Dating someone who is married

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 5:35 PM GMT
    Have you ever dated someone who is already in a relationship? What was the outcome? Did he leave his partner for you? Or did you eventually walk away?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 6:40 PM GMT
    No. I don't think I could do it unless it was just a booty call.

    I did have a booty call once that said he had a boyfriend. I'm not sure if he was telling the truth. That was the last time I slept with him.

    I still remember showing up at his house, 2-3AM. He says, 'what's new'.
    I said, "School, guys, work."
    He says, "Guys? I thought you were only sleeping with me?"
    Jokes on him. I told him how usually if he didn't get me off I just went over to someone else's house after his. He told me I was disgusting.

    I said, "I am disgusting but what's worse is that you know that I've been sleeping with other guys and you're still gonna fuck me tonight."

    He nodded. I said, "what's new with you?"
    He says, "I have a boyfriend."
    Why am I here? I thought to myself.
    He told me that he would rather have sex with me than his boyfriend. Ughhhhhh

    We fucked, I left like usual and I turned around just as I was opening the front door. I said, "You know I park in front of your house because I also fucked your neighbor and I want him to know when I'm getting fucked by an asshole and I feel really sorry for your boyfriend now."

    That was the last time we spoke.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 7:11 PM GMT
    I couldn't. I have way too much self respect for myself to be a homewrecker and you have to consider that what he is doing to his supposed significant other (cheating) could very easily be done to you in a heartbeat.

    That's a box I'm just not willing to open regardless of what the rewards are. I was actually in a situation like that once. I meet the individual online (of course). We spoke for a bit and things went well. I ASKED him specific questions like "Are you single?" and stuff along those lines. His reply was no and so I figured we should meet sometime and have lunch sometime after we had had several non sexual conversations for a good 2 weeks. No biggie right? Sounds innocent enough to anyone who's just looking. So we meet and have lunch and begin chatting over a nice meal (I paid for my own). Everything was going smoothly until I noticed the ring on his finger. Now mind you I'm very much aware that people like to wear rings and don't really need a reason to wear them. I wear my class ring and my friendship ring sometimes.

    So I asked him about the ring not simply because he had it but because of how it looked. I was definately a wedding ring and his attitude shifted a bit after I mentioned. He started playing around with and then casually took it off. Red Flag. After about 2 minutes of not letting up ont he ring situation I find out he has kids and wife and then he had the nerve to tell me that he has a "buddy" who wouldn't joining for some "fun" if things went well.

    Needless to say I declined the offer. This guy was a really nice guy and very attractive. That fact that he was interested in me was very flattering but I could get the whole idea of sleeping with a married man off my mind. It was something I didn't feel comfortable doing. Also that fact that he had lied to me when I specifically asked him if he was single and other questions of that nature. I was pissed. I simply got up, said "Thanks, but no thanks" and left. He got up and followed me outside and had the nerve to ask what the big deal was? He was like "I thought you were looking for some fun with a fun someone?" I was but in order to have that kind of fun I need them to be honest when ask questions.

    If he had told me the truth I wouldn't have bother investing any time in this guy at all and that somewhat embarassing scene could've been avoided. I would've been cool and just been about my business. Not to be mean or anything but sleeping with someone who's already in a relationship, even an open one, just isn't my cup of tea. I also have quams about dealing with guys who say they are completely straight but enjoy sexual activities with another man from time to time. That is extremely funny to me.

    In my opinion, a completley straight man will have no type of sexual activities with another man even if a lady is in the mix. At best you could call them bisexual and that's cool too but they are most definately not straight and vice versa for the gay guys who claim to be gay but catch a case of being "straight" just ain't my deal either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 7:43 PM GMT
    In a closed relationship? That is a no from the outset. Will they leave their partner for you? Pretty unlikely in my view, if they were that unhappy in the relationship then they would be out of the door already. If they did leave for you just who would you be getting? You are dealing with someone who is willing to cheat and lie to the person that they are closest to. There is no way that isn't going to turn around and bite you sooner or later.

    Now, there is a big difference with an open relationship, and by that I do mean a really open relationship, one where both partners are aware that it's open and are honest about their partners. Yes, I am in an open relationship, it's not always easy. I have one partner outside that relationship and they too are in an open relationship. My two partners have met, I have met my partners partner. That can be a bit weird, but there is honesty and trust between the four of us, well I guess as far as there can be between partners.

    Now, I haven't met my open relationships partners partners if that makes sense to you, but they are much more on the level of f**k buddies, and to my partners frustration that seems to be all that they are. There are a lot of guys out there who are perfectly willing to play with a partner who is in a relationship, but they don't want the commitment that goes with it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 7:44 PM GMT
    This is an interesting question. I'm sure most of us would say we wouldn't want to get into such a complicated situation, and that we'd feel crappy about how we're colluding with the deception of his partner.

    But humans being what they are we constantly get ourselves into sticky situations and wonder how the hell it happened. I guess some of us are just so starved for affection that it's impossible to turn down. That's easier to understand than just wanting to get off. And what happens when you really do have an incredible connection with the guy? How many can just walk away?

    I'm certainly no angel. I fucked this guy on the sly and felt so bad about it that I screwed his boyfriend on the DL too - in a weird way I felt that was more 'fair'. Crazy, huh? (I was veeeeeery young back then).
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Nov 02, 2008 8:15 PM GMT
    I dated a guy who was getting married to his boyfriend of five years when I was in college. They were supposed to get married when we first met, but his guy was treating him like crap. He was a really great guy, but I always felt like I was always holding back a little bit. It sucks to develop feelings for someone you ultimately can't have. Eventually, I broke it off, but and I heard he ended up getting married.

    I never expected anything else. People don't generally break off marriages for the guy they're having an affair with or whatever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 8:56 PM GMT
    Messing with or dating someone who's married just puts you in a likely predicament that's pretty common--DRAMA. I did my share of messing with married men & nothing good ever came out of it. I figure if you're gonna go outside of the boundaries of your relationship, when asked are you single or married, then you need to be honest in telling the truth about it & if that 3rd person decides to put up with it, then that's their self-esteem/-respect on the line. If you're going outside of your relationship with that 3rd person, then they're not your wife/husband/lover/partner. They are just someone that you can come home to after you run the streets playing with trash. As crude as that sounds, its the truth. Now there is NOTHING more funnier than thinking that you're all that & a bag of chips & yet, you realise since you can't get your own man, you've got to get someone else's. One guy who I messed around with, yes I knew he had a bf but dammit, I needed some affection, no matter the cost. Then I woke up & I realised that his bf JUST puts up with it (he did the dirt in the house that he shares with him; now tell me that he doesn't treat him like CRAP) & I said to myself better him than me. He even told me that once he & the bf got married, it was no more playing around--Yeah to the right. If you're gonna play around with others on your better ½ BEFORE you make that commitment, chances are likely you're gonna do it AFTERWARDS. Marrying them isn't gonna change them ONE BIT. Come to think of it, trying to change them is nothing more than a complete waste of time. I've learned my lesson on being down with O.P.P. I've also come to learn & let a lot of other guys who are spoken for, know that if they want me to be on the side for them, their wallets need to be loaded & open. If you think that's selfish, then so be it. It's no more selfish than the man who makes the person that they're supposed to be committed to put up with it.

    Aside from that, the guy who told me he has a bf went on and eventually married him. Was I bothered? Not in the LEAST BIT. Why? Because he found someone who was willing to have him just for the sake of being alone while he did his dirt out in the streets.

    Moral is this--
    It takes 2 to tango & both parties, the married one doing their dirt & the 3rd, have absolutely no respect for the person that they have at home. If you got it good at home, you leave the drama & trash out there where it belongs- In the streets.

    There's my 2 cents & I'm done!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 10:45 PM GMT
    I did regularly fool around with a guy who was in an open relationship. At the time, I didn't have the sense to confirm with the boyfriend if it was an open relationship or not.

    But we had a great time together. He was fun, could hold a conversation, and smoking hot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2008 11:30 PM GMT
    Yeah, for a brief time. We met through a gay online service in Seattle where we lived, and he told me he and his partner had an open relationship, in which he was allowed to fool around. We agreed to meet at his place for the first time, the partner at work, and soon we were kissing on the sofa and fondling dicks, then decided to head for the bedroom.

    I could see the master bedroom at the end of a hallway, and for some reason I was walking ahead of him.

    "No, not there," he said behind me. "In here," as he pointed to another doorway along the hallway. "That's our bedroom, I don't wanna do anything on our bed with somebody else."

    That made me wonder if theirs really was an open relationship, or if this was a simple case of cheating. But my hardon was already sticking out past my open pants, a little late for me to be having second thoughts, so I followed him into the guest bedroom.

    The sex was fantastic, BTW, and we got together a few more times at his place, once going onto his cabin cruiser that was docked there at his lakefront property on Lake Washington. But our schedule was built around things like when his partner was out of town, making me increasingly uncomfortable with the secretiveness, so I decided to break it off.

    About 6 months after I stopped seeing him, a friend of mine who knew them both said they had split, each moving away to different states. And he confirmed my suspicions, saying my "trick" got caught by his partner with another guy, causing a very nasty break-up. The details of which flashed around the Seattle gay community, because they were both prominent & wealthy, the other partner additionally being a member of the gay Seattle Men's Chorus (SMC).

    [I went on to have a very strange couple of tricks with the SMC's Business Manager at the time, which makes a funny story on its own]

    I'm just glad it wasn't me who got caught with him. And I've never knowingly cheated with another married guy again.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Nov 03, 2008 1:34 AM GMT
    hope u guys wore condoms! This is what annoys me about guys who swear their relationship is monogamous and then wonder why or how they got an std or hiv- wear a condom every time!!
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Nov 03, 2008 7:15 PM GMT
    I dated a guy who was married, to a female, had 5 kids. More like friends and good fuck buddies. He moved to Texas, to bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2008 7:28 PM GMT
    The moment I found out we were done. If you will cheat on your partner you'll cheat on me. Why be bothered with that noise!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 03, 2008 11:48 PM GMT
    Come now ....
    we're not advocating being the "other" man are we?

    I have probably dated a man or two or was either married or in a relationship without being aware of it
    But why the hell would I do it on purpose?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2008 11:50 PM GMT
    I've slept with several, but never 'dated' them....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2008 12:07 AM GMT
    I'd want nothing to do with the bum. Besides, if he is willing to play with me, who will he cheat on me with if we ever became monogamous?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2008 12:11 AM GMT
    GQjock saidCome now ....
    we're not advocating being the "other" man are we?

    I have probably dated a man or two or was either married or in a relationship without being aware of it
    But why the hell would I do it on purpose?


    True, but did you date them because they said they were single? or did you just not ask if they were i na relationship. People tend to let things slip their minds if they find someone attractive... like condoms... or partners...

    I'm not calling you out, I would just like to know. This isn't directed towards you: I hate it when people who don't ask questions and get burned get pissed off about it. It may be his fault, yes, but its also the "victim's" fault for not asking questions.

    On the topic.... I've definitely slept with people who were in relationships. I don't feel good about it, even though they said they were in open relationships. I'd actually prefer to sleep with the couple... than the individual person, at least they're not going behind their partner's back. Speaking of which: how about this question. Have you ever slept with couples? How was the dynamic? Did you prefer one over the other and how'd that end up?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2008 3:39 PM GMT
    What if the person you are dating says their relationship is over but they're still living together for various reasons?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2008 3:44 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidWhat if the person you are dating says their relationship is over but they're still living together for various reasons?

    Don't believe him.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 04, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    True, but did you date them because they said they were single? or did you just not ask if they were i na relationship.

    If a guy asks me out
    The first words out of my mouth aren't .... Dude you don't happen to have a wife or a boyfriend at home do you?

    Usually that's a definition in terms

    and if I found out later on ... There would be a Real ... WTF ! moment
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 05, 2008 12:21 AM GMT
    Blackmail him, make some money.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 05, 2008 10:52 AM GMT
    McGay saidBlackmail him, make some money.



    What makes you think I haven't ? icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 05, 2008 11:22 AM GMT
    What if he were to say that the relationship is over but he's actually his carer, ie, his ex-partner is ill ?

    This is all hypothetical, obviously.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 05, 2008 1:44 PM GMT
    Of course all this is hypothetical.....

    If his job is as his carer then I guess it should be fine.

    On the other hand if he does out of the kindness of his heart then I'd be very wary. There's the reverse Nightingale syndrome and all the time the caring would eat out of the relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 05, 2008 2:12 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidWhat if he were to say that the relationship is over but he's actually his carer, ie, his ex-partner is ill ?

    This is all hypothetical, obviously.


    what if is partner only had one eye and 3 legs would ya fuck him then, would ya, would ya? icon_lol.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 05, 2008 2:17 PM GMT
    I don't think I'd ever willingly go for someone who was in a relationship, but I can't say never.