My boyfriend wants to bareback

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    Jul 02, 2013 7:22 PM GMT
    my boyfriend wants to bareback..

    we're monogomaus. he's tested negative and i have as well... the thing is, he's been sexually active with other people up until we got together; i'm aware of the 3-month waiting period for reliable results.

    mines are in the clear as when i got tested, i hadn't been active for 3 months.

    the last time my boyfriend and i had intercourse i just found out that he started bleeding, after the fact. actually, he's let me know recently that after each time, he's bled.

    we've gradtuated from the xl sized condoms (for reference). he brought it up again about wanting to bb last night and seemed upset or let down because i said no to it. we hadn't had sex in two days and once we got inside, he let me know that he's still bleeding. he wants to have sex again tonight.

    i'm not comfortable fucking him if he's going to be in pain or bleeding but he seems to get off on it and wears it like a badge of honor.

    how can i communicate to him what i'm feeling without insulting him or conveying that i don't trust the results which may possibly be misunderstood as me not trusting him, incorrectly..

    i trust him. apart from the negative hiv results, how can i bring up the fact that i'm uneasy because of the bleeding after each time we have sex?
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    Jul 02, 2013 7:24 PM GMT
    Everything you just said seems honest and sincere enough. Just try telling him what you just said to us...
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jul 02, 2013 7:28 PM GMT
    I understand your concerns, but if you're both monogamous and negative, what's the problem with barebacking?
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    Jul 02, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    PR_GMR saidI understand your concerns, but if you're both monogamous and negative, what's the problem with barebacking?


    SHIT!!!

    FECES!!!

    CRAP!!!

    BROWN SLUDGE!!!
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Jul 02, 2013 7:58 PM GMT
    IrishDarren said
    PR_GMR saidI understand your concerns, but if you're both monogamous and negative, what's the problem with barebacking?


    SHIT!!!

    FECES!!!

    CRAP!!!

    BROWN SLUDGE!!!


    I hope you're being sarcastic. lol
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    Jul 02, 2013 8:01 PM GMT
    Mickey, I'd do two things:

    1 You both go to see ONE Doctor together for a double appointment where you can talk about the recurrent bleeding, and
    2 you also both get tested again with instructions to return together to the Doc to get the results.

    I'll trust that you two do in fact have a level of trust and understanding that neither will risk the health of the other under any circumstances. icon_wink.gif
  • xzerox

    Posts: 65

    Jul 02, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    mick3y_muscle saidmy boyfriend wants to bareback..

    we're monogomaus. he's tested negative and i have as well... the thing is, he's been sexually active with other people up until we got together; i'm aware of the 3-month waiting period for reliable results.

    mines are in the clear as when i got tested, i hadn't been active for 3 months.

    the last time my boyfriend and i had intercourse i just found out that he started bleeding, after the fact. actually, he's let me know recently that after each time, he's bled.

    we've gradtuated from the xl sized condoms (for reference). he brought it up again about wanting to bb last night and seemed upset or let down because i said no to it. we hadn't had sex in two days and once we got inside, he let me know that he's still bleeding. he wants to have sex again tonight.

    i'm not comfortable fucking him if he's going to be in pain or bleeding but he seems to get off on it and wears it like a badge of honor.

    how can i communicate to him what i'm feeling without insulting him or conveying that i don't trust the results which may possibly be misunderstood as me not trusting him, incorrectly..

    i trust him. apart from the negative hiv results, how can i bring up the fact that i'm uneasy because of the bleeding after each time we have sex?


    gurl dont do it. He might have warts or the herps (they dont test for the former, but you have to personally pay for the latter), however it may not be the case. You need to wait 6 months before unsafe sex ( personally i would wait a year with my guy). I had a friend who got hiv from his boyfriend ( they both didnt know his bf had it ). Honestly if hes that quick to fuck you bb obviously he done it before with others. Also i had a bf who got circumcised becuze his skin was too tight on his penis and he ripped himself.
  • xzerox

    Posts: 65

    Jul 02, 2013 11:12 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidEverything you just said seems honest and sincere enough. Just try telling him what you just said to us...



    uh i agree but he should wait they are rushing it.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 02, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    I you go by the rule that NO MAN IS MONOGAMOUS (which is almost 100% true), and you have only safe sex, you'll have nothing to worry about. And, if your partner argues, tell him that it isn't something that you are willing to negotiate.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 02, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    PR_GMR saidI understand your concerns, but if you're both monogamous and negative, what's the problem with barebacking?



    Men lie.
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    Jul 02, 2013 11:35 PM GMT
    I've heard of lots of guys who were in monogamous relationships who all of a sudden found themselves HIV+ or worse.

    The bleeding is not a good sign.
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    Jul 03, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    meninlove said Mickey, I'd do two things:

    1 You both go to see ONE Doctor together for a double appointment where you can talk about the recurrent bleeding, and
    2 you also both get tested again with instructions to return together to the Doc to get the results.

    I'll trust that you two do in fact have a level of trust and understanding that neither will risk the health of the other under any circumstances. icon_wink.gif

    This post makes the most sense of all. We go to the same doctor and have annual physicals. I'm pretty concerned about his bleeding. I'm most likely build like you and my BF has never bled once since we met. Sure hope you're using decent lube and plenty of it...

    We also go to the same doctors, both GP and specialists, both sit together for the visit, as meninlove recommend. I actually have his medical history memorized better than he does, and I'm the one the doctor usually interviews for his background.

    But that only happens in Florida because we each had a health care surrogate document drawn on the other, and we place those documents on file with all our doctors, and the hospitals we use. I recommend the OP, living in Miami, do the same thing. And if 2 guys don't trust each other enough to do that, to share their medical histories and treatments completely, I wonder if they should be considering barebacking, either.
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    Jul 03, 2013 12:25 AM GMT
    wizoz_4readingsign.gif?w=510

    1942180862_1ab5668c9e.jpg
  • CityofDreams

    Posts: 1173

    Jul 03, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidI've heard of lots of guys who were in monogamous relationships who all of a sudden found themselves HIV+ or worse.


    I know someone who went through this ^^^. His boyfriend cheated on him, both are now HIV+.
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    Jul 03, 2013 1:11 AM GMT
    The bleeding alone would be a no.
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    Jul 03, 2013 1:04 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    meninlove said Mickey, I'd do two things:

    1 You both go to see ONE Doctor together for a double appointment where you can talk about the recurrent bleeding, and
    2 you also both get tested again with instructions to return together to the Doc to get the results.

    I'll trust that you two do in fact have a level of trust and understanding that neither will risk the health of the other under any circumstances. icon_wink.gif

    This post makes the most sense of all. We go to the same doctor and have annual physicals. I'm pretty concerned about his bleeding. I'm most likely build like you and my BF has never bled once since we met. Sure hope you're using decent lube and plenty of it...


    we are but i'm assuming he's just not used to being a bottom.. he's walking with me but hadn't taken the time to learn how to
    crawl. :/
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    Jul 03, 2013 1:06 PM GMT
    xzerox said
    mick3y_muscle said ?


    gurl dont do it. He might have warts or the herps (they dont test for the former, but you have to personally pay for the latter), however it may not be the case. You need to wait 6 months before unsafe sex ( personally i would wait a year with my guy). I had a friend who got hiv from his boyfriend ( they both didnt know his bf had it ). Honestly if hes that quick to fuck you bb obviously he done it before with others. Also i had a bf who got circumcised becuze his skin was too tight on his penis and he ripped himself.


    advice taken. i think 6 months to a year sounds pretty solid.
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    Jul 03, 2013 1:09 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidI you go by the rule that NO MAN IS MONOGAMOUS (which is almost 100% true), and you have only safe sex, you'll have nothing to worry about. And, if your partner argues, tell him that it isn't something that you are willing to negotiate.


    a million thanks.

    to be honest, he seems almost upset when i tell him "no". the back of my mind wonders whether if it's such a big deal to him, would the act itself be so important that he'd seek to bareback somewhere else? what he's communicated is that he wants the intimacy and only wants it with me.

    i'm thinking of stating that it's non-negotiable and that if it's a deal-breaker, perhaps we should reevaluate our relationship.
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    Jul 03, 2013 1:22 PM GMT
    CityofDreams said
    GAMRican saidI've heard of lots of guys who were in monogamous relationships who all of a sudden found themselves HIV+ or worse.


    I know someone who went through this ^^^. His boyfriend cheated on him, both are now HIV+.

    Yes, that happened to my late partner before I met him, his story confirmed by friends who knew them both. His partner cheated, got infected, then infected my future partner. The cheater died of AIDS first, my partner dying years later after we had gotten together (he told me he was poz from the first, we always had safe sex).

    My present husband's partner also cheated and got HIV, developing AIDS very quickly and dying within a year. Fortunately he told my partner as soon as he learned of his HIV, and didn't transmit it to him.

    So this stuff happens. Guys will cheat. Not all, but enough to mean you should think very carefully before putting your life in someone else's hands by barebacking. And if you haven't known the guy for very long, barely the 3-6 months it takes to screen for HIV, then your risk is that much higher.
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    Jul 03, 2013 1:51 PM GMT
    mick3y_muscle said
    to be honest, he seems almost upset when i tell him "no". the back of my mind wonders whether if it's such a big deal to him, would the act itself be so important that he'd seek to bareback somewhere else? what he's communicated is that he wants the intimacy and only wants it with me.

    i'm thinking of stating that it's non-negotiable and that if it's a deal-breaker, perhaps we should reevaluate our relationship.

    A true story I've told here before: I had a fuck buddy that I knew was a player, but that didn't bother me, I felt no romantic attractions to him, just having sex. And he swore up & down that he always had safe sex with his other sex buddies, always wore a condom (he & I were both versatile, took turns as tops & bottoms with each other, both wore condoms).

    One morning after a sleepover at his place we were taking a shower together. Suddenly he bent me over and started to enter me. I asked if he had a condom, and he said no, and he didn't want to go dripping wet into his bedroom to get one. But not to worry, he was negative.

    I pulled away. Afterwards I realized that if he'd bareback with me, how valid were his claims that he never barebacked with anyone else? Totally worthless after this episode. I never had sex with him again.
  • Stregone

    Posts: 137

    Jul 03, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    if he's still bleeding you should plobably wait a couple more days, if he insists, give him what he wants, I mean you're both "negative"
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jul 03, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    mick3y_muscle said
    Webster666 saidI you go by the rule that NO MAN IS MONOGAMOUS (which is almost 100% true), and you have only safe sex, you'll have nothing to worry about. And, if your partner argues, tell him that it isn't something that you are willing to negotiate.


    a million thanks.

    to be honest, he seems almost upset when i tell him "no". the back of my mind wonders whether if it's such a big deal to him, would the act itself be so important that he'd seek to bareback somewhere else? what he's communicated is that he wants the intimacy and only wants it with me.

    i'm thinking of stating that it's non-negotiable and that if it's a deal-breaker, perhaps we should reevaluate our relationship.


    I have a feeling your relationship will come to and end soon.

    This is not a statement about you.. but I just think it's sad that some gay men have become so terrified of bareback sex that they're not willing to have it even in the confines of a relationship due to mistrust issues. Frankly, one of the great pleasures of gay sex is to fuck bare without a condom. Letting fear of bareback overrule your life and end a relationship is a damn shame.
  • foig

    Posts: 33

    Jul 03, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    I'd say don't do it. Better safe than sorry. Besides, being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to have anal sex(I would never do that but thats just me). espcially with the bleeding thing, definate no. Find other ways to please each other, if he really loves you, it shouldn't matter if u stick ur dick in his ass or not. If so, then he seems more into that act than being with u.
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    Jul 03, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    Good point, foig:

    " Find other ways to please each other, if he really loves you, it shouldn't matter if u stick ur dick in his ass or not. If so, then he seems more into that act than being with u."

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    Jul 03, 2013 4:37 PM GMT

    PR_GMR said, ".... but I just think it's sad that some gay men have become so terrified of bareback sex that they're not willing to have it even in the confines of a relationship due to mistrust issues. Frankly, one of the great pleasures of gay sex is to fuck bare without a condom. Letting fear of bareback overrule your life and end a relationship is a damn shame."

    Yikes! I think if there are any trust issues in a relationship, then NO.