I need relationship advice about this dude plz. Super confused

  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jul 08, 2013 1:34 PM GMT
    I'll try to give as much information as possible.

    Me: 20 years old, junior in college, been working for about a year, had one serious relationship but that ended about 6 months ago.

    Him: Just turned 18 years old, just graduated high school, going to a college that is about 30 mins from my college, was in two tiny relationships and both the ppl cheated on him. Started working at Ihop for a summer job but is quitting once school starts.

    I've been talking to this dude for about 3 months. I say "talking" because we both decided we wanted to be monogamous but still get to know each other, which im completely fine with. At the very beginning when I started texting him, he told me he could see us dating in the future just not right now. We text everyday and see each other at least once a week, sometimes more if we have time. I've never felt this way about another dude. We hold hands, kiss...the usual. I really really like him...and I thought he really really liked me too.

    We have had a two problems. The first was when he said something rude in bed to me and I ignored him for a day or two but we resolved that. the 2nd he made up this big story about coming out the closet and how it ended up horribly and I gave him a big spill about "ill always support you yada yada" and then he said he was just joking which made me angry. Then he told me he feels we get distant every time he fucks up, and he doesn't want that in a relationship.

    The last one was that he was friend's with a dude who told him I cheated on my last boyfriend. He always asks me if I cheated or was talking to another dude. He's terrified to get cheated on. and b4 we labeled ourselves monogamous, I was being sexual with our mutual friend who was interested in me and he got really upset about that (over txt message...and I didn't even know they knew each other). He told me he doesn't know if he can ever trust me truly. He gets jealous kind of easily (but never lets me know about it).

    Recently he said he was quitting his job, he's going on vacation in a couple weeks, turning 18 the 18th of july, and moving into a dorm when he goes off to college.

    He's told me a couple times "I think you can do better." Just recently he told me he's been thinking "a lot!" and he think he's as ready for a relationship as he thought and "maybe we should just keep it a friend thing for now cause idk where my mind set is really."

    So what do I do now? do I wait? is there even a hope? Do I talk to other guys and move on? or do I wait for him to one day be ready? do I still talk to him and be his friend when clearly I want more?

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 08, 2013 4:59 PM GMT
    Move on, mate. He's way too immature and unsure of himself. Just part after a nice dinner somewhere and let him know you would have hung in there if he hadn't wanted to separate but that you understand. He needs to go to college and mature before he can commit. Tell him to call anytime and that you're open to rekindling the relationship at a later date if he decides he's interested. Then you let him go and find someone ready to be the guy for you.
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    Jul 08, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidMove on, mate. He's way too immature and unsure of himself. Just part after a nice dinner somewhere and let him know you would have hung in there if he hadn't wanted to separate but that you understand. He needs to go to college and mature before he can commit. Tell him to call anytime and that you're open to rekindling the relationship at a later date if he decides he's interested. Then you let him go and find someone ready to be the guy for you.

    This.

    Guy is WAY too immature. And he's a liar too. Why start a relationship under such negative circumstances?
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    Jul 08, 2013 5:55 PM GMT
    You're both young. Keep him as a friend and be social with him but explain to him that being monogamous at such a young age will only keep both of you from experiencing/dating different guys and getting to know what you like/dislike with guys. That doesn't mean you have to whore yourself out but dating isn't always sex.

    Playing the field a little at your age allows you to mature emotionally (and sexually if you're into that) before finding someone that you really can be exclusive with. If you start out exclusive, you finally figure out that you've missed a lot by not getting to know other guys and experiencing a larger cross-section of the gay population and how they handle a relationship (dating wise). Learn from experiencing.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 09, 2013 12:01 AM GMT
    Sounds like a lot of immature banter on his part. Most 18 year old males have the maturity level of a 12 year old..With that in mind you need to ask yourself this..Are you in love or are ya in love in the idea of being in love? If it's true love on both your parts he shouldn't be mistrusting of you...He shouldn't say hateful things to you in bed..He shouldn't tell ya lies, then laugh about it...I think you're in love with the thought of being in love...My Advice?...Dump his ass and find a guy that wants your love and trust.Do it because you feel you deserve it.All the best man.
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    Jul 09, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    Let him go.
    Focus on yourself.
    And first of all: don't look for anyone!

    After you will feel like you have cleared your head, after that decide what to do next.
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    Jul 09, 2013 12:40 AM GMT
    He sounds like a mess man. You can't have any kind of relationship without trust and he obviously doesn't trust you. It also sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants. You guys are in two different areas of life and that rarely goes well. Like the other guys above said, he needs to mature, and deal with his issues. Bottom line you can do better. Good Luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2013 12:54 AM GMT
    The default post for relationship threads..
    "Move On"..

    Not so fast..!!

    Both of you are immature!YOU SEEM..more mature than he is ..
    You SEEM to have a better perspective on how the two of you should "Flow".. SO

    ..If you like him..and you think he's worth it.. Put the relation ship on hold ..till you two level with each other..

    ..SIT and TALK it OUT !!

    YOu look that little Twirp in the eyes and you tell him..
    You like him..you'd like it to work..but he needs to stop "Testing You"..

    That's all he's doing..

    Until you do that..you're not "Moving On"..
    You're QUITTING !!!..

    PS. i'm on the rag


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2013 1:00 AM GMT
    The main thing which strikes me here is that he's only 18. I know the age difference is only 2 years, but frankly I think there is a much bigger difference between 18 and 20 than, say 20 and 22. Attending university and living away from home changes you a lot as a person. The amount that I changed and matured over my first year at university was quite astounding, actually; I'm a very different person now than I was then. So it just strikes me that you guys are in very different places in your lives. That said, I hope that things work out for you icon_smile.gif
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Jul 09, 2013 1:13 AM GMT
    rogerfederer said I was being sexual with our mutual friend who was interested in me and he got really upset about that (over txt message...and I didn't even know they knew each other). He told me he doesn't know if he can ever trust me truly. He gets jealous kind of easily (but never lets me know about it).



    Well there's your answer. I'll be pretty upset too if you fucked a guy and we were talking.
    Can't blame him for being so insecure, keep fucking people behind his back and he'll wind up worse.

    Leave the poor guy already.
    And what do you mean start talking to other guys? Might as well continue since you already fucked your friend.
    I don't think EITHER of you are ready.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 09, 2013 1:17 AM GMT
    This is all typical adolescent dating stuff. If you were straight, you'd have been dealing with this kind of thing 2 to 4 years prior. Because you're both gay and probably did not openly date other boys in high school you're working it out now. Four years from now hopefully you'll both be way more mature and can begin to think about what a relationship actually is. Hint: It's way more than sex.
  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jul 09, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    Rene_Aensland said
    rogerfederer said I was being sexual with our mutual friend who was interested in me and he got really upset about that (over txt message...and I didn't even know they knew each other). He told me he doesn't know if he can ever trust me truly. He gets jealous kind of easily (but never lets me know about it).



    Well there's your answer. I'll be pretty upset too if you fucked a guy and we were talking.
    Can't blame him for being so insecure, keep fucking people behind his back and he'll wind up worse.

    Leave the poor guy already.
    And what do you mean start talking to other guys? Might as well continue since you already fucked your friend.
    I don't think EITHER of you are ready.



    I didn't fuck him. We were just talking, being flirty sexually but that was b4 he let me know it was monogamous. After that I quit texting or playing the field and focused solely on him
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    Jul 09, 2013 3:00 AM GMT
    He sounds way too young and immature. I wouldn't bother.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    rogerfederer saidI'll try to give as much information as possible.

    Me: 20 years old, junior in college, been working for about a year, had one serious relationship but that ended about 6 months ago.

    Him: Just turned 18 years old, just graduated high school,
    .....
    Recently he said he was quitting his job, he's going on vacation in a couple weeks, turning 18 the 18th of july, and moving into a dorm when he goes off to college.
    ...



    Hold on, he is currently 17?

    You have to really be someone who can drive the relationship or end it rather than confuse some kid. His stories come from insecurity by the sounds of it.

    If you want someone who is mature, don't date a kid.
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    Jul 09, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    MikeW saidThis is all typical adolescent dating stuff. If you were straight, you'd have been dealing with this kind of thing 2 to 4 years prior. Because you're both gay and probably did not openly date other boys in high school you're working it out now. Four years from now hopefully you'll both be way more mature and can begin to think about what a relationship actually is. Hint: It's way more than sex.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Jul 09, 2013 3:42 AM GMT
    Do not wait for a 17 year old, or even an 18 year old.

    Relationships happen when both people want the same thing at the same time. That's not happening here. Take him at his word. You can do better.
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    Jul 09, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    rogerfederer said

    He's told me a couple times "I think you can do better."



    He gave you good and honest advice. You can stay friends with him, but you should seriously try to find someone else more mature to have a relationship with. You'll both be happier that way.