Any Else Have This Fear?

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 30, 2013 4:43 AM GMT
    I have this weird fear.

    I am afraid that if I don't initiate first then things won't get done

    For example, if I don't message someone or ask them on a date or to make plans first, then I fear that we will never talk or see each other again. And how can I even possibly know they weren't gonna initiate first? Maybe they were waiting for me to ask? Which is dumb cuz you should initiate regardless of what you think the other person should or shouldn't do. It's like a bunch of people seeing an accident and no one calls 911 cuz they think everyone else already called.

    All this goes with friends too.

    I have tried to take it slow and be laid back to see what would happen but I get so afraid and antsy, especially when I am interested in someone.

    I'm working on this icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 30, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    You're right. If you don't initiate things first, then more than likely things won't get done.

    Be bold or accept what floats your way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    I knew this fear all too well.

    However, you have to learn when the ball has already been played and it's in their court. If they fail to continue tossing the ball back then are they really worth the effort?

    And I hate to make relationships seem like a power struggle but your need to initiate contact first is your way of exerting power and control over the relationship because you are insecure with where you stand with this person. In turn, this only takes away what control you have because you are showing your colors - your showing that you care probably more then they do and the person who cares the less is the one who controls the relationship unfortunately. I guess it's like a game of Chicken.
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    Jun 30, 2013 4:52 AM GMT

    Well look, you're a nice guy, right?
    Now, when you know or meet a nice guy, you like to get together with them so you start things off, which is a nice thing to do so stop reading so much negativity into it if there's no or little response.

    Sometimes, knowing that you're a nice guy, you can relax and lay back and let others start things off instead.

    lol, with friends, they may be spoiled from you being initiator, so give people time.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 30, 2013 4:58 AM GMT
    If it is important to you, then you have to take the first step, you can't sit around waiting for others to do it
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 30, 2013 4:59 AM GMT
    IceBuckets saidI knew this fear all too well.

    However, you have to learn when the ball has already been played and it's in their court. If they fail to continue tossing the ball back then are they really worth the effort?

    And I hate to make relationships seem like a power struggle but your need to initiate contact first is your way of exerting power and control over the relationship because you are insecure with where you stand with this person. In turn, this only takes away what control you have because you are showing your colors - your showing that you care probably more then they do and the person who cares the less is the one who controls the relationship unfortunately. I guess it's like a game of Chicken.


    So they get used to you doing that and naturally sit back and let you be in control when you are the one who wants THEM to put in some effort too. Or maybe you like being in that control so much you wanna control what they do, idk lol I'm getting confused. I am starting to just accept it's the way I am and what I am used to. Or maybe I just hang around people who are lazy
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jun 30, 2013 5:14 AM GMT
    Joey-you're 23 and in time you will mature and things will change. If you feel it is affecting your life in a way where you are not getting what you need or deserve, seek out a good therapist. Not an RJ member.icon_idea.gif

    Did you ever see the movie 16 candles? Your fears are like Molly Ringwald's character Samantha when she is talking to Anthony Michael Hall's character Ted in the auto shop room at the dance. He tells her the guy she has a crush on asked about her and she freaks out a little like you stated you do in this thread. She is vacillating over whether or not to speak to this guy (Jake)she has a crush on or wait for him to come to her.
    Rent it!!
    peace Mike3

    Man Molly aged bad!!
    Jake is still hot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2013 5:25 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidJoey-you're 23 and in time you will mature and things will change. If you feel it is affecting your life in a way where you are not getting what you need or deserve, seek out a good therapist. Not an RJ member.icon_idea.gif

    Did you ever see the movie 16 candles? Your fears are like Molly Ringwald's character Samantha when she is talking to Anthony Michael Hall's character Ted in the auto shop room at the dance. He tells her the guy she has a crush on asked about her and she freaks out a little like you stated you do in this thread. She is vacillating over whether or not to speak to this guy (Jake)she has a crush on or wait for him to come to her.
    Rent it!!
    peace Mike3

    Man Molly aged bad!!
    Jake is still hot.


    So basically you're saying that just because I tell the truth that makes me a bitch?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2013 6:01 AM GMT
    Matiz said
    MikemikeMike saidJoey-you're 23 and in time you will mature and things will change. If you feel it is affecting your life in a way where you are not getting what you need or deserve, seek out a good therapist. Not an RJ member.icon_idea.gif

    Did you ever see the movie 16 candles? Your fears are like Molly Ringwald's character Samantha when she is talking to Anthony Michael Hall's character Ted in the auto shop room at the dance. He tells her the guy she has a crush on asked about her and she freaks out a little like you stated you do in this thread. She is vacillating over whether or not to speak to this guy (Jake)she has a crush on or wait for him to come to her.
    Rent it!!
    peace Mike3

    Man Molly aged bad!!
    Jake is still hot.


    So basically you're saying that just because I tell the truth that makes me a bitch?


    M, sweetie, whether you tell the truth or not...

    N'est-ce pas?

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif