High standards? How to change your taste in men?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    The blame game never ends: "you are picky", "you have high standards", "you're single forever because of your high standards", etc

    If we are responsible for what we feel, can anyone here provide instructions on how to change one's taste in men?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2013 11:19 PM GMT
    You can't change your taste in men, but you can change how men taste.

    Just use different blends of spices and seasonings till you get it right. icon_biggrin.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 30, 2013 12:08 AM GMT
    I've heard this sometimes myself but this usually came from guys I had zero interest in.

    I don't necessarily think being picky is a bad thing per say but if you are super critical, it could make it very hard to meet a guy. But like Paul said, you can't really force yourself to be attracted to someone you are not. I've tried this and it didn't work...

    Just stick with what you are looking for but if it really does get to you, analyze what you are looking for in a guy and go from there.
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    Jun 30, 2013 5:30 AM GMT
    Broseph said@OP, in what way are you picky, and how picky are you?


    I love chubby guys who take care of themselves, as much as I take care of myself. I'm very tolerant with a few extra pounds, I don't require any definition, no need for having a lot of hair either. Not to mention I rarely find anyone ugly (facewise)

    Problem is finding one such guy that's not looking for his clone. Not to mention competition from Glorious Mesomorphs™ who seem more eager to tolerate a bit more fat than a bit less mass.

    If I could change my taste, I would be into fellow ectos who seem to persecute me like zombies.
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Jun 30, 2013 5:49 AM GMT
    You can't really control who you're attracted to.
    And you can't force yourself to Love or date anyone you don't want to.

    I've also tried it, it was not good.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Jun 30, 2013 6:28 AM GMT
    Well I have been around quite a while and have tried and tested like most of you I guess?

    I do now have high standards and why should I go for less Tell Me?
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jun 30, 2013 6:29 AM GMT
    Rene_Aensland saidYou can't really control who you're attracted to.
    And you can't force yourself to Love or date anyone you don't want to.

    I've also tried it, it was not good.


    I totally agree, I've learned that you can't change what your dick likes. And I have had many mistakes trying to date guys I ought to like, but just don't get me hard. I felt I hurt a lot of guys that didn't deserve it.

    That said, I have very high standards in men physically, it's what I consider one of my character flaws. And I should be more picky about character, something I've had to learn the hard way lately.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2013 6:31 AM GMT
    It's not so much changing your taste. You only need to change your taste is if your type is extremely rare like a blasian

    You've just gotta give more people chances and see if something clicks
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jun 30, 2013 6:54 AM GMT
    bachian said
    Broseph said@OP, in what way are you picky, and how picky are you?


    I love chubby guys who take care of themselves, as much as I take care of myself. I'm very tolerant with a few extra pounds, I don't require any definition, no need for having a lot of hair either. Not to mention I rarely find anyone ugly (facewise)


    Dude, you have a rocking body, most chubby guys probably think that you won't be attracted to them. So you have to be aggressive. As a former chubby, I'll tell you that if someone as hot as you started talking to me, I would be thinking 100% that you were not sexually interested in me. That your interest was about something social, not personal. Also, I would have probably gently dissuaded you so that I would not be hurt by rejection later. Chubby guys can have some serious defense mechanisms built in to protect themselves from rejection which is constant in society. But get past that and find some love icon_smile.gif
  • stol

    Posts: 82

    Jun 30, 2013 7:08 AM GMT
    I don't have a type, but I know what I like when I see it. It's impossible to change your taste with regard to the tangible. I know what I like when I see it, talk to it, smell it, taste it, have sex with it ;). You can change what you like as far as personality (toxic/destructive behavior), simply by being aware of unwanted behavior/character traits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2013 8:07 AM GMT
    I think there's a difference between picky and high standards. When it comes to someone you might be spending the rest of your life with, high standards are a good thing. However, picky tends to imply that one nit picks at little attributes or characteristics that are insignificant.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2013 8:49 PM GMT
    If you're looking for sex then it's alright to look for physical attraction. Not so much if you're looking for a long term relationship. For LTR the only thing you need is to be in love with that person. I've fallen in love with men I don't find physically attractive at all. My boss is in a relationship and he's always telling me he would never had sex with his partner if he wasn't so in love with him. Being in love will make that person much more important and attractive to you than any hot guy out there.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jun 30, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    Mostwant3d saidIf you're looking for sex then it's alright to look for physical attraction. Not so much if you're looking for a long term relationship. For LTR the only thing you need is to be in love with that person. I've fallen in love with men I don't find physically attractive at all. My boss is in a relationship and he's always telling me he would never had sex with his partner if he wasn't so in love with him. Being in love will make that person much more important and attractive to you than any hot guy out there.


    I don't think everyone is built that way though. I have been in love with guys that didn't turn my crank physically, and it ended badly, very badly. It was especially unfair for my partner and I felt like shit for not being able to be attracted to that wonderful guy.
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    Jun 30, 2013 9:15 PM GMT
    Mostwant3d saidIf you're looking for sex then it's alright to look for physical attraction. Not so much if you're looking for a long term relationship. For LTR the only thing you need is to be in love with that person. I've fallen in love with men I don't find physically attractive at all. My boss is in a relationship and he's always telling me he would never had sex with his partner if he wasn't so in love with him. Being in love will make that person much more important and attractive to you than any hot guy out there.


    Nice. I think the people who are able to get to this stage have better luck finding a lasting partner
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jun 30, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    i couldent icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2013 1:19 AM GMT
    Mostwant3d saidIf you're looking for sex then it's alright to look for physical attraction. Not so much if you're looking for a long term relationship. For LTR the only thing you need is to be in love with that person. I've fallen in love with men I don't find physically attractive at all. My boss is in a relationship and he's always telling me he would never had sex with his partner if he wasn't so in love with him. Being in love will make that person much more important and attractive to you than any hot guy out there.


    If romance could arise out of a situation of no physical attraction whatsoever, you would see straight guys falling in love with their male friends. Straight guys don't fall in love with their male friends, even in the presence of several elements that make romances successful: identification, respect, solidarity, common interests, friendship... straight guys don't fall in love with straight guys simply because there is no physical attraction.

    If you are not physically attractive to who you want, even if the person likes you in every other criteria, the door to romantic love is effectively closed to you. There is no romance without physical attraction. This may sound sad, but unfortunately that's what it is... icon_cry.gif
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jul 01, 2013 1:25 AM GMT
    I believe having high standards and being "picky" is a good thing, don't change it

    Yeah it sucks and you have to wait but when the GUY does come around it will be awesome icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2013 2:01 AM GMT
    bachian saidIf you are not physically attractive to who you want, even if the person likes you in every other criteria, the door to romantic love is effectively closed to you. There is no romance without physical attraction. This may sound sad, but unfortunately that's what it is... icon_cry.gif


    How do blind people fall in love then?
    Sexual attraction most likely has genetic roots, but it is also greatly influenced by social conditioning (as exemplified by heavier women being considered as the most attractive in the 18th and 19th century, for example -you can recognize that everywhere in the poetry, paintings, diaries etc-, whereas nowadays if you have a bodyfat over 20% you're seen as a disgusting beached whale or something).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    Lol how do a gay guy change his taste in men? I don't know, I don't think it's possible. I mean, you like what you like and attracted to whoever you want. As far as being picky, I'm a little guilty of that but I'm lowering my standards lately though, no, I'm not going into details! I agreed you need to like and be attracted to someone in order to give it a shot, otherwise, what's the point? icon_redface.gificon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    I used to be into one type before, now I am into many. I think I sometimes see someone who is cool to me and then star falling for him and then start liking that type. So now I have a big collection of types.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2013 12:43 AM GMT
    realize you will be alone forever, then take anyone that will have you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2013 12:52 AM GMT
    I've found that I really don't have a "type." Attraction is attraction, and a lot of guys appeal to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2013 1:02 AM GMT
    Rita saidHow do blind people fall in love then?
    Sexual attraction most likely has genetic roots, but it is also greatly influenced by social conditioning (as exemplified by heavier women being considered as the most attractive in the 18th and 19th century, for example -you can recognize that everywhere in the poetry, paintings, diaries etc-, whereas nowadays if you have a bodyfat over 20% you're seen as a disgusting beached whale or something).


    Whether it's genetics or conditioning, the source doesn't matter if in the end you can't change it.

    I imagine blind people must have "touch" standards. I would be into the same type of guy if I were blind, it's not just visually that I'm repelled by thin guys. I've had great love moments in the dark after all! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    Try to ask yourself, do YOU hold the same qualities you ask for in a significant other, but be TRULY honest with yourself.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jul 04, 2013 1:15 AM GMT
    stol saidIt's impossible to change your taste with regard to the tangible.


    It's not impossible, it's just difficult -- and for most guys not worth the cost, the tedium, or the trouble since more often than not it would likely require the assistance of a therapist trained in re-conditioning, reinforcement, and behavior modification. But yes, such a clinician could bring you through an arousal state and through systematic reward, systematic punishment, or systematic pairing of guys who are "not your type" -- or a combination -- eventually elicit a voluntary response of arousal with previously un-arousing types.

    It is a similar to the method of therapy used to "cure" pedophilia. It's just not feasible for patterns of attraction that are not maladaptive and harmful.

    But one thing gay guys could do is be more open to experience. Many gay guys will not even be platonic friends with guys who are not their type. Gay guys could be more open to getting outside their bubble and making platonic friends, and not just friends they would fuck -- it might not expand your ideas about attractiveness, but variety in interpersonal relationships is almost never a bad thing.