Boyfriend and grinder issues

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 10:25 AM GMT
    I have been suspecting my boyfriend isn't happy for a while ,
    So I relogged onto grinder to see if he was playing around .

    It said he was online 20 mins ago and when I gently confronted him via mobile phone text he replied this :

    Darling I can explain that. I'm not on grindr at all it keeps popping up. I haven't even got the app and I have cancelled it several times. You need to trust me on that one and its also an old photo. Will send them another email. The same thing happened in France. Please trust me when I say I am very loyal

    If he deleted it , why would it say he was on 20 mins ago???!!!

    I feel upset
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Jun 27, 2013 11:20 AM GMT
    that doesnt sound right...wouldnt have thought it that difficult to delete an app, although i tried googling it n cant find any evidence to suggest hes lying, maybe you could contact the grindr people and ask if they've ever had complaints like that before,
    if you suspect he's unhappy he probably is! have a talk about the relationship for a tune up or a tune out
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 12:01 PM GMT
    I have no problem with guys using Grindr, hey I used to! But is it to much to ask to pick one or another; If your in a relationship, ditch the Grindr, if you want to "Grindr" then ditch the relationship and screw as much as you wish.

    The one question I have about this specific situation lays in his explanation that it keeps "popping up." Not sure what kind of phone he has, but I know on the Iphone that's impossible unless you've deleted, as he said, the APP.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 12:23 PM GMT
    He has an iPhone and he absolutely insists he's happy yet it all seems like its on his terms in this relationship . I think I'm going to end it. He rarely expresses how he feels about me, holds back on sex and it frustrates me enormously . After 7 months I shouldn't feel like this.
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Jun 27, 2013 2:15 PM GMT
    blactor saidI have been suspecting my boyfriend isn't happy for a while ,
    So I relogged onto grinder to see if he was playing around .

    It said he was online 20 mins ago and when I gently confronted him via mobile phone text he replied this :

    Darling I can explain that. I'm not on grindr at all it keeps popping up. I haven't even got the app and I have cancelled it several times. You need to trust me on that one and its also an old photo. Will send them another email. The same thing happened in France. Please trust me when I say I am very loyal

    If he deleted it , why would it say he was on 20 mins ago???!!!

    I feel upset


    Sorry Blactor, but your BF is full of shit.
    Not worth it.

    I'm sorry, but the pain is just not worth it.
    I also caught my ex on Grindr and he in fact cheated on me.

    Guys like that can seriously go fuck themselves.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 27, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    To the OP: His lines are bullshit. Your profile doesn't pop up on Grindr unless he actually logs on.

    I wouldn't dump just because he's checking on Grindr.. but it's a sign you must proceed with extreme caution in the relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 3:51 PM GMT
    blactor saidI haven't even got the app and I have cancelled it several times.


    The sentence above is a red flag! If he's had to cancel the app several times, that means he uploaded the app several times.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    blactor saidI haven't even got the app and I have cancelled it several times.


    The sentence above is a red flag! If he's had to cancel the app several times, that means he uploaded the app several times.

    If he's using an iPhone then everytime he syncs with his computer, it will reinstall until he deletes it from iTunes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 3:56 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    Erik101 said
    blactor saidI haven't even got the app and I have cancelled it several times.


    The sentence above is a red flag! If he's had to cancel the app several times, that means he uploaded the app several times.

    If he's using an iPhone then everytime he syncs with his computer, it will reinstall until he deletes it from iTunes.


    Good point! You would have thought he would have known how to delete it permanently by now.
  • PharmKY

    Posts: 25

    Jun 27, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    Sounds like you can do better dude, I know personally if I am in a Grindr mood and I am interested in someone, that app is off my phone fast. Idk personally I feel that if you have a Grindr and are talking to someone, its trashy and the relationship should be re-evaluated. I have never heard of the issue of it popping back up unless he really doesn't know how to delete apps from his iTunes. If he really doesn't know how to do that, then to be honest he is too technologically inept to date. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 4:20 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    Erik101 said
    blactor saidI haven't even got the app and I have cancelled it several times.


    The sentence above is a red flag! If he's had to cancel the app several times, that means he uploaded the app several times.

    If he's using an iPhone then everytime he syncs with his computer, it will reinstall until he deletes it from iTunes.


    This is true about the app and syncing but he actually has to tap on the app in order for it to recognize that he's online. His explanation sounds fishy and OP if you feel the way you do just in the first 7 months of your relationship then I would end it. You need to be happy and trust the person you are with...period!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    He's lying to you. Grindr accounts are directly linked to your phone. Thats why if you get a new one your old one still shows up and you can't access it.

    Grindr cannot just POP up, unless he has it installed and even then I find it doubtful its opening on its own.

    Its 7 months. Get rid of him. Wish him luck meeting a better guy off grindr.

    And break up with him with a grindr message.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 4:47 PM GMT
    I lost my mum a year and a half ago. And while everything within me wants to break up with him. I'm afraid of the loneliness from the grief and various things. I think on one level he is lovely but he absolutely is so standoffish and it really frustrates me .

    Sunday was my mums birthday and he showed no affection or comfort at all to me.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 27, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    uoft23 said

    And break up with him with a grindr message.


    That would be appropriate.. and hilarious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    blactor saidI lost my mum a year and a half ago. And while everything within me wants to break up with him. I'm afraid of the loneliness from the grief and various things. I think on one level he is lovely but he absolutely is so standoffish and it really frustrates me .

    Sunday was my mums birthday and he showed no affection or comfort at all to me.


    First things first....you should work on the number one person in your life...you! Have you considered seeing a counselor or therapist that could help talk things through? The person you are with in your relationship doesn't make you happy....but happier. You are the only one that can make you happy. I'm hoping this turns out the way you would like it to. Regards...Jose
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    Erik101 said
    blactor saidI haven't even got the app and I have cancelled it several times.


    The sentence above is a red flag! If he's had to cancel the app several times, that means he uploaded the app several times.

    If he's using an iPhone then everytime he syncs with his computer, it will reinstall until he deletes it from iTunes.



    Can someone explain about the syncing etc?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 4:58 PM GMT
    blactor saidI lost my mum a year and a half ago. And while everything within me wants to break up with him. I'm afraid of the loneliness from the grief and various things. I think on one level he is lovely but he absolutely is so standoffish and it really frustrates me .

    Sunday was my mums birthday and he showed no affection or comfort at all to me.


    I broke up with my boyfriend a month after my Mother died.
    He thought a week was enough time to mourn.
    Move on, you deserve better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 5:06 PM GMT
    Shawnathan- do you think he's telling the truth ? Everyone has been awesome on here . Im just at the point I'd ratter have a fuck buddy than put up with this shit
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Jun 27, 2013 5:08 PM GMT
    blactor saidShawnathan- do you think he's telling the truth ? Everyone has been awesome on here . Im just at the point I'd ratter have a fuck buddy than put up with this shit


    It is up to you whether or not to believe him. If you can't believe him then there is something wrong. It could just as easily be you causing the issue by not believing him. Trust is important. You either have it or you don't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    The issue is that I have to admit it sounds like bullshit.

    To say " online 20 mins ago" means you've been online.

    Or on grinder speak is that incorrect?
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jun 27, 2013 5:13 PM GMT
    For the sake of god, why does having a grinder account has to mean he is cheating? I have had that app for a year now and the only reason I still have it is to talk to peeps.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jun 27, 2013 5:16 PM GMT
    Shawnathan saidYeah, I don't know if I believe him or not. If you can't believe him, then I think it's time to move on.
    this is the answer to your problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    More importantly :

    A therapist friend has suggested I'm dealing with complicated bereavement and seems to have diagnosed me with me major depression and anxiety . I think before I make any decisions about my boyfriend, I will sort our medication .

    I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow and get this seen to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 5:45 PM GMT
    Grindr notwithstanding, it seems he's not there for you when you need him most. That's reason enough to break up with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2013 5:56 PM GMT
    I asked him to talk to me last night. He said he got home late but knowing I was in a state, couldn't he have even sent a text like " not home yet, but will call you when in and settled ". He just kept me hanging and finally called.

    I told him I loved him- just a " thank you ". Nothing else. Can't be with someone like that . This is how I feel at present.