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Mom's going in for extensive heart surgery Friday. She's 75 and osteoporotic; has fluid in both the lungs and heart. She's innocently happy as she will be living with us afterward as I (Doug) have the skill-sets to assist in convalescence. (ever bathe your mother? I told her I may never get it up again. She laughed.) Bill was the one who suggested it. There have been a lot of tears of worry and sorrow as I have had to discuss worse case scenarios with her. Tears tears tears, then abruptly, the world changed last night with a NEW PRESIDENT!

We can't express how this made us feel except for the following lyrics.

God bless you America.

"I've always come to the conclusion that 'but' is the way
Of asking for permission to lay something heavy on ones head
So I have tried to not be the one who 'll fall into that line
But what I feel inside I think you should know

And baby that's you - you - you
Made life's his*to*ry
Cause you've brought some joy inside my tears
And you have done what no one thought could be
You've brought some joy inside my tears

I've always felt that tomorrow is for those who are too much afraid
To go past yesterday and start for today
I feel that lasting moments are coming far and few between
So I should tell you of the happiness that you bring
Baby, baby it's you - you - you
Made life's his*to*ry
Oh baby, you've brought some joy inside my tears
Baby you have done what no one thought could be
You brought some joy inside my tears
You brought some joy inside my tears

'Joy inside my tears' - by Stevie Wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeAyN35EjQA

Nicely put Doug - and good luck in looking after your mum. She's lucky to have such a loving family.

Lozx

Thank you Laurence!

Thank you as well, to the United States, for giving the world an early Christmas present, filled with joy and hope.

Good luck with the surgery. My father just recently had heart surgery as well. I know how hard it can be on them and you. He is doing much better now after another stay with me and my partner.

Keep us up to date on the progress.

Saludo creyente!

That's impressive! We'll be trying to do as you've done!


luego, us

meninlove
I will pray for you, your mom and her surgery. I have bathed and taken care of my mom. She is gone now but I have no regrets. We were very close and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I truly wish your mom well and a long life with her two very good hearted sons.

Gosh thanks GeorgeE!

Can't tell you how nice to know others like yourself have gone though this and appreciate a gay couple's point of view; while we're pretty confident about the whole thing, we're a bit unsure about how this might affect our interconnectedness on a day to day basis.

Pleased to meet you, by the way!

-Doug of meninlove
(Bill says 'HI!' from work)

You guys are my heroes.

Thanks for the verbal 'kiss'
. ( kissing pro indeed!)

It appears that this has turned out to be a good day for a lot of people in the world, dancing in Kenya, hoola in Japan, hopeful thoughts coming from Liberia and many other countries.

I am happy to hear that it made a happy moment for your mom and you in this difficult time for her and you. But, I am sure that with your sweetness, you will be the best caregiver and you can put her to sleep at night with a bedtime story, sort of a nice time for payback I bet.

Bill & Doug,
My prayers are with you both as you endure the hours of concern for your mother. May she come through this with years of laughter and love left within her and may you have the strength and courage to get through this.
I admire your love, your courage and your compassion. Be at peace.

Always,
Luke

Keeping you both in my prayers and my thoughts.
-Adam

Just another loving, traditional, gay family.

Much love to you all.

*reads all the above and cries*

OK, fine now. You guys!

Just went to the store and brought back today's Province paper.

On the cover - full page colour photo of President Obama
smiling in his inclusive way (how does he do that?) and below in gigantic font,

"HISTORIC!"

Bill, Mom and I will be re-reading this issue for some time.
Everyone at the store kept saying, staff and customers alike,
how proud they are of "Our American cousins!" - one of my favourite expressions!

CONGRATULLATIONS TO ALL OF YOU AMERICANS!! AGAIN AND AGAIN

HUGE HUG FROM ARGENTINA!

THANKS FOR THIS PRESENT!

Hope your Mother's surgery goes well.

A positive attitude about life will help her and you two get through things.

yes Doug
I hope your Mom's surgery goes well. Is it in Vancouver @ the Heart Centre, St. Paul's Hospital? Hope so.

Excellent heart surgeons there. Anson Cheung-he's great, Hilton Ling (I think he's the best heart surgeon St. Paul's has. Sam Lichtenstein-awesome individual and Dr. Jim Abel really good as well. The Nursing staff are excellent.
Despite the risks involved I am glad your Mom is having the surgery.

Warren

I can definitely tell all of you "outlanders" that one of the great joys of the outcome of this election (for me anyway) is seeing the absolute joy it is bringing to the rest of the world. To have someone leading the U.S. who is articulate, intelligent, and has some kind of a WORLD view ("Country First"? What was up with that? How about, "Humanity first"?) as opposed to someone whose reaction the the rest of the planet is informed only by belligerence and suspicion can only make ALL our lives better. That crowd out in Grant Park last night certainly looked like the America I live in. I live in Manhattan and can tell you that the entire city today was walking around with a goofy grin. Schoolkids on their way to the 2 high schools near our home were utterly exuberant this morning. Strangers couldn't help sharing their joy with one another on line at the market. We aren't kidding ourselves - we've got a deep, deep hole to dig ourselves out of (and W still has a couple months to cement his "legacy"). But for the first time in WAY too long, it feels like we might actually be back on something resembling the right track. And with the losses we suffered nationwide surrounding the Gay Marriage issue - well, the more folks get to know guys like the Men In Love and what an astounding and loving people we are capable of being (and, at our best, are), the sooner we're going to arrive at the day when the message of diversity and inclusiveness that was so dramatically vindicated last night is going to include us as well. The world is often a truly ugly place and it's up to all of us, through our actions, to light a candle in the darkness. Hope this election can be a whole new beginning for us all.

well said Steven.

I think Steven would be a good candidate for that next election

Last time you guys elected Bush I was shocked, and I remember thinking that Americans should not be allowed to vote for the American President. The rest of the world should do it.

But this time you guys done good

I agree, Stephen. I watched the results last night up on 103rd and Riverside, and on the way home the station there - and the trains - were filled with young people in a state of joy, and others of us feeling pretty good, too. Stopped in at Duane Reade and can report that it was the first time I got the impression that the late night clerks didn't hate their jobs!

Hey guys, we're back from consultation 1 with Internal Medicine. Tomorrow is risk assessment (day before surgery)

Hi fogos! Thanks for the inside track on St Paul's - formidable team of specialists there! They've scheduled her at RCH in the new cardiac facility. Both our and Bill's family were worried about what would happen after-wards (yeah they all know each other- now. heh) but Bill has so smoothly and surely stepped up to the plate and using me as the bat, hit a home run with everyone involved. He thought of me before my brain could articulate the thought.

..And Thirdbeach, we vow things will be upbeat, after all Mom's staying with Polly-Anna and Mary Poppins cousins,
'Petey- Attitudinal' (me) and 'Melvin Pushover', (Bill) . Happy with attitude. grrr. heh!



Great points, steven p - you could submit an article, writing like that! But we don't know about mentioning us. Our scruffy faces are a little camera shy!

Nov 4 2008, President Barak Hussein Obama

- pretty well The Day The Earth Stood Still (movie - look it up - great message)

-us

Bill and Doug,
My thoughts are with you and I hope for you an uneventful surgery. Having so much love in one home is amazingly powerful. I'm sure she will do well and you both will be thankful for your family.

Doug-all the best with Mom at the Royal Columbian. I am certain they will do their absolute best.
yeah the election result was just what the world needed to see. let's get to work eh.

I hope everything goes well with the surgery. Best of luck.

Everything will be ok, my friend! Pray for you and your mother, and for the new president too!! Peace! my heart's with you and your mom...

Hope it goes well too.

And yeah, Obama's election does bring a little more optimism in this world, doesn't it?

Good luck to Mom, Bill & Doug!

I hope she recovers soon, and you're able to get it up again...

Good luck to your mother! Taking care of seniors for a living I might be able to offer some help, If you need any advice just ask me. I'll try my best.

God Bless.

Aloha Doug,

I stand in prayer for you and yours as you navigate the daily space that this situation brings to you and yours. Tommorrow I will go to the native prayer circle and there I will have you on my lips to speak as they / we pray and drum for you all. I relate to what you have to do as I am the major caretaker for my parent, mother. Its a full time on top of my regular full time job but it is my family and I am willing because of the love. Just remember to take time out for you....and you and yours will be fine. thinking of you...aloha , Reno

Well guys,

We told Mom what was happening here with our topic and she was intrigued, so we passed on all your well-wishes and she says thanks for the prayers, drums and good thoughts, and I (Doug) told her that I'll show her this site. She hesitated, "Oh, are you sure they wouldn't mind?" so I had to explain what a public forum was and that gay-bashers have been here recently.

Hoo Hooo! I can see your jaw dropped expressions from here! Hah! She's a very cool Mom and has a wicked Jamaican sense of humour, loves off-colour jokes, so most of what she sees here won't surprise or shock her in the least. Besides, she used to paint nudes in oils-on-canvas
so appreciates the body beautiful, which this place is full of. As for the flame wars, large Jamaican families have those at their favourite place and time - dinner. You'd think we'd have all died of indigestion years ago. heh Just don't be trying to email her because she'll spill every embarrassing story about me she can remember!
She's completely computer illiterate, so I told her trying the 'net out will be a good way to distract her from a very physically disabling operation. It'll be weeks before she can lift anything like laundry.

-Doug of meninlove

Meanwhile, she can't say enough about President Obama's victory. She was thrilled when he mentioned gays in his acceptance speech.

Wishing all the best with the surgery...your mom sounds like the coolest.

GOOD LUCK Men (and Men's mom) and please...let us know if there's anything else we Americans can do for you.

We'll send Chris Evans and Justin Hartley up there to help you out if you need help getting Moms out of the tub...neither one of them are doing anything right now, anyway...

Chris Evans and Justin Hartley, too? My Mom's heart!


Spoke to her cardiac surgeon tonight. 6 hour operation. Chances pretty good, but no lifting anything for 6 - 8 weeks.
Now there's two valves involved, both inside the heart.

Finally, the rest of the family is starting to take this seriously.
A few skeletons in closets rattling a bit. Oh well.

We're so outraged by what's happened to all of you around prop 8 , 102 and 2 (In Arizona?) that we're going to, even though Canadian, write a registered letter to the new President, your truly amazing Barak Hussein Obama,
begging for action of some kind, even if he can only make a public statement of dismay. We'll be on our best behaviour, promise, after all, you guys know how mild (even boring?heh) we can be, so he'll either be inspired or fall asleep reading it!

-Doug and Bill of meninlove

I've been asked for an update. As I write this Mom's been in surgery for almost 4 hours - 2 - 3 more to go. two valves damaged - one being replaced with bovine valve now, the other will be 'ringed'.. Doc advised lungs were stable but not normal.
We stayed with her, me and my younger sister this time, til she went into the OR.

All the forums are very passionate right now and I was so absorbed that the phone's warble had me jump straight up out of my chair!

The Doc is a wonderful guy and said he'd call me immediately post-op.

Thanks for asking! Bill's still at work and the pups are picking up a kind of listening awareness (not for the phone!) some part of me is doing. Can't explain it better than that.

Another update. ( if anyone's had enough, shoot me an email and I'll hold off)

Surgery was 8 hours. They had to do more invasive stuff. Mitro valve gone - bovine replacement. Bicuspid repaired. Discovered an appendage or 'pouch' in ventricle . Removed it and went inside to smooth the chamber. She bled all night and they began transfusing. Bleeding has slowed but not stopped as of an hour ago.

I've now put in a 30 hour day and for some reason am still lucid. Go figure. Hmmm, I may never sleep again. Kidding.

Bill's been a real rock for me. I'll call back in about 1/2 hr to see how she's making out, then go this afternoon once she's further stabilized.

- Doug of meninlove

PS thanks, you guys for caring in this inspiring way. I read your posts and some part of me just seems to lift up and float along. Levitation indeed!

wow guys! sorry to hear about your mother.

Keeping you still once again in our thoughts and prayers.
Circle and drum will be ready to go again this AM about 830am our time,
being about 1130 your time PST. May the beat of the drum bring healing to the beat of "her drum". Ohstiam/Aloha./Aho.

Due to the combined thoughts , wishes and drumming of the guys here, Mom has made an abrupt turnabout. Both of us are a little afraid of this. Strange, eh? Fear of hope.

Just came back from seeing her. She was sitting up! Eyes closed and mouth agape, but sitting up! Surrounded by caregivers in blue. I put one hand gently on the back of her head, and took over giving her sips from a cup of lukewarm tea.
"I'm so thirsty." she she quietly moaned in between sips. it was her second cup after 4 cups of water.
" Here Love", I said, giving her a little more. Slowly, because miracles happen that way, her eyes opened and with obvious effort her eyes focused on my chin, then rose a little at a time til they stopped at my face. We exchanged a full 15 seconds of eye contact. I wish I could share more, but at the moment I can't make the words fit.
I apologized for not shaving and she smiled, a huge slow happy one.

Sorry I can't see the screen.

Know she's gonna come back strong, especially with you boys to give her all that loving care. We should all take care of one another that way - thanks for being there both for her and for us, guys.

Wow, thanks for the update and we are keeping you still in our thoughts
Wow! "Smiling really really big thru some really big tears!"

Today was better, and Mom's small steps to recovery became strides.
She's still in ICU, but has been able to brush her own teeth. She was as happy as though she'd just completed a triathlon.
For her, she had. She'd already sat up, done a series of gentle stretches and leg/arm lifts, and with assistance, walked to the end of the ICU hall and back.

Her blood pressure was 84 over 40 which was alarming for me, but OK I was assured, for her at this time. The greatest change was her heart readout, the spaced spikes in green so regular I could have used a printout of the beat intervals like a tape measure. Her oxygenation sat comfortably at 98 and rose to 100 when she took a deep breath.

Impressive. I held her hands and quietly told her about all of you who had posted here. I recited your comments. She looked up past me and when I turned I discovered I had the attention of some of the ICU staff as well. They turned back to their duties but flashed us little side smiles now and then.

It was pretty interesting, guys.

Thanks, I've no doubts that you made a difference, and no small one either.

-Doug of meninlove
PS She's lucid and back to being the perceptive Mom I know.
"How can I thank them all?" she asked, worried more about you than herself. I suggested that once she's here, she use our RJ email and send all of you a little message. Her face lit up!

An update on Remembrance day...
Today we spent 2 hours with Mom at the hospital. While she's improving, she's had a setback - red blood cell count dramatically dropping, so they've been transfusing again.

Her Doc is an amazing specialist and is very thorough, but he's leaving for Mexico next week (gulp) and we haven't met his replacement yet. I'm a bit worried so Bill is being the Quiet for me.

She may have to go into convalescent care before she can come to our place for rehab therapy.

.....I need an adult beverage.

.....I need an adult beverage.


Oh My... I am Sooo behind!!! I had no clue about your mom.....
You Boys were my ROCK a few months back when my mom was in ICU...
I owe you Boys both, many rounds of Adult beverages by now...
All 3 of you are in my thoughts and prayers right now... Your mom sure sounds cool and I love hearing other RJers besides myself that are really close to their moms and wouldn't think twice about bathing her...

I got the good news recently that when they do the Colostomy reversal and my Mom gets back home for a while, they want me to bring their pet back home to them... As you boys know, I've been the Foster parent of their sweet Tonkenese Kitty (in my lap asleep as I type now...) till she can get past that lovely Colostomy Bag...

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you guys cause I really owe you one! We're all here if and when you need us.

Many Hugs and Warm Kisses from Texas,
Your pal,
Tony ; )

BTW- How about when mom gets home and settled in, I show up with 3 bottles of Dom or Tattinger Champagne... I'm sure by then you'll each want the whole bottle to settle your nerves... Always works for me..
Now, what's that address???

Hello Orbit...? *bringing you a sponge*

Hey guys,

Mom's here at our place. We ordered an automatic hospital bed and set up the second living room as her 'central station'. She arrived yesterday sporting a low-grade fever and a complicated drug regime. I think I've managed to get the fever down to normal, as there's been no re-ocurrence in the last 12 hours. Hope hope hope. The big worry is endocarditis, but her Doc has given a prescription of levaquin (fluoroquinolone family) to fill stat if the fever returns.

I'm beat . Bill's beat - stayed up all night with her last night so tonight we SLEEEEEEPP!

She says 'hi' to everyone (so upbeat, gotta love that)