Gaysayer Opinion: I'm Not A Homophobe

  • Moishendlishu...

    Posts: 435

    Jul 07, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I was recently published in The Advocate for an article I wrote about the discrimination gays face from other gays.

    It's inspired some pretty good debate with some people telling me how much they could relate and some saying how much a self-hating douche nozzle I am. So I thought why not get the RJ community's thoughts on the matter?

    What do you guys think?

    http://www.advocate.com/comedy/2013/07/05/gaysayer-opinions-i-am-not-homophobe
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 07, 2013 2:01 AM GMT
    Sounds like most of the guys on RJ! I don't think you'll be discriminated against. Just be yourself.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    This is my favorite part. So true.

    "I have sat by and watched as a culture that fosters rampant drug use and unprotected sex calls me and people like me “self-hating” — or even better, 'homophobic,' for pointing out the hypocrisy in it. At Pride parades, we showcase public nudity and untrue caricatures of homosexuality while demanding rights — and alienating the people we hope to persuade. All the while, gay men and women who choose to live their lives as individuals are bullied by people who call themselves a community."

    "Happen to be gay" is the line I give to people who threaten to take my gay card away for not letting my sexuality define me and not liking every stereotypical gay thing.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 07, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    Yeah, I've felt pretty much the same way my whole life.
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    Jul 07, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    I enjoyed reading your article - good points, nice humor and witty writing style. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 07, 2013 3:59 AM GMT
    Ross Matthews isn't a household name but he's a funny cat. but then again he rolls with Chelsea Handler........lol


    You made some excellent points. Regardless, some people will take this as a personal attack and nitpick pieces of the article to throw at you instead of reading the whole thing.


    So let the haters hate and just do you brotha icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 07, 2013 4:03 AM GMT
    What's up with that pose in your main profile pic?
  • Moishendlishu...

    Posts: 435

    Jul 07, 2013 5:10 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidWhat's up with that pose in your main profile pic?


    I bend over at a few points in my act...however that pose was

    A. Ridiculous
    B. Sexual
    C. Snarky

    Which is all the things I know gays love so it was my Grindr pic for a long time and it made me quite a few new fans (I didn't have to sleep with)

    Know your market ;)
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    Jul 07, 2013 12:39 PM GMT
    Hell yeah!
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Jul 07, 2013 12:56 PM GMT
    Whatevz saidThis is my favorite part. So true.

    "I have sat by and watched as a culture that fosters rampant drug use and unprotected sex calls me and people like me “self-hating” — or even better, 'homophobic,' for pointing out the hypocrisy in it. At Pride parades, we showcase public nudity and untrue caricatures of homosexuality while demanding rights — and alienating the people we hope to persuade. All the while, gay men and women who choose to live their lives as individuals are bullied by people who call themselves a community."

    "Happen to be gay" is the line I give to people who threaten to take my gay card away for not letting my sexuality define me and not liking every stereotypical gay thing.



    GOOD JOB WHATEVZ . . . !
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    Jul 07, 2013 2:36 PM GMT


    lol!

    "At Pride parades, we showcase public nudity and untrue caricatures of homosexuality while demanding rights — and alienating the people we hope to persuade."

    I heard that back in '81 when our 1st official gay pride parade happened. Dykes on bikes bare chested and men and women sporting their leather chaps and drag queens and scantily clad men.

    Fast forward to 2013 where we now enjoy 100% full equality because the people worth convincing gays should be equal didn't judge gays by some peoples' antics in a parade; they're not that silly or shallow. icon_wink.gif

    "Happen to be gay" is the line I give to people who threaten to take my gay card away for not letting my sexuality define me and not liking every stereotypical gay thing."

    Pish posh on stereotypical gay things that you don't have to like. If some people are giving you grief that tells you about THEM not gay people in general.
    ...as for defining you, being gay is not just about sex but love. Big giant encompassing life changing love. icon_wink.gif

    There, an official nit-picky reply. icon_lol.gif




  • Jul 07, 2013 2:57 PM GMT
    I particularly agree with the points about the gay pride parade. It frustrates me when these parades happen and organizers try to convey the theme of equality; however, then you have a bunch of half-naked men acting ridiculous on floats. I wish these guys would reserve such conduct for the clubs or non-pride parades. During the 1960s civil rights marches, you didn't see half-naked people running around town. During the women's suffrage moment in the 1920s, they didn't wear body glitter and flash every guy on the street. While women were burning bras during the 1970s, they weren't doing it for hookups, but to make a point.

    I've come across a couple a straight people who support the LGBT community and would love to bring their kids to a pride parade, but don't want to expose their kids to the "scandalous" floats and sexual acts these parades are now known for. Why should these parades give uber conservatives and religious zealots another reason to hate gays?

    Sorry for the rant, just frustrated with this issue.
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    Jul 07, 2013 3:13 PM GMT
    Comment that share my sentiment:

    I would say yes, the most discrimination I feel comes from the community. I cannot make friends with other gay men without them thinking I'm coming on to them, even at work. It would be nice to have other gay men friends to talk to about real life issues but I just haven't found any.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2013 3:30 PM GMT
    I enjoyed the article, the style of writing and agree with a vast majority of your points.
    I find that people will always use the stereotypes they are familiar with as a measuring stick of how to perceive whatever you are putting out there. Much as people in rural areas, think that life in NYC is an episode of Friends or Seinfeld or Jersey Shore.....There is a huge communication gap across the nation as you experience it in your travels. The speed of changing these stereotypes is much slower than the speed of the internet. I also find the personality of the individual acts as a filter of what you put out for the world to see and also how you interpret that message.
    Americans may all say and believe that they speak "American English", but we don't even understand dialects from the south, New England, or the west coast and midwest. Also get the generational differences in varius parts of the nation and then various cultural and ethnic variety.....is it any wonder we don't all have the same understanding of what it means to be "gay" ?
    good article.
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    Jul 07, 2013 3:36 PM GMT
    Hmm,if those are the only two choices, I vote for self-hating douchenozzle.

    Mainly because of the tired stereotypical bullshit about pride parades.

    And because there are plenty of us who live lives that don't fit your stereotype of the "gay community."
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    Jul 07, 2013 3:42 PM GMT
    showme said

    And because there are plenty of us who live lives that don't fit your stereotype of the "gay community."


    Delightful irony in that observation. icon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 07, 2013 3:47 PM GMT
    Good article, really enjoyed the reading and I think you make some prudent points. I agree. Thanks for sharing!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19137

    Jul 07, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    I really enjoyed reading this, and I related to it all too well. You also have a really enjoyable writing style. Well done!

    Favorite quotes:

    “I’m here, I’m queer but on my terms, not yours.”

    and

    "Not wearing a rainbow flag doesn’t make you self hating or homophobic, it means you enjoy a more subdued color palette. And while everyone should have the right to marriage, it’s not a slap in the face to Cher if that’s not every gays’ top priority"
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    Jul 07, 2013 5:34 PM GMT
    You lost me at "being gay on stage."
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    Jul 07, 2013 6:41 PM GMT
    Great points, especially about the gay pride parades. I know there is a lot of good that you can find in all of the parades. And I know that it isn't a requirement you be a hyper-sexual male to attend. But try this...

    1)Google image "black pride", "hispanic pride", "women pride" and "lesbian pride".... You see images of people holding hands, pics of men, women, children, flags, parades, and symbols and signs.

    2)Now in the the same image search, insert the word "gay" between "black pride" and between "Hispanic pride" and see what you get. You get naked men galore. Even in the "lesbian pride" image, the women have their clothes on (thankfullyicon_biggrin.gif) and the men are naked and humping. Google image "gay pride" and here is what you get... https://www.google.com/search?q=gay+pride&client=safari&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=KKvZUY

    I bring this up because I was trying look for a cool gay pride image at work after the supreme court rulings, something I could maybe email out to my friends, but had to put my safe search on AND change my search query several times. Even the search "gay rights parade" brought up page after page of naked men. Not naked lesbians. Naked, sexualized men. And these are pics from individual, blogs, magazines, journal pics. Sometimes it feels like some in our movement are trying to compete with "Girls Gone Wild" or "Beach Week" instead of equal treatment.

    I don't think Pride should go away at all and I think it gives us a great opportunity. But just like Bill Cosby and other black leaders have challenged the images/language in Hip-Hop culture, it's perfectly acceptable for us to challenge some of the images/prejudices we have out there under the umbrella of "Pride".
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    Jul 07, 2013 6:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    lol!

    "At Pride parades, we showcase public nudity and untrue caricatures of homosexuality while demanding rights — and alienating the people we hope to persuade."

    I heard that back in '81 when our 1st official gay pride parade happened. Dykes on bikes bare chested and men and women sporting their leather chaps and drag queens and scantily clad men.

    Fast forward to 2013 where we now enjoy 100% full equality because the people worth convincing gays should be equal didn't judge gays by some peoples' antics in a parade; they're not that silly or shallow. icon_wink.gif

    "Happen to be gay" is the line I give to people who threaten to take my gay card away for not letting my sexuality define me and not liking every stereotypical gay thing."

    Pish posh on stereotypical gay things that you don't have to like. If some people are giving you grief that tells you about THEM not gay people in general.
    ...as for defining you, being gay is not just about sex but love. Big giant encompassing life changing love. icon_wink.gif

    There, an official nit-picky reply. icon_lol.gif





    I thought the article was pretty good except for that exact same quote. Any gay judging Pride, or thinking than he is some sort of a "better" gay just because he dislikes the event is simply judgemental and shallow. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pride, it is a party that hurts no one. Nudity and sexual desire are not things to fear but somehow as a society we decided they should be. I dont practice them myself but it would be quite intolerant of me to judge. Yes its a "gay" pride and yes i dont feel represented by every weirdo in Pride, so what? Are we that self consumed that we cant stand to share our homo event with any other type of minority also misjudged by society? . That being said, anyone who judges the totality of the gay community based on a couple of people walking around naked during pride is an ignorant but the type of diversity and tolerance that pride stands for should not be sacrificed for the satisfaction of a few gays who think they are just that much better.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Jul 07, 2013 7:45 PM GMT
    Good article Mike!
    Last year during softball season I went to the 'bar of the week' after our games. I ran into a friend of a friend that I have not seen in awhile. I went up to him to say "Hi" and the friend that he was with gave me this exaggerated look up and down my body. I was wearing my softball uniform like everyone there was. I guessed by the disapproving smirk he had on his face that he did not like what he saw. I knew these guys were not dating, so I knew it was not a jealousy thing just a bitchy thing. I was going to tell him that he was not exactly Brad Pitt either, but did not want to stoop to his level. I said goodbye to my teammates and just left the bar. I had too many things that I could be doing on a beautiful Sunday afternoon instead of being in a gay bar!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2013 7:57 PM GMT
    i laughed and thought deeply on this one, danka. iv had this happen before, when you dont look like the type of person everyone expects you to be.
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    Jul 07, 2013 8:36 PM GMT
    Amen! I have nothing against gay men who are effeminate (assuming that it's not an act--I dislike people who aren't genuine), but that is not me. When I came to terms with being gay I never even considered changing my mannerisms, behaviour, or values in order to fit a stereotype. I've been told that I'm fairly masculine, although I take issue with that: I make no attempt to be masculine, any more than I make an attempt to be feminine. All I do is make an attempt to be me.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 07, 2013 8:39 PM GMT
    AstroGeek saidAmen! I have nothing against gay men who are effeminate (assuming that it's not an act--I dislike people who aren't genuine), but that is not me. When I came to terms with being gay I never even considered changing my mannerisms, behaviour, or values in order to fit a stereotype. I've been told that I'm fairly masculine, although I take issue with that: I make not attempt to be masculine, any more than I make an attempt to be feminine. All I do is make an attempt to be me.

    *3 snaps in a Z formation