Religion in relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 24, 2013 11:59 PM GMT
    I'm a devout atheist from a Christian background. It's a very big part of who I am and I enjoy discussing it often. Should religious differences get in the way of relationships?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 12:26 AM GMT
    Why do you want to discuss in the first place?
    is it because you want to disprove it? Or looking for answers?

    in either way, a true believer will always welcomes discussion...it doesn't matter whether you're an atheist or theist.
    the only thing that required from you is, you shouldn't argue with him but should reason him.

    an argument indicates that you're preoccupied with your opinions and doesn't want to change them even if the truth is that you're wrong..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 1:00 AM GMT
    me_ish saidI'm a devout atheist from a Christian background. It's a very big part of who I am and I enjoy discussing it often. Should religious differences get in the way of relationships? I (sort of) dated a guy that was a Christian for a while, and we got along well when we didn't discuss it, but I also felt like I was withholding a significant piece of me for the sake of spared feelings/arguments.

    It shouldn't. If either of you didn't feel comfortable discussing it with the other then it wasn't going to work out.

    Both parties have to be mature and have thick skin in this department.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Jun 25, 2013 3:00 AM GMT
    Harry7785 saidWhy do you want to discuss in the first place?
    is, you shouldn't argue with him but should reason him.

    .



    Faith is by definition irrational, so reasoning with the faithful is not possible on that topic. How can you make a reasonable discussion possible when the answer to every question is "my imaginary friend said so" like it or not, that is psychosis by any objective measure
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    Apparition said
    Harry7785 saidWhy do you want to discuss in the first place?
    is, you shouldn't argue with him but should reason him.


    Faith is by definition irrational, so reasoning with the faithful is not possible on that topic. How can you make a reasonable discussion possible when the answer to every question is "my imaginary friend said so" like it or not, that is psychosis by any objective measure


    Faith is everywhere...
    faith is nothing but you trust or believe in something.
    To you god doesn't exist, & that is also your faith, right?...but can you prove it? that's a different story.

    similarly a person believes in god and has faith in him, but can he prove it to an atheist? & that is also a different story.

    What looks irrational to you may be rational to others & what is rational to you may be irrational to others.

    Psychosis?
    but what if I say, that I have complete faith in Mathematics, do you still call me a psychotic?
    I don't thinks so, that's because you have equal faith in it as much as I have...if you call me a psychotic & then that includes you too...right?

    And that is why, an argument from both sides should be avoided, and start discussing with reasoning should be encouraged..
    In some points you're right & in some I'm right, but if we both discuss with reasoning instead of standing fixed to our own grounds...there is no progress.
    But, Only with reasoning alone, our positive thinking will unite & adds up & pushes us into a new higher level.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 4:37 AM GMT
    me_ish saidI'm a devout atheist from a Christian background. It's a very big part of who I am and I enjoy discussing it often. Should religious differences get in the way of relationships? I (sort of) dated a guy that was a Christian for a while, and we got along well when we didn't discuss it, but I also felt like I was withholding a significant piece of me for the sake of spared feelings/arguments.


    Should they? No, I don't think so. It depends on the behaviour of those in the relationship.
    Your faith, or none, is for you specifically and speaks to you, specifically, not your partner. He has his own, or not.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 5:31 AM GMT
    A religious guy makes for a better relationship, particularly if he worships me.
  • CityofDreams

    Posts: 1173

    Jun 25, 2013 5:36 AM GMT
    I only date Atheists and Agnostics. Take it or leave it, I am an advocate against organized religion. I am sure a devout __FILL IN THE BLANK__ would find me to be quite the extremist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 8:21 AM GMT
    me_ish saidI'm a devout atheist from a Christian background. It's a very big part of who I am and I enjoy discussing it often. Should religious differences get in the way of relationships? I (sort of) dated a guy that was a Christian for a while, and we got along well when we didn't discuss it, but I also felt like I was withholding a significant piece of me for the sake of spared feelings/arguments.


    Coming from the other side of the table, I can definitely agree with the sentiment that you are feeling. I have a hard time allowing myself to enter a relationship with someone who subscribes to a different faith than me, because I often feel like I'm hiding a significant part of myself.

    In my (admittedly limited) experience, similar viewpoints on spirituality have opened an entirely other degree of intimacy that differing stances within a relationship didn't hold. One instance I remember specifically was when I was talking with a church friend of mine over tea, and we began discussing about our respective walks with God. At a point in the conversation, there was a degree of intimacy reached with her in those moments that left me feeling wonderfully raw and vulnerable. This feeling of heightened existence has been almost exclusive to only a few people in my life, all of whom are people of faith. We understood each other in more than just an intellectual or cerebral sense; we understood each other on a gut/spiritual level, and we didn't feel the need to hide anything. It was quite cathartic.

    Now, that is not to say that I think that level can never be achieved between those of differing faith subscriptions, but there has to be an openness in this discussion between you and your partner. If you want to talk about a cool thought you had about atheism, you should have the liberty to talk about it and what's so fantastic about it. Likewise, if your Christian/Catholic/Muslim/Buddhist friend or partner wants to talk about something read in their holy text that day that they found inspiring, let them--and try to see why they find it beautiful without considering them mentally abject.

    The number one complaint I've received when others have told me I wasn't right for them was that I too religious. I don't think so, I'm just trying to show that my faith is just as part of my self as my sexuality. If I stifle either one, I'm miserable.
  • Drift

    Posts: 217

    Jun 25, 2013 11:34 AM GMT

    For Harry7785, I'd like to say that atheism is non-belief, and cannot be equated with faith in the supernatural.
    Other than that, I completely agree. Fixation on a position is the part that is most likely going to cause problems, not any particular set of beliefs, although, as the beliefs become more elaborate and interfere with logic, then it gets more tricky for that person to reconcile with reality.

    Not that they necessarily would, but the most obvious extreme example would be of a person who believes in a 6000 year old earth, ignoring the mountains of evidence in front of them.

    For me_fish, what does 'devout atheist' mean? Does that mean you are required to expose what you see are flaws another people's ideas? How do you approach discussion, and mutual sharing of experience? Whether or not you believe the other person's ideas, they are nevertheless important to them, and so must be given due respect, as long as they are also respectful.

    All that being said, I think I would find it a challenge (possibly worthwhile), being in a partnership of that depth with a person who had vastly different priorities of how they approached the world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 11:44 AM GMT
    I'll try to relate to your situation from the other side of the equation.

    As many of you guys know, I have a strong faith-based perspective. For years, I attended an Episcopal parish near me that was, in many ways, my organizational equivalent, meaning that it is progressive, interested in social justice, and active on homelessness, hunger and other issues.

    After a while, I became increasingly uneasy with the parish, and I couldn't figure out why. Eventually, it dawned on me: The problem was that the parish was just a mirror image of me. I had gotten into a situation where I saw myself coming and going, and it was just way too comfortable.

    Today, I attend an inclusive, diverse, Anglo-Catholic parish, and I'm much happier. Instead of a place where the running joke was that there are two Republicans, but neither of them has ever come out of the closet, my current parish has perspectives than run from slightly to the left of Che Guevera to folks who make Ollie North look like a commie pinko. There are still plenty of opportunities to care for the sick, feed the hungry, and help the homeless, but many more viewpoints to deal with. Sure, there are times where I get aggravated, but it's a chance for me to grow, to learn, and expand my horizons.....even if I disagree.

    So, I'd say dating only guys who share your perspective is likely to be comfortable in the near term, but difficult in the long term. Enjoy the diversity of the human experience, and try to find someone, regardless of their faith or lack of it, who is a good person--someone you can like as a fellow human being.

    Good luck, and hope you remain devout--whatever that entails! ;-)

    Eric
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Jun 25, 2013 11:50 AM GMT
    Idiot
    Harry7785 said
    Apparition said
    Harry7785 saidWhy do you want to discuss in the first place?
    is, you shouldn't argue with him but should reason him.


    Faith is by definition irrational, so reasoning with the faithful is not possible on that topic. How can you make a reasonable discussion possible when the answer to every question is "my imaginary friend said so" like it or not, that is psychosis by any objective measure


    Faith is everywhere...
    faith is nothing but you trust or believe in something.
    To you god doesn't exist, & that is also your faith, right?...but can you prove it? that's a different story.

    similarly a person believes in god and has faith in him, but can he prove it to an atheist? & that is also a different story.

    What looks irrational to you may be rational to others & what is rational to you may be irrational to others.

    Psychosis?
    but what if I say, that I have complete faith in Mathematics, do you still call me a psychotic?
    I don't thinks so, that's because you have equal faith in it as much as I have...if you call me a psychotic & then that includes you too...right?

    And that is why, an argument from both sides should be avoided, and start discussing with reasoning should be encouraged..
    In some points you're right & in some I'm right, but if we both discuss with reasoning instead of standing fixed to our own grounds...there is no progress.
    But, Only with reasoning alone, our positive thinking will unite & adds up & pushes us into a new higher level.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 12:19 PM GMT
    Sounds as if you already know why things didn't work out. If you can't be with someone without being critical of the beliefs they hold then you should make it clear upfront that you only date non-religious people.

    I don't mean this in a condescending way but the way you briefly described your issue then you are the problem in the relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 12:29 PM GMT
    me_ish saidI'm a devout atheist from a Christian background. It's a very big part of who I am and I enjoy discussing it often. Should religious differences get in the way of relationships? I (sort of) dated a guy that was a Christian for a while, and we got along well when we didn't discuss it, but I also felt like I was withholding a significant piece of me for the sake of spared feelings/arguments.



    The difference between being religious and anti-religious is a deal breaker. God does shoot himself in the foot by putting the two together.

    God does shoot himself in the foot by not providing his bisexual saints and homosexual saints with all the male body contact from compatible men said saint needs.

    Did God create a wonderful culture in which bisexuals and homosexuals could thrive?

    Sometimes the religious and the anti-religious need to learn something from each other but after the learning is over, that's it.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Jun 25, 2013 12:34 PM GMT
    Harry7785 said
    Apparition said
    Harry7785 saidWhy do you want to discuss in the first place?
    is, you shouldn't argue with him but should reason him.


    Faith is by definition irrational, so reasoning with the faithful is not possible on that topic. How can you make a reasonable discussion possible when the answer to every question is "my imaginary friend said so" like it or not, that is psychosis by any objective measure



    To you god doesn't exist, & that is also your faith, right?...


    no. It isn't. It, really, isn't.

    Anyway, I'd have problems dating someone who's deeply religious. There'd just be too of a huge gap between how we'd perceive reality, and in the end I think that those kind of issues will linger and scratch away on a relationship (depending of course to what extent this person is religious).

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 12:36 PM GMT
    Oh, the advanced religious ones are reading books like the Quantum Enigma in order to get a good view on reality. The non-religious are going to have to catch up scientifically.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jun 25, 2013 12:58 PM GMT
    me_ish saidI'm a devout atheist from a Christian background. It's a very big part of who I am and I enjoy discussing it often. Should religious differences get in the way of relationships? I (sort of) dated a guy that was a Christian for a while, and we got along well when we didn't discuss it, but I also felt like I was withholding a significant piece of me for the sake of spared feelings/arguments.


    My husband is a Lutheran pastor. I was not raised in the church. We have a deeply meaningful, caring, respectful, loving, encouraging, supportive union that has lasted since 1998 and shows no signs of ending. Religious differences do not have to get in the way of relationships. They can enrich them. Neither of us has to sublimate or withhold, but then neither of us takes the position that the other is crazy, deluded, willfully or childishly naive, or going to a bad place after we die.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 1:03 PM GMT
    Apparition saidFaith is by definition irrational, so reasoning with the faithful is not possible on that topic.

    You collapse definitions and fail to make distinctions between varying nuances of faith—e.g. blind faith and reasonable faith. You draw a conclusion that is entirely misleading and, simply, false. One can most certainly have a rational conversation on the subject of faith and belief. A person of faith is by no means incapable of rationality. Be wary of such broad strokes of generalities, stereotypes, and misinformation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 1:46 PM GMT
    Meh... I like to get along with people. I can discuss most topics a couple of times, but some people have this annoying habit of needing to be right or needing to win the argument all the time. Those are the people I avoid, not so much the religious/faithful or unreligious/non-believer. It's like the yappy democrat or republican that can't keep their judgements to themselves. I'll pass, thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    The 'relationship' is strong when partners can communicate about everything without disrespecting each other. You have common likes and differences and need to respect each other for that.

    I'm a Christian and my partner is Buddhist, we discuss religion, respect each other's faith and do our own thing when it comes to religion. We have no issue with it. You need to be open to others and their faith, as they need to be with you and your desire to be an atheist.

    Basic relationship 101, whether with religion, politics, family matters, finance or a number of other issues. Learn from each other, listen to each other, respect each other and the relationship will work just fine.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1117

    Jun 25, 2013 4:38 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidThe 'relationship' is strong when partners can communicate about everything without disrespecting each other. You have common likes and differences and need to respect each other for that.

    I'm a Christian and my partner is Buddhist, we discuss religion, respect each other's faith and do our own thing when it comes to religion. We have no issue with it. You need to be open to others and their faith, as they need to be with you and your desire to be an atheist.

    Basic relationship 101, whether with religion, politics, family matters, finance or a number of other issues. Learn from each other, listen to each other, respect each other and the relationship will work just fine.


    ^
    This! 100% agree! the fact that my BF and I have different beliefs, it hasn't had any impact on our love and respect for one another! Love in itself is the belief we both can agree on and practice together!
  • Florida_guy

    Posts: 55

    Jun 25, 2013 5:50 PM GMT
    General question for all you guys who say you and your significant other have different religions. How do you, practicing a religion which has one view on the afterlife, not have a problem with your partner practicing a different religion, which has a different view on the afterlife? One of you has to be wrong, if you truly care for your partner wouldn't you want them to convert to your religion? That is of course assuming you think your religion's view on the afterlife is correct, because why would you participate in a religion you don't believe.

    I hope that made sense. Just something to think about. I guess as an example: I couldn't date an atheist, because as a christian I believe non-christians will go to hell after they die, and I wouldn't want my significant other to go to hell. Not trying to start a flame war here, just explaining. Feel free to address the question I asked. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Florida_guy

    Posts: 55

    Jun 25, 2013 5:59 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    Florida_guy saidHow do you, practicing a religion which has one view on the afterlife, not have a problem with your partner practicing a different religion, which has a different view on the afterlife? One of you has to be wrong, if you truly care for your partner wouldn't you want them to convert to your religion?

    Or both are wrong.
    Religion is hooey.


    For the sake of my question, let's say one guy is correct. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2013 6:26 PM GMT
    Florida_guy said
    Aristoshark said
    Florida_guy saidHow do you, practicing a religion which has one view on the afterlife, not have a problem with your partner practicing a different religion, which has a different view on the afterlife? One of you has to be wrong, if you truly care for your partner wouldn't you want them to convert to your religion?

    Or both are wrong.
    Religion is hooey.


    For the sake of my question, let's say one guy is correct. icon_smile.gif



    I agree that if you hold the conservative Christian view, you are compelled to try to persuade everyone to become a Christian as well. This can be done out of love for others, similar to campaigns against unhealthy choices (persuading your loved one to stop overeating, for example).

    Christians vary in their belief about "needing to become a Christian" in order to go to Heaven, though. Even in the book of Romans (chapter 2) it says that those who haven't heard about Christ have a chance just by following their God-given conscience. Some leave the judgment up to God as only He would know their heart.

  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Jun 25, 2013 6:31 PM GMT
    I consider my self nonreligious. My parents have always been super religious, they still push it on me. I've been at college and they said "I've fallen from the glory of God" and stuff like that and said I "need to go to church more because God should be first".
    In my opinion religion holds back society. I feel like it should be discussed in a relationship. Make sure you both know what you think and stuff. It is good to talk and argue about it. As long as you both know it should change your thoughts on each other after it.