am i asexual, have intimacy issues or is it just my anxiety?

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    Jun 16, 2013 6:13 PM GMT
    alright, i've NEVER dated anybody before and am scared as all hell to. same thing with sex too. i pretty much have had chances to date women and men throughout my life but i didn't want to and even if i did, i just couldn't bring myself to go along with it. my stomach would basically ball in a knot or i would get really frightened when i realized that someone had their damn sights set on me.

    i remember being in high school where there were some girls that wanted to date me and they let me know. at the time, i was going through my a big internal struggle concerning my sexual orientation but @ the same time, i wanted to date women to see what it was like. whenever there were females that were all showing interests, i just crawled up in a ball and deflected their advances out of fear. i just couldn't do it. even if they got naked in front of me and were like "do me", i would probably be too scared and terrified to put it in them. i pretty much went through this whole entire process trying to convince myself that i was straight, knowing that i was gay and basically dodging females and males and anything that pertained to love and romance. the strange thing was that i wanted to be in love.

    after figuring things out, coming to terms with being gay and all, i'm still in the same situation. there's some guys that i wouldn't mind dating or having sex with BUT i'm scared as fuck. whenever i see a situation with a guy where he's like looking @ me like icon_biggrin.gif "you wanna do something later?" i'm like "uhhhhhhh.. no" because i'll just get scared out of my wits, nervous, anxious, and frightened @ the thought of having sex or dating him or anybody for that matter. it annoys me because i feel as if something within me is holding me back but i don't know what it is. it just causes me great anxiety so i just avoid it altogether. it has caused me to delete all my dating and hookup accounts because the fear just overwhelms me.

    as far as i know or can recall from memory, i've never been sexually abused or molested. there's plenty of folks that have been sexually abused or molested that are able to get involved in relationships and have sex freely with no qualms about it so what the fuck is wrong with me. i don't want to end up missing out on any good relationships simply because i'm scared as hell or make a guy that i'm interested in dating or fucking to think that i'm uninterested when i actually am.
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    Jun 16, 2013 8:22 PM GMT
    obv the answer is c)
    take proactive steps to overcome your anxiety...

    grow up man, you obv know the answer to your question...
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    Jun 17, 2013 1:00 AM GMT
    To be asexual is to not be interested in sex. I am no psychiatrist, but I don't think you are genuinely disinterested in the idea of having sex with someone. You might have intimacy issue, but I think the bigger issue to tackle here is your anxiety in these situations.

    It is an immensely challenging tasks to determine what makes you anxious. A lot of the times, it is an indirect result of something that may not seem related to what you are anxious about at all. I was diagnosed with mild anxiety disorder when I was working with a few psychiatrists last year, and have been trying to figure out what might be causing it ever since.

    I highly recommend you to see a professional about this when you can, especially if this is a problem that's been affecting your daily activities substantially. Good psychiatrists are competent in breaking down a problem into multiple components, which allow them to ask you a necessary set of questions that can guide you to the cause of your anxiety. Or may be what you are suffering from isn't anxiety at all, but something wholly different. In any case, complications like this is often too difficult to be sorted out properly by someone without an extensive experience in psychiatry.
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    Jun 17, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    I think you just need to do it. Force yourself to experiment and you'll get over your anxiety of being in that situation. I'm pretty sure most people who have sex for the first time are a bit freaked out about it, and probably self conscious.
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    Jun 17, 2013 3:19 AM GMT
    ataraxia saidobv the answer is c)
    take proactive steps to overcome your anxiety...

    grow up man, you obv know the answer to your question...


    yeah but.... that would be actually having sex. not going to lie. i just don't want to do it with anybody though, you know. i actually want to do it with a guy that has an understanding of where my head is at and where i'm coming from. i'm NOT searching for the one or my future husband but i'm not searching for someone who wants to treat me like i'm some easy nut either.

    stevee90 saidTo be asexual is to not be interested in sex. I am no psychiatrist, but I don't think you are genuinely disinterested in the idea of having sex with someone. You might have intimacy issue, but I think the bigger issue to tackle here is your anxiety in these situations.

    It is an immensely challenging tasks to determine what makes you anxious. A lot of the times, it is an indirect result of something that may not seem related to what you are anxious about at all. I was diagnosed with mild anxiety disorder when I was working with a few psychiatrists last year, and have been trying to figure out what might be causing it ever since.

    I highly recommend you to see a professional about this when you can, especially if this is a problem that's been affecting your daily activities substantially. Good psychiatrists are competent in breaking down a problem into multiple components, which allow them to ask you a necessary set of questions that can guide you to the cause of your anxiety. Or may be what you are suffering from isn't anxiety at all, but something wholly different. In any case, complications like this is often too difficult to be sorted out properly by someone without an extensive experience in psychiatry.


    well, i've actually been seeing a shrink and actually have a paper where there's a phone number to talk to therapist and shrinks that are in training at the local university. i'm on anti depressant meds BUT i will be off them by next sunday. there's really nothing much that i can do to control my anxiety except to learn how to live with it. i feel that it would help if i dealt with a guy who wasn't pushy or was willing to walk through this shit with me since it seems like folks just want to cut to the chase. i basically want to do all of this slowly, you know, because i would say that it's a matter of trust too because if i don't trust somebody, i'm not going to share myself with them. then work my way to possibly a fuck buddy or a boyfriend even BUT then again, i think i'm pretty far in the acceptance that i'm gay process where i think i can handle that now compared to a year ago.

    in all honesty though, i think that the best thing that a guy could do for me is to basically give me a hug and tell me everything is okay because they would understand that i'm pretty much showing me some support with this. it doesn't hurt to show someone that you care by basically saying "i gotcha back".

    S34n05 saidI think you just need to do it. Force yourself to experiment and you'll get over your anxiety of being in that situation. I'm pretty sure most people who have sex for the first time are a bit freaked out about it, and probably self conscious.


    well, i was actually contemplating about doing that on saturday. thought about going down to this gay bar where they have their main party night on saturday, and hooking up with somebody. either that or just go to adam4adam for the fuck of it.

    you know, it's just one of those weird things. it's like i could have sex and lose it because the options and things to do it is RIGHT there. it may not be with someone who i like BUT it's right there. there's been a couple of times where i was THAT close to doing it but then there was that thought that said "just wait. don't lose it yet. do it with a guy that actually gives a fuck about you." i know virginity and inexperience is really nothing but an idea and the first time might be wack as hell BUT i guess that i just want to walk away with something meaningful like a lesson or a self discovery or something in that nature though. don't know why that is. maybe i should just wait it out a little longer.
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    Jun 17, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    It sounds like it's your anxiety.
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    Jun 17, 2013 5:26 AM GMT
    It's anxiety. I get the same way but less so than you. I've never been in a relationship either, but I do have sex. I can enjoy someone for a time being before it starts to cramp my singledom. 2 years in therapy so far.
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    Jun 17, 2013 9:27 AM GMT
    i was more alluding to the fact that you should take steps to solve your anxiety...not get laid...

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    Jun 17, 2013 10:16 AM GMT
    bluey2223 saidIt's anxiety. I get the same way but less so than you. I've never been in a relationship either, but I do have sex. I can enjoy someone for a time being before it starts to cramp my singledom. 2 years in therapy so far.


    This would be me, minus the therapy part. Guess I should make an appointment.
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    Jun 18, 2013 5:20 AM GMT
    hoosier_daddy said
    bluey2223 saidIt's anxiety. I get the same way but less so than you. I've never been in a relationship either, but I do have sex. I can enjoy someone for a time being before it starts to cramp my singledom. 2 years in therapy so far.


    This would be me, minus the therapy part. Guess I should make an appointment.


    I couldn't express my emotions or recognize when I was feeling one. I was too focused on me to notice other people. I wouldn't listen to people when they talked and would over think shit and not check things out with people, causing me to assume the worst. I've learned quite a lot in therapy and still improving.