Letting them down easy. How did you?

  • RogerW19

    Posts: 37

    Nov 06, 2008 7:55 PM GMT
    So i met this really cool guy. We have hung out a couple times and we kissed once. Today i'm going to lunch with him and I am deciding whether or not i can see something progressing with him. More than likely not, and i feel that it is not fair to him if he is under the impression that we might have something. So i was wondering how would you let someone, who is a really awesome guy but not what you want, know that you just want to be friends without offending him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 06, 2008 8:02 PM GMT
    First of all make sure that he is actually interested in you in a romantic way. He probably is. I don't think there is a way to tell someone that you are not romantically interested in them without hurting their feelings to a certain extent. Try and empathize with what they are probably feeling, but at the same time don't beat around the bush and give him the wrong idea.

    I personally always liked to go out for coffee or a drink to do this sort of delicate task. Somewhere that is not too noisy so there are no issues regarding miscommunication. Also do not be surprised if he starts bombarding you with questions regarding "why". You may want to think of some honest answers that do not hurt his feelings too much or give him the wrong impression.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 06, 2008 9:13 PM GMT


    I once told a guy that he felt more like brother than lover to me, and that I had no control over it. That I sure wish I did. Then steered the conversation into a philosophical discussion about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2008 1:19 AM GMT
    RogerW19 saidSo i met this really cool guy. We have hung out a couple times and we kissed once. Today i'm going to lunch with him and I am deciding whether or not i can see something progressing with him. More than likely not, and i feel that it is not fair to him if he is under the impression that we might have something. So i was wondering how would you let someone, who is a really awesome guy but not what you want, know that you just want to be friends without offending him?


    At least you are willing to tell him - it seems to be too much for most guys. Honesty is always the best policy. Just go out to lunch and tell him. Why would he be offended? There's no reason he should feel offended. People seem to put romance or attraction in the same boat with quality. Somebody can be great without that spark. Don't allow vanity to distract the real issue - be big enough to expect him to have self-esteem and not be offended just because you're not attracted to him. Just tell him that spark isn't there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2008 1:28 AM GMT
    It's not you it's me

    I'm in a non commitment place right now

    I'm focusing on my education/career whatever right now

    Your really attractive, but I just don't feel our personalities click

    lets be friends...

    I think we have all heard them or said them at some stage, the more unfortunate of us have recieved them as text messages and it's never easy



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2008 4:32 AM GMT
    You could use the one I always seem to hear... "I'm just too busy to see you anytime in the next year or so."
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 07, 2008 5:01 AM GMT
    I'd do nothing until he does something overt to tell you he's going in that direction like trying to kiss you again
    Then I'd tell him
    You know, I really like hanging out with you but let's be friends
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2008 5:02 AM GMT
    i don't date in the first place. much easier in the long run.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2008 2:14 PM GMT
    Don't expect to be friends with him - that's impossible.

    I've actually got a theory a lot of guys do 'just sex' rather 'dating' in order to avoid this problem.

    Dating sucks, emotional minefield.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Nov 07, 2008 2:16 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidi don't date in the first place. much easier in the long run.


    /Agreed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2008 3:44 PM GMT


    ...hate to sound like a fitness instructor (waitaminit, this is a fitness site!),

    but what you don't use, you lose. If you won't learn how to navigate the ups and downs of relationships and dating, how will you ever be successful at them?