At what point should "we" get tested?

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    Jun 18, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    I'm OCD when it comes to safe sex(which is probably why I don't have that much sex as when is anyone really safe) - constantly plagued by the fear of catching something which I think inhibits me on a sexual level.

    What I wanted to know is, when is it okay to ask a guy you're dating to go and get tested with you and is there anyone out there that feels the same?

    condoms are good but condoms plus a negative status would give me peace of mind lol
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    Jun 18, 2013 7:31 PM GMT
    For starters, you should be testing yourself regularily for all STIs (not just HIV) so that you have an ongoing record of your results.

    Once you meet someone, and things are progressing to a point where you want to think about not using condoms, you need to both discuss the situation together to make sure are on the same page with what you expect from each other and the relationship. When this talk will happen will vary from couple to couple. It's one of those things that "you'll know" when it is time. If there is anything that isn't in synch, keep using condoms until you both work it out.

    If and when everything is "in order" in the relationship, then you should both go together to be tested and both go for the results together. I would do at least three testings before going without condoms.

    HOWEVER you both should be prepared that something may show up on a test that neither one of you were aware that the other had. You both need to be honest about how you would respond if one of you did test positive for something, and whether or not it would impact continuing the relationship.

    Personally, if I didn't trust someone enough to give them the key to my apartment and/or the access code to my ATM card, I certainly wouldn't trust them with my sexual health.
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    Jun 18, 2013 10:23 PM GMT
    xanadude said...things are progressing to a point where you want to think about not using condoms...
    I can't agree with this. Perfect relationships do exist but in the end it's still a gamble if you're not practicing safe sex. People are people. Several years later your partner may be getting bored with you and get drunk when he's away and have unsafe sex with a random encounter and never tell you about it.
  • Apparition

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    Jun 19, 2013 5:07 AM GMT
    GoldenBrown saidI'm OCD when it comes to safe sex(which is probably why I don't have that much sex as when is anyone really safe) - constantly plagued by the fear of catching something which I think inhibits me on a sexual level.

    What I wanted to know is, when is it okay to ask a guy you're dating to go and get tested with you and is there anyone out there that feels the same?

    condoms are good but condoms plus a negative status would give me peace of mind lol



    Um it's always okay to ask him if he has been tested. In fact before you meet him in person is a great time.

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    Jun 24, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    GoldenBrown saidI'm OCD when it comes to safe sex(which is probably why I don't have that much sex as when is anyone really safe) - constantly plagued by the fear of catching something which I think inhibits me on a sexual level.

    What I wanted to know is, when is it okay to ask a guy you're dating to go and get tested with you and is there anyone out there that feels the same?

    condoms are good but condoms plus a negative status would give me peace of mind lol



    ^sexually repressive bubbles went out in the 1960's, returned in the 1980's, went out again in the 1990's and apparently is back again in 2010's, each generation seems to have their own "sexual revolution", forced or not forced, just don't deprive yourself because of your own paranoia as "catching something" is part of human interaction and life, a life is what you will never have if you don't get over your fear, stay in your bubble as long as you can and don't ever get sick, I can tell you your body will never build up immune defenses against anything, this is why some want to ban antibacterial hand soap and some parents are anti vaccination shots for there kids

    like is a flu shot really needed because the government told you needed one? I will let my own immune system battle it out

    Before Aids and the wide spread knowledge of immune compromise, there was The Boy In the Plastic Bubble

    oagq8linmxvkp7y0wr0ne8lcqnxwndh0vu2ok906

    The film centers on the life of Tod Lubitch, who was born with an improperly functioning immune system. This means that contact with unfiltered air may kill him, so he must live out his life in incubator-like conditions. He lives with his parents, since they decided to move him from Texas Children's Hospital where he was being kept as a boy. He is constricted to staying in his room all his life, where he eats, learns, reads, and exercises, while being protected from the outside world by various coverings.

    As Tod grows up, he wishes to see more of the outside world and meet regular people his age. He is enrolled at the local school after being equipped with suitable protective clothing, similar in style to a space suit. He falls in love with his next door neighbor, Gina Biggs, and he must decide between following his heart and facing near-certain death, or remaining in his protective bubble forever. In the end, after having a discussion with his doctor who tells him he has built up some immunities which may possibly be enough to survive the real world, he steps outside his house, unprotected, and he and Gina ride off on her horse.

    How ironic that Robert Reed, aka Mr Brady, starred in this 1976 movie as the dad, Robert Reed as we all know died from the immune comprising effect of Aids, here is the whole movie

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    Jun 24, 2013 2:34 PM GMT
    GoldenBrown said
    condoms are good but condoms plus a negative status would give me peace of mind lol

    Negative test status is worthless for HIV, unless the guy has only safe sex for 6 months, or abstains during that period.

    That's because the tests commonly used can't reliably detect the HIV virus for around 3 months following exposure, up to 6 months in some rare cases. Therefore, even if a guy shows you his negative test results, taken that very same morning with a rapid test, they are WORTHLESS in terms of deciding whether to have unprotected sex with him. You cannot know if he's currently negative or positive this way.

    The results mean he was negative 3 to 6 months ago, but NOT today. He could have become infected a month ago, be able to infect others right now, and the HIV tests will keep showing him as negative for 3 months or more. But he's NOT negative, he's positive.

    Therefore the tests must be taken over a 6-month period, during which he (and you) does not have unsafe sex at all. And how do you guarantee that with a stranger, or a new acquaintance? The fact is you can't, and if you take that chance, you're betting with your life. And this is a big reason HIV continues to spread in the gay community.