Working with gay coworkers

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2013 7:55 PM GMT
    So just started a new job, and been working there for about two weeks and there are 6 gay gays that I work with. And they all seem really vivacious, and very much extroverted, while I am not. It's already pretty taxing giving off pseudo smiles, and acts of flirtation to customers, but I have to miss lead my coworkers into thinking i'm basically one of them. But all I want to do inside is walk away and just sit the break room alone and relax, and not have to deal with them.

    I know I can't keep this charade up any longer, so I was wondering what's the best method to basically coming out to my gay coworkers that i'm not like the rest of them, personality wise.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2013 8:12 PM GMT
    You don't need to vocalise or make excuses for who you are. Just be who you are, and they will learn your character.

    This applies to everyone you meet; not just other gays.
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    Jun 16, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    If you're not like them just do you,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    I'm the only gay in my squadron! it has it's own advantages sometimes.
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    Jun 16, 2013 8:34 PM GMT
    Perhaps you have no flair for your current job.
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    Jun 16, 2013 8:39 PM GMT
    turbobilly saidPerhaps you have no flair for your current job.


    I would give anything to be able to act like that on the clock.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Jun 16, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    Try doing cocaine at the beginning of the day to get u amped up.

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    Jun 16, 2013 8:47 PM GMT
    In my experience, I would say be careful, this "pack of homo hyenas" already have established their territory and can be vicious when defending, if you haven't learned a thing about gay guys in group cliques, just look to the clubs, caddy, eye up and down, cock-blocking, whispering to others in a group..etc, if you don't fit in, you don't fit in. You know you don't already so introduce yourself but keep your distance from the pack at work. As with any gay guy group, THEY will need to decide whether you are worthy of clique indoctrination, I am sure these gay boys act the same outside of work too.

    Maybe it will happen or maybe it wont, don't give them your weakness otherwise they could turn and stab you when you cross one of them or wear the wrong type clothing, talk about you behind your back to other coworkers.

    Unless you want to be in their clique, is not for everyone, I would suggest making friends openly with the straight women or men at work, if these people know the homo clique, they would instantly see the difference between you and them

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    Jun 16, 2013 9:21 PM GMT
    scruffLA saidIn my experience, I would say be careful, this "pack of homo hyenas" already have established their territory and can be vicious when defending, if you haven't learned a thing about gay guys in group cliques, just look to the clubs, caddy, eye up and down, cock-blocking, whispering to others in a group..etc, if you don't fit in, you don't fit in. You know you don't already so introduce yourself but keep your distance from the pack at work. As with any gay guy group, THEY will need to decide whether you are worthy of clique indoctrination, I am sure these gay boys act the same outside of work too.

    Maybe it will happen or maybe it wont, don't give them your weakness otherwise they could turn and stab you when you cross one of them or wear the wrong type clothing, talk about you behind your back to other coworkers.

    Unless you want to be in their clique, is not for everyone, I would suggest making friends openly with the straight women or men at work, if these people know the homo clique, they would instantly see the difference between you and them



    yea they are very cliquish, but to be honest there is no way in hell I would be caught dead to want to be part of that. They love to gossip which I find tasteless, and quite frankly a waste of time. I've never really cared enough when people tell me "you can't sit with us" (totally channeling mean girls, but quite frankly that's what they are).

    I'm not afraid of them what so ever, but because they are just a bunch of girls really, but they do have the upper hand in numbers, and if it comes down to it, it's their word agents mine.
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    Jun 16, 2013 9:36 PM GMT
    Um ....tell them?

    Not all of us are vivacious men with tons of energy. They should (I emphasize should, not necessarily will) understand.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2013 9:40 PM GMT
    You're overthinking it. Just be yourself and let the others figure it out for themselves.
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    Jun 16, 2013 10:00 PM GMT
    Mesmer said
    scruffLA said





    yea they are very cliquish, but to be honest there is no way in hell I would be caught dead to want to be part of that. They love to gossip which I find tasteless, and quite frankly a waste of time. I've never really cared enough when people tell me "you can't sit with us" (totally channeling mean girls, but quite frankly that's what they are).

    I'm not afraid of them what so ever, but because they are just a bunch of girls really, but they do have the upper hand in numbers, and if it comes down to it, it's their word agents mine.


    Im sorry to hear that, but as expected, its unfortunate that this behavior is widely recognized among gay men the "pack mentality" and the separatism that goes along with it, its no wonder many newly out gay men feel as though they don't fit into any gay cultural subgroups, we are supposed to be and act like a "community"

    Generally, in any work situation, there is an old saying, (CYOA), cover your own ass, a clique looks out for each other, you must do the same on your own, and hold your own and rise above it, if you try to climb to fast at work, they will take notice, CYOA

    Good luck
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 16, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    Import saidTry doing cocaine at the beginning of the day to get u amped up.


    don't do that!!! ... they'll want some too and will get all cut throat if you don't share
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2013 11:01 PM GMT
    Don't forget you don't know them that well yet either. Once you learn more about them as individuals you may find your initial judgements were unfair.
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    Jun 16, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    Ohno saidDon't forget you don't know them that well yet either. Once you learn more about them as individuals you may find your initial judgements were unfair.


    I work with them for two weeks. In that amount of time you should know their work habits. Trust me I know.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 17, 2013 2:35 AM GMT
    kill them all
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 17, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    You're like Fantine. Don't let those bitches push you around!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    What do you do exactly? Why do you care enough about being in this co-worker "group" if you don't like them or they way they act anyways?
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jun 17, 2013 2:51 AM GMT
    What is this about flirting with customers?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    Do you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    Don't think of them as "them" just because they and you are gay. Build individual relationships with each of them so that you understand each of them and each of them understands you. This isnt gay advice. Just advice.