The new "normalcy": How straights reference the "gay relationships within their family

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 09, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    Well I have to say this last week gave me some new insight as to how straight parents deal with their gay family members. Both settings were different and both positive. Neither know about me per se, although they may suspect.

    The first is one of my investment clients I've had for some years. She and her husband were doing an investment review and something came up about their children as beneficiaries. They mentioned that their middle son (who I've met), lives in the northeast and married his partner recently. They were concerned that the new partner be treated as well as any of their other children and their straight married relationships. I talked to them and ask how they felt.
    They love their son and really like their new son in law. I just encouraged them to "encourage" their son to make sure he has done some estate planning. Great conversation.

    The second was also very interesting. Had a dinner on Sunday night with several high school friends. One of them came to the dinner with her 7 year old daughter, but has older children. She talked about what each of her kids were doing and mentioned her 21 year old son "and his partner" both worked an RN's in a Texas hospital. I later saw pics of her kids and of her son and his partner. Let me say there was nothing.. NOTHING strained, uncomfortable or weird about the conversation. I was very pleasantly surprised.... she's a pretty awesome woman, however.
    What I thought was nice was, there wasn't anybody there who said anything except supportive, pleasant comments about her children and what they were doing.

    My point is.. in these two cases all discussions were very different than I might have expected a few years ago. I definitely felt very good about it all and just wanted to share.
  • The_Guruburu

    Posts: 895

    Jul 09, 2013 4:19 PM GMT
    That's great. I really do hope more people start behaving like this.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 09, 2013 5:10 PM GMT
    Nice. I think you're right and we are finally, quickly getting to the point where we're not tolerated but just part of normal living. I do think in the workplace, there is still a lot of prejudice if you're in a corporate environment, but some of that is just small minded people using whatever they can to climb over others to get ahead. Anti-discrimination policies help but everyone who works in a large chain of command knows you can be fired or side-lined for reasons other than the truth. Until we have a visible presence at the top of corporate America, we're still in danger.
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    Jul 09, 2013 7:23 PM GMT
    GM went out of business cus there clientele got old and died. Young people aren't anti gay like the older generations so if gays stop giving the hater minority airtime there will soon be total integration.
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    Jul 09, 2013 7:37 PM GMT
    The times, they are a changin'.
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    Jul 09, 2013 9:46 PM GMT
    I always enjoy it when you share your perspective on such things.
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    Jul 09, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    I am happy and appreciative of enlightened, intelligent people we encounter when my s.o. and I are out in public, or at gatherings. I'm around a good number of people - at various places, including my campus, my Episcopal church, various clubs and private parties. In each case, our treatment is absolutely fine. We're welcomed and treated beautifully, which is not really a surprise, but it is good to see. I've been on the other side of the equation once too, and got fired by one homophobic idiot when he found out about my sexuality - even though I was an exemplary employee. What I learned is to stay away from ignorant homophobic people, and if you suddenly find yourself working for one of them - - make a change, quickly. Thankfully, the new normalcy doesn't include many homophobic people anymore, at least in my experience.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 10, 2013 1:26 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidI always enjoy it when you share your perspective on such things.



    Well for sure! It was an empowering feeling, honestly. 10 years ago I doubt if this would have been the case. The nice thing about it was, they felt comfortable enough talking to me as a professional, without knowing my sexual preference. I absolutely acted as if it was a very typical
    thing... nothing different than any straight relationship.
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    Jul 10, 2013 1:37 AM GMT

    Well openness, acceptance, honesty with nature always lead its way peacefully, only humans sets their very own standards of Do and Don'ts.

    Nice to hear icon_smile.gif and thanks for sharing icon_wink.gif.
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    Jul 10, 2013 1:59 AM GMT
    Dorothy, we aren't in Kansas any more... Or at least the Kansas we thought we knew.
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    Jul 10, 2013 2:26 AM GMT
    Everyone in my family just calls my bf and I "the boys"
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    Jul 10, 2013 2:29 AM GMT
    I hate to be the only cynic, but your sample is skewed and the responses you got may have been based on the fact that they were given to an openly gay man. First, your sample is skewed by the fact that your clients elect to work with someone who's gay -- which presumably eliminates homophobes from your client roll. Second, what people say about people is seldom what they say to people. So, knowing they were speaking to a homosexual might have made them play up their egalitarianism, as, for example, they did in the '70s when white people might gush their admiration for Dr. King to African American, but consistently vote against affirmative action. Again, I hope I'm wrong, but perhaps our hopes have caused us to overestimate our progress.
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    Jul 10, 2013 4:11 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidThe times, they are a changin'.


    I've said the same thing...
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 10, 2013 4:31 AM GMT
    this was a great story that you shared with us.
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    Jul 10, 2013 4:38 AM GMT
    my family is completely supportive, open, and frankly, waiting for me to get married. i love them all, they love me, i couldn't ask for anything more. except a husband.
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    Jul 10, 2013 4:46 AM GMT
    Awesome!! icon_biggrin.gif

    Hopefully things will keep getting better.