Being under so much pressure , any advice ? :(

  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jun 20, 2013 4:03 PM GMT
    These are what's on my mind recently , I don't know who to share with so I post it in here ..

    Lately I've been thinking about relationship.
    I didn't really care about dating until dekiruman came here to visited me last month.
    He's too cool that makes me think about dating someone ...
    lol I'm not going to make a thread such as "I'm hopeless" , "No one dates me.." forever alone" ...
    No I don't , I know at this moment my future husband is also thinking about the one who he will get married with.

    I have no idea if I should date someone or not...
    My heart says yes but my brain says no.
    You have already known that I'm from Vietnam , a place where young people are very open minded but our old generation are super homophobic...
    There's an article about a happy lesbian couple was published yesterday and they think it's sick and argue that couple should go to hell.
    That makes me want to leave here even more.
    I love my country but I don't like the government , they sucks, I want to go to anywhere I want , the thought of leaving here makes me obsessed , I can't stop thinking about it. I have no idea since when has it become a goal of my life.

    I live a life which is under so much pressure , in school they force us to study subjects of communism which are totally irrelevant with my degree (Spanish) . I have to memorize about 500-600 A4 papers each semester just for those stupid subjects...
    But I must work hard , or I can never make it to my dream place - Canada.

    About my family , mom and dad makes controversy with each other all the time , they yell , they cry , then they get back with each other and that cycle keeps repeating over and over again.

    And the worst thing happened, I just lost my job .....
    For all the things above, sometimes I think my head is going to explode.

    Joining RJ I've been stalking some inspiring profiles like meninlove's , charlitos's or JimmyMTL's to get motivation. It works but I'm still under so much pressure.

    I know some of you used to be in such situation like me so I really appreciate your advice , thank you icon_smile.gif
    Have a great day RJ

    English isn't my native language , ignore it if you see something wrong with it

    -Kha
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    Jun 20, 2013 4:12 PM GMT


    *feeling frustrated that I can't help you in some way*

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    Jun 20, 2013 8:52 PM GMT
    If you have the money, then I suggest travel to places and just for a while live in the present without being worried or overwhelmed by what future has for you.

    Also, homophobes are everywhere. Even in gay heavens like Sweden, Denmark etc. What is more important is to surround yourself with positive and like minded people which I know is at times far easier said than done.
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    Jun 20, 2013 11:49 PM GMT
    Hi Karl. I'm kind of in the same situation as you. When you get the tinniest taste of freedom or what the future holds for you, it's all you can think about.

    What's most important, is that you are happy. You may not be able to instantly obtain happiness, but it's important that you start working towards a goal to make yourself happy.

    I recommend finishing school first, but after that, if you want to move go for it. And if your family is toxic, all the more reason.

    As long as you are happy, that's all that matters. So figure out what you want, and go for it.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jun 21, 2013 12:56 AM GMT
    WaytoDawn saidHi Karl. I'm kind of in the same situation as you. When you get the tinniest taste of freedom or what the future holds for you, it's all you can think about.

    What's most important, is that you are happy. You may not be able to instantly obtain happiness, but it's important that you start working towards a goal to make yourself happy.

    I recommend finishing school first, but after that, if you want to move go for it. And if your family is toxic, all the more reason.

    As long as you are happy, that's all that matters. So figure out what you want, and go for it.


    Hi, MOTD. photo waveysmiley.gif
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    Jun 21, 2013 2:40 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear you lost your job, Kha, but your life seems perfectly normal for a 21-year-old. icon_wink.gif

    Having a boyfriend can relieve some of the stress in your life, if you find the right one. But finding a boyfriend is stressful, and having the wrong one is even more stressful.

    Maybe you will be better off if you pursue one or two of your dreams at a time? If you concentrate on your studies and replacing that job, perhaps later you will be in a better position to think about finding that man you have been drawing -- in Canada.
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    Jun 21, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    How long until you get your degree? I think after you get that, you should definitely put some plan in motion to move out. Although be aware, I don't know how it is in Canada, but it's a bitch gaining citizenship in NYC. Most of my Japanese exchange friends are here on a student visa. I hope Canada gives you an easier time. Also now is the time to start considering what you want career wise, so you can make plans and start reaching out. networking will definitely help you out in the long run if you're willing to invest. Everything else will just be trial and error buddy. Just stay focused and keep doing what you do. If you need any advice or have questions, feel free to message me and hopefully I can be of assistance. Good luck icon_biggrin.gif
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jun 21, 2013 3:03 AM GMT
    tmac saidHow long until you get your degree? I think after you get that, you should definitely put some plan in motion to move out. Although be aware, I don't know how it is in Canada, but it's a bitch gaining citizenship in NYC. Most of my Japanese exchange friends are here on a student visa. I hope Canada gives you an easier time. Also now is the time to start considering what you want career wise, so you can make plans and start reaching out. networking will definitely help you out in the long run if you're willing to invest. Everything else will just be trial and error buddy. Just stay focused and keep doing what you do. If you need any advice or have questions, feel free to message me and hopefully I can be of assistance. Good luck icon_biggrin.gif

    I just switched my degree last year so I still have 3 years until graduation. Then I'll leave in 2017.
    It's hard to keep my GPA high in here because of those irrelevant subjects like I said above , I'm like having a stress everyday.
    I think it's easier to gain citizenship in Cadada for a graduate student than in USA,not sure I'm still searching and asking for more information about this.
    About my career , I've already found it , it's gonna be anything that's related to languages icon_biggrin.gif
    Thank you very much icon_biggrin.gif

    ------------------
    thank all guys above by the way , I really appreciate that ^_^
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jun 21, 2013 4:09 AM GMT
    Oh nooo! This makes me sad!

    Karl you are a wonderful, intelligent, person. The time will come when you will gain the freedom you deserve. That's not to say that it won't require hard work. But YOU, of all people can make it happen. Finish school, save some money, attain a working visa in Canada, then secure a job.

    Easier said than done, I know, but life is about preserving in the face of adversity. I wish I could offer you relationship advice but I have a lot to learn in that department myself. Anyway best of luck friend! Stay awesome!
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    Jun 21, 2013 5:53 AM GMT
    shortbutsweet said

    But finding a boyfriend is stressful, and having the wrong one is even more stressful.



    Bingo !!
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jun 21, 2013 6:03 AM GMT
    Karl, keep your eye on the prize, which is moving to Canada. Set out a plan and map out what you need to do to be able to reach your goal of moving. Are there any Canadians on here who can tell Karl what is necessary to emigrate to Canada?
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    Jun 21, 2013 6:19 AM GMT
    More or less, rich or poor, everyone has problems...mild or significant.
    we have to live with it and face it, don't let them scare you. Face it and look for the best solution...if one observers with strong determination, they'll always find a solution.

    be strong & think about only what you have to do, what others are doing or thinking is little or not at all important.

    I myself faced many difficulties in my life, I'm facing even now at this present moment.
    I simply read a book or watch a movie, listen to some music. It helps me a lot...& I believe that you also have some passions...enjoy them...it relaxes you well & when a person is well relaxed, his mind is more attentive & can solve difficulties more easily.

    I wish you all the best.
  • Shenyu

    Posts: 47

    Jun 21, 2013 7:03 AM GMT
    Take it one day at a time.

    It is intimidating not knowing what lays in the future.

    That is what hope is all about i guess, expecting the good things to come regardless of the present situation.

    icon_smile.gif
  • gaystuff2004

    Posts: 5

    Jun 21, 2013 9:00 AM GMT
    hi!
    have a peaceful day!
    most of the problem you telling is not directing at you.
    I mean, first, your parents... they fight, yell, ... but atlast they are together. my parents are same as yours. :-) it simply shows they still tie with the rope, or say thin thread of love. respect it. when the problem creators forgetting it, why are you carrying on your head.
    second, job... people loose job and get job. if you loose one. then get a new one. dont keep on asking WHY?! WHY I LOST MY JOB??!! OMG!!! get out of that stupid question
    third... your country! man, its lame to blame millions of people for your sake. when you the time comes, you will be at your place, canada, or whatever country you wish. don't bother it right now. its not time to ask such questions. choices will be given in its own time.
    fourth,.. study! don't bother it for study those 300 pages. who follows all they studied. :-) man! its simply a brain excercise to memory and recall. dont you ever played remembering n.o and faces and recall? who care who they are. just a brain exercise.
    be cool man! all may look biggest if you look at very closer. at distance, elephant at palm size! :-)
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    Jun 21, 2013 9:01 AM GMT
    Well, I don't know if this is the best advice but I find that working way too much gets your mind off most things because all you really think about is wanting sleep lol.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jun 21, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
    I've been receiving some emails of you and those are very helpful and sweet , thanks very much again icon_smile.gif
    I feel much better now icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 21, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    Karl saidI've been receiving some emails of you and those are very helpful and sweet , thanks very much again icon_smile.gif
    I feel much better now icon_biggrin.gif

    This, except the part about the meals being received and being thankful.
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    Jun 21, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    Hey little buddy, sorry to hear you're having trouble lately! Maybe some of my advices/insights can help.

    . You shouldn't worry about your parent's problem, I mean it's great to care but it is their problem, not yours. Maybe you should offer some peace advices when they're arguing/fighting, but realize that it's their problem not yours. Lol, My parents fight sometimes too. And I bicker with my sibling like often but that doesn't mean I don't love them.

    . I think it's great to love your country and where you are and not their communist ideals. My family is Vietnamese, too and we left for Cali when I was little. I still have some long-distance cousins over there in Saigon and My Tho. I guess I'm not big on politics but as long as you don't stand in protests or yell slogans against the government, they won't arrest you. Just mind your own business I guess.

    . You should try your best at your study, so what if you fail, big deal! Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. If your study is primary Spanish, maybe you should do like a student visa in Mexico or South America, most people in Canada speak English and French. Or try Southern Cali, Texas ! where the majority of Spanish speakers are here. But if you like Canada, go for it.

    . Urg, Vietnam is going to pass a law on gay marriage soon! It's getting better, as far as people disliking homosexuals! You got to *Man up and live your life, have a don't give a f*** attitude. My family is sort of the same but I did the whole came out in 2007, and brought several guys I'm dating home, now they're fine with it.

    . People lose their jobs, money all the times. You shouldn't feel like a failure, it's just a part of life.

    . Last but not least, dating/guys, well I think you're a little too young to get a husband Lol. Get your life, job, work, family and everything else in order first then pick your man later. I hate to say this but I slept with younger dudes before, I just concluded that boys from 18-24 are not ready and not husband material. I want someone more stable/older but that's just me.

    . You should keep your head up high and realize that there are a lot of people going through things much worse like children starving in Africa. (ok, that was an extreme example.)

    . I haven't been back in Vietnam since 1993, it's a beautiful country. I'll probably visit Hue, Saigon, Ha Noi, Ha Long Bay in the future !!!
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    Jun 22, 2013 8:12 PM GMT
    Karl said
    tmac saidHow long until you get your degree? I think after you get that, you should definitely put some plan in motion to move out. Although be aware, I don't know how it is in Canada, but it's a bitch gaining citizenship in NYC. Most of my Japanese exchange friends are here on a student visa. I hope Canada gives you an easier time. Also now is the time to start considering what you want career wise, so you can make plans and start reaching out. networking will definitely help you out in the long run if you're willing to invest. Everything else will just be trial and error buddy. Just stay focused and keep doing what you do. If you need any advice or have questions, feel free to message me and hopefully I can be of assistance. Good luck icon_biggrin.gif

    I just switched my degree last year so I still have 3 years until graduation. Then I'll leave in 2017.
    It's hard to keep my GPA high in here because of those irrelevant subjects like I said above , I'm like having a stress everyday.
    I think it's easier to gain citizenship in Cadada for a graduate student than in USA,not sure I'm still searching and asking for more information about this.
    About my career , I've already found it , it's gonna be anything that's related to languages icon_biggrin.gif
    Thank you very much icon_biggrin.gif

    ------------------
    thank all guys above by the way , I really appreciate that ^_^



    Canada is fairly easy compared to USA. If you get your master's degree or PhD from the province of Ontario or British Columbia then you can directly apply for provincial nominee certificate which can give you a permanent resident status within 4 months. One of the condition is that you submit the IELTS score and it should be at least 7 out of 9.
    Also your degree should be from publicly funded university (no private university)

    There are also many more ways to migrate to Canada. I have lived in Canada for a little over 2 and a half years and I am extremely familiar with the process.
  • foig

    Posts: 33

    Jul 02, 2013 7:37 PM GMT
    grass always seem greener on the other side, how do u kno u will like it in Canada? you should try to come here for school and see how it goes. Growing up in the US, I always wanted to travel to China, Korea, Japan, Canada, etc. but the problem is money lol. Who knows you may find relationship in Vietnam since the gay/bi is such a small group, and u guys have that connection. Good Luck and cheer upicon_biggrin.gif