Red flag(s)?...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 4:46 AM GMT
    Well I have been talking to this guy from online. The guy has come on very strong and wants to me to come stay with him over the weekend (he lives a few hours away). We have skyped, he is real and very attractive, and seems like a nice guy.

    The fact that he is coming on so strong makes me feel a little weird. Im not used to a guy doing that so quickly. Then again I am also used to dating emotionally stunted men. So I don't want to misinterpret his displays of emotion as creepiness and odd.. But it does seem odd to me. The guy doesn't even know me and he is telling me that he "likes me", and Im such a great guy, Im totally his type, Im so gorgeous, blah blah blah... Which is all very nice but... He hardly knows me!

    I even told him that he is coming on strong and that I am not used to that and it makes me question what is going on here. Are you crazy? Are you a grifter? (I said that jokingly). He just laughed and said he is not, and just to give him a chance is all he is asking.

    The fact that he is so attractive, and coming on so strong I also think is odd. Hot guys are usually more aloof...

    But the plot thickens. I did a little research and the guy is a recovered alcoholic, 5 years. Everyone has issues, that's ok.

    But what I find really weird is that he says he is 4 years younger than he really is, and says his DAUGHTER is 4 years younger than she really is... I don't understand that, and I think that's really odd. I hate liars and I feel that is a good sign that someone has a few screws loose. (The power of a google search)

    He also said that he played college football and I can not find him on any roster. (Even with the correct years according to his real age)

    Anyway, am I being too paranoid? Should I give this guy a chance? Or run for the hills?

    Thank you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 4:55 AM GMT
    If you like him, take a leap of faith & go.

    If it's fear, why don't you ask him to come to your place instead of you going to his.

    if it's for sex, ignore my suggestions & decide for yourself. Or look for other replies down below.

    I wish you all the best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 4:56 AM GMT
    You already know he is lying to you, so my advice is to play it safe.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 20, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    Sounds like he just wants a weekend fling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 5:20 AM GMT
    run for the hills. RUN. AVOID SOMEONE LIKE THAT AT ALL COST. your situation reminds mine last year when i was chatting with this dude on okcupid. he was cool @ first BUT then everything just started to come apart when he started to reveal himself. he was coming on way too strong like the guy you're talking to. gave him my number, started exchanging texts with him one day and the next, he was acting like we were officially a couple. that had me really going like "okay, this doesn't feel right", then he started to reveal things about himself that he didn't even list in his profile that he should have said which really had me realizing that dude wasn't the guy that he tried to present himself as. THEN he revealed how he hadn't gotten over his ex where he was having dreams about him. that's when i had to stop everything and tell him that things weren't going to work. most definitely wasn't going to find out what he had in store for me next.

    anytime where dude ain't upfront about things he should be upfront about and etc, then run.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 5:41 AM GMT
    I should add that the guy has told me he doesn't drink, and "we will talk about that some time". For some reason I just assumed maybe he had a health condition or something? So I guess is planning on telling me he was an alcoholic.

    Still doesn't explain the other stuff.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 20, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidSounds like he just wants a weekend fling.

    Agreed!
    You are a conquest, and once you have been conquered, he'll toss you away like yesterday newspaper.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 6:01 AM GMT
    I'm thinking his former alcohol addiction is not an easy topic to discuss. And he doesn't want to freak you out by making an introductory discussion topic. I think spending a weekend so soon is kinda strange. Does he just want a hook-up? Do you?

    Just meet him in person for coffee or some other activity that isn't too lengthy. Think of it as a pre-screening. You get to make sure he's real. And you can ask him whatever questions you have. Also meet somewhere in the middle. It would be kinda lame if you drove all the way, only to have him flake or find out that he's really crazy.
  • monstapex

    Posts: 477

    Jun 20, 2013 7:17 AM GMT
    Gymrat123 saidI should add that the guy has told me he doesn't drink, and "we will talk about that some time". For some reason I just assumed maybe he had a health condition or something? So I guess is planning on telling me he was an alcoholic.

    Still doesn't explain the other stuff.


    Maybe he doesn't drink.Maybe he sucks.

    501-Steve-Jason.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 7:50 AM GMT
    Lying about age isn't that big of a deal, with the insane amount of bias that's out there. It's still not a cool thing to do, if not borderline sketchy (should 5 or more years be shaved off.) And to do the same thing with someone else's age? Eyebrow Raise One.

    If you've done as thorough of a search as possible (how many free hours do you have in a day?) and your suitor can't be found on any college football team? Eyebrow Raise Two.

    And just in case TWO eyebrow raisers aren't enough, how about this? THE MAJORITY OF ALCOHOLICS ARE CHRONIC, PATHOLOGICAL USERS AND LIARS. Luckily for me it only took one poor choice of friends to realize this. (After the fact I talked to a lot of people who turned out to have had identical experiences.) The guy in my case had also initially taken years off his age, and made claims about athletic-team experience which couldn't be backed up. Also like the man pursuing you, he was extraordinarily friendly and outgoing (we met on a non-sexual basis and our interest in each other was strictly platonic.) Turns out his "recovery," like that of too many substance abusers, was far from complete. After a few months the truths started to make themselves obvious. The last straw was a 9-hour, drama-laden, suicide-threatening, falling-over-drunk phone call. (While I severed ties there were some more voice mails, and even snail mails, conveying over-the-top gratitude and promises to NEVER drink or tell lies again.) Once I'd washed my hands of him, there was a brief payback phase. It involved his spreading rumors that it was HE who had cut loose from ME, and that I had an obsessive crush on him and wouldn't leave him alone. Once burned, twice and forevermore shy.

    Don't even meet that man for coffee. The pattern of lying is already evident, and his actions scream "co-dependent." You'll be saving yourself a ton of aggravation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 7:57 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidSounds like he just wants a weekend fling.


    This is the answer.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Jun 20, 2013 4:24 PM GMT
    Meet up for coffee somewhere and be careful as maybe he is a psycho ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 6:47 PM GMT
    He sounds sketchy to me. I'd avoid. Better safe than sorry. What would you lose by not meeting him, some hot sex after a long drive? Big deal.
  • popobtc

    Posts: 74

    Jun 20, 2013 9:27 PM GMT
    My girlfriend had a similar problem..he came on really strong, V-day rolled around when they had only been seeing each other for a couple weeks. He dropped an insane amount of cash on her. Sent flowers and chocolates to her work, had stuff to give her when she got home, the dog even got stuff, the list literally took her 5 min to tell me.

    She was worried like you and now they are getting married.

    Good luck bro
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 9:41 PM GMT
    Yea, just meet him man. Only thing I'd do is meet him in a public place first, like a coffee shop. He was being honest about the alcohol, so I don't understand why everyone thinks he's a liar in his bones. Sounds to me like he just really likes you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 9:56 PM GMT
    Ohno said
    HottJoe saidSounds like he just wants a weekend fling.


    This is the answer.


    Agreed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 9:57 PM GMT
    Red flags..

    1. No face

    2. Low post-count.

    3. Not verified.

    Wait...that's you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2013 10:02 PM GMT
    Skype-d, real, very attractive and a nice guy... very good catch indeed.
    You worry too much!!! To settle everything, go figure it out. A few hours away won't hurt you at all. Go to him, and you will find the answer. It's not like, you're getting married once you meet him. Google-ing and digging into his past might somewhat help but it doesn't validate everything. Get to know him once you guys meet. Ask whatever you want without getting too personal about his life. Just get the conversation flowing in the right track and you will know whether he is genuine or not. icon_biggrin.gif

    The bottomline to all of this.... taking chances. C'est la vie!


    Bon courage; Bonne chance!
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jun 20, 2013 10:06 PM GMT
    You know when you are facing a certain situation that makes you feel unsure, and you just have the feeling that life is trying to tell you something? Well, this thread does it for me.

    I'm in the exact same situation. This guy is coming on to me too strong as well, and I even "confronted him" about it. He said that I'm right (it feels to soon to say stuff like he says), but that he just felt this really great empathy - hence all the constant big "compliments" and one "I really like you" after a few days. I'm playing it safe and put a question mark on the subject.

    I told him I don't want to hookup, nor I am to have sex "just like that". He said he's fine with it, and that he wouldn't push it, so I'd be the one in charge to say when and if I was ready. After that, I'm willing to see where this goes, and we're meeting next week.
  • flahotstuff

    Posts: 154

    Jun 21, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    Run don't walk! Have some dignity.................
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2013 1:05 AM GMT
    It's good that you at least acknowledge the red flags here, coz, there are quite a few of them.

    You have a say in all this. If you think he's coming on too strong and too fast, you have all the right to slow it all down.

    Time is your friend in this instance, get to know him, without putting yourself in such a vulnerable spot. COntinue to talk to him, maybe meet at a neutral place. The more you get to know him, the more informed your decision will be, regardless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2013 1:26 AM GMT
    Oh, Geesh
    Over-think much?
    Red flags? Maybe...that's why it's dating.
    Red flags signal caution--not run for the hill's.
    You've seen him, he's real, he's nice--but, but
    But what--I've got issues.
    Staying with you for a weekend--no, not a good plan; tell him so.
    He's aggressive, sometime you have to be when you meet someone that trips all your triggers; it not like they come along everyday or year.
    --all the poor boy's just standing along the wall of life waiting for an aggressive guy to:
    B
    E
    AGGRESSIVE
    Meet him, have a good time, stop over thinking it, what are you afraid of???