Being "too available"

  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    Jun 26, 2013 6:50 PM GMT
    So I have heard this in the past, and have heard it again recently from a new group of a friends/co-workers. I've been told I am "too available" when dating, and that I need to play the dating game better. Thing is, I fucking hate games, and don't understand this advice at all; if it can even be considered that?

    This all comes from dating a guy recently, who has cancelled on me twice in our 2 months of dating due to being sick with respiratory issues. Most recently he bailed on plans we had for today due to moving to a new place, among other reasons. Whenever it has happened, I say ok no problem, shoot me a text when you're free and we can figure out another day. I've been told I'm being too available and that I need to wait for him to
    make the next move and ask me out.

    Problem is, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, said guy and I have been out 8-9 times and I actually like him so the idea of being passive-aggressive and hostile to an extent just isn't something Im familiar with.

    tl;dr: Is being too available a real thing?
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    Jun 26, 2013 7:14 PM GMT
    You might be too available... or you might be too optimistic about his investment in you.

    Larkin's Maxim for All Relationships: A guy always has time for something he wants to do.
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    Jun 26, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    being too available can come off as several things in the eyes of men.

    1. you're too easy. no guy likes easy men, at least not ltr worthy ones.

    2. you come off as desperate, and again no one likes desperation.

    3. you're a push over, stand your ground and have some dignity.

    I understand that some people wear their hearts on their sleeves,but, take my advice. Take control over your emotions, it helps you see the picture clearly, and makes you more aware of your faults, instead of letting your feelings rampage, and muddy or cloud your better judgement.
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    Jun 26, 2013 8:02 PM GMT
    He cancelled on you twice out of how many dates?
    Your friends sound like trouble makers.
    Don't change.
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    Jun 26, 2013 9:40 PM GMT
    nubScotty said

    tl;dr: Is being too available a real thing?


    Absolutely.

    People want to date someone who has their own established life in order (job, career, hobbies, etc). Someone who has time to call/text you 17 times a day or available to go out at the drop of a hat 24/7 comes off as clingy and without anything going on in their lives. I want the guy I date to make time for me out of a life he's figured how to fill with meaningful and productive activities, not go out with me because he really doesn't have anything else to do and he's just idle all day.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 26, 2013 9:44 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidHe cancelled on you twice out of how many dates?
    Your friends sound like trouble makers.
    Don't change.

    Good advice!
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    Jun 26, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    I thought being too available had to do with not having any outside interests.

    You would chase so he guys off if they think keeping you entertained is a full-time job.
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    Jun 26, 2013 11:31 PM GMT
    Somebody needs to read "the Rules"
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    Jun 26, 2013 11:38 PM GMT
    I hate playing the game. I do have a life, and am usually busy, but sometimes the other guy proposes a day where I happen to be free... and I still go "that won't work, how bout tuesday?"