Hopefully people will realize that this kind of nonsense is neither Christian nor the kind of teachings recorded by Christ himself.

    It is no wonder, in my mind, why the majority of the gay community is so anti-Christian. This guy has truly missed the mark in what his faith is all about, and he's not alone there. The gay community needs to stand against these kind of people but not because he's Christian, but because he ignorant and NOT practicing what he preaches. My 2 cents.
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    Nov 02, 2008 11:55 PM GMT
    happy gays are here again
    the skies above are queer again
    let us sing a song of cheer again
    happy gays are here again
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    Nov 02, 2008 11:57 PM GMT
    Well, I do like the "gifted, artistic, have a high IQ" part. icon_cool.gif

    But I happen to be very happy, the happiest I've ever been in my life, with the most friends I've ever had.

    And that happiness began the day I came out, a very late bloomer in deep denial. I had been unhappy & lonely while living straight, not gay, and I now believe it was because I was trying to live the wrong life, which created internal conflicts, confusion, and social awkwardness.

    I did have a strong & accomplished mother, of whom I'm very proud. But my father was equally remarkable, too, a rags-to-riches story, and never absent from my life. I treasure both their memories, and miss them very much.

    I can dispute the other points, too, but I think I'll be preaching to the choir here.
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    Nov 03, 2008 12:08 AM GMT
    Red_Hussein_Vespa said
    I did have a strong & accomplished mother, of whom I'm very proud. But my father was equally remarkable, too, a rags-to-riches story, and never absent from my life. I treasure both their memories, and miss them very much.

    And it is comments like these that prove that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with being gay. I don't understand people's (anti-gays) constant desire to find the cause of being gay as if we were supposed to go up to our parents and be scream "F*CK YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

    But like you said Red, preaching to the choir.
  • vj2004t

    Posts: 203

    Nov 03, 2008 12:11 AM GMT
    The author makes it seem the only people who are happy are married to one man and one woman, but I know couples that are married and unhappy . There are more divorces in the "Church", then ever before so even the church doesn't have the answer for either side. I am gay, out, no guilt, there is someone out there for me, and best of all I love and accept myself.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 03, 2008 1:58 AM GMT
    "They tend to be introverted, says he, gifted, artistic, have a high IQ, and tend to be perfectionist"

    Okay -- this is me. (I'm not trying to sound conceited -- my ex will attest to this too).

    With that said. I am:

    1) A Christian
    2) From a loving home where I received daily love and affirmation from both my father and mother.
    3) I have kids (biological)

    I don't fit the sterotypical "Christian" definition of what makes one a homosexual.

    I will honestly state that I can remember to the EXACT DATE when I was first attracted to men. I was 8 years old! Was that a choice? Does any 8 year old know the difference between gay and straight? I didn't, but I knew from that point on when I grew up I wanted a man for my partner.

    Tim LaHaye is confused on many of his beliefs and teachings. I only hope that those on this forum who are not Christians do not think all Christians are like him. You'd be surprised to find out that there are many who don't agree with him.

    I even had one pastor say that ALL homosexuals are child molestors!

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    Nov 03, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    Although I have not read this book, it sounds like hogwash.

    Why is the fact that many gay men are unhappy evidence that there is something wrong with being gay?

    A lot of straight people are unhappy. Does that mean heterosexuality is wrong?
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Nov 03, 2008 3:31 AM GMT
    mlawl? I wonder if he did an extensive study on enough gays and heteros to make that conclusive list. Everything on that list could be applied to a lot of people, regardless of sexuality, except maybe the children aspect which could be applied to infertiles.

    As for the parenting thing: they're very vague statements and could be applied to parents pretty easily. It's a risky statements because again, this isn't a common feature for homosexuality exclusively.

    It sounds like he just made up a theory he felt rang well in his ears and went with it. But his theory can be applied to a heterosexual respectively, what does that leave us with?
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    Nov 03, 2008 3:58 AM GMT
    Tim LaHaye was publishing way back in '78!?! Who would have thought! And here I thought he was only a much more recent Christian novelist -- the things you miss.

    The man has lately been writing Christian novels of duious, at best, theological validity and value. That should be you quite cynical about his ability to write on homosexuality. He has not the training or background to write authoritatively on the subject. That and 20 yrs ago there was a lot less scientific study or information on homosexuality, so whatever was written back then whatever the slant or background has to be taken in that context, and that now there is a much broader or more informed context both scientific or otherwise, due to both increased scientific knowledge and societal changes and understandings and acceptance.
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    Nov 03, 2008 4:06 AM GMT
    I can recommend an alternative book or two.

    I'd start with Richard Isay's "Being Homosexual" = and follow it with his "Becoming Gay"

    The titles give a sense of what these small but important books contain. The first is about discovering your sexual identity and accepting it. The second is about self-identification as a gay man, which is something different to him: a political, social, relationship-based identification, not a sexual one.

    Isay's work was hugely important in bringing the American Psychoanalytic Association into the modern understanding of homosexuality as NORMAL, not neurotic, and to begin treating gay clients for something besides their sexual attraction. VERY important and very useful stuff.

    There are so many great books to help - where LaHay's book manages to be self-hating disguised as "hope". One classic is The Best Little Boy in the World, but I'm sure there are other newer ones as well.

    Keep looking. And thanks for asking for other opinions! That's the best thing you could do after coming across such propaganda.
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    Nov 03, 2008 6:11 AM GMT
    SockMonkey said Why is the fact that many gay men are unhappy evidence that there is something wrong with being gay? A lot of straight people are unhappy. Does that mean heterosexuality is wrong?

    In Lahayian logic, yes.
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    Nov 03, 2008 6:15 AM GMT
    I'm unhappy, well I thought I was pretty fufilled....

    But if some fundamentalist, bigoted christian author say so I guess I must my life must be worthlessicon_cry.gif
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    Nov 03, 2008 6:26 AM GMT
    HusseinTonyvoyager saidThe scary thing is that a young, naive and impressionable gay boy could come across one of these hateful booklets and get really damaged by it. Of course we all feel lonely and miserable at times - who doesn't? - but attributing this as a 'gay' characteristic is just cruel.


    <<< Poster boy

    For me, it was the book, "How Will I Tell My Mother?" among others. I was also influenced by NARTH's "Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality." All they did was delay the inevitable and drive me to destructive behaviors. Thankfully, I came out before I crashed and burned.

    As for LaHaye's premises about personality/temperament and parenting issues, those factors really resonated with me, back in the day. However, as the years have gone by, I've met many a gay man with a) a great paternal relationship, b) a healthy and balanced maternal relationship, and c) an outgoing personality and average intelligence.

    Hogwash, all of it.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Nov 03, 2008 10:33 AM GMT
    Just another opinion. Another angle. Just because its in a book doesn't make it true.
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    Nov 03, 2008 10:39 AM GMT
    im not trying to rebel or anything buttttt



    im actually pretty happy


    SHOCKER icon_eek.gif