I want to be exclusive with someone who isn't sure.

  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    Jun 17, 2013 9:53 PM GMT
    I am not experienced in dating or relationships.... But I've been on 5 dates with someone and we seem to be getting in really well. I've told him how I feel towards him but he said he's not 100% sure yet (which is fair enough, i can't force him and its early stages) The problem is, I've been on dates with other guys and never felt the same way like I do with this guy, I want him to be my boyfriend but am now worried to ask him because he isn't sure yet. Do I wait for him to tell me? Or do I wait a few more dates then ask him?
    He said he really enjoys himself when we meet up so that's a good sign and now he is talking about days he is free to spend a full day with me (we only spend about 7 hours together usually) so I presume that's a good sign if he wants longer with me. But I'm just confused how he feels towards me. How long is it usually before you go from dating into a relationship? I don't want to rush things though..
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    Jun 17, 2013 10:03 PM GMT
    Sounds more like desperation and/or codependency.
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    Jun 18, 2013 4:45 AM GMT
    I don't read any kind of pathology into this situation, which you should give some time.
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    Jun 18, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    You're having open communication with him. You stated how you feel. He stated how he feels AND he is spending time with you.

    Consider relaxing, being patient, and enjoying the blessing of the good times with him. Consider giving him the time he needs. Commitment and monogamy can be rushed, but many times with disastrous results.

    Also I suggest the book, "The Monogamy Myth" by Peggy Vaughn as a great read to get a better understanding of just what it really takes to make a commitment of monogamy work and how to avoid disaster in the first place.

    Good luck and I hope that things work out for you and your bf!
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    Jun 18, 2013 8:05 AM GMT
    Stop. You seem really anxious to get to the boyfriend stage, and you're going to miss the journey along the way.
    Take your breath and slow down.
    The guy's not sure, so take your time to get to know him. He still wants to date you, so plan another date with him.
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Jun 18, 2013 12:16 PM GMT
    Macaque saidStop. You seem really anxious to get to the boyfriend stage, and you're going to miss the journey along the way.
    Take your breath and slow down.
    The guy's not sure, so take your time to get to know him. He still wants to date you, so plan another date with him.


    He's scared of rejection. =/

    Not knowing always kills an individual, but you just have to chill out and take a breather.
    I know its going to sound extremely stupid but find a hobby to keep your mind off of that tough, I also exclusively date 1 person, it's a bit tough especially if the feeling isn't reciprocated but hey, it's worth it at the end.

    Just breathe.