Nice guys...really do finish last?

  • deep388

    Posts: 859

    Jul 08, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    I've been wondering about nice guys.

    I often get called "nice" in response to my dating profile but then never seem to get anywhere when I state that I'm not after random sex or when I start discussing music tastes, or film, or food. What the hell do guys want? Do I have to be a drooling moron to engender a love life? Maybe "nice" implies "bland" or "vanilla" (which are not words I would use to describe myself).

    Do you have to be aggressive to get what you want? Or do online forums require more assertion than usual? Is demonstrating your intellect in an online dating profile the kiss of death? Does an active brain scare people off, or threaten them in some way?

    I've got a healthy enough self-esteem, a few foibles here and there like anyone else, and I've been around the block a few times, but why is it that the phrase "you sound like a really nice guy" sound like a death sentence?

    Any ideas?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 2:52 AM GMT
    nice guys win last, but they still win.

    nice guys laugh last, or to word it another way, they get the last laugh.

    being nice is about denying yourself instant gratification and earning a larger reward in the long term.

    Hence why most fags have lots of sex with no prince charming at the end of their lives....
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Jul 08, 2013 2:53 AM GMT
    IrishDarren said

    nice guys laugh last, or to word it another way, they get the last laugh.

    being nice is about denying yourself instant gratification and earning a larger reward in the long term.

    Hence why most fags have lots of sex with no prince charming at the end of their lives....


    This.
    All this.
    +1.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 3:05 AM GMT
    You don't have to finish last. It's really up to you.
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Jul 08, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    Why the obsession with finishing? Soon as you finish one thing you'll get bored and want to start another. Races and finish lines be dashed - veer off course and have fun.
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    Jul 08, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    IrishDarren saidnice guys win last, but they still win.

    nice guys laugh last, or to word it another way, they get the last laugh.

    being nice is about denying yourself instant gratification and earning a larger reward in the long term.

    Hence why most fags have lots of sex with no prince charming at the end of their lives....


    This. When it is all said and done, guys and girls want a guy who is nice, considerate, caring, and (of course) knows how to take care of business when it gets down to it. *But* lots of those same guys and girls want a "bad" boy when they are younger. So while the nice guy may not finish last at 22, when the bad boy has chewed up and spit out the girl/guy at 30/35/40, they'll come to their senses that the good guy was right for them all along.

    Some generalizations, of course, but I have found this to be pretty true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    Yes. Men and women are attracted to douchbags. It's sad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    I have to second what some of the others are saying - if your dating in a pool of people that is really heavily geared toward brief hookups, nice might be a turn-off for some (maybe implying less adventurous?) When dealing with guys who want a relationship, nice becomes a bigger selling point. As you get older, the balance tips more towards relationship-seekers.

    As a guy in my mid-30s who would fall under the category of 'nice guy,' I've found it is usually a plus for me when dating, since a lot of 30+ guys are looking for boyfriends.

    If people bolt when you talk about topics other than sex, then their intentions are probably pretty one track. You probably don't want those guys anyway.

    Stay nice and keep trying, Deep388! You need to find a guy that fits your personality and appreciates you for the awesome person you are, so don't feel that you need to change. Instead, celebrate your culture, maturity and intelligence! Be upfront with it and one of these days, the right guy will take notice and be thoroughly impressed. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 6:48 AM GMT
    If you want something, be assertive. It doesn't mean you have to be aggressive or pushy or rude.

    Instead of trying to impress guys by appearing intelligent or trying to downplay your intelligence, share something you're passionate on your dating profile. You'll get a more favorable reaction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 6:49 AM GMT
    The only true 'finish' in life is death. Any other event in your life is a transient in-between.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 9:09 AM GMT
    if somebody i like called me nice i'd take that as an insult.

    even tho i'm usually very nice to everybody. esp irl

    anyway this is prolly the worst place ever if what you want is a "date" with a guy. you've come to the wrong place.

    look your post count marks 444. must be time for an epiphany or something.

    realjocks.org is not the place to be

    try match.gov, they say that's the bestest
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 10:16 AM GMT
    I always say "Nice guys finish second."
    Being nice certain doesn't hold you back *that* much.
    (I think I have to face facts about this not being a dating site also. )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 12:35 PM GMT
    IrishDarren saidnice guys win last, but they still win.

    nice guys laugh last, or to word it another way, they get the last laugh.

    being nice is about denying yourself instant gratification and earning a larger reward in the long term.

    Hence why most fags have lots of sex with no prince charming at the end of their lives....


    +1 icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 2:14 PM GMT
    Nice guys finish last only if they choose to finish last.



  • Jul 08, 2013 2:15 PM GMT
    deep388 said
    I've got a healthy enough self-esteem, a few foibles here and there like anyone else, and I've been around the block a few times, but why is it that the phrase "you sound like a really nice guy" sound like a death sentence?


    What normally kills me is "you're a really sweet guy". Which I thought it was great, but apparently people don't want to bang a sweet guy.

    I understand your feeling icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 2:18 PM GMT
    Well women generally like nice guys, so if all else fails go straight icon_lol.gif

  • TannerMasseur

    Posts: 7893

    Jul 08, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    Go to the gym, build urself up, see if u get more attention then. And when someone says "nice" to u then, it might have a different connotation, meaning, "NIIICE!" icon_smile.gif "Let's have some fun!"?.....If u want to, which u should. Don't be too prudish. Remember Sandy from Grease, Miss Goody2Shoes vamped it up in the end.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 2:32 PM GMT
    I feel like saying "nice" or "sweet" is just the big precursor to saying they don't want to be with you. Isn't it just easier to say in general?

    Oh you're so nice but... weeellllll... this isn't going to work out.

    If anything it has less to do with you being nice and more to do with them being unwilling to say how they really feel.

    Like "You're good looking but if you're not going to open up I'm done here" kind of thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 2:55 PM GMT
    There's a big difference between being a good guy and being a pushover. Having confidence and being able to stand up for yourself and what you believe even if you're on your own is a good guy characteristic whereas always yielding to others' demands/expectations is a "nice" guy (or pushover guy) characteristic. Aim to be a good guy and people will be drawn to your character.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 08, 2013 3:19 PM GMT
    Yes, you have to be somewhat aggressive to get what you want. That doesn't mean you can't be "nice" as well. But you can't just sit back and hope someone notices what a nice guy you are. And as to demonstrating intellect, I don't think that turns people off unless your demonstration appears to be just self-serving or self-aggrandizing. And whether people find your nice-ness sexy or not, remember you are dealing with guys, not girls. Guys want sexual chemistry first (whether consummated or not) and whatever happens next will be based on that. Girls are programmed to look for a long-term provider for their babies.
  • FirestormDavi...

    Posts: 340

    Jul 08, 2013 3:40 PM GMT
    IrishDarren saidnice guys win last, but they still win.

    nice guys laugh last, or to word it another way, they get the last laugh.

    being nice is about denying yourself instant gratification and earning a larger reward in the long term.

    Hence why most fags have lots of sex with no prince charming at the end of their lives....


    Irish Darren, you are THE MAN




    Matiz saidThe only true 'finish' in life is death. Any other event in your life is a transient in-between.


    Not true. My bro died. I've communicated with him in dreams since. The best, we chilled in my room. I asked him what it's like to be dead and he said "Everybody's a lot more vivid".

    Johnny_Sunshine saidif somebody i like called me nice i'd take that as an insult.

    even tho i'm usually very nice to everybody. esp irl

    anyway this is prolly the worst place ever if what you want is a "date" with a guy. you've come to the wrong place.

    look your post count marks 444. must be time for an epiphany or something.

    realjocks.org is not the place to be

    try match.gov, they say that's the bestest


    Worst place ever? I know some guys that met here and are dating.

    I will say it's best to find guys in person, walk up to him, talk, and if there's a click ask him if he's single. Haha, chances are he's not gay but you should be comfortable enough to be shot down up to but not limited to 333 times before finding your guy haha.


    WhereIBelong saidThere's a big difference between being a good guy and being a pushover. Having confidence and being able to stand up for yourself and what you believe even if you're on your own is a good guy characteristic whereas always yielding to others' demands/expectations is a "nice" guy (or pushover guy) characteristic. Aim to be a good guy and people will be drawn to your character.

    Dude, EXCELLENT point. The best yet, but Darren was close.


    I think 'nice guys finish last' was only ever meant to sooth the aching conscience of terrible men.

    Haha I have a funny story about this, proving it wrong. One time going to work, trying to find a parking spot (endangered species at that time of day) I let someone go to a spot, and after they parked, a car left almost right by the door that I wouldn't have got if I was an ass and took the other spot first. Alright I shouldn't use ass in a negative connotation. We're homo dudes, the ass is our holy grail! Let's all get in the habit of using it only as the highest praise. "That movie was ass"


    Deep, RESPECT to you for not being after random sex.
    In this day in age our culture is very sad, thinking that we can make love without love. Can we sculpt without clay? Preposterous. Demonstrate your intellect. Be you entirely, everything that entails. You will likely find your mate out in person, in the world, by being drawn to him and talking to him. This site could be a sharpening tool for you, a place for friends. Maybe even a place to find your mate. Whatever the scenario, just make your masturbation sessions as volcanic and spiritually soul quenching as humanly possible. This way, when some looser can't handle your mad skills, who gives a shit?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    Its a tough one and it's about compromise. I generally go by the mantra (for me at least) treat me mean, keep me keen, thats not to say cheat on me or be verbally abusive but the guy whose a bit aloof, is not afraid to call me a douche, is not overly fawning with the compliments is the guy that holds my attention more than the guy who is overly 'nice'. In the past though, that has led to me chasing the wrong guys and since then, and now hitting the 40 mark, I still like a challenge but give me a 'nice' guy with decent moral values AND whose got some inner fire over any bad boy. That mix is still possible even with the term 'sweet, nice, kind...etc' but you only get to know these things by spending more than one night with a guy!!! Just my thoughts!
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Jul 08, 2013 10:48 PM GMT

    ... Nice guys finish last because they put others before themselves. It's not necessarily a bad thing, and proper nice guys are ok with this.

    It's when jerks are making them think competitively that things go awry. (or if they notice that they're being taken advantage of)
  • AlexanderTohm...

    Posts: 103

    Jul 08, 2013 10:57 PM GMT
    Matiz saidThe only true 'finish' in life is death. Any other event in your life is a transient in-between.


    sunny disposition there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    Maybe you should accept this as a positive.

    "You're nice, so I'd feel guilty being all douchey to you. If you were an asshole, sure I'd fuck you, but I wouldn't feel guilty about treating you like shit afterward."

    Sometimes being single and sane is best.